


Standing at the Precipice

by Danypooh80



Series: Waiting at the edge of forever [2]
Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Frenemies, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Spoilers, Star-crossed, The Outer Worlds Quest: The Empty Man, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:56:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 106,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23659483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danypooh80/pseuds/Danypooh80
Summary: Under the mantle of Captain Nia Alexandra Hawthorne, Nia is heading to Monarch to work on her goal of freeing the colonists. But when your crew includes a Vicar that has his own agenda and the ghost of the original pilot, nothing is ever that simple.What happens to Nia and Max when they finally have to reveal their secrets to each other? When the person you love isn't exactly who you thought they were, do you leave... or do you stay and fight for what you want?Note- this work is part 2 of a series!****Updates on Fridays!****
Relationships: Female Captain & Maximillian DeSoto, The Captain/Maximillian DeSoto
Series: Waiting at the edge of forever [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646104
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	1. Can I ask you for a favor?

**Author's Note:**

> I bit the bullet and finally put my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/danypooh80) back up- follow me if you want to send a message, share memes, post fic recommendations, and get previews of upcoming stories!

_ _

* * *

“ADA, how long will it take for us to get to Monarch?” Nia asked as she headed for the cockpit. She had shown Felix and Ellie their quarters and beat a hasty retreat, knowing that Max would be after her soon enough to chide her about her decisions today. She had every intention of dealing with his questions, but she wanted to get a few moments to herself first. This was too much interaction in such a short amount of time, and she needed to take a moment and breathe before she did or said something she was likely to regret later. 

For once, the electronic voice came back without a snide undertone. “About three days." Then ADA had to spoil her dreams of the AI finally being nice to her by continuing her statement. "Are you planning on giving me navigation instructions or would you like to circle Monarch until they decide to extend an invitation to us?”

Nia groaned, wondering if someone would be able to disconnect the AI without murdering them all in the process. “I’m on my way there now, ADA.”

When she approached the cockpit, she noticed Hawthorne sitting in the pilot’s seat, staring out the window. “Um,” she said tentatively as she inserted the nav key, “ADA, can you shut the door for a moment?” 

“Of course,” ADA replied, choosing not to question her for once. “I’ll get to work plotting our course.”

“Thank you.” Taking a deep breath, Nia turned to the ephemeral pilot and fumbled with the hem of her shirt. “Alex, talk to me… I haven’t seen you all day.” 

“What difference would it make? You can’t talk to me with your boy toy hanging all over you, so why do you care if I’m around or not?”

“Because you’re my friend, Alex,” Nia said as she put a hand on his shoulder, repressing a shiver as his signature chill slowly crept up her arm. “Today was kind of rough- I wanted to check and make sure you were ok.”

“I’m not okay,” he replied wearily. “Not exactly the best feeling to hear how shitty of a person you are… well, were.” Hawthorne rested his head against the chair, closing his eyes and letting out a deep sigh. “It’s starting to feel like living with no regrets just means that you die with a lot of them.”

“There’s a lot going on,” she said as she settled on the floor next to him, bringing her knees up to her chest and staring up at the ghostly pilot. “But you know you can always talk to me- despite evidence to the contrary, I’m actually a pretty good listener.”

He gave her a halfhearted scoff then smiled, turning back to watch the ship take off and start on its journey. “Never been to Monarch,” he said quietly. “Heard all kinds of stories about it, though.”

“What kind of stories?” Nia could tell that Hawthorne was avoiding a conversation about their meeting with the bureaucrat, but she could understand his reasons- if he needed time, she of all people could certainly give him that. “What did I just sign us all up for out there?”

Hawthorne gave her a wobbly smile, then got out of the chair and sat on the floor next to her. “Well, I hear that it's supposed to be riddled with monsters, that you’re likely to get eaten as soon as you land, and that it’s absolutely not the place anyone with half a brain wants to be, so I guess you’ll fit right in over there, kid.” He leaned his head on her shoulder and Nia wrapped an arm around him, not saying a word as the pilot let out a soft sigh. “I fucked up big-time, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did,” Nia said seriously, hugging him as tightly as she could. “But regardless of what you did or didn’t do back then, I’m here for you now, Alex.”

“Thanks, kid,” he replied, closing his eyes again. “Eternity seems like it’s going to be a bitch without someone else to talk to, though. You can only rehash your screw-ups so many times before you wonder if you’d survive throwing yourself out the airlock.”

“Considering you don’t need to breathe I think you’d survive, though I guarantee you’ll be even lonelier,” Nia said jokingly. “I’m not into suffocating to death over and over again just because you decided to be an idiot.”

Chuckling, Hawthorne sat up and looked around the cockpit before setting his gaze on her. “If you decide to follow the ghost out into the vacuum of space, then I think that makes you the idiot in this situation.” She glared at him and he finally gave her one of his signature grins, “Anyway,” he replied, standing up and offering her a hand to help her up, “what are you doing in here? There’s a ton of people I don’t know on my ship now, so shouldn’t you be out there playing host or something?”

“Precisely why I’m hiding in here,” Nia retorted as she twiddled her fingers in front of her. “While I understand a ship needs a crew, I’m not exactly the most sociable person on the best of days, so I’m not exactly rushing to toss myself into that pot- I do much better with one on one interactions.”

“I’ll say,” Hawthorne chuckled. “I’m pretty sure Max agrees with you on that statement.”

“Anyway,” Nia replied as she ignored his innuendo-laden comment. “Plus, I figured you needed me more, so…” 

“Appreciate it,” he said gruffly, then gestured toward the door. “Well, now that you’ve been assured that I’m still the best person on this ship, you can get out of here and check on that new crew of yours before they break something.” He smiled at her, then returned to his seat. “Don’t worry, when you need to escape again, I’ll be here. Besides, watching the stars as we travel is actually relaxing.” 

“If you say so,” she said, patting him on the shoulder. “I’ll check in with you before I go to bed- how’s that?”

  
Hawthorne shot her an exaggerated frown. “What, you kicking me out my room again to cozy up with your boy toy? I swear," he said as he shook his head, "you’ve got some nerve, kid.” 

“Whatever,” she said as she headed toward the exit. “Is staying out of trouble for the next few hours too much to ask?”

“Yes,” he said seriously, giving her an impish look that made him look years younger. “But for you, I’ll try.”

Suddenly ADA broke in, making them both jump. “Captain,” she said in a low tone, “I’d like to ask you a question, if I may.”

“Uh,” she looked at Hawthorne, quite confused about what was going on- usually the computer chose to ignore her unless directly spoken to, and even then all her answers were given at a volume that was relative to the embarrassing nature of the question. “I suppose you can… what’s on your mind, ADA?”

“Before you answer, I want you to know the cockpit is soundproofed and I am operating on a channel that is only available in this room.”

“Good to know,” Nia said slowly, still confused as to what was going on. “How can I help you?”

“It appears that you’ve been having a conversation with someone. However, there are no life signs in the room other than yours,” ADA said bluntly. “Can you tell me who you are talking to, Captain?” 

Wide-eyed, she looked at Hawthorne, who looked just as confused as she did. Trying to stall as she worked out a good way to get out of this conversation, Nia realized that she was liking the unpredictability of the system less and less with each passing moment. “Um,” she said, “I guess-”

Not giving her time to come up with an adequate lie, ADA cut back in. “It sounds as if you are talking to Captain Alex Hawthorne, “ she intoned. “However, this confuses me, as you are supposed to be Alex Hawthorne.” The system paused and Nia looked over at the pilot, who was holding his head in his hands. “If this is the case,” ADA’s digital voice trailed off and went silent, almost causing Nia to wonder if the computer had shut down for a moment, “then I was wondering if there was any way I could talk to him again, too.” 

“Why?” Nia asked, resting her arms against the back of the chair and staring at the digital face on the screen. “Do you miss him?”

“I am incapable of such feelings,” ADA responded. “I just wish to verify a few things that do not have satisfactory answers in my memory banks.”

“Ah,” she replied, moving over and resting lightly against the controls. “I see.”

“Is that possible?” Hawthorne asked. “Do you think you could make it so I could at least talk with ADA again? I mean, it might help you out- I could have her pass you important messages and stuff while the others are around and you won’t look like you’ve lost your mind talking to me in public.” 

When Hawthorne looked at her hopefully, Nia felt her heart begin to ache for both the pilot and the AI. Knowing that it was going to drain her but realizing it would be the right thing to do, she sighed and reached over to Hawthorne, grabbing his hands in hers and sending some of her energy into him. As she did, the pilot flickered solid for a moment and he gasped, looking at their hands in amazement as Nia started to go lightheaded, feeling as if she was traveling on a very rickety boat in the middle of a hurricane.

The last thing she saw was the incredulous look on Hawthorne’s face as she pitched forward, leaving her with nothing but blissful silence as her world grew as dark as the inky black void looming outside the window. 

_ _

* * *

_Law help me, I’m going to strangle this boy,_ Max muttered to himself as he watched Felix bounce around the kitchen, waving his arms around like a madman as he talked about a serial with Parvati. He’d tried to get Nia to put an end to this madness and save him, but the woman had simply raised a finger and dashed off to the cockpit, leaving him to listen to what amounted to two children having a debate over who would win against a rabid manticore. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he decided that dealing with the idiocy wasn’t worth it and headed off to take a warm shower, hoping the solitude would do something to settle his nerves. His decision made, Max grabbed a towel and the basket of toiletries from his room and headed toward the bathroom, taking a moment to give one last glare to the oblivious people in the kitchen. _If this is going to be what life is like every day around here, then I may have to consider other options._

However, as soon as he turned on the faucet and began to strip out of his vestments, Max knew he was as likely to leave the ship as he was to train a wild sprat to do jumping jacks. No matter how much the present company annoyed him, he was staying on this ship- it was the only way to get both what he needed and wanted. _We’re heading to Monarch and Chaney is in Fallbrook,_ Max thought. _I can’t let this idiocy get in the way of what I need to do._

As he stepped under the spray and let the warm water run over his body, he placed his hands against the wall and sighed, ignoring the water dripping from his hair and into his face. No matter how much he wanted to deny it, finding Chaney wasn’t the only reason he was staying and he knew it- though she hadn’t asked him, Max knew without a shadow of a doubt he was hers. Leaving and going back to a life without her was as unfathomable as trying to breathe without air, and he had no intention of leaving her side, particularly when her main source of backup would be the moron currently spouting nonsense in the kitchen. 

Max sighed and grabbed the shampoo, closing his eyes and inhaling the fragrance. _Even in here, I can’t get away from her,_ he mused as he began to lather his hair, remembering that they had picked up these items on their excursion to find the woman some proper clothes. While he was trying to pay for the horrendous t-shirt she’d become enamored with, Nia had wandered off to the soaps and toiletries, inhaling each scent like they were fresh flowers in a field. He started to tell her that sniffing those items so much might not be the best idea, but the expression of sheer joy on her face stopped him as he walked over to the enraptured woman, not wanting to spoil her fun.

“I take it you’ve found something you like,” he teased, placing a hand on her shoulder before she could grab another vial. “We should probably pick one before your enthusiasm causes quite the stir, Miss Hawthorne.”

Nia laughed, then reached over and thrust a vial in his face. “I love this one. It… reminds me of something,” she said as she stared at the soap wistfully. “It feels… comforting.” He took a sniff and laughed as the engineered scent of fresh air tickled his nose.

He had smiled as he handed the container back to her, shaking his head as she had her nose buried in another jar. “I used to use this soap... long ago.” Max then turned the vial over in his hands, giving it an appreciative look. “Funny, I didn’t know they still made this formula. However, it’s good to know that something has stayed the same in this ever-changing world- Law knows there’s enough uncertainty out here to last a lifetime.” 

“I think we should get it,” Nia told him, her eyes sparkling with delight as she placed her hands on his. “This way, whenever I smell it, I’ll think of you and not a memory I can’t quite put my finger on.”

“Since you put it like that,” Max replied with a smile, chuckling as he watched Nia bounce from foot to foot with excitement. “I don’t think there’s a way in good conscience that I could say no, is there?”

“Nope,” Nia replied as she bounded off to another rack, leaving Max holding the tiny bottle of shampoo in his hand and staring at the woman while she marveled at all the things the cynical Vicar had taken for granted. 

Now that he was relaxed and clean, Max sighed at the memory and turned off the water, grabbing his towel and drying the water from his hair. Stepping out the shower, Max wrapped the towel around his waist and moved to the mirror, wiping away the steam and taking note of the man staring back at him. _What does she see in you,_ he thought as he squinted at the man in the glass. _You’re easily ten years older than her, maybe fifteen- why would she want to be with a bitter old man when she could have someone closer to her age?_

Max scowled at his reflection while he brushed his teeth, watching as the light green eyes staring back at him did the same. Old man or not, there was no way he was letting that moron in the kitchen even think that he had a chance with her- until she explicitly told him otherwise, she and Max were decidedly an item. Right then and there, Max vowed that he was going to stop denying how he felt about her to the others on the ship- improbable as their connection was, he had no intention of letting her slip through his hands for something as simple as not saying how he felt. However, as Monarch drew closer so did Fallbrook, leaving Max to wonder how Nia would feel once everything was out in the open.

As he prepared to leave the bathroom and get dressed for bed, ADA’s voice shattered the quiet. “Vicar DeSoto, I need your presence in the cockpit.”

Looking around to pinpoint where the sound was coming from and finding nothing, Max continued to pack up his things. “While I am happy to know that you aren’t spying on me, I am afraid I must stop by my quarters before visiting you, as I am not quite dressed yet, ADA.”

“Again, I request your presence in the cockpit. Immediately,” the computer repeated, ignoring his protests. “It appears that Captain Hawthorne is in need of assistance.” 

Within moments, Max threw open the door, no longer caring that he was wearing nothing but a threadbare towel as he raced toward the cockpit at breakneck speed, only stopping when he saw a strange-looking young man hovering over Nia’s unconscious form. Max inhaled sharply, trying desperately to process all the things his eyes were telling him.

“Well I’ll be damned, ADA,” the ghostly-looking man said with glee, brushing a strand of hair out of his face as he stared incredulously at Max. “I think the Vicar can finally see me.”


	2. The New Normal

_ _

* * *

Hawthorne looked at Max standing in the doorway, clad in nothing but a towel and looking as if his brain was beginning to melt between his ears. The pilot had no idea what Nia had just done to him- he wasn’t looking to share any of the details he did have with the Vicar, but he also didn’t want to leave the woman passed out on the floor of the cockpit. Hawthorne had tried to catch her when she pitched forward, but it seemed that she’d made a tradeoff- while he could now be noticed, the ghost found that he could no longer touch anything. Since Nia was now included in this, the woman had hit the floor with a nasty thud, making him pretty sure that she was going to be in rough shape whenever she came to.

Though ADA had gotten Max for him, Hawthorne quickly began to realize that this was an extremely awkward meeting that he hadn’t exactly planned for and wracked his brain for a way to get the Vicar to stop staring at him. “Um,” he said, pointlessly trying to grab Nia’s hand and scowling as it passed through her once more, “can I get a little help here, Vicar?”

“I… what… how… _why_ …” Max stammered, his mouth opening and closing as he ran his hand through his damp hair, looking from Hawthorne to Nia in shock. “I… don’t understand,” he said finally, slumping against the wall. “I’m losing my mind… I must be.”

Annoyed at Max’s reaction and his inability to focus on the situation at hand, Hawthorne glared at the man. “I need you to get your head out of your ass and help me, Max!” He pointed at Nia angrily. “Now stop staring and make yourself fucking useful- get her to my room… _now!_ ”

Without another word, Max had raced over and scooped up the woman, checking to see if Nia was still breathing. Hawthorne decided that it wasn’t in his best interest to tell the man that it might have been easier if she’d killed herself- at least then she would’ve gotten right back up. Max looked like he wanted to say something, but Hawthorne held up a hand. “Look, I know you got a million and one questions, but she needs to get into a bed and you need to put on some clothes.” The pilot made a point of looking Max up and down, then giving him a predatory grin. “Though I must say, I’m super impressed by your magic towel right now- if it weren’t for the fact that she might try to see if I could die twice, I’d ask if I could take a look at what’s underneath it.”

“I hardly think this is the time for that,” Max said tersely, cradling Nia to his chest as they headed out of the cockpit. “Law help me, I must’ve slipped and hit my head in the shower,” he murmured. “I had to- there’s no other explanation.”

“Or you could just be on a ship with a ghost,” Hawthorne said with a smile as they left headed for his room, furtively checking to make sure none of the others were prowling the halls. Satisfied that the coast was clear, the pilot took the opportunity to race to his old room, settling in the chair and waiting anxiously for Max to bring Nia to the room. “Hey ADA,” Hawthorne asked tentatively, “you sure she doesn’t need a doctor or something?”

“Positive,” the computer replied. “All her readings are normal- for all intents and purposes, the fake captain is asleep, Real Captain Alex Hawthorne.” As Hawthorne chucked, ADA paused. “Should I terminate her access now that you have returned?”

Once they appeared in the doorway, Hawthorne let out a visible sigh of relief as Max lay the sleeping woman on the bed. “No, ADA,” he replied. “Her access is just fine. Leave it as it is, please.”

“As you wish, Real Captain Alex Hawthorne.”

Max looked up in awe, smoothing her hair absentmindedly. “Did she just say-”

Hawthorne gave him a slight bow, not moving from his seat. “Yep- Captain Alex Hawthorne, the deceased owner of this ship, tragically killed on a mission to save the galaxy.” Pretending to tip an imaginary hat, he smiled at the Vicar. “And you’re Vicar Maximillian DeSoto, the man that’s been sticking his tongue down her throat every chance he gets- pleased to finally meet you.” He stared at his translucent hand, turning it over and shaking his head. “I’d offer to shake your hand, but…” Then he gestured to Max, pointing at his towel. “So, you plan on getting dressed or are you trying to give her a special show when she wakes up?”

At the lewd comment, Max blushed. “I… don’t want to leave her,” he said quietly. “She needs someone to look out for her.”

“Hello!” Hawthorne waved his hands in front of his face. “Fully capable apparition over here! Who do you think told the computer to get you?” Max started to protest, but Hawthorne sighed. “Look, I can promise you that I’m not going to let anything happen to her while you go and get dressed, and you already know that if I need you, ADA can call you for me. So, take a moment and get dressed- we’ll be here.”

Max opened his mouth to say something but stopped, choosing to shake his head instead. “I’ll be back,” he said to Nia, placing a kiss on her forehead before turning back to Hawthorne. “Do I need to get the doctor?”

“I’d prefer you didn’t,” Hawthorne said mildly. “This situation is unusual, to say the least- the fewer people snooping in here, the better.”

“I don’t care about your privacy, I care about her,” Max snapped. “If she needs a doctor…”

Hawthorne inwardly groaned- the last thing he wanted was a quack poking around the girl and finding something they shouldn’t. “ADA said she’s fine,” the pilot replied quickly. “And I get the impression she’s not too keen on doctors.” He gave the Vicar a pointed look, then gestured to the door again. “Go and get dressed- we can discuss all this and anything else your little heart desires once you put on some clothes, Max.”

_ _

* * *

After putting on his pajamas in record time, Max went back into Nia’s room and sighed when he saw the semi-translucent young man sitting on the bed next to her. It was disorienting- he could see the tall man in front of him, but he could also see _through_ him. Max also noted that Hawthorne was what most would consider classically handsome- his hair was jet-black and swooped into his face in that messy yet casual way and his strange grey eyes were half-closed, giving him the appearance that he was either bored or above all these petty things. He supposed the pilot was still wearing the clothes he'd died in- his long legs were clad in dark brown trousers and his white shirt was slightly unbuttoned, revealing a smattering of dark chest hair underneath. Even more disorienting was the fact that he was wearing the same jacket that Nia was wearing right now, making them look like two friends pretending to be twins.

Looking at how Hawthorne was sitting next to Nia, Max scowled. If the pilot wasn't dead, Max was concerned that Hawthorne might be a top contender for her affections, but he couldn't shake the feeling that death might not be the deterrent he thought it should be. “I was hoping it was a hallucination,” he said wearily, raking his hand through his hair and sitting next to the woman. “However, it seems that I’m not that lucky.”

“Well, I’m dead, so that makes two of us,” the ghost replied cheekily as his tall form straddled the chair in a casual yet deliberate way. “Before you ask, she just passed out all of a sudden.” When Hawthorne paused, Max could instantly tell that there was more to the story than the ghost was letting on. “I don’t know what happened and I don’t know why- looks I’m going to have to ask her about it when she wakes up.”

“How long have you been hanging around?” Max asked, staring at the desk through the ghost. “Does Nia know you’re here?” If she’d been as surprised as he was, Max could understand the poor girl fainting dead away- had he not been so scared for her, he might have done the same.

The ghost avoided his eyes, looking at the floor instead. “Yeah, she knew, but before you get all in your feelings about it, she wasn’t exactly looking for you to call her crazy for talking to a ghost, Max. Most people don’t take to it so well… present company included.”

Max stared at the ghost, hoping to turn the situation into something remotely resembling something normal by sheer force of will. “I can say without a shadow of a doubt I’ve never experienced anything like this before, so why am I able to see and hear you now?”

Hawthorne shrugged, then started to pick at his shirt. “Not sure about that- guess we gotta ask the kid about it when she wakes up.” Raising his head, the ghost gave Max a sad smile. “I’m pretty new to this whole being dead thing, you know.”

Completely at a loss for what to do or say in a situation like this, Max continued to stare. “So,” he said, trying to steer the conversation in a direction he thought might be relatively safe, “you’re the original Captain Hawthorne, correct?”

“The one and only,” Hawthorne replied, turning around in the chair and folding his arms behind his head. “I gotta say, it’s kinda strange being able to talk to people again.”

“As if it isn’t unnerving for me to converse with an apparition,” Max muttered, watching Nia’s chest rise and fall as he gently took off her jacket and boots, letting the shoes drop to the floor with a soft thud.

Suddenly, Hawthorne cleared his throat and Max turned around to see those strange grey eyes angrily staring at him. “And what in the Law do you think you’re doing, preacher man?”

Max gave him a confused look, holding the jacket in his hands. “What does it look like? I’m getting her ready for bed- she’s not going to want to sleep in these clothes.” He gestured at the ghost again, feeling remarkably stupid but not seeing a way out of the odd conversation. “I’d appreciate it if you turned back around- I’m sure she wouldn’t want you staring at her right now.”

Hawthorne narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. “Vicar, I think you’ve got it backward- I’ve already seen everything this tiny space hobo has to offer already and I don’t want any of it. _You_ , on the other hand, are a different story… so I’d appreciate it if you took a few steps back already.”

“You… cannot _possibly_ be serious,” he replied as he turned back to Nia, shaking his head and letting out a disbelieving laugh. “Am I getting lectured on propriety from a dead Peeping Tom?” Gently removing her jeans and being careful not to stare, Max pulled the blanket over Nia’s sleeping form and sighed, placing another kiss on her forehead. “I… have no words for today.”

When he turned around again he found himself nose to nose with the pilot, causing him to visibly startle. “I suggest you don’t go running your mouth on things you don’t know about, Vicar,” Hawthorne said menacingly. “As smart as she is, she’s too busy being head over heels to realize that something isn’t adding up with you, Maximillian DeSoto.” Hawthorne looked him up and down, then sniffed as he walked over to the door. “Seeing as we’re on this ship together, I’d prefer to play nice together, _Vicar_.” Then Hawthorne pointed at Nia, his lips set in a tight line. “But I’m only going to tell you this once- that girl right there is the only friend I got in Halcyon, so if you fuck her over I’m going to make it the _only_ mission I have in this afterlife to make the rest of your days a living hell… understand?”

Looking at his face and realizing that the ghost meant every word, Max chose his next words carefully. “Out of all the people in this or any world, she is the one person that I would never willingly hurt, Hawthorne. Of that, I give you my word.”

“I’m not sure how much the word of a former Vicar is worth these days, Max." Hawthorne paused, giving Max a predatory smile before turning back to the door. "Especially one that's hiding something.”

Feeling shocked to his core at the casually tossed statement, Max blinked as he grabbed Nia’s hand- whether it was for her comfort or his, the Vicar couldn’t be sure. “I’m not sure-”

Before he could finish his statement, Hawthorne cut him off. “Save it for someone else, preacher man,” he said tersely. “Before you decide to keep strutting around here with that holier than thou act, you’d do well to remember who you’re talking to. So, before you start planning for your happily ever after, I think you’ve got a choice to make- either get to airing that dirty laundry of yours or get the fuck out… take your pick.”

“I’m staying with her,” Max replied as he looked over at Nia. “For as long as she’ll have me, I’m here.”

Hawthorne just grunted as he left the room, leaving behind a stunned Max with only the soft sounds of Nia’s breathing for company.


	3. The things we learn in the quiet moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia wakes up after passing out

_ _

* * *

“Are you real?” 

Nia stared at the man, unsure about how to answer the honest question, so she did what she always did in these types of situations- she dodged it. “Why, do you think I am?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore,” he replied wearily, sitting on the hard, dusty floor and leaning against the cold cement wall. “I’ve been here too long and I’m not sure if I’m ever going to leave, so all things considered, hallucinating a beautiful woman wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

“You’ll leave,” she said with certainty. “If there wasn’t hope for you, then I wouldn’t be here.”

“But that goes back to my original question,” he said. She desperately wanted to see his face, but the man was determined to avoid her gaze, choosing to slump his shoulders forward instead. “If you’re here with me,” he said sadly, “then you can’t be real, which just means I’m now being tortured inside and out.” 

“Reality is a funny thing,” Nia said softly, settling down on the floor next to him. “But if it will make you feel better, I’ll let you in on a secret.”

He shifted enough for her to see the dark stubble growing on his chin beneath the long, greasy hair that fell in his face. “Considering the dire situation I’m in, I’d love to know what you think might make me feel better.”

“Even if something is improbable, that doesn’t make it impossible,” she said, placing a hand on his leg. “Sometimes, there’s more to things than what’s just on the surface.”

“I’d like to believe that,” he said sadly, “but I’m not sure if I can.” 

\--

Slowly coming out of her fog, Nia shifted in the bed, wincing at the pain shooting through her head. As she moved, she had to stop herself from crying out- there was a warm presence sitting next to her, which meant it couldn’t be Hawthorne. _Wait a minute,_ she thought as she rubbed her eyes and blearily looked around the room. _How did I get in here?_

“Hey,” a voice whispered as its owner gently stroked her hair. “How are you feeling?”

Trying to make sense of her jumbled thoughts and shake off the fragments of the dream, Nia blinked and stared up at the man next to her. “Max?” 

“I should hope so,” he said with a chuckle as he stared at her intently. “You’ve been out for quite some time, I’m afraid.”

“I was afraid of that,” she said, leaning back on the bed and closing her eyes. “The last thing I remember was being in the cockpit.” Nia turned over on her side and looked up at the Vicar, hoping he might be able to clue her in as to what might have occurred in her absence. “How did I get in here?”

Seemingly embarrassed, Max cleared his throat. “I carried you in here.” When he paused, she gave him a quizzical look and he continued, choosing to look out the window instead of at her. “ When you passed out in the cockpit and ADA contacted me, I came to collect you. When we determined that you were merely exhausted and passed out, I got you ready for bed- I’ve been here ever since.” Looking down and noticing that she was, indeed, out of her previous clothes, she turned back to the Vicar, who was blushing in the dim light of the room. “I hope you don’t mind me taking the liberty of undressing you, but I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable while you slept.”

“If there was anyone that had to do it, I’m glad it was you,” she replied with a smile, placing a hand on his leg. “Besides, I’m sure you’ll see more than that at some point.” 

Low light or not, Max gave a definitive blush at her statement. “That kind of thing seems out of character for you, Miss Hawthorne,” he murmured, idly running his hand up and down her side. “I’m curious- did you hit your head today?”

“I did, but that doesn’t make what I said any less true,” she said with a grin, watching intently as he turned toward her, his light eyes reflecting the light from the room. “This is the third time I’ve fallen in bed with you, Max, and I seem to be wearing less and less every time- at this rate, logic dictates that I’m going to be naked and pressed against you relatively soon.”

At a loss for words, Max stared at her, his eyes wide with a mix of surprise and arousal. She stared at him for a moment, chuckling to herself as decency won out and he shook his head in exasperation. “Somehow, I think you’re trying to fluster me, my dear.” 

Realizing her mistake, Nia inwardly groaned- once again, she had misread the man sitting next to her. “I shouldn’t think it would be the worst idea,” she said with a grin. 

Shaking his head and laughing, Max ran his hands over her cheek and brought her chin up to his. “I think we can wait on that for a moment, Miss Hawthorne. At any rate, I think we are due for a decent amount of conversation this evening.”

Before she could sensor it, a scowl crossed her face. Nia was growing more and more nervous about what he might want to talk about, so she tried to steer him back toward lighter things. “Or we could pass,” she said quickly. “We always say we’re going to converse a lot, yet it never seems to go anywhere- couldn’t we just skip to the fun bits this time?”

“Nia,” Max said, his tone full of warning, “what aren’t you telling me?”

“Absolutely nothing of importance,” Nia replied, still hoping to dodge the question. Frantically, she searched for a way to shift this in her favor, but to her chagrin, he was still a blank slate for her- his threads were as enigmatic as ever and she let out an inaudible curse. Her frustration at her inability to see his decisions was causing her to become more and more petulant by the minute, which was also making her sloppy. 

She tried to shift away, but Max was faster, holding her tight and gently forcing her to look directly at him. “I beg to differ, Miss Hawthorne,” he replied, tapping a finger against her cheek before standing up to pace around the tiny room. “Today, I see you haul out of the kitchen like your ass is on fire, leaving me with a room full of people I have no interest in conversing or interacting with, and _then_ I get a call from the ship telling me you’ve passed out in the cockpit!” He paused, looking as if he was debating on adding even more to his tirade, but when his eyes narrowed at her, she supposed he had decided that he was going to continue. “And to top _that_ off, you failed to mention that you’d run across that churlish idiot before today!” He crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at her with an unnerving amount of intensity. “Nia… is there something you’d like to tell me?”

Nia couldn’t help it- she laughed. Out of all the things he just mentioned, _that’s_ what he chose to focus on? “Because it didn’t matter,” she said simply, shifting in the small bed and resting on her elbow. “Felix is harmless.” Then her eyes widened and she sat straight up, ignoring the throb in her head. “Why? Are you jealous, Max?”

“Yes,” he said simply, stunning her into silence. “I am. I need to know,” he said quietly, resting his head against the glass of her window, “if you meant what you said before.” He turned his head slightly, his profile illuminated by the light of the stars. “I need to know if what we have is real, Nia.” 

_Is this real?_

The words brought back flashes of the dream she’d awakened from, causing her to stare at him curiously. “Why would you say that?” she asked, feeling prickles in the back of her mind as she tried desperately to recall any additional information. “I don’t like to lie, Max. I may not always reveal my true intentions, but I can promise you this- when I said I was yours, I meant it.”

At that, he sat in the chair across from her, his lips pressed into a thin line. “Nia,” he said slowly, “If I ask you a question, will you tell me the truth? No matter what?” 

She sighed, then nodded. “I will, though I think you’re playing a dangerous game- no one really needs to hear the truth all the time, Max. In fact, I’ve found it better to not share everything, so I think you should tread carefully here,” she warned. “You can’t un-hear something, you know.”

“Is there a ghost on this ship?” 

Nia felt her brain split a little at the direction the conversation had taken. “Come again?” 

“You heard me.” Max leaned back in the chair, looking remarkably like he was holding a session in his office, despite only being clad in a t-shirt and grey pajama pants that left nothing to her imagination. “Answer the question, Nia.”

She blinked at him, sitting straight up and wiping her eyes. “Out of _all_ the things in the world and out of all the things you brought up, that’s the question you want to go with?” 

“It’s the most pressing thing,” he replied simply. “And it should be the easiest to answer.”

 _What the hell happened when I was passed out?_ Nia looked around for the ghost, but for once, he was nowhere to be found. _The one time I actually need that bastard is the one time he up and disappears on me,_ she thought angrily. 

When she didn’t answer right away, Max cleared his throat, crossing his arms and staring at her pointedly. “Looking for someone?” 

After concluding there was nowhere she could go that would pause this awkwardness indefinitely, Nia looked down guiltily. “Yes,” she said softly.

“Yes, what?” Max pressed, still not moving from the chair. “I think you need to elaborate, Miss Hawthorne.”

“Yes to both,” she replied, wincing at the sudden feeling coiling around her insides- this conversation could ring a bell that couldn’t be unrung, and she was loath to have it with him. “But I’m starting to think you already know the answer to your question, Max.”

“I do,” he said, turning to stare at the door. “I just wanted to see if I could trust you with something I knew you wouldn’t want to share.” 

At his answer, her fear gave way to anger, and she began to feel somewhat relieved. Anger was something she was used to, whereas the fear he sent rolling through her made her feel uncomfortable and small, too exposed for her tastes. “I _hate_ tests,” she spat, her temper rising more and more the longer she looked at him. “And I don’t take kindly to being tested, particularly not by those I care about.” She narrowed her eyes, feeling the wrath that had gotten her in trouble more times than she could count bubbling up toward the surface- she tried desperately to tamper it down before she did something she’d regret later. “Please don’t do it again, Max.”

“Then don’t lie to me,” he said curtly, “and maybe I won’t have to.”

At that, her head snapped up and she felt the tenuous grip on her control slowly unraveling. “You arrogant prick,” she hissed, her fists balled at her sides as she strode over to him. “What about you, Max? If I could make you tell me the truth about anything, would you want me to do it?” She wanted to poke him in his self-righteous chest, but Nia knew that she was about ten seconds from doing something out of sheer spite alone, so she decided to avoid the temptation and keep her hands to herself. “Would you want me to know all the secrets from your past? Would you like to confess all the things you’ve never told another living soul and let me judge you for them?”

To his credit, he didn’t reply immediately, having the decency to look down at the floor instead. “No,” he said. “At least, not yet.” Then he looked up at her, his gaze firm and steady. “But one day, I’ll have to.” 

His unexpected statement made her pause- Nia closed her eyes and exhaled, letting some of the tension escape from her body. “Surprisingly, that feels like an honest answer,” she said finally, walking over to the bed and sitting down again. “I didn’t expect that.”

“It’s the truth,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning back in the chair. “I met the former Captain Hawthorne today,” he said after a moment. “He said you’ve been able to see him and talk to him for some time now.”

“I have,” she replied. Though she was still pissed at him for his low-handed tactics, she sighed and decided to share a little more with the Vicar. “For some reason, he and I seem to be connected. I can’t figure out why just yet, as my memory is still a bit of a blur.” 

“If he’s been around all this time,” Max asked carefully, “then why can I only see him now?” 

“I can’t answer that,” she said honestly. “But I can tell you he’s harmless- Alex was the first friend I had out here, and though he can be a right bastard sometimes, he’s looked out for me.”

“He’s not my biggest fan,” Max admitted, getting up and sitting on the bed next to her. For a moment, the two of them fell silent, the weight of their blowup hanging heavily around them. Nia wanted to say something to ease the tension but found that she couldn’t- her stomach was still twisted in knots. As she tried to pinpoint just what was it that made her so mad about the situation, she stared at him. For the moment, Max wasn’t looking at her- his shoulders were slumped forward as he clasped his hands behind his neck, resting his elbows on his knees. Finally, he turned to her, looking as if he expected her to start arguing with him again. “I apologize for my behavior,” he said quietly.

“But why did you do it?” Nia asked, moving closer to him. “What you did was cruel and uncalled for, Max.”

“I wish I knew,” he replied. Tentatively, Max placed a hand on her leg. “I suppose bringing up the topic made me feel like a fool, so I tried to shift the onus onto you instead.”

“But you could have just told me,” Nia said quietly. “It wouldn’t have been the strangest thing I’ve ever heard- not by a long shot, actually.” She placed her hand on his and let out a soft sigh, her anger slowly dissipating. “And besides, I wouldn’t have judged you for it, no matter what the answer was- that’s not my way,” she said firmly. 

“A novel sentiment, Miss Hawthorne,” he said softly, lacing his fingers in hers. “But not too many would take an admission like that in stride, I’m afraid.”

She gave him a tentative smile, then squeezed his hand. “I’m not most people, Max. As I’ve said before, I’m not a very good person.” 

He chuckled, brushing her fingers with his. “Sometimes I forget that you aren’t from Halcyon- you don’t play the same games that are commonplace in our dealings with others out here.” He looked over to her, his eyes pleading. “I hope you can forgive me.” 

_Why do I care what he thinks,_ Nia wondered as she leaned her head on his shoulder, relishing in the warmth of his skin on hers. _This isn’t good- I’m too close to telling him things I’m not sure I want him to know just yet._ Biting her lip, she moved over toward the wall and stretched out in the bed. “Sleep with me,” she said, patting the space next to her. 

Max’s eyes widened. “I understand we’ve been a bit… _free_ with our affection, but I hardly think-” 

Confused, she stared at him for a moment until the realization of what she said finally dawned on her. “Oh!” she said sheepishly, grinning over at him. “I’m still far too pissed at you for that,” she replied. “I just want to sleep next to you- I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve gotten used to it, but it seems we’re telling each other all manner of stupid things today, so I don’t suppose there’s any harm in telling you that now.”

“No, I don’t think there is, seeing as I’ve just confessed to being a jealous old codger and you’ve confessed to befriending the spirit of the former captain of this ship.” He laid down next to her and wrapped the covers around them. “It is just him, correct? Do I need to be worried about any other spirits coming out of the woodwork to defend your honor at a moment's notice?”

“Nope, just him,” Nia replied, snuggling next to him and inhaling the scent of fresh grass and pine that wafted off of him. “I love that scent, you know.” She inhaled one more time, then sighed as she closed her eyes. “I just wish I knew what it reminded me of.” 

“I thought it was supposed to remind you of me,” he teased, wrapping his arms around her as they tried to get comfortable in the too-small bed. “Or did I misinterpret something back there?” When she let out a tiny giggle, she could feel him smiling as he kissed her neck. “After I handle what I need to in Fallbrook, I’ll explain everything, I promise,” he whispered. “But I’m warning you,” he said seriously, “you probably won’t want me afterward.”

“Well, you already know one of my secrets and you haven’t banged on Ellie’s door to see if I’m psychotic-”

“Oh, I thought about it,” Max teased, nipping her on the shoulder. “But it was too much trouble and I didn’t want to wake her up after she’d been drinking all night.”

“How chivalrous of you,” Nia retorted, poking him in the chest lightly. “At any rate, shall we make a deal, my dear Max?

“This sounds ominous,” he replied, pulling her close and running his hands up and down her back, making her shiver. “Does this deal involve me selling my soul or something else from one of your old Earth texts on religion?”

“No soul-exchange necessary,” Nia said with a laugh. “Just a promise to tell you everything, just like the one you gave me.” She ran her hand through his dark blonde hair, savoring the softness beneath her fingertips and twirling the short strands around her fingers. “When we get to Fallbrook, I'll tell you everything- we'll make an evening of it," she said lightly. "And if we don’t like what the other has to say, we're both free to go- no questions asked and no obligations to stay.” 

“Just like that?” Max asked, his light green eyes searching hers. “You wouldn’t miss me if I left?” 

“Oh, I’d miss you something terrible,” Nia admitted. “But I’d never keep anyone who doesn’t want to stay,” she replied, moving her hands over the stubble that was growing on his chin. “Though I can’t promise you’ll want to be here once I tell you my story.” Then she paused, biting her lip. “Well, what I remember of it, anyway.” 

He licked his lips nervously, then looked down. “Can I tell you something?”

“Always.”

Max paused, then took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I’m not as noble as you,” Max said softly, pressing his head to hers and closing his eyes. “I know I don’t deserve you and I don’t deserve this,” he said quickly, pulling her next to him and stroking her hair, the colorful curls splayed wildly across the pillow. “But I’ve never been the type of man to just accept what he’s been given.” Max placed a soft kiss on her forehead and Nia closed her eyes, trying to remember the sensation of his touch on her skin for eternity. “Even if you hate me after I tell you everything,” he whispered as she drifted off to sleep, “I’m still going to try my damndest to get you to stay.” 


	4. Everyone wants something

_ _

* * *

Once she was confident that Max was asleep, Nia paused time to carefully shimmy her way out of the bed. Though they’d had a pretty decent conversation, she didn’t want to take a chance on Max waking up, or even worse, following her. There were quite a few things she needed to check out, and having the man that was in the middle of most of them trailing behind her was not part of her plan… at all. 

Right now, Nia had a dead pilot to see. 

When she entered the cockpit, Hawthorne turned around and raised an eyebrow. “ What, did you miss having me all to yourself?” He got out of the chair and tried to place his arm around her, then frowned when it passed right through her shoulder. “Hmmm, been meaning to talk to you about that... got any ideas?” 

You asked to be visible, so I made that happen." She sighed, then leaned against the wall. "You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Whatever." He glared at her but she glared right back, placing her hands on her hips- rudeness had always irked her. Finally, Hawthorne let out an exasperated sigh. "If you're going to be that way about it, fine," he gave her a mocking bow. "Thanks so much, oh tiny freakish one. But I'm curious- why can’t I touch you anymore?” 

Ignoring the sarcasm, Nia smirked. "You’re dead- you don’t get all the perks, you know.” Then she sat down on the floor, crossing her legs and placing a finger on her chin as she closed her eyes. “You have the same amount of energy as you've always had, Alex- I can’t change that. But I can shift how you use it, so I did.”

“You mean I have to choose?” He crossed his arms and frowned again. “I can let everyone know I’m here, but I can’t do a damn thing, or I can just be your friendly neighborhood ghost and harass the shit out of you?”

She smirked. “Eloquent as always, but yes- visible and incorporeal or invisible with a connection. But," she teased lightly, "don’t feel like you have to take option two on my account.” 

The ghost paused, then pursed his lips as he stared at the ceiling, silently tapping his foot. Finally, he turned away and mumbled, “ _howdoIgobacktohowIwas_.”

Nia blinked, then smiled. “Come again?”

Hawthorne let out a huff, then turned back around to her. “I said,” he grumbled, “how do I go back to how I was… _before_.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, then looked down, avoiding eye contact with Nia. “It’s nice to catch up, but… I kinda miss fucking with you. Plus, I had to talk to that damn Max when you dropped- I woulda rather have handled that situation myself.”

“So dragging a comatose body across the ship is preferable to having a conversation with another person?” Nia asked jokingly. When Hawthorne just glared at her, she smiled. “It’s your energy, Alex- I just… _unlocked_ it a little more. You can choose how seen you'd like to be- I suppose you’ve earned it, after all.” When the pilot looked at her with a hopeful expression, she just shrugged. “Consider it a gift amongst friends.”

“So, how do I flip the switch?” Hawthorne asked, staring at his shimmering hands. “I’m starting to get a bit stir-crazy in here- been too afraid to leave this room.”

 _“You?”_ Nia asked incredulously. “Why would you, of all people, be afraid to do anything?”

Hawthorne shoved his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t want to have a conversation with anyone else.” When Nia opened her mouth to comment, he put a hand up in front of her face. “We’re not talking about that… _ever_. Look, all I want to know is how to flip this switch from on to off, ok?”

“Just think about what you want to do and do it,” Nia replied. “It’s that simple, Alex.”

He sat down next to her, then scrunched his eyes closed and wrinkled his nose. “I’m thinking,” he wheezed. “Now what?”

Looking at his squished face, Nia let out a giggle and covered her mouth to suppress the noise. “It doesn’t take all _that_ \- just thinking it is fine. You don’t think that hard to move your arm, do you?”

“Guess not,” he replied sheepishly. “Should I feel any different? How will I know if it worked?” He looked down at his hands, turning them over and over before fanning them at her. “Do I still look the same?”

“I’m the wrong person to ask,” she admitted, smiling at her friend. “You always look the same to me, Alex.” 

"You mean ruggedly handsome yet unattainable?" She laughed and shook her head at the pilot, making him chuckle. "Fine- here goes nothing." Taking a deep breath, Hawthorne reached for Nia, letting out a heavy exhale as his hands connected with her. “Finally,” he breathed, wrapping her in a tight hug. “I missed this, kid.” 

Grinning, she hugged him back, happy to once again feel the tingle and chill that was uniquely him. “I thought you’d be happy to get the chance to talk with someone else besides me.”

“Not gonna lie, it’s nice to have the option.” Then Hawthorne shifted on the floor, resting his head in her lap. “But without being able to do stuff like this?” He rolled over, staring up at Nia as she languidly stroked his hair. “As soon as I couldn’t touch you anymore, I guess I finally felt… dead.” He closed his eyes and absentmindedly patting her hand. “Not the best feeling, lemme tell you.” She laughed and he squeezed her hand, his grey eyes eagerly searching her face. “Stay with me?” 

“Now I’m really curious about what the hell happened when I was passed out,” Nia teased, poking him lightly on the nose. “Keep this up and I might start thinking you care, Alex.” 

“Whatever, murderer,” Hawthorne mumbled. “Just want to test this out, that’s all- don’t go getting a big head about nothing, kid.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Nia replied as they sat on the floor. Neither the ghost nor the girl said a word as the ship silently sailed toward Monarch. Wishing she knew what was going through his head, Nia cursed her blind spots as she drifted off to sleep, feeling a slight twinge of fear at not being able to see what would await them during the next phase of her mission.

\--

“What can I get you,” the tiny waitress asked Nia with a pleasant, if bored, tone as she pulled a notepad out of her apron pocket. Nia smiled as she stared at the waitress- one of her hands was resting on the table and the other was perched on her hip, almost as if she was trying to make herself appear more imposing. “Would you like to hear about our specials today?”

“I don’t know if that’s the question you need to be asking me,” Nia said with a smile, staring at the woman trying to take her order. “You seem out of sorts today… are you all right?”

“I…” the woman frowned, then bit her lip. “I guess.” Suddenly, she appeared to shake herself out of the fog, sending her colorful curly hair flying all over as a bright smile lit up her coffee-colored face. “Sorry about that- I wasn’t trying to be rude.” 

“No offense taken,” Nia replied as she leaned on the table and looked the girl over. “So,” she said casually, sipping her beverage. “How long have you been a medium?” 

The girl almost keeled over, her brown eyes staring at Nia in shock before frantically looking around the diner. “What? How- why would you- I’m not-”

“Calm down,” Nia replied quickly. “If you’re worried about your co-workers hearing me, I’m pretty sure that won’t be an issue, Celeste.”

“How?” Celeste hissed, trying to smooth her apron down and give the appearance that they were having a normal conversation. “And how do you know my-”

“How do I know your name?” Nia asked with a bored shrug, waving her off the girl’s concern. “My dear, I know a lot more than that, I can assure you.” Then she stared into Celeste’s brown eyes and smiled. “I know you’re someone people gradually tell all their problems to, which makes for great tips here and at the rundown little bar you work at. I know you can read people better than most, which has helped you stay off the radar for so long. I also know that you used those little tools to get you a ticket on the _Hope_ , cause you wanted to get away from this mundane existence you call a life. And I also know that you’ve hidden the fact that you’ve been able to see spirits since you were a little girl.” Nia smirked at the waitress, who had now gone pale and flopped into the seat across from her. “Did I miss anything of importance?” 

“Who are you,” Celeste whispered, looking around the restaurant as she tried to stay calm. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I need you,” Nia said simply, taking a sip of her coffee, then looking at her watch. “That being said, we should probably hurry this up, seeing as you’re almost dead, dear.”

“What!” Celeste shot up from her seat and glared at Nia, pointing angrily at the door. “Look, lady, I don’t know who the fuck you are or what you’re playing at, but I’m gonna need you to get the fuck outta here and leave me the hell alone… _now!”_

Nia just gave the girl a sad smile- she’d meant to be nicer about this, but she didn’t have that much time and patience wasn't her strong suit. Phineas would be finishing his test soon, and if Celeste didn’t agree in the next few minutes... 

_Best not to think about it,_ Nia thought wryly, then folded her hands. Celeste was running out of time, but Nia couldn’t, no, she _wouldn't_ , do this without the girl's consent- it wasn't her way.

So, hoping to start over, Nia took a deep breath and tried again. “I’m afraid I can’t do that,” she said, trying to soften her tone and put the girl at ease. “Your spirit is in the land between, Celeste- your body is in stasis on the Hope and right now a man is trying to revive you, but I’m sad to say you’re running out of time.” Before the girl could say anything else, Nia waved a hand and the scene changed- Celeste let out a squeak as the homey restaurant faded away and the cold, metal walls of the Hope came into view. Stunned, the waitress watched the wild-eyed scientist injecting the chemical into her IV as her body lay frozen in the tube. “See?” Nia said gently, placing a hand on her shoulder, "I didn't want you finding out this way, Celeste- for that, I'm truly sorry."

“You’re not like any of the other spirits I’ve talked to,” Celeste said angrily as she watched the old man glancing at the terminal and frowning. “What do you want with me?”

“I’m here because I need your help,” Nia replied, dodging her implied question. “And quickly, I might add.”

“Why?” Celeste asked suspiciously. When the girl didn't question her new surroundings, Nia felt a twinge of appreciation for the tiny girl, even as she fixed her with a scowl. “I don't know you and I know I'm not that special, so tell me- what's your game, lady?” 

“The name is Nia,” she said, extending a hand to the girl, who refused to take it. “And as I said, I need your help in saving hundreds of people... starting with your fellow colonists.” 

Celeste ignored her for the moment, nervously watching as the man fumbled in his bag and inserted another syringe into the IV port. “What’s happening?” she whispered. "What's he doing?"

“He’s failing,” Nia replied sadly, staring as Phineas shook his head and began muttering to himself. “It won’t be long now,” she mused. Taking a deep breath, Nia wiped her hands on her dress and turned to the girl. “Seeing as we are rapidly running out of time, I’ll make this quick." She gave the girl a soft smile, then took her hand, noting that she didn't pull away from her this time. "Celeste," she said softly, "I'd like you to help me save the world.”

“But why me?” Celeste asked, her skin growing paler and paler as the terminal began beeping rapidly. “There are literally hundreds of others on this ship- you could easily have your pick of the litter... _Nia_.”

"Because whether you believe it or not, you have skills that I require,” Nia admitted. “I’ve looked across space and time for the person that I needed, and you're right- I've found plenty of others." She then turned to the girl, locking her green eyes to her brown ones as she placed a hand on her shoulder, "but the one that I _want_ is you."

—

Instantly, Nia’s eyes flew open and she shifted her attention to the man currently resting in her lap and gazing out the window. _So that’s why I chose her,_ she thought, chuckling to herself as she absentmindedly stroked Hawthorne’s hair. _I needed your gift for him._  
  


__

* * *

Hawthorne wasn’t sure about a lot nowadays, but he was sure about one thing- this situation was getting a little too messy for him.

Before, when things got too serious, he’d take comfort in blowing things up in the most spectacular way possible- in fact, it was usually a point of pride for Hawthorne to see how much devastation he could cause. But now, the pilot found it ironic that it took him dying to figure out just how much pain he had caused by doing what he thought was living. 

As he lay in the lap of the sleeping woman, the ghost could almost swear that he could _feel_ her fingers resting in his hair and he listened to the sounds of her breaths, not wanting to do anything that might startle her. He’d told her the truth before- not being able to connect with her made him acutely feel the effects of his death. What he didn’t tell her was that even though she’d given him the gift of connecting with others, what Hawthorne realized he wanted most was something he’d had since the moment of his demise- an actual connection with someone who cared about him.

And Alex Hawthorne wasn’t used to those types of feelings, particularly when they were centered around a woman who was, in no way, shape, or form, available.

 _For starters_ , he thought, _she’s the reason you died, remember? Don’t let yourself get suckered in- behind those cute eyes green eyes lies the heart of an accidentally murderous space hobo, right?_

But Hawthorne knew that was a lie- when she told him that his death was going to occur no matter what she did, he could feel the truth of her words deep in his soul. And try as he might to deny it, he knew that this, whatever this was, had been the best outcome a brigand like him could have hoped for- not many people got the chance to redeem themselves from beyond the grave. 

_But she likes me as I am,_ Hawthorne thought as he looked up at Nia, chuckling at her tangled curls pooling around her face while a bit of drool escaped from her slightly opened lips. _Even though I was a right asshole to her, she never stopped trying to be nice to me._

As he reached up and carefully wiped away the moisture from her lips with his thumb, a voice piped up inside his head. _Be careful,_ it whispered. _She’s in love with Max, remember?_

 _Fuck that guy,_ he thought as he stared at the woman, slowly closing his eyes when he noticed that her hand had drifted to his cheek. _She’s my friend- no matter how much that high and mighty prick feels, there isn’t a law-damned thing he can do about it._

As the sounds of Max’s approaching footsteps echoed in his ears, Hawthorne let out a soft sigh and moved to the captain’s chair, staring longingly at the man as he picked up the sleeping woman.

 _Just my friend,_ he thought as he turned his gaze back toward the inky black sky. 


	5. A little table dancing never hurt anyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia and crew meet Nyoka; Max gets ready to head to Fallbrook.

_ _

* * *

“So, this is the famous Monarch,” Ellie drawled as they walked toward the town of Stellar Bay, tossing a casual smirk over her shoulder at Felix and Parvati. “Didn’t know the most dangerous planet in Halcyon would smell a lot like saltuna and body odor.”

“That must be the raptidons!” Felix exclaimed excitedly, looking around and trying his best not to cover his nose. “Man, do you think our guide has fought any? D’ya think they used their bare hands, or-”

Before anyone could respond, Max had decided that he had reached his morning’s limit of the boy’s inane chatter. “That’s quite enough of your lunacy, Mr. Millstone,” he said irritably. “If we wanted your running commentary, we’d look into having ourselves shot first.” 

Parvati looked shocked, but Ellie just glared as she took a few long strides to catch up with the Vicar. When he raised an eyebrow at her approach, the doctor gave him an icy stare and lowered her voice. “Last I checked, fucking the Cap didn’t give you license to be an asshole, Vicky.” 

Shocked into silence, Max just stared at her, his mouth agape as a flush began to creep up his neck. “I haven’t- we never-” he stammered, looking back desperately at the others in their party. “Don’t say things like that, Doctor Fenhill!” Thoroughly embarrassed, he adjusted his collar. “Besides, I highly doubt Miss Hawthorne would appreciate such an insinuation.”

“Then stop being such a dick and I will,” she retorted. “Felix is about as dangerous as a wet sprat… and probably smart as one, too- there’s no reason for you to keep picking at him.”

“I see your point,” he replied wearily, just grateful that Nia was talking with the guard and hadn’t heard any of their exchange. Max also tried to surreptitiously scan for the dead pilot, but he was nowhere to be seen. When he had collected Nia from her impromptu nap in the cockpit, Max was disturbed to learn that the spirit could choose when to make himself visible to others. This left him with no shortage of uneasiness and he had taken to looking over his shoulders at all times, swiping at things at random intervals in the hopes of shooing the ghost away. 

When Nia had caught Max flailing about on one such occasion, she had simply kissed him on the cheek and assured him that she could always see the spirit. Max had gone pale at this news, but she simply laughed, saying that she’d let him know if Hawthorne was nearby and if he stuck by her side as he always did, then he would have nothing to worry about. This, along with Nia's warm body nestled in his lap, had brought him an immense amount of relief as they chatted well into the evening, laughing over drinks and watching the stars as the ship sped towards their destination. 

But now, she wasn’t with him- he was alone and Max could swear he felt the hairs on his arm stand on end as Ellie went back to be with Felix and Parvati. For a moment he thought about joining them, but then he realized that his childish outburst had made him persona non grata for the time being and had to tough it out alone. Desperate to put these fears of his to bed, Max looked around, making sure no one was within earshot before calling out to the dead man. “Hawthorne,” he whispered, “are you here?”

“Close enough to see that five o’clock shadow of yours, preacher man,” the ghost replied in his ear, making Max yelp and jump about a foot in the air. As the others looked at him as if he’d lost his mind, Hawthorne chuckled. “Man, you’re kinda spry for an old man, ain’t ya?” When Max didn’t respond, the ghost let out a sigh. “What do you want, Max?” 

“To know if I’m being watched,” he hissed, rapidly turning his head to and fro in a fruitless endeavor to figure out where the ghost was in relation to his position. “That’s quite unsettling!”

“So is lying,” the ghost replied. “And until you come clean about whatever it is you got hidin' in your closet, you're gonna have a new buddy dogging your every move whenever the kid's not around.”

Something about what the apparition said gave him pause and Max stopped, trying to put his finger on exactly what it was. “She doesn’t know you’re doing this, does she?” Max asked, feeling like he was finally within something that vaguely resembled being on higher ground. “What,” he sneered, “scared she’ll tell you to leave it alone?”

“No, I'm scared she’s going to get hurt because of you,” he replied, making Max reel from the impact of his words. “She cares too much to look past this front of yours, but I see the rage you have simmering under the surface, Vicar- something like that doesn’t come without at least a travel-sized set of baggage. Like knows like, Max.” 

“We’re going to tell each other everything,” he said softly as they slowly approached the woman chatting happily with the guard. “I have to admit that you’re right- it’s time to get these things out in the open.”

“Do you love her?” Hawthorne asked suddenly. 

“Excuse me?” The question caught Max off-guard, making him stumble and almost trip over a rock. “I like her, yes, but that sounds quite -”

“Never mind,” the ghost said quickly, cutting Max off. “Just… do me a favor.” Before Hawthorne could continue, Nia laughed, sending the sound drifting along on the fish-scented breeze and putting a wistful smile on the Vicar’s face. Though he couldn't see him, he heard the pilot sigh in his ear. “Look, your world is all about order and plans and destiny, but she doesn’t give a shit about any of that, Max- all she wants is to feel human. That’s why she’s always so touchy-feely- she’s doing this stuff for the first time in forever.” Hawthorne sighed, and once again Max felt like there was more to their relationship than either of them was willing to tell him. “So before you lay all your problems at her feet, give the girl a break, huh? Take her out, make her feel pretty, and tell her how much you care, preacher man…. cause if I could, Law knows I would.”

_ _

* * *

Once the guard had pointed her in the direction of the bar, Nia trotted off happily, promising her crew as many drinks as they wanted while she met with their guide. Now that she was on Monarch, she felt _right_ , even if she couldn't quite put her finger on why. Soon, as she looked around at the people moving to and fro, she felt it- there were choices here, and she could practically taste the myriad of possibilities dancing in front of her. It was the first time since she’d stepped out of that pod that she’d felt anything even remotely like what she used to feel on Earth, and the sensation was incredible. Though Nia normally hated not being in control, this time was different- it was as if an invisible string was pulling her along and she had no desire whatsoever to fight it.

“You’re in a rather good mood,” Max noted, wrapping an arm around her waist. “I didn’t know looking for the town drunk would be the high point of your day.”

Giddy from excitement, she danced in front of him, her eyes manic with joy. “Can’t you feel it, Max? These people have control of their destiny here!” She danced around and kicked her feet with glee, only to gasp and cover her mouth as one of her boots went whizzing past Max’s head. “Oh dear, I didn’t mean to do that!” Nia exclaimed, bursting into laughter and feeling as if she’d just drank a very heady wine. 

“Did that guard slip her something?” Ellie wondered, looking at Nia warily while she retrieved the renegade piece of footwear. “I mean, I’m looking forward to drinks too, but she’s taking it to a brand-new level, Vicky.” 

“I’m fine,” Nia called out, leaning on Max’s shoulder while she put her boot back on. “I’m just happy- this place is amazing!”

Max just shook his head good-naturedly, helping her keep her balance while she struggled to lace her shoe again and looking at her with a smidge of concern. “Should I be worried about you drinking tonight? I’m starting to wonder if you imbibing spirits would be a good idea, darling.” 

“Darling?” She wrapped her arms around his neck as she scanned his face, wanting to kiss him right then and there. “When did that happen?” 

“Since now,” he replied, obliging her unspoken wish and brushing her lips with his, causing Ellie to gag behind them. “But it seems you’re causing quite a scene, my dear.” 

Nia stared at him, scrunching her face up in confusion- how anyone could keep still when they were this happy was beyond her. “I don’t understand- isn’t everyone like this when they get excited?” 

Max chuckled, ignoring Ellie and kissing her gently on the forehead. “Not without good reason.”

“Well I certainly have a good reason,” she said proudly, giving a firm nod of her head as she walked into the bar. “I’m just not sure what it is yet.” 

_ _

* * *

Max had been positive that by the time Nia had ordered the third bottle of Spectrum Red that he’d be picking her up off the floor and carrying her back to the ship like a sack of dirty laundry. However, that bottle had come and gone and Nia was still just as chipper and coherent as she was when she’d entered the bar, though Ellie was starting to look slightly worse for the wear. The pink-haired woman, whose name was Nyoka, was telling another story about her team and trying to downplay the sheen in her eyes- once they had begun chatting with one another, the drunken explorer had randomly blurted out about how she was looking for some of the others she used to work with. Without missing a beat, Nia looked at Parvati, who nodded as Nia reached inside her coat, pulling out a couple of dog tags and sliding them toward the woman. Nyoka, who had previously been drunk to the point of almost getting tossed out of the bar, had rapidly sobered up as she stared at the tags with an expression that was a mix of horror, amazement, and relief, looking immensely thankful when Nia handed her another glass and asked her to lead them in a toast to honor her fallen companions. 

Now, the Vicar couldn’t help but shake his head and laugh at the woman who made him feel like he was a young man again- Ni was dancing on the tabletop and acting out the story Nyoka was telling. How his captain had known to take the tags with or how she managed to make sure that the woman wouldn’t devolve into an angry drunken mess he didn’t know, but he was starting to see what Hawthorne meant about her not following any set path. Max realized that Nia never gave one whit as to how things were supposed to be- she would always say that her life was full of choices, while Max always took comfort in the plan being there to guide him along his proper path. He knew that both of them couldn’t be right, but he’d be damned if he wanted her to change a single iota.

He was in love with her exactly as she was.

Normally, a revelation like this would have shaken him to his core- but he found that the more he thought about it, the less insane it sounded to him. He knew he couldn’t tell her yet- he was barely willing to admit it to himself, much less say the words aloud, but that didn’t make the feeling any less real. Every time he looked at her, Max felt like he’d known her all his life, and every time he put his arms around her, it felt like he’d found his place in the world. 

Taking advantage of Nia now performing a re-enactment of the time when Nyoka had hunted down a pack of wild Mantiqueens, Max slipped away from the table and headed over to the bar, casting a glance over his shoulder and letting out a soft snort as Nia had crouched onto the table, miming shooting a big gun and waving her arms in a victory stance, much to the joy of the patrons around them.

“Your girl is something else,” the bartender said with an amused smile as he filled the glass in front of him. “You better keep an eye on that one.”

“She sure is,” Max replied, smiling as he tossed another look at Nia, who waved to him happily and blew him a kiss, causing some of the men nearby to groan. “And I wholeheartedly intend to.”

“Good thing, too- I think I see half the men in here wondering how to get her to talk to them.” The man leaned against the counter, chuckling as Nia pulled Parvati on the table to help her act out the next story. “Normally I’d toss her out for that shit, but since she’s keeping ol’ Nyoka in line and outta my hair, I’ll count it as a win.” He shook his head as he started wiping down the counter. “So, what can I do for you?”

“I’m looking to get to Fallbrook,” Max replied, feeling a slow sense of dread creeping up the back of his spine. “Do you know how to get there?” 

“Ah, well, that’s a good spot to take a gal like that out for a night on the town,” the old man said approvingly. “You might even want to talk to Catherine about renting a room for the night- there's lots of fun to be had in a place like that.” Then he looked at Max’s vestments and blanched a little. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he stammered, “I didn’t realize-”

“It’s perfectly alright,” Max replied with a wan smile. “I fully acknowledge the fact that I’m not a very good Vicar now.” He scoffed into the last of his whiskey, then turned back to stare at Nia and the others. “Who knows- maybe I never was.”

“Well, you’re doing something right to get a girl like that,” the man said with a laugh. “If that’s the reward for being a bad man of the cloth, then I’m switching to your church.”

“Trust me, I wish I knew what I did to deserve her,” Max admitted. Then he remembered his conversation with Hawthorn and he turned back to the bartender, an idea forming in his head. “But if it’s not too much trouble, do you mind telling me a little more about Fallbrook?”

_ _

* * *

After Nia turned everyone loose with vague promises they would behave and be back at the ship by morning, she wandered outside and found Max sitting on the steps and watching the sun start to set over the horizon. “Penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear, trailing her finger along his neck before standing in front of him. She’d managed to cheer up Nyoka a little, allowing her to honor her teammates while not having to deal with the stress of bad news she always knew was coming along. But for now, the world was quiet and she was alone with the man she needed and wanted to talk to. “I hear Fallbrook isn’t that far,” she said softly, extending her hand to him. “Shall we head over there?”

“You and I have different definitions of ‘not that far’, darling,” Max replied, taking her hand in his, caressing her knuckles with his thumb. “However, I do have a lead on a shuttle leaving in the next hour that can get us over there… that is... if you want to go.” 

“I do,” she replied. “I want this over and done with, Max.” He stared at her with wide eyes, his hurt expression instantly making Nia want to smack herself in the face. “No, I don’t mean like that!” She swiped a section of sweaty curls from her face and leaned over to place an apologetic kiss on his lips. “I’m just… eager to get this out in the open. There are too many choices in the air here, and this not knowing if you’re going to go or stay is driving me positively batty, love.” 

Max took her hand, pulling her into his lap and resting his forehead against hers. “Say that again,” he whispered hoarsely. “I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

“I said the not knowing if you’re going-”

“Not that part,” Max said, tracing his thumb over her lips and cupping her chin with his index finger. “ The last part.” 

“Oh don’t be daft,” she said with a smile. “You know I love you, you silly old man. I’m fully aware that I shouldn’t, as it seems I’ve just met you” she clarified, holding up a finger. “And rest assured that I am not at all looking forward to seeing how you handle what I have to share with you. But, what can you do,” she said with a shrug. “I’m sifting through all these feelings, and when I try them on, love was the one that seemed to fit the best. These kinds of oddities are just part of being human, I suppose.”

Max just blinked, shaking his head as he looked her over, most likely trying to see if she was trying to pull one over on him. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re just starting to show me the real you?” 

Nia smiled but didn’t answer the question- he was more right than he knew. There was something about being here that made her feel less and less tethered to the persona she’d been adopting and more and more like what she was sure was her true self. She knew that she was taking a risk by telling him her secrets, but she’d never been one to shy away from the unknown. Something deep in her soul told her that he was the one that was supposed to know, and maybe once she told him, she’d find out why she’d chosen to tether herself to this body, this world, and this mission.

“Not here,” she whispered, swallowing as she prepared to tell him a truth she didn’t want to admit. “If this is my last night with you, I don’t want it to be here- I want to remember something good, Max.” Her eyes locked with his light green ones as she let this new feeling of sadness settle around her. “I want at least something about this experience to be worthwhile.” 

“Are you reading my mind?” Max asked softly, threading his fingers in her hair. “I fear you’ve expressed my sentiments exactly, though far more concisely than I could’ve done.”

“No,” she replied honestly. “But if I could, I daresay this would be a lot easier.”


	6. A moment of your time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia and Max get some things out in the open

_ _

* * *

After talking with the bartender and making some plans, Max and Nia stole off into the evening to catch a short shuttle ride to Fallbrook. When they touched down at the landing pad, Max took Nia’s hand as they exited the shuttle, feeling nervous around the woman for the first time since he’d boarded the Unreliable. She’d settled down a bit, no longer exuding the same manic energy she’d shown when they landed on the planet. Now, she was looking decidedly more serene- she’d wrapped the leather jacket around her shoulders tightly and shivered as a light breeze blew, then rubbed her hands up and down, looking as if she were desperately trying to get warm. 

“Are you cold?” Max asked softly, leaning over and putting his arms around her. He was surprised at her reaction- to him, the night was quite pleasant, but he’d noticed that Nia never did seem quite comfortable with the weather. “Will you be alright if we walk around out here?”

“I’m fine,” she said with a soft smile. “It’s just different than what I’m used to, that’s all.” 

“Which is?” Max asked curiously, watching as a breeze blew her hair around, making the colorful strands tickle his nose.

She turned to him and placed a quick peck on his lips, making the Vicar smile. “Are we at that portion of the evening already?” 

“Do you want it to be?” Max asked, dreading her answer. He wanted her to look at him with no judgment in her eyes for as long as possible, but he also knew that he was merely delaying the inevitable. “I’m perfectly happy just being out here… with you.”

“We can walk and talk,” she replied, looking at the colorful fauna surrounding them. Then her eyes grew wide as she tugged on his sleeve. “Oh my goodness,” she exclaimed, taking a deep inhale and closing her eyes, “That smells like bacon on a stick!” 

“It is on a stick, yes,” Max answered with a chuckle, “but I’m afraid it’s cystipig if that makes a difference to you.”

“Smells like bacon, so no, I don’t care,” Nia said, tugging his arm and practically dragging him to the vendor’s cart. “I absolutely must have some!”

“Okay, okay! We’ll succumb to your desire to consume animals on wooden spikes,” he said with a grin, giving some bits to the man and receiving two kabobs in return. He handed her the stick and turned back around to gather some napkins for them. “I certainly hope it’s all you dreamed it would be.”

“Ahhhh!” Nia cried, fanning her mouth, “Irrsts httt!” 

When Max turned around, he had to stop himself from laughing- Nia’s mouth was already wrapped around her food and she was staring at him with wide eyes, fanning her face as she desperately tried to unhinge her jaw from the steaming tower of meat. When she had successfully dislodged herself, she scowled at the skewer in her hand and stuck out her tongue. “It’s hot,” she said after a moment. “I didn’t think it would be so painful to eat!”

At that, the Vicar lost the last vestiges of his restraint and let out a loud, uproarious laugh. “You didn’t know that?”

“How was I supposed to know? Everything else I’ve eaten has been lukewarm at best!” She glared at him, then broke out into a smile. “But I’ll admit that it was delicious, despite its blazing temperature.”

“Then I suppose I’ll just have to cook you something,” he said, laughing as she fanned her mouth. “I can’t have you thinking everything we eat in Halcyon comes out of a vending machine.” 

“You can cook?” Nia asked, carefully shoving the last of the meat in her mouth and eyeing the rest of Max’s greedily. “I must say, I wasn’t expecting that.”

Max nodded, then handed her the rest of his treat. “How else does one eat?” He walked over to a spot next to the river, settling on the grass and resting against the crooked tree. “Care to join me?”

“Always,” she replied as she lowered herself to the ground and snuggled next to him. “Max, this is beautiful,” she said as she looked into the purple and gold sky. “I can safely say I’ve never seen anything like this…. And I’ve seen a lot of things.” Nia sighed, closing her eyes as she rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m pretty sure that’s part of the reason I chose to come here.”

Max turned his head to place a kiss on the top of her head. “You don’t know why you boarded the Hope?”

Nia squirmed a little, and he could feel her tense up next to him. “No.”

Sighing, he turned away from her, choosing to look out over the river instead. “I can sympathize.” Max paused and licked his lip nervously, realizing this was as good a time to start as any. “My motives for going to Edgewater weren’t exactly clear to all those involved, either.” 

Nia seemed to get what he was doing- instead of looking at him, she lay her head in his lap and also turned to the water. “I assumed it was to spread the good word, Vicar.” 

“I’d like to say it was… but I’m afraid I can’t,” Max replied honestly, running his hand through her curls. “I don’t think I was a very good Vicar… even before you twisted me around your finger.”   
“I did no such thing,” Nia replied, squeezing his free hand. “I can’t make you do a single thing you don’t already want to do.” 

“I suppose that’s true, love.” The word slipped out of his mouth before he could catch it, and he wanted to kick himself for it. True, she had told him that she loved him earlier, but he had no intention of returning the sentiment just yet- for him, it was too soon. 

“I know it is,” she answered, still not looking at him. “So, if it wasn’t to bring the good word to the masses, what made you come to Edgewater?” 

Max breathed out a sigh of relief at her choosing not to comment on his phrase but had to temper down the small part of him that wanted her to know how he felt. “I… was in prison before,” he said quietly. “The Order of Scientific Inquiry didn’t take too kindly to my digging for hidden knowledge.”

“No, your only problem was you got caught,” Nia replied, tracing her finger along his thigh. “I was always smarter than that.” 

He raised his eyebrows at her statement, looking down at the woman in his lap. “You were digging for heretical texts to make some order of your place in the universe as well?”

“Oh god no, nothing as dreadfully boring as that.” She finally rolled over to face him, her eyes twinkling in the dim light. “But that still doesn’t tell me what made you come to Edgewater- was it the only place that would have a gorgeous yet shady Vicar like yourself?”

He immediately found himself wondering what she meant, but he could tell that she wouldn’t say another word about it just yet. “Well, even though I was sent to prison for seeking forbidden knowledge, my incarceration did nothing to curb my appetite for it. In fact, it only did the opposite.” 

“I think I’m liking this version of Max more and more,” Nia said with a smile. “Please continue.”

“I’m starting to get curious about what you have to tell me if my secret shame is turning you on,” Max chided, leaning over to place a kiss on her lips. “What exactly did you do, love?”

Once again, she ignored his statement, shaking her head and gently nipping his lip. “In due time,” she said softly. “But for now, I believe you’ve got the floor, my dear Vicar.” 

“So I do.” He was starting to feel a certain way about her not bringing his hidden professions to the forefront, and he forced himself to ignore it. “At any rate, I was told of a certain book that would help me with the knowledge I sought-” 

“The journal,” Nia said knowingly. “The one you sent me to find.”  
Max nodded. “I asked around a little, and the man I’m looking for told me I could find a copy in Edgewater.” 

“So you went to prison and traveled to the back edges of the galaxy… for books?” Nia asked, her lips quirking up into a smile. “Max, I love you dearly, but I’m afraid this is the nerdiest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

He wanted to be angry, but the declaration of her feelings had served to soften the blow to his ego. “And I suppose the girl who sees spirits has a much more exciting story to tell?” 

“I certainly do,” she said with a smile. “To start, I used to be a spiv… and a damn good one, I might add.”

Max stared at her, confused. “I’m not sure what you mean by that.” 

“A con-artist,” she replied. “A grifter, a cheat, a scammer… doesn’t matter what you want to call it,” she said, waving her hand around casually. “If you had it, I could talk you out of it.” She stared at Max and gave him a cocky smile. “I’ve always told you, I wasn’t a very good person.” She sighed, then shifted her head to look away from him. “I also warned you that you’re probably not going to want to deal with me after this.” 

Max knew that this was his time to confess everything, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it- seeing her looking at him with such adoration and sadness in her eyes made his heart begin to ache. “It doesn’t matter what you were,” he said quickly, stroking the side of her face. “I love you just as you are.” 

“And I love you, idiot,” she said with a sigh. “Doesn’t make this any easier.” Suddenly, she sat up, folding her hands in her lap. “Well, best to just rip it off… like a band-aid, I suppose.” She turned to him, her face serious. “I can do things, Maximillian,” she said slowly. 

“I would assume you could,” Max replied slowly, not following her line of thought. “But I hardly think-” 

She shook her head, placing a finger on his lips. “You asked to know my story, Max. Last chance,” she whispered, sadly searching his face for any type of sign. “A bell can’t be unrung, you know.”

“I meant what I said,” Max replied firmly, not breaking her gaze. “I told you my secret and you’re still here, so give me the chance to do the same- tell me your story, Nia.” 

“I wish it were that easy,” she said, running a hand through her hair. “I suppose I have to offer a confession, then.” She bit her lip, then looked away from him. “I’m a bit older than you may think, Max.”  
“I know… you told me that you were frozen for seventy years, remember?” He leaned over, sweeping her hair away and kissing her on the cheek. “Good thing I appear to have a thing for older women.”

She smiled, but he could see that it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m a little older than that, if we’re being honest,” she replied softly. “The last time I was alive was in 1878, Max.”

“I’m sorry?” Max blinked at her, sure he’d misheard her timetable. “I fear I might have misheard what you said.” 

She shook her head. “I… meant what I said,” she said softly. “I met my end in the middle of the Thames on the third of September, 1878- sort of hard to forget the day you died, you know.” Nia smiled at him sadly, then turned away again. “Needless to say, I’m not a fan of boats, so if you were planning a riverboat cruise for tonight, I’m going to respectfully decline.”  
  
Max felt like his clothes were getting too tight, and he gave a strained laugh. “Is… this a sample of what you used to do?” He chuckled nervously. “If so, I must say I can see why you were a successful grifter- you’re quite believable.” 

“I told you before, Max,” Nia replied sadly, hanging her head. “I won’t lie to you. Never you,” she said softly. “I’d rather hurt you with the truth than murder us with a beautiful lie.”

_ _

* * *

For the umpteenth time, Nia wished she could read Max’s mind. The Vicar was staring at her with an expression of both shock and horror, but to his credit, he hadn’t run screaming for the hills yet. She hoped it was a good sign, but she knew better than to take things at face value. “Nia,” Max said weakly, running his hand over his hair as he leaned against the tree, “I need you to tell me the truth… what do you mean, exactly?”

  
She wanted to scowl and retort that she had, but she also knew that there was no need for her to be cruel about it- Max was trying to deal with something she had no right laying at his feet. Instead, she stood up, trying to get one last look at the man in front of her. “Do you really want to hear this story, or would it be easier if I just left now?” 

Max instantly whirled around to face her, looking positively horrified. “Why in the world would I want you to leave?” He sighed, then reached out to her. “Come here.” 

“Are you sure?” Once again, she felt like she was being pulled on a string, but this time she wasn’t sure if she liked the destination. Nia was feeling judged and vulnerable, and she wasn’t a fan of this in the slightest. “It’s been fun, but I suppose Hawthorne was right- there are some things one just shouldn’t share.”

  
“I asked, didn’t I?” He kept his arms outstretched as he looked at her, his light green eyes serious as they took her in. “Right now, the main thing I have an issue with at the moment is the dead man knows more about you than I do.” When she tentatively approached, he took her hands in his, tracing his fingers over hers. “So, how much better does he know you, Nia?

  
“Nowhere near the way it sounds like you’re implying, my love,” she said with a hesitant smile. “For better or worse, I’m yours, dear Max.” 

“Out here, that sounds remarkably like the start of an old marriage contract,” he teased as he guided her into his lap. “Don’t you think I should hear the rest of your tale before you start implying such things?”

“Asshole,” she said, laughing at him as she leaned her head against his chest, hearing the rapid thump of his heartbeat. Frowning, she looked up at him- he was playing calm, but he was obviously terrified… or angry. “Max,” she said gently, “if I’m going to tell you the one thing that no one alive knows, I don’t want you hiding how you feel from me.” 

“I want to hear your story,” he replied, rubbing his hand up and down her arms. “No matter how crazy it sounds, I want to know… and I’m not leaving,” he said seriously. “This much, I can guarantee you.” He gave her a small smile. “Just one thing- is what you’re about to tell me worse than you being able to see spirits or you believing you’ve died centuries ago?”

  
Choosing to ignore his disbelief for the moment, Nia chose to embrace the fact that above all else, Max was a scholar- desperate for knowledge, he’d never turn down even the slightest chance to gather it. “I guess it would depend on your definition of worse.”

“That doesn’t inspire the level of confidence I was looking for, Nia.”

  
“I didn’t think it would,” she replied solemnly. “So, where would you like me to start?”

He cocked his head to see her better, his warm hand pressed against the small of her back and holding her against him. “Where does one usually start with a story like this?”

  
“I’m not quite sure, seeing as I’ve never told a story like this before,” she replied. “Do you have any suggestions, my renegade knowledge seeker? Or will sharing your tactics run counter to your information-seeking coda?”

“Haha,” Max intoned dryly, flicking her arm with his fingers. “I assure you, I’m not as docile as you believe me to be, darling.” 

“Oh, I don’t doubt you’ve got a bit of fire in you,” Nia agreed. “What, did you get into any prison fights over the latest edition being snatched from your grasp?”

“Ah, so my girlfriend isn’t just a criminal, she’s a jokester as well?” He chuckled. “Not too much outside of a heated tossball match,” he said after a moment. “Does this make me any less attractive to you?”

  
She separated her thumb and forefingers, holding them in his face. “A bit.” He scowled, but he leaned over and kissed her on the nose. “Is that the game with the sticks?”

“I’m going to chalk that salacious statement up to the fact that you’re claiming to be a dead woman,” Max said with a wry smile. “Otherwise, as a damn good fifth back, I’d be offended.” She laughed, and he did the same. “But in answer to your question, the beginning is as good a place as any to start a story.” Gently, he poked her in the side, then smiled at her. “Seeing as you seem to be quite real, how does a centuries-dead woman come to find herself on a ship in Halcyon?”

“If I had to choose, I’d say picking the wrong mark was the first of my troubles,” Nia replied thoughtfully. “However, knowing what I know now, nothing I did would have made a bit of difference- I was doomed no matter what.”

Max gave her a look. “I thought you were the one constantly harping on how many choices we have? Sounds to me like you believe in the plan a little more than you’re willing to let on.” Now it was her turn to scowl, so Max just sighed. “Let’s start smaller then- what’s your name?”

  
“Easy- I never lied about that, Max. For some reason, I never gave that up- it was… important to me. If I couldn’t keep my life, I wanted to keep at least something of myself.” She started to fidget, but Max took her hand in his. The rough feel of his fingers on hers made her feel a bit more grounded, so she took a breath and continued. “I have the gift of persuasion, as you may have already noticed- within reason, I can usually make anyone do whatever I want them to.”

  
“Have you done that to me?” Max asked softly- she could feel him tensing up beneath her. When she nodded, she could feel his body go rigid. “When?”

“Only when you tried lying to me outside the Unreliable,” Nia responded, feeling him relax a little. “And even then, I didn’t make you do anything you secretly didn’t want to do.”

“That’s impossible,” Max said flatly. “No one can do that.” 

“Most people can’t see your destiny,” she said carefully. “But that doesn’t negate the fact that I can.”

He went quiet for a moment, and Nia started to get nervous again. Before she could say a word, the Vicar let out a sigh. “Explain, please. At the beginning, if you don’t mind.” 

“Like I said, I picked the wrong mark. Or maybe he picked me- to this day, I’m not so sure.” She stared off at the water, then closed her eyes. “His name was Philip, and he had the deepest blue eyes I’d ever seen- they were the color of the ocean in a painting, that brilliant and impossible blue you never see anywhere. I’d tried to run my best gambit on him, but he just stood there and looked at me, never saying a word. Finally, I just got fed up with him and demanded his wallet.”’

“Sounds appropriate.” Max let out a chuckle. “So, what did he do?” 

“He gave it to me,” Nia admitted. “I was so dumbfounded- I’d been sure he was about to call the police on me, but Philip just laughed, saying if the money was so important, the least he could do was give it to me, if I promised to tell him what I wanted it for.”

“That’s odd,” he said slowly, and Nia could feel his arm tighten around her waist. “He didn’t do anything to you, did he?” 

“Oh no, nothing of the sort!” Nia replied. “Philip could have given two shits about me in that way.” 

“Okay,” Max said, his tone implying that he thought the situation was anything but okay, despite happening long before he or his ancestors were born. “So, what did you want the money for?”

“I thought about telling him I had a sick kid at home, trying to get away from my abusive husband, or needing to get something to eat… but I just didn’t want to lie anymore. So I told him the truth- I was trying to get out and see the world. I just wanted to find my place, but a girl like me wasn’t likely to find it unless she had a lot of coin to her name. And once I said that, he gave me the wallet, but then he looked me in the eye and asked me if I thought I mattered to anyone.” Nia sighed. “And again, I told him the truth, though I never would’ve told it to anyone else.”

“What did you tell him?” 

“That I didn’t,” she said softly, staring out over the water. “That I was destined to die poor and alone, and the world would keep turning the same as it ever did. That was the last real conversation of my life,” Nia said bitterly, “was me admitting how much of a nothing I was to a stranger. Then the boat crashed, and that, as they say, was that- just a watery grave.”

“But,” Max said, pausing for a minute as he drummed his fingers on her leg, “obviously that wasn’t it, was it?”

“Astute, aren’t we?” Nia replied. “But you’re right- one minute I was breathing in the sewage, the next-” She swallowed, knowing this was going to be too much, but he had to know the full story. “I was here.”

Max let out a squawk as he jumped to his feet, sending Nia sprawling to the ground. “What the fuck is going on here!” 

Nia rubbed her bruised hip and looked at the still world around her. “We’re between the moments,” she said with a sigh. “Since you’re still alive, I can’t keep you here too long, but I suspect you get the idea.” She waved her hand around. “Welcome to my home for the last few centuries,” she said with a flourish. “That asshole made me a Watcher… and I’ve been one ever since.”

Max looked almost ready to cry as he turned to her. “Take me back,” he croaked. “Right now. I need to go back,” he said to himself. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I warned you,” Nia said softly as she moved them back to the present. Then she stood up, gesturing behind her. “You’re free to go, Max- I won’t stop you.” 

Max didn’t say a word- he just left, leaving her to silently watch him walk away. When he didn’t turn around or come back, Nia just sat against the tree- she wasn’t going to chase after him. 

But for the first time in centuries, Nia closed her eyes and cried, wrapping her arms around herself and rocking back and forth in a fruitless gesture to protect against the cold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch... I'm sorry, y'all, but it needed to be done.


	7. Turn Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max finds Chaney in Fallbrook

_ _

* * *

_Go back! You need to go back right now, you Law-forsaken idiot!_ Max could hear the voice inside his head screaming at him, but he was too terrified to do anything else except putting one foot in front of the other. After hauling ass for a few feet, his stomach decided that it couldn’t take anymore- retching and gagging, Max clutched at his abdomen, wishing he could forget everything he’d just heard and seen as he spilled the contents of his gullet on the ground. _This isn't fair,_ he thought. _I want to go back to how we used to be... before she told me…_

 _A bell can’t be unrung,_ the voice in his head replied. _She warned you, but you didn’t listen. You never listen, Max- you think you’re smarter than everyone, and all it’s gotten you is a stint in Tartarus and a heap of knowledge you were woefully unprepared for,_ the voice scoffed. _Oh, and a book that you can’t even read- we can’t forget about that, can we?_

Max’s head snapped up at the thought. _That damnable book,_ he fumed. _If he’d just fucking told me it was in French, I wouldn’t even be in this mess right now. Fucking Chaney… maybe putting my fist through his face will make this shitshow a little more bearable._

The more he thought about it, the more Max liked the idea- he couldn’t do anything about Nia’s crazy shit, or the way his heart was twisting in knots, but he could take every single bit of his fear out on the man who sent him halfway across the galaxy to die in a backwater town for a book in a language he couldn't even read. 

_Are you going to leave her there? She thinks you’re abandoning her, Max._

_I’m… just sorting things out,_ he thought to himself, well aware that he was, for all intents and purposes, abandoning the woman he had just admitted that he loved. _I just need to find that sonofabitch first- then I can get my head clear and…_ he trailed off in his head, unsure of how he wanted to finish that sentence. _I’ll talk to her when I get back._

_But will she talk to you after you promised her you wouldn’t leave? _

_It’s too late now,_ Max thought sadly, looking behind him and finding no one there. _What’s done is done- now, I just have to trust in the plan._

His mind made up, Max started off toward the center of town, hoping to find a lead on Chaney. 

_ _

* * *

If Hawthorne were still alive, his blood would have been boiling right now. 

He’d tried to be respectful and leave the two of them alone while they were on their date, but when he saw the world go still and heard Max panicking, he’d made his way closer to them.

When he saw the shaken-looking Vicar take off like a shot as soon as time resumed, he’d raised an eyebrow.

But when the ghost saw the girl collapse against the tree and start crying, Hawthorne took off after the man responsible without a second thought.

He desperately wanted to use his new abilities to make Max pay over and over again for every tear Nia was shedding. _I knew he wasn’t worth a damn,_ he thought angrily, swiping his fist across a table of trinkets, sending them to the ground with a clatter. His eyes widened in shock as he looked at the mess on the ground, watching as the confused shopkeeper bent over to pick up their wares. He wanted to spend some time to think about what happened, but Hawthorne decided to move that little event to the back of his mind and continue to follow the Vicar. The ghost began walking through people left and right, his face tightening with concern as he watched Max storm off to a little alcove by the river. _This is new_ , the ghost thought as he stood off to the side as Max came to a stop across from a man who was crouched next to the water, unaware of the presence of his pursuer or the pilot. 

“Chaney!” Max roared, racing toward the man. “I’m going to fucking _kill_ you!” 

Instantly the man’s head snapped up as he took in his surroundings, but it was too late- his eyes went as wide as saucers when he saw the man rushing at him like a freight train. “Max?" the man named Chaney stammered, "is that you?”

“You’re law-damned right it is!” Max snarled. “All that time wasted, thinking this book had the answers I needed! You _KNEW_ it was in French! All this time I was searching for this piece of shit and you KNEW!” He threw a right hook and Chaney went down, sprawling on the grass and clutching his eye. “I’m going to make you pay for every fucking second I spent chasing this book down!” Max punched Chaney again, breaking his nose and sending a fountain of blood spurting in every direction. “ _You_ -” he hit him another time, sending what Hawthorne thought was a tooth soaring past and landing in the grass next to him, “- _lowlife_ -” Max was heaving with rage, his face and hair covered in sweat as Chaney tried weakly tried to defend himself, “- _piece of cystipig shit!”_

Once Hawthorne realized that Max had no intention of stopping his tirade against the barely breathing man, he decided it was time to step in. “That’s enough, preacher man!” he yelled, rushing over to the two men. “Hell, it ain’t him you’re mad at, is it?” 

In his dazed state, Chaney didn't even notice Hawthorne's wavering form, and he could tell that Max was too incensed to care. “Stay out of this, Hawthorne!” Max roared, leaning over the battered and bruised man and drenching him in sweat and spittle. “ _He_ did this to me! If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t even have _been_ in that damnable town! I’d never have-” 

“You wouldn’t have met her,” Hawthorne finished, causing the Vicar to pause just before his bleeding knuckles connected with Chaney once again. “That sound about right?” The pilot looked down at the man on the ground, who was barely conscious at this point, then scowled at the heaving Vicar. “What’s beating him to death gonna solve, Max?”

“That book was supposed to be the _key!_ ” Max screamed, dropping to his knees over Chaney. “And now I have _nothing!_ No answers, no place, no-” his breath hitched in his throat, and the Vicar bit back a strangled sob, raising his fist once again to finish the man off. “I don’t have _anything_ anymore!”

“Wait!” Chaney said weakly, holding his hands over his face, “I- I can get you answers!” The man looked at Max, one eye completely swollen shut and trying to talk over his split open lips. “There’s a hermit- she can translate it, honest! Just… don’t kill me! I don’t want to end up like Lem!” Chaney screamed, blood spurting from his mouth and landing on Max’s clothes. “Just let me go and I’ll tell you how to find her!” 

“Why should I believe a damn word you say, you traitorous sonofabitch?” Max hissed. “You’d say _anything_ to save your worthless skin!”

“I thought you wanted answers, Max,” Hawthorne said, walking behind Chaney so Max could see him- if Max was going to lie, he was going to have to do it to his face, and if he was going to murder a man in cold blood, he’d have to do it while someone looked him in the eye and judged him for it. “Is killing him worth more than the answers you say you've spent your life searching for?”

“Why do you care!” Max screamed, his breath coming in ragged bursts. “You don’t give a shit what I want!”

“I don’t,” Hawthorne replied honestly. “But _she_ does… and she wouldn’t want you doing this,” he said softly. “Get your answers and go back where you belong, Max. Go own up to your shit.” Hawthorne looked over the man on the ground and winced at the pile of meat that used to be Chaney’s face. “But I think you better decide soon- this one looks like he’s about ten seconds from passing out.”

Hawthorne didn’t get a response- right then, the only sounds in the air were the river crashing over the rocks, Chaney’s soft sobs, and Max’s heavy breathing. But, after what felt like a lifetime, the vicar stopped, his chest heaving as he stood over the battered man. "All right," he spat, glaring sharply at the man beneath him, “Where do I find this hermit?” 

“Scylla!” Chaney gurgled, rolling over on his side to spit out the blood pooling in his mouth to save himself from drowning. “She’s on Scylla! Only cabin on that rock near the landing pad- you can’t miss it!” 

“You better hope that’s the case, because I can _guarantee_ that your guardian angel won’t be able to save you next time,” Max snarled. “If I don’t get my answers, I promise you this, Chaney- there isn’t a force in this world or the next that could save you from me.”

_ _

* * *

Max was shaking as he walked away from the river, trying to catch his breath- he hadn't intended for things to go that far, and he certainly hadn't expected the ghost to intervene. When he noticed Hawthorne walking next to him, he scowled at the pilot, eager to latch onto a new outlet for his churning emotions. “You don’t like me and we both know it, so why are you still here?” 

“Because you’re a worthless piece of shit, that’s why,” Hawthorne spat back. “But for some fucking reason, Nia loves you.” He tried to keep his expression neutral as the ghost continued to scowl at him. “And yet you just left her by the river like a piece of garbage while she cried her eyes out.” Shaking his head, he sneered at Max. “I needed to know what was so _goddamn_ important that you decided it was worth more than her.” Max flinched as Hawthorne got in his face, his grey eyes hard and glittering with rage. “What, she wasn’t what you thought she was? Are you too good for her, Max- is that it?”

Hawthorne’s words leveled him just as effectively as if he’d thrown a punch. “No!” Max screamed, whirling around to face the pilot and scanning the nearby area. “Just… _leave me alone_ , Hawthorne!” 

As Max started heading for the shuttle bay in the dim light, he overheard Hawthorne talking to a nearby vendor, pausing when he heard the ghost raise his voice. “What do you mean, she’s walking!” 

Max felt his heart grow numb in his chest and his feet froze to the ground. _Oh no,_ he moaned, _if she gets hurt out here…_ Monarch wasn’t anywhere near safe, and Nia didn’t have a stitch of armor on- he didn’t even know if she had a pistol on her. All the color drained from his face at once and he turned around, staring wordlessly at the pilot. “We have to find her,” he croaked, scanning the area and not seeing anyone resembling Nia. “I have to find her.. right now.”

Hawthorne didn’t acknowledge his statement- instead, the ghost took off like a shot, leaving Max to chase after him. The Vicar hoped with every fiber of his being that the pilot wouldn’t disappear on him, struggling to keep pace with the ephemeral man. “Can you find her!” Max yelled, using what was left of his strength to catch up with the speeding ghost. “Is she okay?” 

“Oh, _now_ you care?” Hawthorne yelled back, pausing at the town’s entrance and looking at the signage. “You’re the reason she’s gone right now!” 

“You know damn well I care!” Max screamed, racing down the road and hoping to get an idea of Nia’s whereabouts. “If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Save it,” Hawthorne growled. “You didn’t want her when you had her, so save this best boyfriend act for someone who still thinks you give a shit!”

“She’s dead, Hawthorne!” Max blurted out without thinking. 

Instantly, the ghost stopped in his tracks and whirled around on him, his tone icy and sharp. “Come again?” 

“No, not now- at least I hope not!” Max stammered, still keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of her. “She died in the 1800s and now she can do something strange with time- she showed me… and I panicked,” he admitted, moving the hair from his face. “I panicked,” he repeated, feeling the stinging sensation of tears he had no intention of shedding prickling behind his eyes. “And now she’s gone and I don’t… I _can’t_ …” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “I can’t let her think I don’t care, Hawthorne- I promised I wouldn’t leave her, and I did,” he whispered. “I have to find her.”

Hawthorne chose not to look at Max or respond- instead, he just crouched and stared at the ground. “Then it looks like we’re working together,” he said flatly. “There’s only so much I can do out here.” 

“I’ll do anything,” Max replied quickly. “Whatever it takes, as long as we find her before something terrible happens.” 

The ghost didn't reply- the pilot just kept examining something on the ground before putting his head in his hands for a moment. Hawthorne stood that way for a minute then he rose to his feet, pausing to stare at the ground again before glancing over at Max. “Define terrible for me, would you?” 

Hawthorne’s cryptic words made Max feel as if he were about to start swaying on his feet. “Why… why would you say such a thing?” 

“Because this is my jacket,” Hawthorne said quietly, pointing to the remains of a tattered leather coat. “And it doesn’t look like it’s in mint condition anymore.”

_ _

* * *

After leaving Fallbrook, Nia had lost track of how many times she’d died that evening. 

This new world came with new deaths, more painful and degrading than anything she'd ever experienced before. Out here, she’d been shot and stabbed more times than she could count, which was making her progress back to Stellar Bay a lot slower than she would have liked. Nia was hoping that she could have gotten back a lot faster, but that last encounter with that pack of raptidons had been rather… _messy_. It had taken her quite a while to come back from that one, but it did answer the question of how much punishment this new body of hers could take... which ended up being quite a bit.

However, as she lay gasping on the side of the road, trying desperately not to freeze to death, Nia was starting to wish that she’d stayed in Fallbrook a little longer. Her clothes were in tatters by this point- whatever the acid hadn’t destroyed, the claws had- she could still feel the sting of the poison coursing through her system.

 _What a fucked up way to die,_ she thought as her teeth chattered, her arms burning with pain as she dragged herself behind a stack of crates. _Damn-near naked and stuck on an alien planet was not how I envisioned my umpteenth death of the night- too bad this one is going to take a while. Death by cold,_ she thought bitterly. _And it’s going to repeat… over and over again until I get to Stellar Bay. It appears that after all this time, I’ve finally made it into my own personal hell. On the bright side,_ she chuckled to herself as the cold wracked her body, _it only took me traveling to the edges of the universe and being rejected in the cruelest way possible first._

She wondered how long it would take before someone noticed that she wasn’t there in the morning. Nia was pretty sure that Max wouldn’t give a single damn one way or the other- after leaving her by the side of the river, she was fairly sure she wouldn’t see him again. _What I wouldn’t give to be able to see his threads,_ she thought bitterly. _If I could’ve, I wouldn’t even be in this mess right now._ The watcher rested her head against the cold metal crate and let out a deep sigh as she closed her eyes- in addition to the hypothermia setting in, there was still poison coursing through her system, and Nia was thankful that it wouldn’t be long before she drifted off into that dreamless sleep once more. 

This time, she thought of Hawthorne as she drifted off. _He wouldn’t even feel cold right now,_ she thought with a delirious chuckle. _In fact, I could probably cuddle up with him and get warm, but I think Max would be jealous._

Thinking his name again made her eyes fly open, bringing her back to a stinging and searing consciousness. _I don’t know why it matters- Max doesn’t care what I do anymore,_ she thought angrily. _I was too much for him to deal with… just like I knew I would be._

 _What would happen if I didn’t come back this time,_ Nia mused, struggling to keep her eyes open as she stared up at the starry sky. _If I were to just call it a wash and let this world do what it would without me, would that be so bad? I’m not from here, so no one will miss me… maybe they’ll all go back to their lives and eventually forget I ever existed._

Apparently, there was still a part of her that wasn't ready to give up, and it yanked at the back of her mind, snapping her back to awareness. _Stop that idiocy this instant!_ _No matter how much you want to play this game, you know damn well it isn’t true- Hawthorne would miss you something terrible and you know it. Parvati, bless her heart, would miss you- hell, even Felix and Ellie would be a little sad that you’re gone. Let’s also not mention the fact that Phineas is counting on you and Celeste gave her life so you could do this- would you really be this selfish and let them all down?_

Before Nia could stop herself, another thought crept in her head like a thief in the night, stealing her attention and slithering its way through her mind like a snake. _I wonder if Max would miss me._

She groaned as she tried and failed to sit up, slumping over and sending the boxes to the ground with a loud clatter. Cursing at the noise she was making, she frowned- it wouldn’t do to almost freeze to death, only to be eaten alive again at the last minute. As the cold pulled her under once more, Nia tried to remember how it felt to be wrapped in Max’s arms, and the last thing she did was smile, remembering a time when she mattered to someone she loved. 

_Give me a beautiful dream this time,_ she thought wearily, closing her eyes and drifting away again.

_ _

* * *

Just as Hawthorne was about to panic, he heard a crash in the distance and whirled around to the distraught Vicar, his eyes wide with alarm. “Did you hear that?” 

Max nodded, his body taut and the muscles in his neck pulsating with every breath. “I did.” He paused, then pointed to the east. “It came from that way.”

“That way leads to Stellar Bay,” Hawthorne yelled. “We gotta go check it out!” Without waiting for an answer, the ghost took off- if that jacket was any indication of what she was going through, then Nia wasn’t likely to be in too good of shape. _She can’t die,_ he kept telling himself as he raced down the road. _You saw it yourself- she just gets right back up again. There’s nothing to worry about- you’re gonna get there and she’s gonna be standing there with that goofy grin of hers, laughing at you for being such a worrywart, Hawthorne._

He told himself this over and over, but the pilot knew deep in his gut something was wrong. And when he saw the pools of blood, viscera, scraps of fabric, and blue hair in the middle of the road, he stopped short and let out a scream, causing Max to run right through him.

“Hawthorne, why did you-” Max started to say, then he looked down and saw what the pilot had seen that had made him stop short, what he had very nearly stepped in. In an instant, the man went completely ashen, falling to his knees. “No,” he whispered. “It can’t be- _that can’t be!”_ Max whirled around to the spirit, desperately clawing at the air where Hawthorne's lapels were. “She can’t be dead! You wouldn’t be here if she was dead, right?”

At this point, Hawthorne wished he was fully dead- he achingly wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment. “Max,” he said gently, hoping against hope that his new tricks didn’t stop her from coming back. “We gotta find her. She’s still out there… somewhere.”

Max didn’t answer- the vicar just sat on the ground, looking stunned. “I did this,” he said to himself. “I let her think I didn’t care, and she left thinking I didn’t love her.” He looked at the ghost, his eyes bright and wet. “But I did- I loved her, Hawthorne.”

“Stop talking like she’s gone!” Hawthorne screamed. “She’s alive, I know she is- we just have to find her! I’m not gonna let you act like she ain’t coming back- she always comes back!” He scanned the ground, running his hands through his hair furiously.

 _C’mon kid,_ Hawthorne thought anxiously, _gimme a sign… anything._

But nothing happened- the stale wind continued to blow across them, sending Max’s vestments fluttering in the breeze, and the night was quiet and still.

The ghost looked over at the Vicar, who was now frozen in shock, his face twisted in unspoken grief and disbelief. _No!_ Hawthorne thought, trying to replace his fear with anger. _You can’t leave me like this- you promised, kid! You promised me we’d be out here saving the world! You promised him that you’d stick around even though you knew he was a bastard! Since when did your irritating ass decide it was okay to give up? Shouldn’t you be bouncing up behind me right now with that annoying ass smirk and teasing us about being all human about it? _In a rage, the ghost kicked at a can and paused, marveling at the fact that his foot connected with it as the object went clattering into a nearby pile of boxes... exposing a shock of matted blue and purple hair.

Unable to think properly, Alex Hawthorne screamed as he raced over to the crates, slowly dragging a very pale and unmoving Nia from beneath the scattered debris. 


	8. I thought I knew you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Fallbrook continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally don't post early, but it's all done up in a bow and I'm excited to get to the good stuff on Friday, so let's have a read and a chat so we can get down to business in this next chapter- trust me, the smut (and the angst) is on the way (FINALLY)!

__

* * *

As Nia gradually came to, she noticed that she was finally warm for the first time since she’d left Fallbrook. The searing pain of acid coursing through her veins had finally dissipated, and though she was stiff she was decidedly whole, which was a vast improvement from some of her previous states that evening. Even though her eyelids felt like sandpaper, Nia made the herculean effort to open her eyes, and immediately she noticed that she was in an old house and swaddled in layers of blankets- this was certainly not what she was expecting, and she hoped this wasn’t a trick of some sort before someone (or something) decided it wanted to try to murder her again.

Interestingly enough, she noted that she was also naked, and she was quite confused as to how her new location and her current state of undress were related to each other. However, she was also exhausted, so trying to suss out anything about her current state of affairs was beyond her mental capacity at the moment- if she was going to be killed again, at least this time she was going to be warm, and hopefully when she revived she’d have the element of surprise on her side. _I only hope I can find a shirt and a pair of pants first,_ Nia mused as she closed her eyes. _A girl should be able to retain at least a smidgen of dignity in death, after all._

Just as she was starting to drift back off, she felt cold lips press themselves to her cheek. “Hey kid,” a voice said huskily, before brushing her hair out of her face. “Welcome back.” 

Slowly, she opened an eye and smiled when she saw Hawthorne's concerned face peering down at her. “You came for me,” Nia croaked, shifting her head to look at the ghost. “And,” she said dryly, looking down at her unclothed form, “you got me naked to boot. Why am I not surprised?”

The pilot just let out a deep exhale and wrapped his arms around her, sending a chill into her body that she felt through the blankets. “Hey, desperate times,” he replied, stroking her cheek and looking over her lips before resting his head against her forehead. “You were in really bad shape there, kid. Didn’t I tell you that Monarch wasn’t the place you wanted to be fooling around with?” 

“You did,” she replied. “But I had to leave. I figured if I died a few times, it wouldn’t be the worst thing. However, I fear I may have misjudged the appetite of Felix’s raptidons.” She gave a small shudder and the pilot rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “Needless to say, the trip didn’t go as I planned.”

“Don’t scare me like that again,” Hawthorne whispered, burying his face in her shoulder. “I thought we lost you, Nia.”

“To be honest, you almost did,” she said, making the man jerk his head up in alarm. “I considered not coming back,” Nia admitted. “I wanted to think no one would miss me.” He started to protest, but Nia cut him off. “Then I thought of you, Alex,” she said, smiling as she gently touched his face, “and I knew I had to come back. I thought you might miss me if I didn’t.”

“Damn right I would,” he replied, laying next to her. Trying to stay under the blankets as much as possible, she snuggled next to the pilot. “You’re the best friend I got,” he said softly, resting his head against hers. “So you can’t leave me like that… deal?”

She wiggled a hand out from her cocoon of blankets, extending her pinky finger to the pilot and waiting for him to do the same. When he did, she looped her finger around his and gave him a bright, albeit weak smile. “Deal,” she replied, earning herself an eye roll and a laugh from the ghost. “Did you offer this level of service to your clients when you were alive?” 

“Nah,” he said with a smile, stroking a cold finger across her cheek and making her shiver. “Just you, kid. What can I say, I like the crazy ones.” 

In response, she smiled and tried to drift back off, but Hawthorne carefully shook her awake. “Nope, can’t let you do that just yet,” he said softly. “There’s some business you gotta handle first.”

Nia glowered at her friend. “What possible business could I need to handle when I’m barely alive and I don’t have any clothes on?”

He looked down at the blanket, then back up at her. “Ghost, remember? I can touch you, but…” 

Instantly, she realized what the pilot wasn’t saying and her eyes grew wide- if it wasn't Hawthorne that had been taking care of her, then that meant... “NO,” she hissed. “You did not-”

Hawthorne gave her an infuriating chuckle. “If you don’t calm down, you’re gonna do some damage to yourself,” he chided gently. “Besides, it wasn’t like I could stop him if I wanted to- it wasn’t like I invited the bastard to the party or anything.” 

“So,” she said, staring intently at the ghost as she realized a crucial piece of information, “how did you know we weren’t speaking, anyway?” She narrowed her eyes, and she could feel Hawthorne squirm uncomfortably. “Were you spying on me?”

He paused, but she just continued to stare- they both had the whole of eternity to sit like this, so she was more than happy to play the game until one of them folded or the galaxy imploded, whichever came first. “Fine,” he said wearily. “I wasn’t spying, per se- when I noticed you two gettin’ all comfy cozy with each other, I backed off, started checking out the sights for myself. But, when time stopped and I saw your preacher man speeding away like his ass was on fire, then yes, I did go spy.” 

Torn between wanting to yell at him for skulking about and curious to find out what Hawthorne discovered, Nia sighed and stared at the ceiling, her curiosity winning out over her anger. “So what did he do?”

“Nope,” he said, pointing at the door and shaking his head. “That asshole of yours is right outside- if you want to know that bad, be my guest.” 

Choosing not to comment on her relationship with Max for the moment, she chose another tactic. “But I’m naked,” Nia pouted, hoping the situation would give her a bit of leeway with the ghost. “I can hardly go outside like this, now can I?”

Hawthorne gave her a withering look. “Oh please, save that nonsense for someone who gives a fuck, Nia- besides, who do you think got you naked in the first place? Damn sure wasn’t me.”

“The raptidons,” she retorted, snuggling deeper in the blanket until only her eyes and nose were visible. “And they were damn efficient at it, too.” 

The ghost started to reply, but the words died away as he stared at her in amazement, shaking his head in disbelief. “You… are an irritating little shit sometimes, you know that?”

“It’s one of my more endearing qualities, yes,” Nia replied, moving her now fully-cocooned form against him. “So, now that we’ve established the fact that I’m not getting out of this bedroll until I find some clothing, how about you tell me what you discovered on your unsanctioned jaunt into my business, Alex?”

“And she doesn't listen worth a damn,” he muttered, adjusting his position and wrapping his arm around her. “Since you won’t go out there, I’ll bring him in. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been out there listening at the door, seeing as how he’s been a pain in my ass this entire time.”

“I don’t see why,” Nia huffed, turning away from the pilot. “He’s the one that left, remember? Why should he give a shit as to what happens to me?”

“Kid, it's like I told you before... humans are complicated,” Hawthorne replied. “And humans in love are even worse.”

“Then he should merely be complicated,” she replied firmly. “Though I know it’s stupid, especially in light of what happened, I fully admit I’m in love with him, but he most certainly is not in love with me. I should think his reaction after I told him the truth proves that.”

Hawthorne sighed and lay back on the ground next to her. “Now see, you gotta stop this, kid- Granted, I’m still wishing I had a body so I could kick his ass, but I gotta give the man credit where it’s due- hate to tell you this, but his reaction ain’t all that out of the ordinary, Nia.”

She let out a small huff, choosing to ignore the implications of his statement. “You didn’t treat me like that, Alex.” 

“Kinda hard not to believe you when your legs are stickin’ out underneath an escape pod,” he retorted. “Extenuating circumstances and all.” She rolled her eyes and he gave her another withering look. “And if you told me that you were centuries old and I didn’t know what I already knew, I would’ve lost my shit on you, too. Hell, I probably would’ve shot you, if we’re being honest.”

“Now why would you go and do something that?” Nia asked. “That would’ve only just pissed me off.”

“My point exactly,” Hawthorne replied. “But I wouldn’t have known that until I saw it with my own eyes. You’re judging a man based on the reactions of a ghost, Nia. Now I’ll fully admit that I don’t like him, which is even more the case now, but even I gotta admit, kid- you’re not being fair.” He turned over to her and tapped her on the nose, giving Nia a stern look. “And seeing as how even you admit that you love him, I think you might want to have a chat and assure the man that I’m not talking to your ghost or something. Considering all the crazy shit that goes on with you, that wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility, you know.”

Nia felt the truth of his words settling around her like another blanket and she frowned, staring at the door and wishing she could see what was on the other side of it. “May I ask you a question, Alex?” 

“You’re stalling, but I get it.” He ran a hand through her hair and Nia closed her eyes, wrapping her arm around him. “Shoot, kid- what’s on your mind?” 

“Why can’t Max be like you?” Nia wondered. “I can’t read your mind, but I know where I stand with you- I can feel it in my gut that you won’t hurt me, and I can see that you’ll do your damnedest to protect me, even though I don’t need it. You’ve seen all my crazy, but you haven’t left me yet. And before you protest,” she said, giving him a stern look, “you most certainly could have left me and moved on to whatever awaits you on the other side- I’m not keeping you here, Alex.” 

He looked at her, then let out a deep sigh. “You asked me to stay, remember? You said you needed me, so I’m here, simple as that,” he replied, looking away from her. “Plus, like I said, you’re the best friend I got in this galaxy… I’m not in the habit of having too many of those, so why would I leave?” Then he turned back and gave her a shaky smile as he poked her in the ribs. “Even if you are as crazy as a pack of marauders.”

Finally, Nia laughed, then rolled over and hugged him tightly. “So if you can be this wonderful, what’s wrong with him, Alex? Why can’t he be more like you?”

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead. “I can’t answer that question kid,” he said softly. “But I’ll bring him in here so you can ask him yourself.” 

_ _

* * *

Hawthorne went outside to get Max, but to his surprise, the man wasn’t sitting with his ear pressed against the door like he thought he’d be. Instead, he was nowhere to be found, which made the pilot curious and angry at the same time- didn’t he just spout off all this nonsense about wanting to be there for her, wanting to tell her how sorry he was? _For Law’s sake, how much of an asshole can one guy be,_ Hawthorne wondered as he scanned the area. Just as he was about to go back inside and tell Nia not to worry about Max’s smarmy ass, he heard a rustling nearby. _Shit_ , he thought as he headed toward the noise, grateful for once that no one could see him unless he wanted them to. _If this fucker has gone and gotten himself killed, I damn sure don’t want to be the one to tell her about it._

Tentatively, he peered inside the building, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw stained purple vestments hunched over a safe. Steadying himself, Hawthorne leaned against the door and watched Max for a moment before unnecessarily clearing his throat. “Find anything interesting?” 

The man sighed, not even bothering to turn around. “I’ve been looking for medicine and clothing,” he replied, gesturing to a small pile next to him. “I don’t know what would help, so I’ve just been gathering everything I can find.” He held up a small data cartridge, then frowned. “All I’ve seen so far are a bunch of personnel records.”

“Information is power, Preacher Man… take it with you.” When Max turned toward him, Hawthorne noticed the dark circles under his eyes and sighed. “Get your horde and follow me,” he told Max. “Time to stop stalling and fess up.” 

Max looked at him, eyes wide with shock. “She’s awake?”

“Awake and quite interested in getting dressed,” Hawthorne replied, staring past the expectant-looking man. “I’m sure that jumpsuit over there is gonna be her new favorite thing,” he joked, trying to cover up his frustration with the vicar. 

Max didn’t acknowledge his attempt at levity, choosing to stare at the ground instead. “I’m sure she doesn’t want to see me,” he said flatly. “Is there any way you could-”

“No,” Hawthorne said, cutting him off. “You fucked up, so you get to go and fix it. This whole thing is your fault, Max.” He gave the Vicar an icy stare. “I don't owe you shit- she’s my friend… not you.”

“I’m aware of that,” he said softly, rising to his feet. “I… I don’t know what to say to her- what if she doesn’t want to talk to me?”

“Then I imagine she’ll just stop time and leave once she takes those clothes from you,” Hawthorne replied, crossing his arms. “It's not like she hasn’t done it before.”

Max just up looked at him. “She has?” 

“All the time,” Hawthorne said with a smirk, relishing in Max's discomfort. “How’d you think she was always able to get away from you without you noticing? She’s a pro at shit like that.” 

“I… suppose I never thought about it,” Max admitted. “I just thought she was extremely stealthy.”

“She is, but she uses that little trick of hers to her advantage,” Hawthorne replied. “So if she’s still there when you look up, I’d say it’s a safe bet that she wants to hear from you.” 

“This isn’t normal,” Max replied, looking nervously around the room and taking a deep breath. “I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing here.”

“Easy… whatever you want,” Hawthorne replied. “I love the fact that seeing dead people didn’t make you lose your shit and you stuck around after hearing her story, but her stopping time is what did you in.” He gave a small scoff, then turned away. “You’re gonna handle the rest of this swimmingly, I bet.”

“There’s more?” Max squawked, his face going pale. “Law help me, I don’t know how much I can take!”

Hawthorne narrowed his eyes. “Fine. Leave her shit on the porch and get your ass out of here, then. I’ll have her make something up to everyone about how you decided that this mission was against your religion, that you decided joining up with the board was a better idea or anything else I can think of just to get you the fuck out of here.” Hawthorne crossed the room, staring the Vicar in the face. “Cause I’ll tell you one thing and you can take this shit as the _gospel_ of Alex Hawthorne… I don’t care what she thinks she might want, but I’m not letting you anywhere near her unless you’re all in. So you better make up your mind right fucking now, cause once you go back in that door you ain’t gettin’ the chance to back out again, DeSoto.”

He waited for what felt like an eternity, and for a moment Hawthorne was sure that Max was about to take him up on his exit strategy. He didn’t know how the girl would take him abandoning her a second time, but he knew that there was no benefit at all to allow him to come back and rip her apart again. _Better to let him go now_ , he thought sadly. T _hen maybe she can get over him and get back to her mission._

_And maybe you’ll have a shot?_

Hawthorne brushed this thought away and breathed an inward sigh of relief when Max lowered his head. “All right.”

“All right what? I ain’t her- I don’t read minds.” Max snapped his head up again, but Hawthorne gave a low chuckle. “Don’t panic, she can’t do it to me and you. Not sure why- don’t think she knows, either. Whatever the reason, I’m kinda glad,” he said as he ran his hands through his hair before shoving them in his pockets. “I don’t know how I’d feel about her being inside this trash bin of mine.”

“You and me both,” Max agreed. “But I suppose I’ve stalled long enough… I need to see her.”

“That you do,” Hawthorne replied. “Go, talk to her- I’ll sit out here and keep watch.”

Max gave a curt nod as he headed out the door, leaving Hawthorne alone with the sound of the wind and a mess of conflicting thoughts. 

_ _

* * *

She didn’t look at him when he entered the room, choosing to stare at the ceiling instead. “I… brought you some clothes,” Max said quietly, looking at the woman huddled underneath the mass of blankets. “Would you like me to bring them to you?”

There was no answer, only silence. 

“I just grabbed whatever I could find,” he babbled, desperate for anything to fill this unnatural silence between them. Even when she was irritated with him, Nia had never been this quiet. Max started to wonder if time had stopped around them, but then he saw the movement in the trees outside and that thought instantly vanished. “I hope they fit, but if they don’t, I’m happy to go look for something else.”

_Silence._

Max waited for her to yell at him, scream in rage, or even throw something at him, but Nia never moved. Before, he thought her wrath would be bad, but this silence was _terrifying_. He’d been scared of all the things that she might be able to do to him, but he was slowly starting to learn that the worst feeling was her treating him like he was nothing… nothing at all.

 _Like I don’t even matter_ , he thought sadly. _Just like she used to think about herself._

Sighing, he took a tentative step closer, noticing that she shifted slightly in her blankets but remained quiet. “I had to get you out of those clothes,” he said quietly. “They had acid on them- I know that had to hurt.”

“I’ve felt worse,” she said flatly, not looking at him as she rolled on her side, exposing the small of her back to him. “Thank you for the clothes, but you can go.” 

Max reeled on his feet as if he’d been slapped- her emotionless words felt like tiny daggers digging into his skin, and he could tell she had put a command in them. He'd never thought about her ability before, but now he could feel every cell in his body was screaming at him to turn around and walk out the door, and he shuddered. “You’re trying to send me away,” he whispered. “I can feel it.”

“Perceptive,” she replied, still not looking at him. “Once again, you can go, Vicar DeSoto.”

The use of his title was a distinct insult- he could tell that she was using the formality to increase the sense of distance between them, but Max closed his eyes to fight against the sensations she was sending in his direction. “No, I can’t,” he said, carefully sitting next to her. “You told me that you can’t make someone do what they don’t want to do… and I don’t want to leave.”

Finally, she rolled over and looked at him, hugging the blanket in front of her chest and glaring at him with the rage and hatred he had expected to see. “Oh, _now_ you don’t want to leave? _Fine!_ ” He could feel the world go eerily silent around them, bringing back that same uneasy sensation he'd felt when they were in Fallbrook. “Does _this_ make it easier? Is there anything else I can do to coax you along on your _path_ , Maximillian?”

Max closed his eyes, knowing he deserved every bit of this from her. “I’m not leaving,” he said softly. “I’ve already made that mistake once- I’m not doing it again.” 

“Then you don’t listen,” she spat. “Because I told you that people shouldn’t be between moments too long.” Her skin was ashen and littered with small cuts, but she was still beautiful to him, and he longed to touch her again. “Just tell me you’ll leave and I’ll release time,” she hissed. 

“I can’t do that,” he replied. “If I could have you rewind it so I never left, I would,” he answered honestly, raising his hand to touch her and lowering it at the last minute. “So if staying between the moments is the only way I can be with you, then so be it.” 

Her expression faltered for a moment before resettling into its hard mask, and Max felt a flutter of hope beat in his chest. “You stay here too long and you’ll get ill, Vicar. You need to leave- I don’t want to be responsible for that.”

Max no longer cared if she got angry- he’d be damned if he didn’t try to hold her in his arms one last time. “I accept the consequences,” he replied, reaching out to lightly touch her arm with his hand. The feel of her skin under his fingertips made him shiver, and when she relaxed into his touch he felt like he was holding a live wire. “If it means I get to be with you again, even for a little while, it will have been worth it.”

“Pretty words,” she replied, her voice wavering. “But I’m afraid I don’t need them anymore, so you can save them for someone else, Vicar.” 

“That would be hard,” Max said as he leaned over and brought his hand against her cheek before threading it through her wild curls. “Because there isn’t anyone else I’d say them to, and you know it.” 

“Just go,” she pleaded. “There’s no need to blame yourself- I should never have told you something like this.” She closed her eyes and tried to move away but he held her tight, forcing her to stay where she was. “It’s okay, I promise- you don't owe me anything.” 

“Is it?” Max asked, hoping that she wouldn’t prove him wrong and disappear beneath his fingertips. Slowly, he leaned closer, gently placing his arm around her. “If I have to spend the rest of my days telling you how sorry I am, then that’s what I’ll do.” Tentatively, he rested his head against hers and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, then let out a soft sigh of relief when she didn’t pull away. “I know you have no reason to believe me,” Max said, “but I meant what I said, Nia.” 

Suddenly, it was as if all the air came rushing back into the room, and he felt light-headed at the shift. “Don’t,” she said quickly, her voice quaking. “Please don’t do that… not now.” 

“Fair enough,” he replied. He was grateful that she was still there, but knowing how hurt she was made his heart twist in his chest. “What can I do, Nia?” Max asked. “How can I make this up to you?” 

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I told you something I’ve never told another living soul and you tossed me aside- that hurt, Max.”

Hearing the sound of his name on her lips again made him lose the little control he had- without a second thought, he brought his lips to hers, making her give a small squeak of surprise before she relaxed a little, parting her mouth to allow him entrance. As soon as she did, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was it- he was done for. _Irrevocably hers,_ he thought. _She’s my plan_.

As he reluctantly pulled away from her, Max closed his eyes and tried to steady himself against the current that was carrying him along. “I have to tell you everything,” he whispered, running his hands over the smooth skin of her back. “I love you too much to hide anything anymore.”

“I told you not to do that,” she said sadly, closing her eyes. “We could have just left with a wonderful memory- you didn’t have to try to make it more, Max.”

“But it is more,” he replied as he pulled her closer to him. “When I thought you were gone-” he blew out a shaky breath, closing his eyes and pressing his lips together before continuing. “- I knew. Wait, that’s not right,” he said, shaking his head. “I knew even while I was running away. I was terrified, not just by what you told me, but about how I felt and what that meant. It was cowardly and stupid and-” 

She stopped him, placing a chilly finger on his lips. “Shhh,” she said, giving him a sad smile. “You don’t have to do that, Max.” 

“But I do,” he said quickly, his eyes frantically searching her face. “Nia Alexandra Hawthorne, I love you,” Max said, noticing the way her deep green eyes widened in response. “I did the stupidest thing I’ve ever done when I left you back there, and I’m going to spend the rest of my days making that up to you. I don’t care what you were, where you came from, or what you can do- all I care about is you with me, right here and right now. I don’t care if you tell me that you can sprout wings and fly- I’ll just laugh and ask that you carry me with you when you go.” 

“Max-”

He cut her off. “I’m sorry that I’m a hotheaded old man who didn’t know that he was holding a miracle in his hands,” he stammered, desperate for her to stay with him. “I don’t care how many lives you’ve lived- just… let me spend this one with you? Please… give me the chance to show you that I’m going to stand by you, no matter what.” 

“Max-”

“Please don’t leave,” he begged, cradling her head in his hands and placing soft kisses across her cheeks. “I know there’s a myriad of things I don’t know… I know I don’t deserve you.” He closed his eyes, his shame welling up as he prepared to confess- he didn’t want to give her any reason not to trust him ever again. “I had motives coming to Fallbrook,” he said quickly. “I told you it was for a translator, but that wasn’t it,” he said in a rush. “I came to find a man... and take out my frustrations on him. That journal was the key to everything, the means to decipher a feeling that I’ve been chasing for years. Chaney told me where I could find it, but when it was in a language I couldn’t read…” Max blew out a deep breath and looked down as he gave an exasperated sigh. “I was furious- I wanted his head on a plate. So, I lied to you… I said I was looking for a translator, but I was looking for him.” 

Nia started to open her mouth again, so he looked up and quickly continued. “When I left you, I went to find Chaney, to take out all my frustrations from us out on him.” When she gave him a horrified look, his eyes widened. “No! I will admit, we got into an altercation, but Hawthorne stopped me from doing something I’d regret- he said you wouldn’t want that for me. So-” 

Suddenly, Nia reached up, clapping her hands to his mouth. “Maximillian DeSoto, for the love of God, would you _please_ shut up!” 

“Huh?” Max said, blinking at her in surprise. “Nia-”

“No,” she said firmly, taking his hands in hers. “I’m naked and I’m bloody freezing while you’re over here giving confession- granted, I want to hear every bit of your life story, but I have eternity, Max. Trust me, I can wait.” 

He started to say something, but he realized she was right and he gave her a sheepish grin, trying to fight the blush creeping up his cheeks. “My apologies,” he stammered. “I only wanted to-”

She pressed a finger to his lips, effectively silencing him. “Max, please think for a moment- right now we’re alone, I’m completely undressed, and I’m willing to forgive you.” She paused, her eyes finally warm again and he felt that blush in full bloom across his face. “So, is telling me this story really how you want to spend your time right now?”

“No,” he said as he pulled her toward him, relief flooding through his veins from her words. “It most certainly is not, Miss Hawthorne.”


	9. Let's stay together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia and Max are finally alone, but Max has to come to terms with the fact that he may not get everything he wants.
> 
> NSFW, finally!!!!
> 
> If you don't want to read the smutty part, then skip to the Hawthorne header and dive back into the story from there.

_ _

* * *

Max looked at Nia, his eyes widening as she slid the blanket down off her shoulders. When he started to blush, she let out a light laugh and traced a hand along his cheek. “Didn’t I tell you that you’d be getting me naked soon enough?”

Despite his nerves, he chuckled. “So you did,” he said, closing his eyes and leaning into her touch. “Were you predicting our future then?” 

“I can't seem to do that,” she said softly, running her fingers along the side of his throat and making his pulse race with each stroke. “You’ve always been a mystery to me, Maximillan DeSoto.” 

“The feeling is mutual- even if I had all the time in the world, I don’t think I could solve you,” he replied as he fumbled with his vestments. As his fingers nervously fiddled with the buttons, he gave an exasperated sigh. “I don’t suppose you have the power to make these damnable clothes of mine disappear, do you?” 

“All I can do here is ask you nicely,” she said, moving her fingers along and deftly undoing the clasps that held his garment in place. As she worked, Max tried his best not to let his gaze linger on her chest while his heart threatened to break free from his. “I’m curious why you’re trying so hard not to look,” she teased. “It isn’t like you haven’t seen it already.” She gave a small laugh as she finished with the last button and slid his vestments off his shoulders. “I swear, the only man on that ship that hasn’t seen me naked at this point is Felix- should I just cut to the chase and flash the poor boy?”

“Only if you want me to murder him,” Max growled, his shyness forgotten as he lifted his undershirt over his head and pulled her closer to him. “This,” he murmured, running a finger between her breasts, “is for me. No one else.” Max leaned over, placing a soft kiss on the junction between her neck and collarbone. “I want to be the last man to touch you like this, Nia.”

She closed her eyes and smiled, saying nothing as she reached down and undid his belt buckle. Growing nervous at her lack of response, he reluctantly placed his hands on hers, stopping her movements. He wanted this more than anything- at this point, the growing bulge in his pants had to be a large clue to that fact, so he knew that she understood his desire. However, he needed to hear her say it- after his massive fuck-up, he wouldn’t put it past her to have a bit of fun with him before leaving him for parts unknown. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Nia.”

“I’m thinking that these pants are in the way,” she said simply. “And that you’re stopping me from solving that problem.” She wiggled a hand free and slid it between his legs, making his eyes roll back in his head as he stifled a moan. “Though it seems to me like you’re eager for me to offer a solution.” 

He bit his lip as she continued to rub his crotch, making him stiffen even more with each touch- unable to take any more, Max hurriedly grabbed her wrist, feeling an acute sense of loss when he moved her hand away. “You have no idea how badly I want you,” he admitted, struggling to keep his breathing in check as he looked at her, his heart racing at the lust simmering in her expression. “But I’m serious- what do you think this is going to be?”

“Unless things have changed since the last time I had a real body, I would assume it’s sex,” she said with a laugh. “And judging from some of our previous encounters, I’d hope it would be good sex.” Unnerved by her flippancy, Max frowned, giving Nia pause. “But judging by your expression, I don’t believe that was the answer you were looking for, was it?”

He let out a sigh, then released her wrists and pulled her to him, feeling the heat of her skin against his. “No, darling, it was not.” 

“Then tell me… we’ve established that I can’t read your mind, though I think I’d give anything to be able to do so.” Leaning up, she placed a soft kiss on his lips as she hooked her arms under his. “What do you want to know?” He started to say something but Nia held up a finger, her eyes roaming his face in search of an answer. “And no lies, Max- from this point on, we’re done with those.” 

When he didn’t respond, she gave a soft laugh as she ran her hands up and down his spine. “If you keep this up, I’m going to have to unlock you, my love.”

“That,” he said hoarsely, “is the problem, right there.” When she gave him a confused look, Max closed his eyes, trying to make sense of all the feelings tangling in his head. “You’ve gone from hating me to wanting to give yourself to me in the span of a few minutes, and from never wanting to see me again to loving me in practically the same breath. How do I know that this-” he leaned over and kissed her forehead, running his finger along her cheek and tilting her face to his, “isn’t just you getting even with me for my transgressions? How do I know you aren’t going to leave as soon as we do something that’s going to make it terrible for me to live without you?”

Nia looked thoughtful for a moment. “I didn’t take this for being your first time, Max- are priests still bound by those laws nowadays? I thought society would’ve learned its lessons already.” 

Despite his warring emotions, Max’s pride kicked in and he looked at her, aghast. “No, it is _not_ my first time, Miss Hawthorne, and no, I do not have ‘restrictions’ on the pleasure I can seek, just as long as it doesn’t get in the way of my duties.” He swallowed, then pressed his face to her neck, inhaling that scent that was uniquely her, now mixed with the heady scent of arousal. “But this… _us_ … what we have together is different, or I think it is, at least.” He raised his head, staring and willing her to see what he was trying to say. “I don’t want this to be a one-time thing, Nia.” 

“Well, that’s easy enough,” she said lightly. “We can go as many times as you like- I’ve got no qualms with that, trust me.” Max groaned at her response, resting his head on her forehead and sighed- when he did, Nia’s brows knitted together before she nodded knowingly. “But that’s not what you meant either, was it?” 

“I want you,” he said before she could say another word. “I want you while we’re on this madcap adventure and I want you after that.” Max took a deep breath, then continued. “I want to be the last man that holds you like this, the one you see when you wake up in the morning and the one you see before you fall asleep at night. I want to be around when these curls turn from purple to grey, and I want to spend the rest of my days showing you just how much I love you.” 

Max looked at Nia to gauge her emotions but she was silent, simply waiting for him to continue. “This was never going to be just sex... and you know it,” he said quietly. “You know that when I’m in your arms I’m home, and if you take me in and cast me out, I’m going to feel like I’ve been given eternity just to have it snatched away at the last minute.” He closed his eyes and spoke the truth he didn’t want to admit. “And as much as I love you, I’m too selfish to let you go once I’ve had you.” 

Nia looked at him, then gave him a sad smile. “I promised I wouldn't lie to you,” she said softly. “When I say I love you, please know that I mean it with all my heart, Max- I’ve known you were the one ever since that first night on the ship. But,” she said as she ran her hands through his hair, “you have to remember that I’m not bound by the same rules you are. I don’t have an ‘after’ here, Max- there’s only a mission that I’m here to complete. And when that finishes, I’m going to have to go onto the next one, no matter how much I love you.” She pressed a kiss to his ear, her breath warm against his skin and making him feel as if his skin could burst into flames. “So in answer to your question, I can say that you’d be the last man I’d have like this, but it wouldn’t be the truth you wanted- it’d be a half-truth, a wonderful dream that could deny you the chance to live a purposeful life. I love you too much to lie to you, Max.”

“Then make it true,” he replied, pulling her to him and kissing her. Max heard what she was saying, understood it even, but accepting it was out of the question to him. He knew in his soul that with her was where he was supposed to be, and he could tell that she knew it too. “This,” he said, nipping her gently on her shoulder, “is where you’re meant to be.” He looked up, locking eyes with her. “And you know I’m right- that’s why it felt so wrong leaving you, and it’s why you don’t want me to leave even when you don't want me to stay.” 

Nia let out a deep sigh, running her hands along his exposed back. “There’s something I’m missing,” she admitted. “There’s a block in my brain where I’ve hidden something from myself, and I don’t want you to get hurt when I find out what it is, Max.” 

“So we’ll learn what it is together,” he said firmly. When she turned away, he brushed his lips against her ear and closed his eyes. “Just say yes, Nia… say you’ll be mine.”

“I’m already yours,” she replied. “But I also know that I have a duty,” she whispered, turning to press her lips into his hair. “Just let me have you, please… All I want, for once in my life, is to know what it feels like to love someone who loves you in return. And I know it’s horribly selfish and unfair of me, but I want you to give me that, Max. And if I live a thousand more years and never get this chance again, I’ll be happy knowing that I got to learn what that feels like with you.” 

“Okay,” Max whispered, knowing that he wasn’t going to win this argument right now. Instead of pushing, he’d wait and help her find out what it was she needed to know- once she realized that he’d follow her to every moon in the galaxy and back without question, he’d ask her again. And when she finished saving the world, he’d show her that he’d be the one to give her everything she ever wanted for the rest of her days. “Then, for now, we’ll just say that for as long as you’re here, I’m yours and you’re mine.” 

When she nodded, he smiled and brought her in for a deep kiss, threading his hands in her hair and groaning as he felt her arch her body against his. “Do you want this, love?” Max asked, rolling his hips against hers as she tossed her head back, the new position allowing him to place soft kisses on her breastbone. As she inhaled, Max watched her chest rise, making him ache to take her breasts in his mouth and see if they tasted as sweet as her lips. “Last chance…”

“Yes!” Nia gasped as he gave in to his urges, taking her nipple in his mouth and tracing the ridges with his tongue, groaning as her hands dug into the small of his back. “I’m yours, Max. As long as I’m here, there is no one else but you.” 

Smiling at her confession, Max vowed that he would do everything in his power to keep it that way. “That’s good,” he murmured, moving his head over to the other side as his hand crept lower. “Because I must warn you, I’m not willing to share.” He trailed a finger down her warm skin, tracing patterns around her inner thighs. “As I said, I want to be the only man who touches you like this.” He took her other breast in his mouth, sweeping his tongue across her hard peak at the same time he dipped a finger between her folds. 

As soon as he felt the warmth and wetness around his finger, he saw her hands fly to her mouth and his lips turned up into a satisfied smile. “No,” he said, raising his head and moving his free hand to pull hers away from her mouth. “I want all of you, Nia. If you’re insisting that you have to leave me, then I need to hear every single moan that tumbles from your lips so I can remember it for the rest of my days.” He reached in deeper, flicking that sensitive bud with his fingertip and sucking on the side of her neck as he took her hands, gently pinning them above her head. “Can you give me that?” 

He didn’t give her the chance to answer- instead, he added another finger, alternating between rolling her pearl between his fingertips and moving in and out of her, watching with hunger as she started to moan and writhe under his touch. By now, Max was torn- he wanted nothing more than to be out of all of his clothes and inside her, but he was enjoying the sight of her being rendered speechless by his touch. “Will you remember this?” Max asked, adding another finger and hooking it inside of her, watching intently as she gasped at the sensation. “Will you remember the way your body aches for me to satisfy it, the way it feels when I touch you?” 

“For as long as I live,” she breathed, her voice ragged. “Max, please- I need more.”

“Then stay,” he murmured. “Stay and have this... along with anything else you could dream of.” 

“You aren’t being fair,” she moaned, tossing her head back as he quickened his ministrations. Max had to use his free hand to cradle her head in his hands because he was scared she was going to throw her head against the floor and brain herself. “I’ve already told you-“

He pressed his mouth to hers, effectively cutting her off- he wanted to argue with her, but he knew anything more would just make her resist. Instead, he lowered his head to taste her, trying his best to tell her without words what he knew she wouldn’t want to hear him say. “Just let me show you,” he murmured as he placed soft kisses down her body, moaning when he felt the wetness hit his tongue. 

To his surprise, she didn’t fight him- instead, she melted into the floor and clutched at him like he was the air she needed to breathe. He couldn’t help but smile when he took that small pearl in his mouth and felt her tense up, her hands hovering over him before he felt the sting of her nails digging into his back- he knew he’d have marks from this, but he didn’t care. _Do what you want,_ he thought as he lavished her with his tongue, relishing the sensation of her entire body tightening around him. _Take what you need to show them I’m yours._

As if he’d spoken aloud, Nia let out a loud cry as she exploded beneath his lips, making him groan with pleasure as he delighted in pushing her to the brink. “I want to stay like this with you,” he murmured, raising his head to hers as he tried to disentangle himself from his pants without breaking contact with her. It wasn’t working too well, but she was too lost in the aftershocks to notice the pain of the absence he was feeling quite keenly.

Finally free of his trousers, he pulled her next to him, her body flush against his and slick with sweat. He was completely free and pressed against her ass, and Max wanted nothing more than to thrust her onto him, feel the heat of her all around him, and then-

The thought of “and then” made him feel as if a bucket of cold water had been splashed over his head and Max groaned, burying his face in her shoulder. “Well, this was ill-advised,” he muttered irritably, his cock twitching against her and raging at being denied the relief he sought. “It appears that I am missing something vitally important for these procedures.”

Finally able to speak again, Nia just let out a laugh, snaking a hand behind his head and running it through his sweaty hair. “I think,” she said gently, “that you’re overthinking this, Max.” 

It was his turn to chuckle, pulling her against him and tracing his fingers along the edges of her body. “I’ve not done this in quite some time, but I do still remember how things work, darling.” Unable to resist, he cupped one of her breasts in his hand, making her arch against him and making his body howl in protest. “If you please, I’d prefer to not worry about our future children when we’re dodging marauders and vicious animals.”

Nia turned to look at him, a smirk playing across her lips. “You really aren’t going to let this go, are you?” 

“I’m stubborn,” he replied, running his hands lower and lower, then curling his fingers between her legs. “I’ve already told you that I wasn’t willing to make the same mistake twice, love.” He shook his head, then brought his lips to hers with a smile. “I’ve already felt what it would be like not having you with me- it’s not a feeling I wish to repeat.”

“Heavy words from a Vicar,” she teased, reaching between them and running her hand up and down his length. Max drew in a ragged breath at her touch, trying to not let himself lose what little self-control he had and bury himself inside her right then, but she was making it so damn difficult that he could barely think straight. “Trust me, if it makes you feel any better, I can safely say that you and I won’t be bringing any children into the world tonight, which is a discussion for another time,” she said lightly, rolling over to face him.

"It does and it doesn't," Max murmured. "But right now, I have more pressing things on my mind."

“I would agree, seeing as I have a limited amount of time left before we simply must get some sleep- plus, there’s a gorgeous man with me that I desperately want to bed, so...” Nia looked down at him as she took his cock in her hand, gripping him and sliding her hand up and down in a way that made his eyes roll in the back of his head. “Weren't you planning on showing me how I was yours tonight, Max?”

“Funny,” he replied, grabbing her leg and draping it over his hip as he rolled over, bringing her to rest on top of him. She gasped, and the visual of her straddling his thighs combined with the heat between her legs was too much for Max to resist- without a second thought, he anxiously raised her hips to position her body above him. “I thought you were mine always,” he murmured as he pulled her down onto his shaft, almost making him pass out from sheer pleasure as he found himself inside her. 

Though it unnerved him before, now Max wished that she would make time stop- he wanted to keep her just like this. At this moment, there was no one else in the world but them, lost in each other, her giving herself to him and him receiving her fully. He felt like a planet orbiting a sun- every time she would rise, he would pull her back down, desperate for the feel of her body on his, the warmth and wetness of her making his head spin with ecstasy. Unable to take lying down any longer, he sat up and wrapped her legs around his waist, pressing his chest against hers as he cupped her ass in his hands, shifting her towards him in a pulse-pounding rhythm that was matched only by their frenzied moans. 

Gasping at the punishing pace, Max could feel her climax building around him, and the warmth and pressure of her climax quickly sent him over the edge with her. That same fire he felt in his veins when he was angry was now spreading throughout his body, but this time it was rage at the thought of being separated- as he found his release, Max realized that this was where he belonged, and he wasn’t leaving her side without the fight to end all fights. 

As he collapsed against Nia, his body completely spent and slick with sweat, Max sighed contentedly as she snuggled against him, both awash in the afterglow of orgasm. _I don’t know why,_ _but I feel like I’m finally awake after being trapped in a dream,_ Max thought as he smoothed her tangled hair away from her face, absentmindedly twirling the strands around his fingers. He started to say something about it, but the sounds of light snoring stopped him. Looking down, Max noticed that Nia had already passed out, one arm draped over his chest and holding him close, and Max smiled at the vision of the tiny woman next to him, wondering what in the world he had done to deserve something like this.

 _We should stay like this forever,_ he thought as he placed a kiss on her forehead, being careful not to wake her up. _When you’re with me, I’m home._

_ _

* * *

Hawthorne was not in a good mood. 

It started when the three of them headed back into Stellar Bay and he noticed Nia and Max staring at each other like a couple of lovestruck teenagers. The pilot found himself even more irritated when the doctor started teasing about them getting up to something while the rest of them were out and about, but he tried to ignore it when the Vicar just kissed Nia instead of responding. His anger reached a crescendo when Sanjay asked Nia if he minded assisting him with a plan and Max wrapped an arm around the girl, whispering something in her ear that made her chuckle. But, Hawthorne had a limit, and he hit it when the crew had all gathered on the ship, sitting around the table and making plans to find the information broker. The pink-haired girl asked Max if he made it a habit to get this cozy with the crew, only for the Vicar to remark that his affections were reserved for Nia and Nia alone, kissing her hand while she gave him a megawatt smile. 

In a rage, the ghost swiped the dishes off the table, causing the crew to jump from their seats as he stormed off to the cockpit. _If she wants to act like a law-forsaken fool, fine,_ he fumed. _But I can't deal with this level of stupidity anymore._

As he sat in the seat and raged silently, the door slowly slid open and Nia entered, walking up to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Alex, what’s going on with you? I know that show back there was your doing.”

Without looking back, he yanked her hand off him. “Get your fucking hand off me,” he snarled.

The room went quiet for a moment, but he could tell she hadn’t left. “Alex,” she said slowly, “talk to me.”

“I’m done talking,” he replied tersely, shrugging roughly and turning away from her. “I’ve said all I have to say.” 

“Really?” Nia asked sarcastically. “Seems to me you’ve got a lot of stuff to say, considering you just sideswiped our dinner back there.” She moved in front of him before sitting in his lap, placing an arm around his waist. “Talk to me, Alex.”

Hawthorne felt like his insides were on fire- desperate to maintain control, he squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. Part of him wanted to shove Nia off of him, but the other part wanted to wrap his arms around her waist. In the end, the need for touch and companionship won out, and he encircled her in his arms, leaning his head against her chest and feeling the sensation of her heart beating beneath his cheek. “You gotta go, kid- I need to be alone for a minute,” he whispered. 

“You’re being odd,” she said, placing a kiss on his forehead. Hawthorne felt a cry of anguish welling up in his chest and he closed his eyes and tried to stifle it. “This isn’t the Alex I know,” she teased, stroking his hair. “So tell me, what’s got you in such a snit?”

“You gotta go,” he repeated quietly, gathering his resolve and gently guiding her out of his lap. “This… you… me… I can’t do this right now, kid.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Nia said, staring at him curiously as he stood her up, carefully holding her an arm's length away from him. “What’s going on with you, Alex?”

“Way too much,” he admitted. “I don’t want to fuck this up, kid, and I’m well on my way to lighting this bridge on fire with a blowtorch,” he admitted, unable to bring himself to look at her. “Go back to your Vicar,” he said huskily, choosing to place a single kiss on her hand. “We’ll talk another time.” 

“If I wanted to talk to Max, I would’ve done that already,” she said quietly, wrapping her tiny arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. “I came to talk to my best friend." She sighed, rubbing her hands up and down his back, making Hawthorne want to throw himself off the ship. "Won't you please tell me what's wrong? If you do, maybe I can fix it.” 

He could feel the angry words desperate to escape his throat, but the pilot knew they were hollow- he could lash out at her, but deep down, he knew it wouldn't be fair. Instead, he closed his eyes and sighed, allowing himself to rest his head against hers and indulge in the scent of apples and cinnamon wafting off her. “I wish I were still alive,” he whispered. “If I was, I don’t think I’d be in this mess right now,” he admitted. 

She sighed, squeezing him tighter. “I wish you were, too,” she said. “I’d much rather be out there with you by my side- at least then when I died, I’d be entertained before I expired.” Reflexively he chuckled, earning him a kiss on the top of his head. "I miss you," she whispered. "Not having you with me hurts, Alex- please, talk to me."

He gave a soft snort, wishing he could tell her the truth but knowing it wouldn’t do either of them a bit of good- he was dead and she wasn’t, so anything he wanted at this point was irrelevant. “Go to Max, kid,” he said softly, running his cold fingers through her hair and pressing a kiss to her ear. “You know he’s waiting for you.” 

Raising her head, she stared at him with concern. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“Positive.”


	10. What if's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia and Hawthorne have it out over his attitude lately

_ _

* * *

Still unnerved by Hawthorne’s lack of communication, Nia untangled herself from a softly snoring Max and padded softly toward the kitchen, only to be greeted by the doctor sitting in a chair and sipping a beverage. When Ellie saw Nia, she raised her eyebrows over her mug and stared at her. “Evening, Cap’n… what’s got you out so late?” 

Nia shrugged her shoulders. “Couldn’t sleep, so I decided to make a drink for myself and watch the universe go by. You?”

“Funny thing, that,” Ellie said, placing the cup down and staring at her. “You got a moment to chat with me?” Instantly, Nia got a tingling in the pit of her stomach that warned her something big was about to go down, so she sat on the edge of the table, silently checking over the threads of the doctor. Sure enough, she was right- the woman’s threads all pointed right back to her, making her want to turn tail and head back to bed. _I'm not in the mood for this,_ she thought wearily. _But when has what I wanted ever made a lick of difference out here?_

“Before you start,” Nia said, holding up a finger, “let me get a drink. I'm getting the feeling that this is going to be a conversation I might want to have liquor for.” 

“Sound plan,” Ellie replied, resting back in her chair. “Probably should bring that bottle over here while you’re at it- might be more useful that way.” 

“Seems like this might be a bit serious,” Nia said softly, grabbing the bottle of vodka and a glass before heading back to the table. “Care to share what brought this on?”

“Well,” Ellie said thoughtfully, a finger resting softly against her lips as she stared up at the ceiling. “It’s a few things, actually. Like how things always tend to go your way… or how a certain asshole Vicar turns as sweet as sugar when you’re around… or how you never quite seem to have a wrong answer for someone.” Now the woman was giving Nia the full extent of her attention, and Nia groaned silently while the woman stared at her intently. “Got any guesses as to why that is, Cap’n?”

If she were honest with herself, Nia knew that Ellie was likely going to be the one that would figure out something wasn’t right about her. Granted, if Nyoka could stay sober long enough she might have cottoned on to it as well, but the woman was often happy in her cups- as long as she was a straight shot, Nia was more than happy to keep her that way. Felix and Parvati were too naive and innocent to even suspect her motives, but Ellie… that woman was a shark. She knew that Ellie didn’t survive leading the life she did by not paying attention, but Nia had hoped she could make it through the whole endeavor without having this conversation- she didn’t want her running for the hills before she finished what she had to do. “Truth is a funny thing,” she told the woman carefully as she poured her drink and looked Ellie in the eye. “Sure you want to know it?” 

Undaunted, the doctor took a sip of her drink. “You sure you want to tell it?” Ellie asked. “We ain’t exactly the type to sit around together and braid each other’s hair, Cap’n.”

Now Nia knew she was being fucked with, and a grin a mile wide spread across her face. “It wouldn’t matter one way or the other, would it? All that’s going to happen if I don’t tell you is that you’re going to try and ambush Max, so why not just cut out the middleman? If I tell you now, we can leave Max out of this, right?” 

Ellie gave an almost imperceptible nod of her head, her lips turning up slightly with approval as she reached for the bottle on the table. “And there you go, doing that thing you do, Cap’n. I can read the room in almost every situation, but you have all the angles covered... all the time. So,” she said, leaning in closer to Nia, “what’s your deal, lady?”

Nia paused, thinking about her answer for a moment. _Tell her what she needs to know,_ she thought. _Just answer the questions she asked- no need to go into any more than that._ Checking the threads and seeing the path she needed to take with the young doctor, Nia just shook her head and smiled as she sipped her drink. “It won’t matter,” she said amicably. “It’s not like you’ll believe me, anyway.”

“Does Vicky believe you?” 

Nia’s eyes widened slightly, realizing that once again, she’d skipped to the end and missed the middle, allowing the doctor to surprise her. “Not at first,” she admitted. “It took him a while.” 

“But,” Ellie said carefully, tracing the rim of her glass with a fingertip, “that rigid asshole believes something that isn’t part of his precious plan, right?” 

“Not exactly,” she said with a smile. “I’m sure he thinks it's all some far-flung part of a cosmic plan somehow… but I haven’t the heart or inclination to correct him.”

Ellie leaned forward and pointed at her, drink still in hand. “But he believes you,” she pointed out. “Was this before or after you fucked him?” 

Taken aback by the question but understanding the motive, Nia raised an eyebrow before responding. “Not that it’s any of your business… but before. We wouldn’t have gotten that far otherwise.” 

Satisfied with the answer, the doctor leaned back in the chair, sitting her cup on the table again. “Then I’m ready to hear what you got, Cap’n. Lay it on me,” she said, extending her arms wide. “What’s the tale of the great Nia Hawthorne?”

 _You asked for it_ , Nia thought, sipping her drink. “Except for Max, I can see the decisions people will make. Possible futures, if you will. Coupled with the fact that I can persuade almost anyone to do almost anything I want them to, it makes a lot of my job out here a boatload easier… don’t you agree?”

Stunned into silence, the young woman just blinked at her for a moment. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” 

“As a heart attack,” Nia agreed, staring at Ellie without blinking. This conversation was akin to a game of chicken, and Nia had no plans on backing down since she knew she couldn’t afford to lose. “Unlike you, I don’t make a habit of lying to my crew, Ellie.” Then she put a finger to her lips and stared up at the ceiling before looking back at her. “Though I don’t suppose you can call it lying since you never did say you weren’t a rich girl on the run, right?” She brought her eyes back to the woman, who was now staring at her without an ounce of expression on her face. “Oh… I can read some of your thoughts, in case you were wondering. But, since I find it quite rude to rummage through people’s minds, I tend not to do it.”

“Shit,” was Ellie’s only response as she got up and headed to the sink, looking slightly off-kilter. “I thought you were going to tell me you had some mind-control doo-hickey that you were secretly using on folks- I was gonna see if I could blackmail you for it. This…” she turned to look at Nia, her hands resting against the basin, “... was not what I expected you to tell me.”

“To be fair, no one ever expects it,” she replied. “Though I’ve only told one other living soul, so I suppose I don’t have an accurate baseline to measure that against.” Then she felt the threads shifting, and she focused on the woman. “You’ve got some thoughts swirling around that head of yours,” she said carefully. “Would you like to talk about it?”

Ellie gave her a wry smile. “Thought you were the mind reader, Cap’n… you tell me.”

Nia laughed as she finished her drink, rising from the chair to put the empty glass away. “And I told you, I find it distasteful to do it unless I need the information. I prefer people to tell me what I want to know.” She put her glass away and stood next to the doctor, careful to keep a respectful distance from the woman. “So, I’ll ask again… would you like to ask your question?” 

For a moment, Nia wasn’t sure if Ellie was going to say anything, but then she closed her eyes. “What can you tell me about my parents?” 

Nia thought about it for a moment, then stared straight ahead, not looking at the doctor. “Are you sure you want the answer to that question, Ellie?”

“The only time someone says something like that is when they think you ain’t gonna like the answer,” she replied, walking over to the bottle of vodka and taking a swig directly from it. “So, out with it… what’s the plan got in store for me and those bastards?” 

“The plan is a myth, Ellie… there are just myriads of choices and their various consequences.” She went back to her chair, straddling the back of it to stare at the woman. “I can tell you that you’ve got business in Fallbrook you should handle before we leave,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “Seems your parents think you’ve died, Ellie… and they might not be too keen on seeing you when you turn back up in town.”

Ellie said nothing- instead, the woman just stared at her for a moment, then looked away. “Care to tell me what’s in Fallbrook?”

“A life insurance policy,” Nia said evenly, staring at the woman and wondering if Ellie was as quick as she thought she was. “One that you might be interested in. You might want to head out there tomorrow and take some company that can help persuade a few people to make some key changes... changes that might make you a very rich woman. ” 

Now, Ellie had focused solely on Nia again, her eyes almost narrow slits as she relaxed against the table. “Sounds like you might have a plan, Cap’n… I’m listening.”

_ _

* * *

Max sat in the abandoned church, holding Nia’s hand as they waited for Sanjay and Zora to show up for the meeting Nia had called between the two leaders. He’d been shocked when she’d had to help Zora shoot Graham- usually, violence wasn’t the way she solved disputes, but this time she’d just sighed and hoisted her pistol, shooting the former Iconoclast leader in the head. As Graham had been responsible for actions that led to the current downtrodden state of both the town and his people, Max held no ill-will against her for taking action, but seeing the look on Nia’s face as she stood over his body made him wish he’d been the one to do the deed. “Are you okay?” he asked, rubbing his hand up and down her back. “I know that interaction back there wasn’t the way you normally prefer to handle things.”

“You’re right,” she replied wearily. “There were no choices… I tried, I really did.” She leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. “While I’m sure it was the best option, taking a life is never a path I want to take.” 

Trying to make a joke and shake her out of her melancholy mood, Max placed a kiss on her forehead. “I think the marauders that you’ve left in your wake would beg to differ, darling.” 

She snorted, making him smile as she poked him in the side. “If you recall, they were trying to kill me… or did you think that was acceptable, dear?” 

Max laughed softly, happy to see some of her good humor returning. “Considering the fact that I’d gladly decimate anything that dared to try and lay a hand on you, I think you know my feelings on that subject, Nia.”

“My hero,” she replied, hugging him tightly. “I love that you always want to protect me, though I do think you should focus your efforts on saving some of the more… frail members of our team.”

“The other members aren’t my priority,” Max replied, nuzzling her neck. “Besides, Nyoka is actually quite scary… I think she’s got herself covered. And Ellie,” he said dryly, “is quite capable, to my great dismay.”

“Felix is a little exuberant,” Nia said with a grin. “Maybe he needs a role model to help him reign in his more youthful tendencies?”

“Or a good kick in the ass,” Max grumbled as Nia placed a kiss on his cheek. “Mister Millstone has not let a single day go past when I haven’t wanted to boot him out of the airlock.” 

“Are you still steaming over him helping me reach the top shelf in the kitchen?” Nia teased. “Because I told you before, he was much more convenient than a step stool, Maximillian.”

“And he was much more conciliatory about having your ass in his face,” he grumbled, trying not to be angry at the memory. “That man has a crush on you and you know it.” 

Nia just laughed, poking him gently on the nose and laughing as his face twisted a scowl. “Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is in love with me,” Nia chided. “Even if a certain Vicar seems to think so.” 

“I’m just remarking on what I see,” Max said, feeling more than a little indignant but soon placated by the gentle squeezing of his hand. “Since we seem to be intent on solving everyone in Halcyon's problems, may I ask you a favor?” 

“Anything,” she said quickly. Instinctively, he raised his eyebrows at her, and Nia gave him a sheepish grin in return. “Well, almost anything- what’s on your mind, dear?”

Trying to fight down the hurt in his voice, he cleared his throat and started to continue- if she noticed, she didn’t comment, and for that he was thankful. “Well, there is still the matter of my journal… if it were possible, I’d like to see about stopping on Scylla so we can get it translated.”

She smiled politely but knitted her brows in confusion. “Why is this book so important to you, Max?” 

Max thought about it for a moment, then realized he didn’t have a good answer- he’d been operating off base instinct for so long that putting the feeling into words was proving difficult for him. “It’s… hard to explain,” he admitted. “Ever since I was in Tartarus, I just got a sense that this book would be the key to feeling like the most complete version of me.” He ran his hands through his hair, leaning his head back against the dusty pew. “When I was incarcerated, I used to always feel a constant ache I just could never put my finger on… similar to how you feel a sense of loss after waking up from a perfect dream and realizing that only the truth remains.”

“I know that feeling,” Nia said. “I feel it every day when I try to access my memories.” Then she looked up and smiled, threading her fingers in his. “The only time I don’t is when I’m with you, Max.” 

His heart warmed at her words and he smiled, touching their hands to his lips. “I feel the same, darling… with you, it’s like,” Max paused, trying to find the right words. “It’s like I found my place.” Sighing, he closed his eyes, trying to settle back in the space in his mind he’d long since abandoned. “One day, after weeks of feeling that crushing sense of loss, I remember thinking, ‘there has to be more than this… if I can only understand it, then this-” he gestured aimlessly with his free hand, “-would mean something, that all this anguish would be worth it.”

When he looked over, Nia was nodding with understanding. “So when Chaney told you about the journal…” 

He nodded, glad to see she was following his line of thought. “It was like a string snapped into place.” Max gave her a wan smile. “I’ve been chasing that book ever since. And even though I’m happier than I’ve ever been with you…”

“There’s still that little feeling in the back of your head that wonders what secrets this little book holds,” she finished, leaning against him. “Sound about right?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you in my head right now, Miss Hawthorne?” 

Her laugh was like a song that he wanted to play on a loop for the rest of his days. “Maximilian," she said, tracing her finger along his arm, "how many times do I have to impress upon you that I cannot read your mind?” Then she gave him a wicked little grin that made him want to say hang the meeting and take her into one of the offices for himself. “Though I wish I could- I think it would make things more interesting.”

The sound of his full name rolling off her lips made him smile broader than he’d ever care to admit. “I suppose I’ll have to take you at your word, Miss Hawthorne.” Then he looked over, hoping she’d truly understood. “So, do you think-”

“Of course,” she replied, placing a kiss on his cheek. “We’ll leave once when we finish out here.”

Letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, Max sank back in his seat with relief. “Thank you,” he breathed as he looked over at her. “You have no idea how much closing this chapter of my life means to me.” 

“If I could get my memories back as easily, I’m sure you’d do the same for me,” Nia replied. “But it appears we’ve finished this conversation right on time, as both of these people are gathering outside and looking rather touchy about it.”

Max cast a glance over her shoulder, and sure enough, Sanjay and some MSI troopers were outside shooting dirty looks at Zora and her Iconoclast followers. “I think you may want to weave some of your magic, darling- they look like they aren’t too happy to see one another.”

Nia rolled her eyes as she stood up. “You make it sound like I should have wings and spread pixie dust over them. Shall I wear a frilly dress and dance around with a magic wand as well?” 

He let out a loud laugh, causing all the heads to swivel in his direction and Nia frowned. “Law knows that I would pay to see that,” he said in a much quieter tone. “I have no idea how you do what you do, Miss Hawthorne- I’m simply trying to take it all in stride and deal with it in the best manner I know how.”

She quirked her lips up into that mischievous smirk he was beginning to love. “And I’m sure the fact that I’m boffing your brains out every night has nothing to do with your newfound acceptance of my abilities?”

Max stood up and straightened his vestments, a veneer of cool calm across his face as he surreptitiously slid his hand across her ass and squeezed it before heading out to meet everyone. “Absolutely nothing at all,” he replied. 

_ _

* * *

“Hey, Alex!” Nia called out, rushing into the cockpit. “You’ll never guess what happened out there!”

“Hey,” he replied, not turning to look at her. “Glad you had fun,” he said listlessly. 

Nia glared at the ghost in the captain’s chair. For the last few weeks, Hawthorne had barely said two words to her, and he'd chosen to take up permanent residence in the cockpit. “Alexander Hawthorne, I demand that you talk to me this instant!” Nia exclaimed, stomping her foot angrily. “You’ve been hiding in here for the last few weeks and I’m right sick of it!” She stormed in front of him, placing her hands on her hips. “We’ve been out there in the thick of it, saving a planet, and all you can say is ‘hey’? I have put an information-hoarding asshole in his proper place, had to shoot a man in the head to stop a civil fucking war, fought a mantiqueen, and dealt with a family of cannibals, but all my best friend can say is ‘oh’?” When he didn’t even look up at her, she felt her ire increase to nuclear levels. “ _Goddamn_ it, Alex, why won’t you fucking talk to me!” 

“I’ve talked to you,” he said flatly. “You’re not allowed to throw a fit just because it’s not the way you want me to, though.”

“I can count on both hands the number of words you’ve said to me,” she spat with exasperation. “For goodness sake, what the hell is going on with you?” 

“Go to Max,” Hawthorne replied, swiveling around in the chair. “I’m sure he’s waiting for you in the room by now.” 

“Would you stop saying that!” Nia reached down and placed her hands on his shoulders, turning him back to face her. “I’m going to need you to stop this- I’ve needed you at my side all this time, but yet you’ve refused to leave this bloody chair! Spit it out- what the fuck is wrong with you, Alex? I don’t know what bee has gotten into your bonnet, but I need my friend back, and quickly.” Suddenly, a thought occurred to her and she gasped, putting a hand to her mouth. “Do you want to leave? Is that it?”

For the first time in what felt like forever, Hawthorne actually looked at her, his eyes wide with surprise. “No! Why would you say that, kid?”

Feeling an overwhelming surge of emotion, Nia flung herself at her friend. “Because it seems like you hate me, but I don’t know what I did to you,” she whispered. “And if I’m the one that’s making you this miserable…” she felt a tear slide down her cheek and she wiped it away, hoping he wouldn’t notice. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay if you’re this unhappy, Alex.”

He may have missed the first tear, but when Nia couldn’t control the rest, he lifted her head and began wiping them away with his cold fingers. “Hey,” he said softly, “none of that- someone who goes around liberating planets shouldn’t be wasting tears on a dead pilot.”

“They should if they’re the best friend they’ve ever had,” she replied, shocked at the honest admission as it escaped her lips without thinking. “I miss you, Alex- I miss talking to you. I miss watching the stars when you tell me stories about your escapades while the rest of the ship is asleep. I miss you teasing me when I’m not being human enough, and I miss you being a right pain in my ass. I miss falling asleep against you and waking up with a twinge in my back from being on the floor all night, but most of all I miss my best friend… you’ve always been there for me, but now that you’re not everything feels _wrong_ ,” she whispered. “I don’t know what to do, so tell me and I’ll do it, Alex- what do I have to do to get my friend back?” 

“Oh kid,” Hawthorne said, letting out a deep sigh and pulling her into his arms. “It ain’t you, trust me.” 

“Then what is it,” she asked sadly. “And _please_ , don’t tell me to go to Max again,” she warned. “Look, Max is wonderful, but he’s not you- he never has been and he never will be.” She gazed into his sad grey eyes and let out a sorrowful sigh. “You literally have a piece of my soul, Alex- there will never be anyone here that’s closer to me than you are.” 

“Wow,” Hawthorne said in awe. “That’s a little deep to hear from the person who got you killed,” he teased. When she gave a soft snort in response, he responded with a shaky laugh. “Do you mean that, kid?” 

“With all my heart,” she replied, feeling better than she had in weeks now that he was talking to her again. “I never had any real friends until you, remember? Why wouldn’t I be positively wrecked without you around?”

“What do you think would have happened if we met when I was alive?” Hawthorne asked as he rubbed her back. “Do you think we’d be as close as we are?” 

“We did meet when you were alive, remember?” She raised her head, then smiled at him as he wiped the remnants of her tears. “Or did you forget that you tried to hit me with a tossball stick?” 

Hawthorne paused, then let out a barking laugh. “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” He shook his head as he walked to the corner of the room, settling down on the floor and gesturing for her to sit next to him. Grateful for the comfort of her friend, she immediately sat next to him, resting her head on his cool shoulder. “I probably shouldn’t have done that, huh?”

She let out a tiny laugh as she stared out the glass at the setting sun. Someone would come looking for her soon, but right now she didn’t care- being here was more important. “Probably not,” she agreed, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “I tend to like people who don’t try to brain me with blunt objects.” 

He rested his head forehead against hers, his nose barely touching the tip of hers as his arms rested along the small of her back. “You mean if I’d shook hands and played nice, I might not have been murdered by a certain tiny space hobo?” 

She let out a soft sigh, reaching up and wrapping her arms around him. “You know full well I couldn’t change that, Alex.” 

“Humor me,” he whispered. “If you could’ve changed it… If I never died bringing you here, would I have had a shot? If I had gotten up from under that pod, gotten to know you, and helped you save the world out here, would we still be here right now?” 

His voice had grown softer, and there was a niggling feeling in the back of her brain, telling her that she was rapidly approaching something like a bad idea, but she missed him so much- for the first time in weeks he wasn’t pushing her away, and she found herself desperate for his company. “I can’t say,” she replied honestly. “I’m not used to guessing at futures- I’m too used to seeing them.” 

“Pretend with me,” he murmured, closing his eyes and pulling her closer. “What do you think?” 

“Why would we torture ourselves with that,” she replied, closing her eyes and trying to ignore that feeling that was warning her to stop this before things took a turn. “I can’t change the past, and I can see almost every moment in time, almost every choice, every decision, every path… why would I want to see another that I know I couldn’t take?”

He let out a sigh, and she found it strange when she could hear the sound but felt none of his breath, despite their closeness. “I suppose you’re right,” he said wistfully, stroking her cheek with his finger. “But I can tell you what I think.”

That feeling in her gut had grown from subtle to five-alarm fire levels- the claxons were screaming at her to put a stop to this before it progressed to a point they couldn’t come back from.

“Alex,” she said, opening her eyes and waiting for him to look at her. When his grey eyes locked with her green ones she felt a pang of regret, and for once, Nia did allow herself to pretend. “If I had another life,” she murmured, brushing his hair off his temple, “I’d gladly give my heart to my best friend.” When his eyes widened in response, she closed her eyes and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, feeling the ethereal chill throughout her body that raised the hairs on her arms and made her shiver. “But you can’t kiss eternity, Alex- all it does is kill you a little more and more each time, making you waste your life as you spend your days wishing for what you’ll never have. So if you’re asking me what I want, all I can say is that I only have this life right now and I’m happy with it." She cupped his face in her hands, feeling the stubble on his cheeks beneath her fingertips as she stared into his eyes, feeling her heart thump wildly in her chest at the thought of him leaving. "Do you understand?”

“Then I’ll find you in the next life,” Hawthorne said softly, running his hand along her cheek. “Can you give me that chance, at least?” 

She smiled at him, resting her hand on his. “You know I can’t see our threads, Alex. How could I possibly tell you that?”

“That’s the fun of it,” he said with a smile. “We don’t know- we can only have hope,” Hawthorne replied. “And that’s the thing that keeps us lowly humans going, kid- sometimes we just have to have faith that things are gonna work out the way we want them to.” Then he leaned his head against the wall, letting her head rest on his chest again. “And since you don’t seem to get that yet, how about you let the dead man have enough hope for the both of us, ok?” 

Finding nothing wrong with his statement, she closed her eyes and relaxed in the arms of her friend. “You do that, Alex… and if it happens, I’ll be glad to hear you say ‘I told you so.’”

“When it happens,” he said, kissing the top of her head, “you can bet your ass I will, kid.”

_ _

* * *

Hawthorne was alone in the cockpit again as the ship cruised toward Scylla when the doors opened up behind him. “Back already, kid? Thought we said all we had to say for the night?”

“Hawthorne?” The voice said from behind him, “are you in here?”

Debating on whether or not he wanted to appear to the man, he finally decided that whatever was so important that Max would seek him out was much more interesting than sending the man on a merry little chase to find him throughout the ship. Reluctantly, he materialized in the chair and turned around, seeing the Vicar staring at him from the doorway. “What is it, preacher man?”

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but you’ve significantly hurt her feelings these last few weeks.” Max crossed his arms and glared at him. “So, are you done being an asshole to Nia, or is she going to come back to our room tomorrow upset that you’re ignoring her once again?”

Any pretense of calm the pilot had was now completely obliterated- _how dare he come in here and pull this shit,_ Hawthorne thought. “Oh, someone’s gotten the chance to get a little action and now he’s the white knight of Halcyon? Gimme a fucking break, Max,” the ghost scoffed. “First of all, it _ain’t_ your room, it’s my room… let’s get that shit crystal clear.” 

“I’m sleeping in there with her,” he replied. “Every. Night.” Max looked down his nose at Hawthorne, irritatingly punctuating every syllable and setting the pilot on edge. “Nia may not see it, but I do,” he said, walking into the cockpit and shutting the door. “You’re in love with her… but you and Nia won’t happen, Hawthorne- we’re together. And though I am loathed to admit it, she cares for you, too- so get out of your feelings and get over it.” 

“You’re about a few hours too late, DeSoto,” Hawthorne said angrily. “The kid and I have already had this discussion. And,” he retorted, giving the man a look that would have frozen a volcano, “you should probably take a step back and give me a little fucking credit instead of coming on my ship like you own the place, you pompous old prick.” Max raised an eyebrow, but Hawthorne continued, undeterred. “The _only_ reason she’s still talking to your ass is because I, the man who should be where you're standing, plead your motherfucking case. So instead of coming in like you’re ready to read me the riot act, you _should_ be down here kissing my ass, Max.” The Vicar was silent, lowering his eyes, but Hawthorne pressed on, leaning into the other man’s face. “What, not used to someone who ain’t scared you’re gonna beat the shit outta them? Guess what, Vicar? _I’m dead!”_ He pounded on his chest, then stretched his arms out wide. “Go on- take your best fucking shot… _I dare you!”_

“She’s leaving, Hawthorne,” Max said quietly, turning away from the pilot. “Whenever she saves these colonists and finds what she’s looking for, she says she has to move on… without us.”

It was as if the music at a party had stopped without warning, and Hawthorne felt the world shift off its axis a bit. “Come again, preacher man?”

“You heard me.” Max walked over and slumped into the captain’s chair, pulling out a flask from the pocket of his pajamas and taking a swig of the contents. “After we go to Scylla for me, she’s continuing on her journey for Phineas- what if this next step gives her everything she needs and this is it?” The man cut his eyes to the dumbstruck ghost, who was now leaning against the console. “I knew you were in love with her the moment I met you, Hawthorne. But, I also know that she considers you, an ethereal being, one of the best friends she has on Halcyon- don’t let these feelings that you cannot possibly act on be another reason that she chooses to leave.”

Instead of getting indignant like he wanted to, the ghost took a moment to look at the tired man staring out the window. “You love her, don’t you?” 

Max nodded, taking another sip from his flask. “Very much so.” 

Hawthorne turned away, then gave a helpless shrug. “So that should be enough, right? You’ll tell her how you feel, you two’ll go off and save the world, then you’ll find a place to settle down and go at it like a couple of sprats till you pop out a boatload of kids... it'll be like something out of a weird serial or something, right?”

“I wish it were that simple,” Max replied, resting his head against the chair. “She knows and she’s leaving anyway… without me.” 

“But…” Hawthorne said helplessly as he threw up his hands, “that’s not how it’s supposed to be! She’s supposed to stay here with us... _with me!”_ He thrust an angry finger at the door. “You can’t let her leave! Do something to make her stay, Max!”

He gave the pilot a sad look as he finished the contents of his flask. “I am,” he replied wearily. “I’m talking to her best friend and hoping he’ll help me come up with a way to get her to stay with us.” 

Finally grasping the seriousness of the situation, Hawthorne let out a sigh and placed his head in his hands. “All right, preacher man,” he said quietly, staring at the floor and trying to keep his composure. “Just tell me what you need me to do.”


	11. I thought I knew you (pt.2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Nia head to Scylla for some answers that raise more questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man... We're in it now. 
> 
> *Munches on popcorn

_ _

* * *

The winds on Scylla whipped painfully around them, making Nia wish they hadn’t left her jacket back on Monarch. She was stuck in a set of armor Zora had given her as a thank you gift, and while she was grateful to have something to somewhat protect her against the chill, she couldn’t wait to get somewhere with a few shops so she could get some proper clothing again. “I will never be used to having weather,” she complained, glaring up at the sky. “How do you people stand it?”

“You were human once before this,” Max said gently, staring out over the horizon. “I’d think that there were weather conditions back then, darling.”

“Yes, there were, and when you’re dirt fucking poor, you’re always cold,” she spat. “Add in a dash of drowning in frigid sewage, and you can see where I may not have the best memories of weather.”

Max leaned over and kissed her on the nose, rubbing her arms beneath his hands. “Is that any better?” 

“I don’t know,” Nia replied, giving him a pout. “Do it again and I might be able to tell you.”

“Mischievous girl,” he muttered, laughing as he kissed her again. “Are you ready to find this hermit?”

Nia nodded, staring off into the distance. “I should be asking you that question, dear.” Then she turned to look at the Vicar and bit her lip. “Max,” she asked as they started to walk toward the shape in the distance that looked like a cabin, “are you sure you want these answers? What happens if they aren’t what you expect?”

“I’ve thought about that,” he said quietly. “But unfortunately, hubris is my fatal flaw- I need to know. I spent years of my life in prison because I was looking for answers.” He looked away, then let out a deep sigh. “And I’ve spent almost every moment outside of prison looking for them as well. The only good thing about this,” he said quietly, “is that search led me to you, Nia.” Max looked over at her, then squared his shoulders. “So if this book does nothing else for me, I will forever be thankful for that.”

Nia gave him a small smile. “You are one of the best parts about this journey,” she agreed. “I just hope you find what you’re looking for, love.”

Max raised an eyebrow. “That’s odd.”

“What is?” 

“I’d have thought that you would know what the outcome of this little endeavor would be, seeing as how you seem to know the results of most of our interactions out here,” he replied, looking over at her. “But you seem to be in the dark about this- why is that?”

“Because it’s you,” she answered. “I haven’t been able to read a single decision or choice surrounding you since we’ve met, Max.” She sighed, realizing the man Max had brutalized was right- they weren’t far from the shack at all. “I can see that you have them, but as far as anything more than that…” Nia gave him a soft smile “Absolute nothingness- you’re a mystery to me, Maximillian DeSoto.”

“Perhaps that’s why you love me so much,” he teased, then stiffened as he noticed the door that seemed to loom in front of them. “We’re here,” he said, gripping her hand tightly. “Are you sure you want to do this with me?”

“Positive,” she replied. “No matter what the answers are, I’m here for you.” 

With his face set in resolution, Max went to the door and knocked, and Nia could see that he was determined to hear the answers he’d spent his life searching for.   


_ _

* * *

Max looked nervously over at Nia, noticing that her normally expressive face was a complete blank. As soon as they'd entered the hermit’s cabin she’d receded to the background, letting him make the decisions about how to proceed. When the old hermit implied that he’d need to inhale a concoction of drugs to fully understand what he needed to know, she’d gone pale but remained silent, making him wonder what it was that she was really seeing right then. Trying to be nice, Max told her that if she wasn’t comfortable doing this with him he would go alone, but she’d only given him a withering look that told him he wouldn’t do well to ask her something like that a second time. 

The Vicar had been extremely sure of himself as he’d walked into the hovel, but as the incense filled the room with a sandalwood-scented haze, he found that his sense of certainty had long-since fled- in its place was a yawing fear, akin to the one he’d felt on Monarch when he’d almost lost everything. Suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of panic, he looked over and grabbed for Nia and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the weight of her hand on his. “I’m here,” Nia whispered, her green eyes the only thing visible through the haze of smoke. “Always.”

Taking a deep breath, Max closed his eyes as she squeezed his fingers, suddenly feeling as if he was drifting away on a cloud, unsure of where he was, when it was, or even who he was at the moment. Soon, Max discovered that he could smell the scent of wheat and freshly cut grass- he hadn’t smelled that in years, not since…

He opened his eyes and gave a yelp as his mother stood before him, looking as solid and wavering as the ghost did whenever he had the misfortune to see him. Blinking rapidly and gripping Nia's hand in his, Max just stared at the woman, trying to make sense of what was in front of him. “Nia,” he hissed, “are you seeing this?” 

“I’m seeing a lot of things,” she admitted. “But would one of those things you’re referring to be a woman who looks an awful lot like you?”

“Yes,” Max admitted slowly, not taking his eyes off the woman in front of him. “It most certainly would be one of those things.” As carefully as he dared, he leaned closer to Nia and whispered to her without breaking the gaze of the ghost of his mother. “This wouldn’t be your doing, would it?” 

“Not intentionally, no,” she said. “I didn’t want to meet your parents like this, love.”

Swallowing, Max took a deep breath, then addressed the apparition. “Then this is a joke, right? A tasteless joke being played on me...right?”

The ghost of his mother shook her head. “Poor, poor Maximillian,” she intoned in a soft warble. “You have everything you want, right here? Why are you still fighting the world at every turn? Haven’t you learned that the more you fight, the more pain you cause yourself?”

Max felt his throat go dry, then glared at the apparition. “I’m going to get that hermit,” he growled. “I’m tired of being made a fool of, being yanked about at every law-forsaken turn!” He noticed that familiar anger rising in his chest, soothing his nerves and making him feel anchored and whole. He was just about to get up when he felt a tug on his arm and looked down to see Nia gripping his sleeve. Max looked at her, then blinked- it was like he was seeing two versions of her.

One version was the Nia he knew and loved, but the other… it was her, he knew it without a doubt, but she was different. Even though Nia was sitting down, the other woman was taller- it was like a second head had been superimposed over hers, sitting about a foot above the mass of colorful hair. The other woman was of a similar complexion, but instead of rainbow curls, she had long, dark curly hair that spilled past her shoulders. Overlayed onto the girl sitting on the floor, the other woman was wearing a shimmering green dress that pooled around Nia's legs, making the girl look like she was swimming in a sea of verdant fabric. “Nia,” Max croaked, “why do you look so weird?”

Before she could offer a reply, the ghost of his mother answered. “Always so angry,” she said, clucking her tongue slightly. “Always trying to find answers outside himself, when they’re clearly inside…just as they’ve always been.”

When Max made another motion to leave, the Nia’s shook their head. “Max,” she said with a voice that seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, “you need to listen to her.” She turned her attention back to the spirit and frowned as she blinked, still looking much more together than he could even comprehend being at the moment. “It’s important.”

The spirit looked pleased. “Thank you- it appears that there’s at least one positive role model in my son’s life now.” Then the woman looked at Nia and gave a sly smile that made Max’s nerves want to run and hide under the covers. “But then again, you’ve been here for a while, haven’t you? Watching, guiding, and waiting for him to learn what he needed to know… what he’s _always_ known.” Then she turned to Max, an accusatory expression on her shimmering face. “But then again, what can you expect from a son who abandons their parents?”

“Abandoned?” Max exclaimed, letting Nia gently guide him to a seat next to her. “I left so you would be proud of me! I only wanted to learn the truth, to find answers in the plan!” He looked at the visage of his mother, pleading for the image to understand. “The plan… filled you with something I could never feel, but I wanted to! All I ever wanted was to feel contentment instead of misery, and being a laborer was making me absolutely miserable!” Max yelled, leaning toward the apparition, the heat rising in his face. “I was better than that!”

His anger did nothing to dissuade the spirit and it continued on, only making Max feel like he was still that stupid little boy. “You certainly convinced yourself you were,” the spirit replied. “But don’t feel bad- we all do that… clinging to whatever hope we can find to make us feel like we’re in control. But you… you took it to a point beyond, like always.” His mother emitted a mirthless laugh. “You search for stories in the hope for finding answers… but where has that gotten you, Max?”

He looked to Nia, desperate for comfort, but the versions of her only glanced at him before looking away. “She’s got a point,” she whispered, then looked up at the spirit with defiance blazing in both sets of green eyes. “But I won’t judge him for his search- for better or worse, Max’s faults are his own, not a path laid out for him as if he were a puppet on a string. I accept those choices… and I accept him.” 

“But can he do the same?” the spirit asked, staring at the girl before looking back at him. “Can you look back on your journey and accept yourself and your failures as choices of your own?” 

“They were part of the plan!” Max said feebly, tears welling in his eyes. “It was part of my path!”

“Embrace your choices,” the spirit said. “You need to own your destiny, Max- own the choices that make you, that shape you.”

“I-” he started to protest, but then hung his head. “You’re right,” he said quietly. “I just want to be a version of me that you’d be proud of… the best son, the best vicar… not the fuck up that I am.”

“Your father and I are gone,” the spirit replied. “Max, there is no need to live up to an ideal that we never even asked you for. Own the chaos- use it to go to places beyond where any plan could ever take you. Your life is yours to shape, and it’s far greater than any fictional plan you’re foolishly trying to prove.” She looked over at Nia, then smiled. “You’re searching for answers that’ve been in front of you the whole time.” 

“No!” Max exclaimed angrily. “I refuse to believe that! There can be no happiness with chaos, only order! Look at you,” he screamed, pointing at the spirit. “You were happy! The plan made you happy!”

“No,” the spirit said sadly. “I made myself happy.” When he stared at her with his mouth agape, she shook her head in resignation. “If, after everything you’ve been through, you don’t understand that simple truth, then I fear you never will.” She looked over at Nia, then gave her a sad smile. “I fear he isn’t ready for the truth yet,” she said wistfully, then turned back to him. “Goodbye, Maximillian.” 

With that, the spirit faded from view, leaving a stunned and shaking Max alone with Nia. “This… this isn’t real, right? If it were, you could stop it, couldn’t you?” He began frantically looking around the room, clutching at the collar of his shirt in a frantic attempt to get more air. “This… this is just the drugs making us see things, right?” He turned to her, the desperation rising in his throat. “It’s just my own brain working against me… right?”

“For once, he has it right,” a familiar voice intoned, causing them both to whirl toward the source. When he saw who had spoken, he almost fell backward- only a steadying hand from Nia kept him from hitting the floor. “Hello, Max,” the green-haired vision of himself said calmly. “It’s about time we spoke.”

“What… who… how… _why?_ ” Max squeaked, wishing he could curl into a ball and hide until the effects of these drugs wore off- he didn’t know how much more of this he could take. “You’re... _me?”_

“Not exactly,” the other Max intoned. “I’m the ideal version of you… I’m calm, disciplined, controlled. I know all the secrets and I have no doubts. But,” the vision said, staring at him intently, “I don’t exist. Yet you’ve judged yourself against me your entire life- why is that?” 

“If he has, he shouldn’t,” Nia said with conviction, both sets of her eyes staring up at the real him like he was the only thing worth seeing in the world. “Max is wonderfully flawed but rich with such humanity that it makes me want to be more human,” she said as she squeezed his hand tightly. “I love him not in _spite_ of his imperfections, but _because_ of them.” 

As her words crashed over him like a wave, Max felt such a deep sense of love from this impossible woman that he was almost overcome with emotion. “That’s... the nicest thing I’ve ever heard,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

“Does he realize just how true that is?” Other Max asked, staring at Max intently. “Does he realize the value of the weakness he tries to hide?” 

“What’s wrong with trying to be a better person?” Max stammered, feeling like his tongue was the weight of a planet. “What’s wrong with wanting to be the best version of me for you, Nia?” 

“If she wanted to be with the best version of you, she’d be with me,” Other Max said as he kneeled in front of Nia, placing his hands on her knees. “Is that what you want?” The vision reached out a hand and touched her cheek before looking back at Max with a smug grin. “Am I the Max you came for?” 

“Get your hands off her,” Max growled. “She doesn’t need you! She has me!” 

“See?” Other Max said, gesturing to him with a dismissive wave. “That’s the real Maximillian DeSoto... all that fire and fury just to mask a ball of insecurity and pain.” Other Max turned back to her, a cold smile playing across his lips as he caressed the side of her face. But before Max could howl with rage, he noticed her heads whipping away from the touch, sending ghostly trails of hair through her overlay that made his head hurt even more.

“You’re not trying to be the best version of you,” Other Max crooned. “You’re trying to control the story, write a narrative where you’re the hero. You’re trying to be _me_ , Max… but as you can see, she doesn’t want me… she wants you.”

“You never have to do anything for me,” Nia spat as she glared at the other Max. “Whatever you do, do it for yourself… choose your own path, Max. That’s all I want for you… all I’ve _ever_ wanted.” 

As soon as the words left her mouth, her eyes went wide and a hand flew to her lips- Other Max immediately noticed. “Yes,” he said quickly, scanning her face with his hollow eyes, “do you remember, Max? Do you know what she’s talking about?”

“I…” Max felt like his head was splitting in two, one piece for each of them in the room. “All I ever wanted was to find the answers… the answers will set us free, allow us to live a life of certainty, of purpose! That’s all I want,” he whispered. “That’s all I ever wanted.”

“And how would it do that,” Other Max asked, shifting to look at him. “By taking away all choice, leaving only the illusion of certainty? Is that need to give up control really that strong? Who are you, Max? Who have you been hiding away all this time? Are you really a man so weak that you would throw away a purposeful life for a beautiful dream?” 

The vision’s words made his head hurt- he felt like the world was spinning faster and faster, leaving him dizzy and breathless. It was as if there were two realities, flickering across his brain like images on a screen, but moving too fast for him to catch or see. “Think,” the other Max implored. “Think about what you already know, Max- it’s in your head... you just need to remember.” The other Max looked over at Nia, an appraising look on his face. “She knows who you are, Max… why don’t you?”

“I’m me!” Max screamed. “I’m the real me, the one who’s here, the one who exists!” He looked over at Nia desperately, hoping she would do something, anything to make this all make sense. “Help me,” he pleaded. “Make this all go away!”

“You have to remember,” she said sadly. “You’ve always been in control, Max,” Nia whispered. “It’s because of you I remember,” she said, reaching out to touch his lips with her thumb. “You’re the one with all the power… not some made up architect, love.” She smiled at him, but it wasn't her usual smile- this one was a mix of love, hope, and regret. “I need you to remember, Max… if you don’t remember, then this was all for nothing, and I made the wrong choice.” Nia looked into his eyes, and for a moment there was only the other version of Nia, staring up at him with those beautiful eyes he loved so much. “Please, Max… remember.” 

“Unlock me,” he pleaded, clinging to her shoulders like a child tangling themselves in their mother’s skirts. “Help me, Nia… _please_!”

“She can’t do that,” Other Max said. “You have to do this by yourself- it won’t be your choice if she does it for you.” The vision leaned closer, the ghostly face almost touching his own. “For once in your life, Max, make a choice… accept the fact that you are the arbiter of your own fate, that you always have been and always will be, Max… take control by letting go.”

Closing his eyes, Max took a deep breath, trying to find a moment of peace inside the rapidly chaotic recesses of his brain. The images were coming faster now- a prison cell, a green dress, a field of grass, a starlit sky, cement walls, tears… Max tried to focus on the feelings that were moving with those images, rushing along past him like pebbles in a stream- loneliness, indignance, interest, love, loss, pain… then, finally, _hope_.

Suddenly, his eyes flew open and Max was enveloped in pure darkness. He looked around for Nia, but she was gone- in her place was the woman that he’d been seeing hovering over her, standing in a dress that flowed across her body like rippling water, the color of the fields he’d played in as a boy. Her back was turned to him, and all he could see were the long dark curls cascading over the smooth tanned surface of her back, and Max immediately felt an aching to run and touch her, though his feet were rooted in place. 

“Do you remember?” the woman asked, still facing away from him. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t- it took me a bit to figure it out, too.” Though she hadn’t turned around, he could hear the smile in her voice, and it made his heart melt. “It _has_ been a very long time for you.”

Max felt like his lips were moving through sand as he tried to speak, trying valiantly to get his mouth to catch up to the freeform thoughts in his brain. “I… _remember_ ,” he stammered, moving forward to reach a hand to her shoulder. As if he were moving in a dream, he turned the woman around and found himself staring into eyes he’d know anywhere- they were the same emerald green ones he knew so well, ones he’d gotten lost in time and time again. 

“Nia,” he said warmly, feeling the fog lift from his brain as he watched the planes of her face light up with joy. “I remember you, love,” he whispered as he pulled her to him. “I finally remember _everything_.” 


	12. The Depths of Tartarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia and Max have a history, and it goes way beyond their meeting in Edgewater.

_ _

* * *

_-Before-_

Nia had been watching the threads for a while, scanning through the different paths lazily. Ever since Phillip had left she’d been on the lookout for anything even remotely interesting, but nothing ever seemed to stand out to her. _Someone has to change things, Nia,_ he’d said. _We can’t stand by and watch forever._

Lazily, her eyes moved through the stream, casually observing the lives around her with the careful distance she’d learned to hone to a razor-sharp edge. _Meh_ , she thought. _It seems as if I can- days pass by in an instant here._

Without Phillip to go exploring with her, Nia had quickly grown bored of leaving her cocoon of silence- if she were being honest, she had to admit that the lives of the humans below had never meant that much to her. Rationally, she knew it was pointless after all this time to still be angry over her lot in life, but there was no changing how she felt, and now her mentor was no longer there to politely yet firmly tell her to get her head out of her ass. _That life is done,_ he’d said. _Find a new reason to exist, Nia._

 _Easy for you to say, you pompous old bastard,_ Nia had replied angrily, glaring at the older gentleman in front of her. Even in the face of her rage, his blue eyes twinkled with mirth as he leaned against the railing of the old farmhouse, scribbling in an old notebook and absentmindedly running his hand through his salt-and-pepper hair. _I’m only here because you didn’t give me a choice about it._

 _That’s the way it’s always been,_ he’d told her sadly. _If you don’t like it, then maybe you should change it._

 _Maybe I will,_ she’d huffed. _Maybe I think you were a proper shit for taking away my chance at being happy. What if I didn’t want this life for myself? Did you ever think about that?_

 _I made a choice,_ he’d said simply, his blue eyes staring at her with a burning intensity. _And though you don’t like it, it was the right thing to do, Nia. You weren’t meant for that life, mon étoile- your destiny lies elsewhere._

 _Whatever,_ she’d replied angrily. _I ‘effin’ hate you, you know that? The thought of spending eternity with you is enough to make me wanna gut myself with a rusty knife- I wish you’d left me right where you’d found me._

She’d continued to glare at the old man but he’d simply laughed, placing his book in his pocket and straightening his dark and immaculate suit. _So young,_ he said with a smile and a shake of his head. W _ith age comes wisdom, Nia… one day, you’ll see. Dig deep, my little spitfire- is that really how you feel, or how you think you ought to feel?_ He’d laid a hand on her arm, the weight of his touch calming and reassuring despite her ever-present rage. _One day,_ he’d said calmly, _you will find a reason in the stream._

She’d just rolled her eyes, that thread of anger still coiling around her middle and warming her from that constant chill she’d felt since she’d fallen into the river. _You’d like to think that, wouldn't you? You want that to be the case so you don’t feel like a right bastard for taking me and making me into this… whatever this is._

True to his nature, Philip had just smiled. _Promise me one thing, mon étoile... one favor for an old man, please._

Looking at his kindly face, Nia let out a sigh. To be sure, a part of her hated him- no matter what, she couldn’t forgive Philip for taking away her freedom, binding her to him against her will. But, she also found that she felt a strange affection for the strange man, and it made her conflicted, for this life was infinitely better than her old one. Just as she’d hoped for, she’d been able to see not only the world but the very stars beyond- she’d never again had to compromise her dignity for the promise of food or a warm bed. He’d shown her how to take her natural talents and stretch them to limits far greater than anything she’d ever dreamed of, and even when she was petulant and angry he’d never stoop to her level, no matter how low of a blow she’d chosen to level at the old man. So when Philip asked her for a promise, something he’d never done in all their time together, Nia found herself nodding in ascent, curious about what the old man had seen that warranted such an action.

 _When you find your reason_ , he’d said carefully, _promise me you’ll make the choice to live, Nia. All I want is for you to have the chance to have the life you should’ve had, but you must be open to the choice first. Can you promise me that, mon étoile?_

Despite her warring emotions, Nia found herself agreeing and the old man smiled at her, kissing her on the forehead for the first time since they’d traveled together. His kiss sent a burning sensation through her skin, leaving her with an acute sense of loss she didn’t quite understand. Her eyes turned to him with confusion, but he’d simply gestured for them to continue their lesson, choosing not to say another word about his strange request. 

Now, as Nia sat alone, she found herself missing the strange man, his words now nothing more than a memory burned into her brain. It was why after all this time, she still scanned the threads, hoping that something, _anything_ , would stand out to her, make her feel something besides indifference for once. _I’m tired,_ she thought wearily. _I’m tired of being alone._

Just as she began to feel like she was at her wit's end, she felt the sting of a thread snapping into place. Curious as to the reason for the sudden change, she started to dig a little deeper, her eyes widening with shock the more she explored the strange sensation. _Do I follow it?_ Nia wondered. _This seems… rather trivial, if you ask me._

That feeling that had caught her attention suddenly brushed its fingers along the back of her brain, sending an icy chill down her spine. _Are you sure it's nothing, or are you scared to admit that it might actually be something?_

 _I’m never scared,_ she thought angrily, feeling the decisions settle into place all around her. _And besides,_ she told herself, _it’ll probably turn out to be nothing of consequence anyway._

_ _

* * *

For what felt like the umpteenth time, Max stared at the walls of his cell, trying to figure out just what had gone wrong in his life. _How did I end up here?_ Max wondered. _All I wanted was to understand the plan and find my place- in what law-forsaken world does the pursuit of knowledge warrant being locked away and left to rot like a common criminal?_

Writhing in agony from the injustice of it all, Max felt a scream rise up in his throat as he leveled a punch at the wall, letting out a shriek of rage and bone-shattering pain when his hand collided with the concrete. Drawing back his shattered and bleeding fist, he cradled his mangled hand to his chest and dropped to the floor, his long greasy blonde hair touching his shoulders as tears of pain welled behind his eyes. _Well_ , Max thought bitterly, _at least death from a raging infection will be faster than rotting away from old age. Maybe I shouldn’t even call out to the guards_ , he thought as he closed his eyes. _Who knows, maybe this was my purpose… to serve as a cautionary tale to others, a warning to never try to solve the unsolvable._

“You’re going to bleed to death,” a voice said from above him. “Do you mind if I take a look at that?” 

Max’s eyes snapped open at the sound, but when he turned toward the person that had spoken, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His eyes roamed over the face of the woman kneeling in front of him and he blinked, shocked at her sudden appearance- her coffee-colored skin was warm and vibrant, her long, black curls were framing her heart-shaped face, and her lips were turned up into a slightly mocking smile that he found intriguing and infuriating, given the amount of pain he was in right now. However, he instantly forgot all about the throbbing in his hand when he looked up, finding himself lost in the gaze of deepest green eyes he’d ever seen.

He must’ve been silent a moment too long because that smile of hers grew even wider. “Speechless, huh? I like it.” Then she reached a hand out for his, and Max winced at the pain that radiated up his arm- his entire body felt like it was on fire, and he let out an involuntary hiss when she touched him. “Look, I can help you, but I can’t do it unless I get your permission, ok?” 

Struck mute by both the pain and the strangeness of the situation, Max found himself nodding, slowly holding his hand out to her. Wordlessly, she took his hand in hers, never taking her eyes off him. “Just look at me,” she said quietly. “Focus on my voice, ok?” When he felt the first stinging sensation, he let out a gasp but she didn’t move, holding his hand even tighter. “What’s your name,” she asked. “Tell me your name.”

“Maximillian,” he hissed through his teeth, trying to forget about the blinding pain in his hand. “Maximillian DeSoto.”

She nodded, giving him a smile that seemed to make the very room warm around him. “Maximillian, huh? Seems like a mouthful- would you be opposed to me calling you Max?”

“If you can fix the pain in my hand,” Max spat out as he closed his eyes, “then you may call me whatever you want, miss…” He stopped, then his eyes opened back up for a moment as he realized he didn’t know much about his strange benefactor. “I realize you have me at a disadvantage, as I don’t know your name.” 

“For now, suffice it to say I’m a Watcher,” she said with a smile. “It just so happened that I noticed you needed a little help, Maximillian DeSoto.”

As the pain in his hand started to slowly ebb away, Max found it easier to focus on the strange woman and gave her a tentative smile. “I thought you just said my name was a mouthful?”

“I did,” she agreed, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “But I wanted to hear how it felt coming out of my mouth before I passed judgment on it.”

“And?” Max asked. _I have to be out of my mind,_ he thought. _Obviously, I’m delirious from the pain and I’m probably passed out in a ball on the floor right now_. Feeling the strength returning to his fingers, he tightened his grip slightly around her wrist, the warmth coming from her hand feeling oddly convincing. “How did it feel?”

Trying to push past the searing pain, he noticed a flicker of amusement pass behind her eyes before she responded. “Perfect,” she replied, tracing her thumb over his bleeding knuckles and sending a cooling sensation over them. “It suits you perfectly, Max.” 

“Oh?” His hand no longer felt like it was dipped in lava, and Max felt a strange sensation in his gut at the thought of her releasing him from his grip. “I feel a bit deprived… you haven’t given me the chance to see how your name sounds tumbling from my lips.”

The boldness of his statement shocked him, but he found that he didn’t care- _if this is delirium, then let it be a pleasant one,_ he thought. _I’ll be dead soon enough- may as well enjoy this while I can._

As if he’d spoken aloud, the woman began to laugh. “You think I’m a dream, don’t you?”

“Of course,” Max said with a laugh, flexing his now-unbroken fingers back and forth. “What other reason could there be for something as wondrous as this?”

“What’s so wondrous about it?” the woman asked. “Do you often punch walls and have dreams of being rescued by ephemeral beings?”

For the first time since he’d been locked away, Max noticed he felt at peace as her other hand remained on his leg. “I didn’t previously,” he said honestly. Then he looked into her face and smiled. “But if this is the result... then maybe I should.” 

Her dark curls swayed gently around her face as her body shook with light laughter. “You’re a right cheeky bastard, aren’t you?”

As he took a closer look, he noticed she was wearing a thin gold dress that bared her shoulders, and it was taking all his willpower not to reach out and see if the rest of her skin was as soft and smooth as her hands. “You must be cold,” he remarked instead, knowing how chilly his cell usually was. “I’m surprised you aren’t freezing in here.”

“Dreams don’t get cold,” she remarked with a smile, deliberately tracing patterns across his threadbare pants. “It’s one of the perks.” 

Before he could stop himself, Max frowned. “But I don’t want you to be a dream,” he told her, placing his hand on hers. “This is the best I’ve felt since I’ve been here.”

“Strange,” she said as she glanced down at his hand on hers. “I almost think you believe that, Maximillian.”

“I do,” he answered, staring into those strange green eyes again. “I’ve been rescued by a dashing and beautiful woman who appears to be enjoying my company- why wouldn’t I want this to be real?”

“So what happens when you go back out there?” the woman asked, her eyes searching his face as a hand reached out to his scruffy beard, the coarse hairs ragged and unkempt from the extended time in his cell. “Isn’t it pointless to be happy in a dream, only to be miserable out there?”

He closed his eyes as he inhaled the scent of her- she smelled of the sea and spices, earthy and sweet at the same time, and he wanted to bottle up the scent and savor it for later. “Sometimes,” Max said thoughtfully, “the dreams are all we have. I’d rather have this than the nightmares I’ve had for the last few years, that’s for certain.”

“Tell you what,” she said, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. “I’ll make a deal with you, you odd little man.” He shivered as her hair tickled his cheek, and he found himself placing a hand on her shoulder, pressing her closer to him. “When you wake up, no doubt you'll be tempted to dismiss this encounter as a strange dream. But,” she said, trailing a soft finger down his cheek, “if you can accept what might initially seem too strange to be true, then I think we can talk again, Maximillian DeSoto.” 

“And if I do, will you tell me your name?” Max asked, leaning closer and feeling emboldened by the nearness of the woman next to him. “I want to know who you are.” 

Max decided that her laugh was one of the sweetest things he’d ever heard, and he wanted to make her do it again and again. “You want to know a lot of things, don’t you?” she asked as she placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “But alas, I think it’s time we parted, my odd and fragile little man.”

“Most people would take you calling them little as an insult,” Max said, not daring to open his eyes. “How do you think I should take it, Watcher?” 

“Take it however you like,” she said happily. Before he could say another word, he heard that laugh of hers as he felt her lips brush over his ear, sending another shiver of delight down his spine. “It’s not my job to make you happy, Maximillian DeSoto.” 

\--

The next day, Max found himself curled up in a ball on the floor of his cell, cradling his hand. It definitely didn’t feel broken, and when he looked up at the wall, he didn’t see the blood streak he’d expected to. _It was a dream_ , he thought groggily, looking his hand over and checking for damage. _A very realistic and strange dream, but a dream nonetheless._

Max wanted to let this go, but the twinge in his gut made him pause. _I wish it wasn’t just a dream,_ he thought. The fact that the most pleasurable experience he’d had in the last few years was nothing more than a hallucination was sobering, but not surprising- solitary confinement could do strange things to a person. Letting out a deep sigh, Max got up from the floor and moved to sit on the cold bunk, closing his eyes as he placed his head in his hands. _It’s a shame... I want to know more about her._

Sitting for a moment and trying to collect his thoughts, Max opened his eyes, then gasped as he looked at his pants. Instantly he felt all his notions of the world spinning around him as he looked down, finding a small, bloody fingerprint… exactly where she’d pressed on his thigh when she’d kissed him on the ear. 

_ _

* * *

_That was interesting,_ Nia thought, a small smile playing across her lips. The man wasn’t wrong- the guards there would have certainly let him die a slow, painful death if she hadn’t erased his actions. And though she was loathed to admit it, she found that spending those moments teasing the man in the cell had been… _fun_. More fun than she’d had in a long, long, time. 

_Will he notice?_ Nia wondered, looking down and seeing the red stain coating her thumb. It was small, but it’d definitely show up. If he was looking for proof, he’d find it, but if he wasn’t he could easily ignore it, chalking it up to dirt and other debris he’d have the misfortune of being exposed to in that lonely, dirty cell. 

She wanted to see what he would choose, but every time she tried to see what would happen, his threads would swirl around like ghosts, never landing or settling. Frowning, she tried plucking a random thread from the aether, feeling that familiar tug as she found one and watched the choices lay themselves out in front of her. _Odd_ , she thought, scanning the path that had opened up to her. _This one is perfectly clear- why aren't his?_

Realizing that she’d unintentionally taken on a task, Nia sighed as she scanned the choices she’d opened up- though she hadn’t planned on it, she now had a duty to follow the path. If she didn’t, it would hammer in her head until she did something about it, and that was a feeling she had no intention of repeating any time soon.

She’d tried this once before, and Philip had just given her a knowing smile when she’d refused to help the first time, saying that eventually, life would move on, with or without her interference. The old man had just looked up from his tea, choosing to gently remind her that time moves differently in the between, and just because she decided to ignore something didn’t mean that it was going to ignore her. Initially, Nia thought he was being deliberately obtuse in that infuriating way of his, but she soon found out that when the thudding between her ears started driving her mad, Philip simply pointed her in the direction of the thread she’d been ignoring. Sure enough, the shimmering fibers were pulsating in rhythm to the pounding in her head, and once she’d thrown her hands up in exasperation and set off to do her duty, the pain in her head began to subside. When Philip laughed at her irritation, Nia scowled at the old man, but never again did she pull a thread she had no intention of assisting with- it wasn’t worth it. 

_So if I can view this one,_ Nia mused, _why can’t I see his?_

As she headed off, she pushed the thoughts off to the back of her mind. _It’s not important... I’ll figure it out later._

_ _

* * *

Max sat on the cold floor, reeling from the revelation all day. He’d taken his meal in stony silence and proceeded to do push-ups on the floor in an effort to ignore his racing thoughts, but they soon started to bleed into his exercise, slowly weaving their way into his mind.

_Thirty-eight... Who was she? How did she find me?_

_Thirty-nine… Was she real? How did she fix my hand?_

_Forty… Will I see her again?_

This last one made him pause, hovering on his knuckles as he stared at the floor, the sweat dripping from his hair and onto the floor. “Are you real?” Max asked aloud, crumbling to his knees and staring at the wall. _I want to see her again_ , he thought. _I don’t want it to be a dream._

“Why do you think I am?” the voice asked, sending a ripple down his spine. 

Max was awake, he was sure of it, but if that was true… “I don’t know what to think anymore,” he replied wearily, not daring to look up and not have anyone there with him. “I’ve been here too long and I’m not sure if I’m ever going to leave, so all things considered, hallucinating a beautiful woman wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

“You’ll leave,” she said with certainty. “If there wasn’t hope for you, then I wouldn’t be here.”

Her words tugged at Max’s heart, but he couldn’t gather the courage to look up- he didn’t want to risk seeing the empty walls of the cell where her face should be. “But that goes back to my original question,” he replied. “If you’re here with me, then you can’t be real, which just means I’m now being tortured inside and out.” 

“Reality is a funny thing,” she said softly. Max felt his breath hitch in his throat as he heard the sounds of her settling down on the floor next to him, and he could swear he could smell the scent of salt and cinnamon wafting around him. “But if it will make you feel better,” she whispered in his ear, “I’ll let you in on a secret.”

Max stiffened, every nerve in his body now keyed to her presence. “Considering the dire situation I’m in, I’d love to know what you think might make me feel better.” _Knowing your name and touching you would make me feel better,_ Max thought. _I need something, anything… I just need to know I’m not crazy._

“Even if something is improbable, that doesn’t make it impossible,” she told him, placing a hand on his leg- when her hand touched him, Max wondered if she could hear the thudding of his heart. “Sometimes, there’s more to things than what’s just on the surface.”

“I’d like to believe that,” he said sadly, “but I’m not sure if I can.” He looked up, and against all hope, he saw those same brilliant green eyes staring back at him. “Maybe we can start with you keeping your promise,” he said softly, tentatively reaching out to touch her hand and letting out a sigh of relief when it felt warm and solid beneath his fingers. “What’s your name?”

“Nia,” she said, wrapping her fingers around his. “It’s nice to officially meet you, Maximillian DeSoto.”

He looked up at her with wide eyes, feeling awash with excitement and tension at approaching something so unknown. “Is this a dream?” Max asked, struggling to focus while being so close to her. "What is this?"

She shook her head. “We’re between the moments,” she said slowly, and he could tell that she watching him for a reaction. “The spaces between time, if you want to be specific about it.” 

Though his head was spinning, Max was never one to turn down a challenge, and he had no intention of starting now. “Prove it,” he said quickly, crossing his arms. “How do I know you’re telling the truth?” 

Nia laughed at him again, and despite his trepidation, Max felt his heart start to flutter in excitement. “Because I can manipulate things in this state,” she replied proudly, leaning over and tapping Max gently on his nose. “Ew,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “You smell terrible.” 

Thoroughly embarrassed by her simple yet truthful statement, Max shrank back, suddenly self-conscious. “My apologies,” he said, trying to hide his discomfort. “We don’t often get shower time, plus I was working out to stave off boredom, and-”

She waved a hand at him dismissively. “Bah, I’ve been up on the streets long enough to not let a little sweat and grime bother me. So,” she said with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, “can I do something to prove it to you?”

He leaned back against the wall, trying to make his disheveled appearance less noticeable. “I suppose.”

“Good,” she said, standing up and extending her hand to him with a smile. “Are you ready to see the world the way I do, Maximillian DeSoto?”

He paused for a moment, then found himself locking eyes with her. _What have I got to lose,_ Max thought. _If I’m crazy, then I’ll be crazy and alone in this cell, just as I was before. If, for some law-forsaken reason I haven’t lost my mind, then…_ “I can’t leave my cell,” he blurted out, feeling extremely stupid the moment the words left his mouth. “I don’t want to get into any more trouble,” he mumbled, rubbing his hand up and down his arms. “That’s all.” 

She laughed again. “I can assure you- no one will notice your absence. Unless,” she teased, leaning closer and trailing a finger lightly up his arm, “you’re too scared to try something new.”

Max knew he’d been had, but he hardly cared- he squared his shoulders and looked her in the eyes, trying not to stare at the curve of her lips as she smiled at him. Instead, he noted the easy way she stood at his side and decided to reach out for her, eager to see what this strange woman could show him. “I’m ready,” he said quietly. “Show me.”

“Then close your eyes,” she replied, taking his hand and lacing his fingers in hers. “And hold on tight, Maximillian DeSoto.” 

He did, and instantly he felt the change in the air around him. “Can I open my eyes,” Max said quietly, too nervous to do anything without clearing it with Nia, lest he discovered she had disappeared and left him alone in his cell again. 

“If you like,” Nia said softly. “Welcome to my house,” she said. “Make yourself at home.” 

Max opened his eyes and gasped. To his surprise, he found himself staring at a large white house in the middle of a field full of grass and flowers. It looked like something out of an old vid he’d seen long ago, and Max found himself marveling at all the multicolored blossoms lining the path. “It’s beautiful,” he said, lightly tracing his hands over the white and pink flowers. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” 

She laughed, clapping her hands with delight. He noticed she was wearing that shimmery gold dress again, but she wasn’t wearing any shoes, and her hair was tied away from her face in two twisted ropes on either side of her head. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, but she still looked as lovely as a painting, and Max suddenly felt very dirty and out of sorts in this beautiful place. “I’m glad you like it,” she said. “C’mon, let’s get you a shower- I’m sure you’re dying to get cleaned up.” Then she paused and bit her lip. “I do apologize, but you’re only going to have about thirty of your minutes here before you start to feel a bit out of sorts- it’s not meant for living people to be here while you’re awake, I’m afraid.” 

It was his turn to laugh. “For a shower and decent conversation? I’ll take the pain, thank you very much- It’ll just serve to prove to me how real this all is later on.” 

“You’re a strange one, DeSoto,” Nia said with a smirk, taking his hand and racing toward the house. “But I think I rather like your style.” She led him inside, and Max’s eyes roamed the spacious house, frantically trying to take everything in. “The bathroom is this way,” she said, gesturing to the large room in front of him. “I doubt you want to smell like an English tea rose, so think about the scent you like best and surprise me. Towels are next to the shower, water gets super hot, so be careful. Leave your clothes outside the door and I’ll clean them up for you- who knows the next time you’ll get laundry in that place."

She was babbling at this point, but Max didn't care- he was too entranced by his surroundings and the sound of her voice. Nia must not have noticed his wonder, because she kept on talking, her hands gesturing furiously. "I trust that you won’t slit your throat or anything in my house, so there are a razor and scissors in there, too.” Finally out of steam, she leaned against the doorframe and her eyes seemed to flit across his face, never alighting on one thing for too long. “Are you sure you’re going to be ok? The longer you stay, the worse you’re going to feel when you return.”

“I’ll be fine,” Max said, working hard not to sound too eager. “But I must get into the facilities,” he said with a smile. “This place is much too nice for someone in my current state, Nia.”

“Pshh,” she said dismissively. “If you’re sure, then come find me on the patio when you finish so we can have a proper tea and a chat.” She gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder and walked off, leaving him alone in the palatial bathroom. 

As he stripped out of his filthy clothes, he gingerly tossed them out the door, horribly embarrassed to even disgrace this beautiful place with his grime. _Please let this not be a dream,_ he thought as he turned on the shower and let the steam begin to fill the room. Once the room was deliciously warm and foggy, Max stepped into the spray and let out a moan as the water hit his body. If it wasn’t real, he couldn’t tell- the water was warm, cleaning away the horrible filth and grime that had been accumulating from his time in the prison and giving him a sense of dignity he hadn't felt in a very long time. Feeling grateful for the chance to be alone in this wonderful room, Max took his time, wanting to be as presentable as possible for the strange woman who’d done more for him than anyone in Halcyon had in years. 

Scrubbed pink from the steaming shower and clean-shaven, Max stepped out of the shower and noticed that there was a pile of new-looking clothes in the bathroom. For a minute he wondered how she’d gotten his clothes in such a state and in the room with him without him noticing but brushed away the thought as quickly as it had come. I _t’s not worth asking,_ he decided. _This is by no means the strangest thing about today, so I’ll reserve judgment until later._

Once he was dressed, Max ran a hand along his now-smooth jaw and looked at his long, dark blonde hair in the mirror. It was finally clean for the first time in ages, but Max hated it. Its length was a stark reminder of his time in Tartarus, and if he had the chance… he wanted it _gone_. Seeing the long strands in the mirror, Max felt a bubbling sensation of grief and sadness rolling through his stomach, and he tried to not let out the cry that wanted to break from his throat. _Please let this be real,_ he thought, snatching up the scissors and looking at his grief-stricken reflection. _Please don’t let this be a dream._

_ _

* * *

When Max emerged from the bathroom, Nia couldn’t help but let out a gasp of surprise at the man who was leaning in the doorway. Without all the dirt and disarray, the man standing in front of her was gorgeous- his body was long and lean, and his freshly-shaven jaw brought an obscene amount of attention to his lips, which Nia promptly tried to ignore. Unable to form coherent thoughts, she said the first thing that came to her mind. “You cut your hair.”

He smiled as he walked over to the seat next to her, running his hands over his now clean and chin-length dark blonde hair. “Yes,” he said sheepishly. “I hate long hair- even this is too long for me, but I am grateful for any chance to feel more like myself.” The man took a look around, then settled his eyes on Nia. “Thank you… for the first time in years, I feel human again.”

“I’m glad.” She reached for the teapot, pouring them each a glass of tea- the beverage would help him with the bout of nausea that he would certainly have upon his return. “Crumpet?” She extended the plate to him, then made a motion to the preserves and clotted cream. “Please, eat something- I know it might not look familiar, but-”

“It’s not that,” Max said huskily, his eyes roaming over the table. “It’s just… this is amazing. I just hope this is real,” he quietly, running his hand over his hair again. “I’d rather think I was crazy than have this turn out to just be a dream.”

Without thinking, Nia reached for his hand and was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t pull away. “Would you… _want_ to see me in your dreams, Max?” For some reason, Nia felt at ease with the strange man and decided to tell him the truth- if he got offended, she could always have him forget this whole endeavor later. “I’d like to talk to you again since I’m by myself lately, and…” she paused to look away, only to be brought back to his gaze from the light pressure on her hand. “I find I’m rather lonely, so if you would like to chat…” her voice trailed off and she shrugged, unwilling to give him the chance to reject an outright offer, “I wouldn’t be opposed.”

The smile on the man’s face was unmistakable, and Nia wished she still had a heart at that moment because she was sure it would’ve skipped a beat. “I would like that very much, Nia. Thirty minutes hardly seems like enough time to unlock all your secrets. Plus,” Max said as he jammed a pastry in his mouth, “it’s not like I have much else competing for my attention at the moment.”

Nia raised an eyebrow, then leaned in close enough to feel the sensation of his breath against her skin. “So,” she said teasingly, “am I nothing more than an oddity to help you pass your time in solitary, Maximillian?” 

“Never,” he answered quickly, his gaze remaining locked to hers in spite of their proximity. “You’re a fountain of knowledge worthy of study for hours on end, and right now I have all the hours in the day to give you. I can think of no better way than spending my solitude in contemplation, conversation, and study with you, Nia.” 

Trying her best not to blush, Nia brushed a hair behind her air and leaned back, fiddling with the food on her plate. “You’re quite the charmer, Maximillian- if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were flirting with me.”

“No!” Max said vehemently, then blushed scarlet when she gave him a patient look. “Wait, I didn’t mean it like that!” He waved his arms wildly, which only served to make Nia chuckle as she sipped her tea. “I only meant that I truly want to spend time with you- I meant no offense.”

“None taken,” Nia replied, hoping to set him at ease. “If you want to meet in your dreams, I’d be more than happy to spend the time with you.”

A slight frown crossed his face, and Max ran a hand over his hair again before setting the other on hers. “For me, dreams tend to be transient things,” he said slowly, his expression signifying she had his full attention. “I’d hate to have a glorious time with you and forget all about it once I awake.”

She looked down at their hands, which were still entwined on the tabletop. Max followed her gaze and immediately tried to pull back, but she quickly tightened her grip and smiled at him, feeling a strange sensation in her chest when he smiled back. “Maximillian DeSoto,” she said, staring at him and trying to memorize every line in his face, “as long as you want to remember them, our dreams together will never fade… that, I promise.”

“That’s good,” he said, not moving his hand from hers, “because I don’t ever want to forget.”

_ _

* * *

With a start, Max’s eyes flew open and they darted around his cell, feeling extremely panicked when he realized that he was back in Tartarus. Nia was nowhere to be found, and he ran his hand over his head, feeling his nerves rise…

Until he noticed his hair was still short and his clothes were still clean. 

Max flopped back against the bunk, his head reeling with all the information swimming inside of it. _It wasn’t a dream,_ he mused. _I was actually there, in that place!_ Max sighed, staring up at the ceiling with a look of pure wonder on his face. _By the architect,_ Max thought breathlessly, _I have so many questions!_

Suddenly, a thought struck him and Max bolted upright, feeling a shooting pain in the back of his skull that immediately made him lie back down. _She must know the plan,_ he thought. _A being like her has to have a clue as to what the Architect’s plan is. It took me being sent to prison for it, but I’m going to unlock these secrets,_ he thought gleefully. _I’m finally getting somewhere._

Sighing with happiness despite the ache in his head, Max reached his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, still able to taste the clotted cream and preserves on his lips as he drifted off to a dreamless and well-deserved sleep.

_ _

* * *

Nia hadn’t found someone that intrigued her this much in a very long time. 

Once he had agreed to their meetings, Nia constantly found herself visiting Max’s days and dreams, happily listening to the stories of the man that found himself locked away simply for pursuing knowledge. Though she hadn’t talked to another living soul in a very long time, she found that inviting Max to her space was relaxing in a way she hadn’t expected- his questions and fervent devotion to his cause intrigued her, and even in the space of what she considered irrefutable proof of the futility of his plan, the man continued to debate with her about his beliefs. However, there was no ill-will between them at the end of such sessions- instead of hurt words and ruffled feelings, Max and Nia would often sit on the bench with a beverage in hand, lost in quiet contemplation until Nia had to sadly return him to the world of the living. 

Even though she spent tons of time with Max over the year, his threads remained a mystery to her- some things were clear, but most of the time, his paths were about as solid as smoke, always wavering and hovering just out of her reach. One of the things she knew for certain was that he had a huge part to play in the future of his world- every time he started to doubt himself she would gently remind him that she could see a tiny bit further than he could, and maybe he should exercise a bit more patience. However, Max would quickly point out that patience was not his strong suit, making her laugh and tease him a little more

Once, she’d thought that she was spending too much time with him and tried to let him go, but this had proved to be a terrible idea- instead of moving on, Max just called out for her in his dreams every night, sounding even more lost each time she didn’t answer. When he’d taken to screaming her name in the real world she finally relented, appearing from the shadows and receiving a crushing hug and a scolding unlike any she’d ever had the chance to experience in her life. His reaction was a mixture of anger, hurt, and relief, and he’d made her promise to never disappear on him in that manner again. She’d tried to play it off, but he refused to let the matter lie, honing his laser-like focus on her until she acquiesced and agreed, giving her a relieved smile as he gave her a much gentler hug, thanking her for returning and telling her that friends don’t do things like that to one another. 

_Friends_ , she mused as she tended her garden that evening, smiling to herself at the memory. _That’s a new concept._

Nia had never really had friends before- she was always too self-involved for that, and a friend on the street tended to be a liability in her line of work. Partners, yes, but friends? Never. If she stretched the limits of the word, she might have considered Philip a friend, but not really- if anything, he was more like a father. He’d taught her everything, listened to her rage against the injustices of her life, and never judged her, but she’d never taken the time to get to know him or understand his motivations for doing what he’d done- it was one of the few regrets she had. 

She told Max this one evening as they lay on the ground under the night sky, watching the stars. Nia had long ago committed the constellations to memory, naming them off to Max with pure joy as they rested on the ground and stared up into the darkness together. She was lost in the story of Orion’s Belt when she felt Max shifting next to her, startling her out of her lecture. Sheepishly, she tucked a hair behind her ear and realized she was probably boring him with her rambling. “Sorry… I get excited about the stars- I didn’t mean to drone on about it.”

However, Max didn’t look anything resembling bored- he was lying on his side with his elbow on the ground, his head resting in his hand as he stared at her, entranced. She blushed a little at the easy smile playing on his lips and cocked an eyebrow upward at him before rolling on her side. “What,” she asked, leaning forward a little. “I thought I was boring you.”

“Never,” he replied. “It’s one of the few times I see you come alive. When you talk about the stars,” he said, shifting so he could be even closer to her, “it’s like you’re a different person.” 

“I hope it’s a good kind of different,” Nia replied, lowering her gaze. “There was never much time for this type of thing when I was alive. Now,” she said sadly, “I have all the time in the world yet no one to share it with.”

“You’ve got me,” Max said, reaching out and touching her cheek with his fingers- she was startled by the gentle sensation, but tried her best to not appear flustered. “Out of all the people in the universe, I’m honored you chose me to share it with you.”  
  
She laughed, leaning into his touch but looking down at the grass instead, tracing patterns in the dirt with her fingertips. “You’re just saying that because I’m the only one you can spend time with, Maximillian.”

Max stiffened, but to her surprise, he didn’t pull away. “Don’t do that,” he said sharply. “I deserve more than that, Nia.” 

Nia looked up and was stunned by the heat in his glare. They were closer than she had realized, and she could feel the heat coming off him as his light green eyes gave her a look of disappointment and something else she was sure she was misreading. “Do what, Maximillian?”

He frowned again. “That. You’re using my full name again," he said firmly. "You do that when you try to push me away… why? What have I done to you to deserve that?”

She’d been alone so long that she’d never even noticed how her demeanor could be seen to others, and suddenly she felt a sense of shame at her mistreatment of the young man. “I’m sorry,” Nia said honestly. “I’m just not used to people caring about me… or caring about other people, for that matter.” She started to lower her gaze but she felt her chin being lifted, forcing herself to look at the man in front of her. “You’re my only friend,” she whispered, “ but I just don’t want you feeling like you have to be here- I always vowed that everyone would always have the choice I didn’t have, so I’m never interested in keeping anyone who doesn’t want to stay.”

To her ultimate surprise, Max _laughed_. “For someone who says she can see the very threads of fate, you don’t listen all that well, do you?” 

“I beg your pardon?” Nia asked, marveling at the man that never ceased to amaze her. “What do you mean?”

“I told you... I’m _honored_ to be here with you, you daft woman.” And before she could protest, Max surged forward, cradling her cheeks in his hands as he pressed his lips to hers, sending her thoughts into a tailspin before she remembered she had limbs. Finding her footing, Nia ran her fingers over his now-shortened hair, savoring the foreign sensation of him against her beneath the night sky. 

He smelled like freshly cut grass and the whiskey they’d shared earlier, with hints of fresh earth from their time under the stars. She’d asked him once why he chose that scent whenever he showered, and he told her that it was one he’d used when he was younger, working on his parent’s farm. She’d given him a look of surprise, saying she’d never pictured a scholar working a plot of land, but Max had only blushed and said she was one of the only people to know about his past before joining OSI. Jokingly, she’d kissed him on the cheek and told him his secret was safe with her, but now she wondered if the look he’d given her was as innocent as she’d originally thought.

When their tongues touched, Nia could taste the sweetness from their attempts to bake cookies earlier that day. Max had insisted that he could do it, despite never seeing a proper oven in his life, but Nia had been more than willing to let him try. Though the endeavor had simply devolved into a food fight when his creations turned into gelatinous blobs, they’d laughed and eaten them anyway, each vowing to do better next time. With both of them covered in frosting and flour, Max had stood in front of her, his hands splayed on the kitchen counter at her sides, and she’d taken her finger and placed a dab of frosting on the tip of his nose. Laughing, she watched her friend scowl just before she’d reached up and licked off the cream, giggling the entire time.

She’d thought Max was angry when she noticed him stiffen up, but it was quickly forgotten when he chose to dip his hand in the rest of the frosting and chase her around the kitchen. Nia's shrieks of joy and his whoops of laughter made her forget about his odd reaction for the moment, but now that she could taste the sugar and cream on his lips, Nia wondered if he was debating doing something like this back then, and to her surprise, she found herself wishing he had. 

It was Max who pulled away first, looking as if it were the first time he’d gotten to breathe air. His face was flush with excitement under the night sky and his eyes were searching her face, uncertainty clearly hovering just behind the veneer of calm he was trying to project. “Nia,” he said, running his hands over her now-tangled curls, “I have a confession.” 

“And I’m happy to listen,” she replied, feeling so light that she was scared that she might float away if he took his hand away from her. “What’s on your mind, Max?” 

Obviously pleased by the use of his shortened name, Max gave her a relieved smile as he gestured for her to move closer, resting her head against his chest as they stared up into the heavens. “I’m in love with my best friend,” he said softly, resting his chin lightly on her head. “She’s the weirdest woman I’ve ever known, but she makes me feel like there’s nothing on Halcyon I couldn’t do. Before you think she’s perfect,” Max teased, “I do admit that I wonder if she’s insane sometimes- she comes up with the oddest theories.” He tried to keep his tone serious, but he ended up letting out a laugh when Nia poked him in the ribs. Max leaned over and scowled at her, but then he kissed her on the forehead and pulled her closer. “But she’s got a good heart, even if she does try to hide it.” 

His lips were practically in her hair now, and she could feel the warmth of his breath against her scalp. “This amazing woman could be anywhere she wanted in the universe, but she’s chosen to spend the last year of my life with me. I don’t know what I’ve ever done or could do to deserve something so wonderful as having her lie out here and talk with me at length all about the wonders in the night sky.” He shifted her slightly so she could look up at him, and Nia felt tears in her eyes. Nia never cried- she hadn't even done it when Philip told her he was leaving, but now she felt an overwhelming sense of _relief_ as the tears streamed down her cheeks. “And I’m just an ordinary bastard that’s scared he’ll never be able to have a woman so amazing but I want to try anyway. Would that be crazy?” 

He gave her such a wonderful smile that Nia was certain that Max had stopped the world from moving. “I don’t think it’s crazy at all,” she whispered, “Because I think I’m in love with my best friend, too.” 


	13. Like keys in a lock

_ _

* * *

“What did you do?” Max spat at Nia as he stormed in the garden. “And don’t lie- I know you had something to do with this!” 

Nia just blinked, looking up from her seat on the ground. She’d been jotting down a few of her thoughts around some techniques Philip had taught her, but Max’s sudden outburst had thrown her off. “I’m afraid I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about- I haven’t seen you in days, Max.” She placed the book down next to her and got to her feet, smoothing her flowing green dress as she walked carefully toward the agitated man. “Care to share what has you so upset, or do you just plan to spend your time here yelling at me?” 

Once her arms were looped around his neck, Max deflated. “I’m being released from solitary,” he said sadly, holding her by the waist. “Starting tomorrow morning, they want me to handle the prison ministry… to ‘resume my duties in a controlled environment’, they said.”

“I must admit, I’m at a loss, Max," Nia said, looking up at him with confusion. "Isn’t that a _good_ thing?”

 _“No!”_ he said vehemently, then frowned when he saw the look on her face. “Well, _yes_ , but…” his voice trailed off, then he sighed. “I don’t want to leave you. Are you trying to get rid of me? Is it because of what I said the other day about your nonsense about choices? I-” 

“Darling,” she said, cutting him off with a kiss, “how many times have I told you that you have a greater part to play? This change,” she said, running her hand up and down his arm, “is a _good_ thing. It means you're moving along your path.” She beamed up at him, seeing the only clear thread she had for him solidifying before her eyes “I’m proud of you, Maximillian.”

He caught her using his full name and he frowned slightly before tightening his grip on her waist. “Did you do this, Nia?” 

“We’ve had the best year of my life,” she replied, guiding him to sit next to her on the grass. “And though I wouldn't change a thing, I made a huge mistake- my duty was to watch, not get involved.”

“But you did,” he said, giving her a kiss that made her feel like her soul was on fire. “You found me, Nia. You saved my life.”

“You saved yourself, Max,” she replied, kissing him back. “And I’m not sure it wasn’t you who did the saving.” She sighed, looking away. “You make me want more, Max.”

A smirk tugged across his lips, despite his earlier distress. “Like what?”

“You make me want to be alive again,” she whispered, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice. “All this time, I hated what I’d become, but I was content to miserably exist. But,” she said, looking up at the man who meant more to her than he should, “you made me feel like I had a purpose.” 

“Sounds as if you’re in love,” Max teased, sitting down on the grass and guiding her to sit next to him. “So if that’s the case, why don’t we both say hang this whole destiny thing of yours and I stay here with you? The plan obviously wants us both here with each other,” he murmured as he buried his face in her neck. “I say let's just stay here, together- why are we even trying to fight it?”

“Because you know I can’t do that,” Nia said sadly. “I’ve always known I was doomed to watch for the rest of my days, and I won’t subject you to a life like that.” She scowled, but Max placed a hand in the small of her back and she sighed. “I guess it's my punishment for being such a shitty person when I was alive.” 

“I don’t understand,” he said, not raising his face from her shoulder. “How is it that when it comes to me, there’s no plan- it’s all ‘I have the choice to control my fate’ or ‘my decisions shape my destiny’, but when I tell you to screw your path and choose me, I get ‘it is what it is.’ You are many things, love, but a hypocrite has never been one of them, so pick.”

“Pick?” Nia asked with a sad smile as Max straddled her, forcing her to lie down on the ground. “I can’t pick- that’s the beauty of it. My fate is interwoven with others- I won’t take their choices away.” 

Max leaned down over her, his expression serious. “Am I one of those others?” 

Nia thought about lying, but she felt sick at the thought of being dishonest with him. _Strange,_ she mused. _In my old life, I wouldn’t have thought twice about telling him a fib in order to get what I wanted- now, the idea sickens me._ “You are,” she admitted. “But I refuse to choose for you, Max- you have your own life to live, and I’m not stealing yours like mine was stolen from me.” 

“Then let me choose,” he said, pressing a kiss to her lips. “Give me the information and let me make the decision. Otherwise, we’re going to say the plan is correct and I’ve been right all this time… which I’ll also accept.” 

She laughed. “Fine,” she said. “I’m in love with you, Maximillian DeSoto.”

“So far, so good- that matches up,” he said, trailing his fingers down her dress before sneaking them underneath, the rough pads of his hands setting the skin on her thighs on fire. “What else?” 

Trying to focus on anything but the feeling of his hands creeping up her body, Nia closed her eyes. “I have two options- let things continue as they always have, or change them.” 

“These don’t sound like world-shattering revelations,” he remarked, sliding her dress up over her hips and lowering his head, placing soft kisses on her exposed skin. “What’s involved in changing it?” 

She felt like she was turning into a puddle as he guided her dress over her head- forming coherent thoughts was getting harder and harder by the second. “I’d have to be human again.”

Max raised his head, but his right hand moved even lower, making her squeal when he dipped it into the band of her underwear. “I’m liking this more and more,” he replied, using his fingers to trace small patterns along her folds - when she whimpered, he brought his other hand to her chin. “Think about it,” he said, placing a kiss on her lips before reaching for her hand and threading his fingers in hers. “We could be together, Nia.”

Not wanting to break his heart or the spell he was casting over her, Nia brought her mouth to his, the deep kiss effectively silencing him as she gripped his hand in hers.

_ _

* * *

Max was about to start pleading his case, but he found himself unable to speak when her mouth pressed into his with an urgency that sent his brain reeling. Though she hadn’t spoken a word, the message was clear- _stop talking_.

And from the heat and wetness pooling around his fingers, Max had gotten the other message loud and clear as well. 

He brought his teeth over the lacy fabric of her bra, watching with excitement as her body arched back into his hand. At the sight of her pleasure, Max decided he’d never been happier to be in solitary confinement because he just knew he had a raging hard-on that he fully intended to take care of right now, appropriateness be damned. Max had the woman he loved literally in the palm of his hand underneath an unfathomably warm night sky, and he had every intention of making love to her until he woke up ragged and spent.

As he guided her back to the ground, he moved the hand from her back to slide down her underwear, never wanting to break the connection that had her whimpering his name with every stroke. By now Max knew they were making a mess of her plants, but he couldn’t be bothered to care- this was much more important. If she was truly upset about it, he’d happily plant her a new one, wearing a shit-eating grin the entire time.

Seeing one of the decimated flowers as he discarded her underwear, Max reached for one of the petals, carefully trailing it along the valley between her breasts. Instantly, her eyes flew open, the combination of the feather-light touch combined with the constant rhythm inside her making her look as if she couldn’t decide if she wanted to run away or press herself into him. Her body shuddering under his hand made him even more irritated by the sight of beautiful yet restricting bra across her chest, so Max made quick work of removing the offending garment by tossing it over his head and sending it flying into the garden behind him. He wasn’t sure where it’d end up, but he also realized he didn’t give a single fuck about it either- _we’ll go back inside naked_ , he thought with a smirk as he began to remove his shirt, barley realizing that Nia had come back to a semblance of her senses beneath him and was moving closer. 

As he discarded his shirt, he felt a hand on his leg and blinked, quite surprised to see his pants and briefs lying next to him on the ground. Max cocked an eyebrow at the naked young woman below him, biting back a laugh when she just gave him a cheeky little shrug and took him in her hands, making him hiss as she began stroking his shaft. _This woman_ , he thought as she placed her mouth on the tip of his cock, dragging her tongue around in a lazy circle that made his eyes roll in the back of his head. _She’s going to be the death of me._ Her lips tightened around him and Max thought for sure he was going to bend in half- his hands dug into her shoulders, and he could feel the distinct sensation of her laughing as she took him in her mouth. The entire world was swimming around him, and between the sight of her staring up at him with his dick in her mouth and the colorful petals stuck all over her sweaty skin, Max wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to see a flower without instantly getting hard in the future. 

Unable to take anymore, he gently guided her away from him, eager to be inside her. However, if Nia felt his urgency, she didn’t show it- instead, she just smiled a wicked smile, seductively gesturing for him to lie down next to her, and Max had to stop himself from shaking his head as he complied with her request. As she approached him, he felt the pangs of anticipation and realized that it didn’t matter one whit that he’d started this little session- he should’ve known that Nia was going to finish it her way. He watched with amazement and reverence as his lover straddled him and guided his hands along the curve of her hips, feeling humbled at the fact that he and this impossible woman fit together like keys in a lock. 

“I love you,” he said. It was the first thing he’d said since she’d silenced him, but Max knew he couldn’t go another moment without saying it. 

For a brief moment, he’d thought she’d be irritated that he’d spoken again, but as soon as the thought entered his head it left, quickly chased away by her leaning against his ear, her dark hair tickling his nose just as it had the very first time she’d kissed him. “And I love you, Maximillian DeSoto… I’ve loved you since the moment I met you.” 

When he heard her words he let out a surprised gasp, tightening his grip on her hips and pulling her to look at him. “Don’t toy with me like that,” he said, running his hands up her back and cupping her shoulder blades. “Please don’t.”

Her eyes were sparkling, perfect in the moonlight, even with her hair going every which way with colorful petals strewn everywhere. “Who’s toying with you?” Nia asked, adjusting him at her entrance. The heat from between her legs was making him dizzy with lust, and it was all he could do not to bring her down on him with reckless abandon. “Perks of telling the future... I could always tell how I was going to end up,” she whispered as she hovered above his trembling shaft. “I could just never figure out what _you_ would do. It’s always been your choice, Max,” she breathed as she slid down on him, slowly taking him in inch by torturous inch. “It’s always been you.”

Max felt like stars were exploding behind his eyes as she rolled her hips against him, her slow and deliberate rhythm fighting against everything he wanted right then. His brain was a frenzy- one minute he wanted her to slow down so he could get his bearings, the next he wanted to throw her to the ground and fuck every inch of her, make it so she’d be the one waking up drenched in sweat with his name on her lips for a change. It was like there were fifteen different versions of himself fighting for control, and Maximillian DeSoto didn’t care which of them won, as long as he remained inside her. 

Then that damnable woman just had to choose which of his selves would be the victor by lowering her head to his neck, nipping the junction between his neck and collarbone. “Come for me,” she purred, rolling her hips against him. “Take what you want and come for me.”

That did it- Max grabbed her by her hips and arched his hips upward, chasing his release with a punishing pace. Nia let out a scream and Max hesitated, scared he’d done too much- the resulting hand in his chest that threatened to knock the wind out of him told him otherwise. “Don’t you dare fucking stop,” she panted, moving her hand between her legs. “Show me who I fell in love with, Max.”

Her permission granted and his desire peaking at the sight of her pleasuring herself along with him, Max thrust harder, his moans and words bleeding together in an unintelligible jumble. The only thing he could be sure of was that if anyone could see him in his cell, they’d never let him live it down... either that or they'd ask to borrow what materials someone had smuggled in. Sex this good could never just be the product of an overactive imagination, and the feel of her tightening walls around him was proof. If there was ever a doubt that this was real and he was in this space with her, the tiny welts where she’d raked her nails across his chest, the wetness between her legs dripping onto him, and the sting of the tiny rocks in the garden under his back made it crystal clear that this was happening- Max delighted in every sensation, every breath, every moan, and every kiss they shared as they came, her first and him immediately afterward.

Laughing incredulously, Nia ran a hand through her hair as she rolled off him and into her garden, sending up a spray of newly destroyed flowers into the deliciously cooling breeze that rolled over them. "That was amazing, Max."

Spent and euphoric, Max took his hand and threaded it through hers, turning toward her and looking into her eyes. “What would it be like if I kissed you out there?”

Her expression faltered as she ran her hands through his sweaty hair, giving him a soft smile in return. “You can’t kiss eternity, love.”

“But what if I could?” Max could tell she was trying to pull away, and he’d be damned if he lost the best thing he’d ever had. He didn’t believe in her talk of choices and destiny, but the things he’d seen and felt made him willing to have a little faith. If it meant keeping her in his life, he'd do just about anything. “What if you could find me outside of here? What about then?”

“You know I can’t do that,” she said, her eyes roaming across his face, making his heart shatter into pieces every time her eyes found his. “We’ve talked about this.”

“But it’s not fair,” he spat. Max was tired of this talk- they’d had it so many times, and each time she’d politely told him it couldn’t happen. But now, with this new development… they had a _chance_ \- she just needed to take it. “There’s got to be more to life than this suffering, this law-forsaken void," he said, watching her eyes glaze over for a moment as he kissed her, hoping with every bit of his being that she would _listen_ and hear what he was saying. “I refuse to believe that I’ll never be this happy outside my own head.” 

For every bit of the connection they’d just shared, he felt the chasm of distance yanking them further and further apart. “I should’ve never come to you,” she whispered, taking his hands in hers. “I was only supposed to watch, not take you for myself.”

Max did the only thing he could think of- he reached over and stroked her cheek, placing a kiss on her hands. “But you can’t deny you love me,” he said, giving her the smile that never failed to make her laugh, and this time as no exception. When she rolled her eyes, he poked her in the side, taking the chance to goad her just a little. “It seems the architect has a plan for us all, even those that deem themselves above it.” 

“That line of thinking is what landed you here in the first place, darling,” she said with a laugh, kissing him on the forehead that made him sigh with happiness despite her jab at his situation. “Even for one as brilliant as you, there are some secrets that you aren’t meant to know.” She traced her thumb along his hand, then looked up at him with that mischievous grin of hers. “You do realize that your destiny is your own, right? There are still choices you can make that will shape the very core of your existence.”

He raised an eyebrow, then decided he was going to lean into her foolish line of thinking. If she wanted to say that he had all these choices, then she did as well, and she could choose to be with him. She’d always loved arguing with him, and he with her- it was the start and end to many a perfect evening between them, and apparently, this was not to be the exception. “We’ve had this conversation before,” he told her, placing a kiss on her lips when her face set in a petulant pout. “There’s just a path we don’t know the destination to yet.” 

Nia laughed, then kissed him back. “Ah, this old argument again.” He scoffed, but she turned to him, eyes serious. “At any rate, I have a new question for you to ponder today… are you up for it?”

This was new and surprising, but not unwelcome- Max let out a sigh as he felt her settle in his arms, her hair spilling over her shoulder and her fingers tracing patterns in the hair on his chest. “Your questions are my favorite part of my day.” She laughed and he realized that he’d have to amend his statement, considering the activities that had just transpired between them. Realizing his gaffe, he took her hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on her knuckles. “Ask your question, love.” 

The look on her face made him wish he could draw because he wanted to keep it with him for the rest of his days- she tapped a finger on her cheek, looking lost in thought for a bit, then turned to him, her green eyes blazing bright. “Would you rather remember a beautiful dream or live a purposeful life.”

He paused for a minute, staring at her and taking a moment to gather his thoughts. She never said exactly what she meant in her questions, often waiting for him to suss out the true meaning from other scattered breadcrumbs she’d left across their conversations and adventures. The beautiful dream part he understood implicitly- it was her and him, for they’d said as much many times before. The part that intrigued him was the ‘purposeful life’ bit, and why she was combining it- Max often told her that his purpose was to find out the meaning of the plan, as it had been a driving force in his life ever since he left his parent’s farm all those years ago. Finally, the true question snapped into place, and he felt as if someone was sticking him with a hundred pins as he looked up at her. “Are you saying that if I want to understand the plan, I won’t remember you?” 

As she often did when he was on the right track, she simply shrugged, her dark hair rustling in the breeze. Not willing to accept her answer, Max swallowed back the anger that threatened to rise in his throat and pulled her close to him. “What you propose is impossible,” he said with a confidence he didn’t feel. “You’re part of my plan,” he said, placing soft kisses on her neck and tasting the salty sweat clinging to her skin. “I couldn’t forget you if I tried.” 

Max had hoped this would be reassuring, but Nia looked away instead. “I’m going to miss you,” she said softly. He started to say something else, but she just sighed and stared up into the sky. “As much as I want to stay, the time for this dream is passing.”

He could see her pulling away before his very eyes, and Max was desperate to make her change her mind- _she has to see reason,_ he thought. _I’m not going to let her go that easily._ “Then come find me for real,” he implored, scanning her face for any sign that she might be open to the idea. “Prove you love me as much as you say you do.”

Her expression softened just a touch, and Max felt a glimmer of hope as she turned to look at him again. “Even if I found you, I’m afraid you wouldn’t know me if you saw me again- this form died a long time ago.”

_Even if… she’s thinking about it. There’s a chance... w_ _e have a chance._

“Forms are immaterial,” he said, his voice stronger as he moved closer, bridging the distance she’d tried to put between them. “No matter what you look like, I’d always know you.” She scoffed and tried to turn away, but Max had no intention of letting her run away- she’d once accused him of using his belief in the plan to take the easy way out, and he supposed he could see that. Now, he was willing to use whatever he could to make her see reason- he knew the rest would sort itself out in the end. “If you think I’m wrong, then you should have no problem testing that theory,” he said with certainty. “I believe that no matter what, we’ll find each other.”

She gave him a look of utter disbelief, but she didn’t pull away again- her arms tightened around his waist, and he felt the warmth from her skin against his. “So you’d have me give up everything I know for the chance to find nothing? That hardly seems fair.” 

“For the first time since we’ve met, I can finally say you’re wrong, love- I don’t want to give anything up.” A huff of annoyance left her mouth, making Max chuckle- she was ethereal and beautiful, but no matter how much she wanted to deny it, she was still that same girl that was too scared to let herself dream of a future. Max had no illusions that anything making her this reluctant would ever be easy, but for the woman who had stolen his heart and saved his life, he was willing to try- she needed to know that he’d risk it all for the chance to finally be happy. He smiled, then placed a soft kiss on her forehead, inhaling the scent of her and memorizing what he knew was going to be the last perfect night he’d have for a while. “In fact,” he whispered, “I want us to find everything.”

“I’ll never make you do anything you don’t want to do, Max,” Nia said quietly. “This has to be your choice.” 

“Then what do I have to do,” he asked, running his hand through her hair and kissing her roughly. “What do you need? Just tell me and I'll do it, anything at all.” 

“Your memories,” she said sadly, her lips quivering as she took in the shock on his face. “When you wake up, this is going to be a dream you won’t remember, but…” She closed her eyes, but Max placed a kiss on her cheeks, wanting to see as much of her as possible. “I need you to choose me, Max.” If you can take on that impossible task, then I’ll find you… I promise.”

She touched his cheek, and Max closed his eyes, feeling a deep sense of longing as her hand left his skin. “I promise, love... no matter how long it takes, no matter what you look like, and no matter where you are, it’s always going to be you,” he said, feeling the truth in his words as they left his lips. “When I’m with you, I’m home.”

“I’m scared,” she whispered, burying her face in his chest. “I don’t want to lose this, Max.” 

“You’re never going to lose me,” he replied, running his arm over her back. “When it comes down to it… I’m always going to choose you.” 

“We’ll see,” was her only reply. 

_ _

* * *

Nia looked at the man sitting in his cell, aching to reach out and touch him. It had been weeks since they parted, and though it hurt more than she ever thought possible, she knew that letting him go was the right thing to do. Max was alive, and he had a life to live- no matter how much she loved him, she couldn’t let him fritter away his life with a dream. _He’s worth more than this_ , Nia thought, staring longingly at the man she loved. 

_But... he did choose this once,_ she thought, fighting the urge to run her hands through his hair. _Maybe he’ll choose me again._

Holding her breath, Nia checked the threads once more. Sure enough, his options were the same- he would either become a corporate pawn or a hero, but the choice was still his. _Will you choose blind faith or will you choose rebellion,_ Nia wondered. _Which is more important to you?_

_Will you rebel with me, Maximillian DeSoto?_

Closing her eyes and placing her faith in the man she loved, Nia allowed herself to place one last kiss on his cheek, feeling her heart start to break when he touched his hand to his face, his eyes scanning the room for the woman he’d never see standing in front of him. 

Unable to stand it any longer, she headed back to the waystation, trailing her fingers along the ruined flower bed- she'd never replanted them, preferring to look out over at the patch of grass and lie in the petals, reliving the moments they'd shared as she watched the stars. A single pink petal lay on the walkway and she picked it up as she headed to the porch, settling in on the swing and twirling it in her hands, trying to debate what her next move should be.  
  
“So the devil has a heart after all,” a voice said as its owner settled on the swing next to Nia. “I knew you had it in you, mon étoile.”

 _“Why?”_ Nia asked angrily, turning to face the old man. “Why show him to me if you knew I couldn’t keep him?”

“It was your choice to let him go,” Philip said, placing a hand on her leg. “You could have kept him with you forever,” he said, his piercing blue eyes giving nothing away as they searched her face. “If you love him so much, then why did you send him back?”

“Because I couldn’t choose for him,” she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder. “No matter how much I love him, I’d never take away his choices,” she said stiffly, turning her head to surreptitiously wipe away a tear that had snuck down her cheek. “He’s a good man and he deserves a wonderful life, even if I'm not part of it.”

Philip chuckled. “That doesn’t sound like the Nia I met all those years ago,” he replied casually, offering her a handkerchief. “It seems my little spitfire has finally grown up.” 

“How would you know?” Nia retorted, not looking up at him. “You left me, remember?” 

“If I stayed, you’d never learn a thing,” he chided. “You’re as stubborn as a bull, mon étoile- any lesson that you’ve ever learned, you learned on your own terms. Why should this have been any different?” She scoffed, but he just held her tighter. “Just because a parent doesn’t swoop in and save you doesn’t mean we don’t care.”

“You’re not my father,” Nia said sadly, twirling the petal between her fingers. “I have no family.”

“Really?” Philip tilted her chin to look at him, a kind smile on his face. “Family isn’t always about those who gave us life, Nia. We can choose the ones we wish to let into our hearts, and we are free to make those bonds made of love just as strong as the ones made by blood.” 

She started to offer a scathing retort, but her glance fell upon the garden that she’d never replanted and she relented, missing Max even more. “I suppose.”

“Speaking of our dear vicar,” Philip said with a knowing smile as he leaned against the swing and raised a finger, sending a swirl of petals into the air, “will you go back?” 

Nia thought about it for a moment before answering, an old habit of hers that she always fell back on when she talked to the old man. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “It’s a risk.” 

“When have you ever been afraid of a risk?” Philip chided, making Nia chuckle. “The spitfire I know has never backed away from a challenge.”

She scoffed as she looked at the old man curiously- he obviously knew something she didn’t. “What are you playing at, old man?” 

“Long ago, you hated me for not giving you the choice,” he replied. “You know I can’t tell you everything, but I can tell you this- if you choose this path, you will do things beyond your wildest dreams and travel roads no one was ever intended to walk,” the old man said carefully, placing a hand on her knee. “But, you won’t be able to just watch anymore, Nia- you’ll have to keep all the loves and losses from every life you have to live from here on out. No more hiding and no more running- do you think you could accept that?” Philip asked, his expression serious. “If those are the conditions for freedom, will you choose them?”

Twisting the petal between her fingers again, Nia closed her eyes and nodded. “On one condition,” she said softly. “Make me forget him when I wake up, please.”

Philip frowned. “I don’t understand, mon étoile,” he said quietly. “You love him- why would you want to forget such a wonderful part of your path?"

"Because I’d rather forget than have the love of my life look at me like I’m a stranger,” she whispered. “I couldn’t take it, Philip.” The old man started to say something but Nia reached for his hands, causing his eyes to widen with surprise. “Please,” she begged, squeezing her eyes shut and fighting back tears. “If you love me as you say you do, you’ll grant me this one wish... _please_."

“But what if he remembers?” Philip asked gently, staring at her with an intensity that made her uncomfortable. “You trusted him once- wouldn’t you want to know that joy again?”

“I do.. more than anything,” Nia said sadly. “But only if he wants to remember… it’s his choice. If he gives his heart to me again, then he can have mine in return, but I won't... I _can't_ ...”

Philip sighed, cutting her off and patting her hand softly. "He’s more tied to your path than you know,” he warned. “Maybe you should have a little faith, mon étoile- changing something that big is going to have consequences.” 

“Then that’s a risk I’m willing to take,” she said firmly, wiping her face. “Those are my conditions- if you can do that for me, then I’ll go willingly. Otherwise, leave me be, old man.”

“If that’s what you wish,” he said simply, kissing her on the forehead. “Just remember that I reserve the right to tell you I told you so.”

_ _

* * *

As the haze of the incense began to clear, Max found himself on the floor of the cabin with Nia, his eyes wet with tears and his arms around her waist. “Did you see that?” Max asked, his head buried in her shoulder. “Please tell me I’m not dreaming.” 

“You’re not dreaming,” she replied, clutching him back as if she was scared he'd disappear. “I remember too.”

Scared to hear the answer but knowing he had to ask anyway, Max pulled back to look at her. “Do you remember what you have to do now? After the colonists?”

She frowned then shook her head, her sweaty blue and purple curls flopping around her face. “I don’t,” she admitted. “I suppose it’s my punishment for being faithless… I should’ve had faith in you, Maximillian DeSoto.”

“Well, I never should’ve run off when you told me,” Max replied, pulling her in for a hug. “Looks like we both fell short this time.” When she laughed, Max placed a kiss on her neck, marveling at how he could have ever forgotten something so wonderful. “You did it... you came for me,” he whispered. “Does this mean I get to finally kiss eternity?” 

“You already have,” she replied, laughing as she buried her face in his arms. “This was your choice, Max- I told you that you always had the choice. You could follow the plan without question, or you could rebel and find answers you wanted- you’ve chosen your own destiny from the beginning, Max. ”

“All this time, I thought I was searching for answers about the plan,” he remarked. “But I was actually searching for you.” He pulled back, looking at the woman he’d spent years of his life searching for without even knowing it. “I always felt empty and I never knew why… now I do.” He paused for a moment, then glanced over at the little blue book that was now lying next to them. “Was this book your doing?”

She shook her head. “I kissed you goodbye that day and I didn’t look back. I barely even let myself dream of it- I was too scared that you wouldn’t choose me.”

“Then why was this book so important?” Max wondered, picking it up and turning it over in his hands. “I always felt like I needed to find this book… like it would unlock everything I wanted to know and more.”

Nia shrugged, taking the journal from him. “In a way, I suppose it did.” Suddenly. her hand flew to her mouth as she flipped through the pages of the journal, shaking her head the entire time. “You bastard,” she murmured, her eyes growing wider by the second. “You beautiful, magnificent bastard.”

Max looked confused as she started to laugh, still shaking her head. “Nia,” he said slowly, placing a hand on her leg, “what’s wrong? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” she whispered. “But I should have listened to him... and he knew it.”

She pointed to the inside cover, where the words _‘Je te l'ai dit, mon étoile’_ were written on the page in neat, flowing script. “That's nice, but I still can’t read French,” Max said, looking at her curiously- even though she was still chucking, Nia looked dangerously close to tears. “Why, can you read it now?”

“I can,” she said, laughing as she flipped through the pages, tears in her eyes. “Turns out the old man did have a sense of humor after all- it would appear that he’s still teaching me lessons even after all this time.”

“Why?” Max asked, wondering what she was seeing that made her react in such a manner. “Does this phrase mean something to you? What does it mean?”

Nia let out a true laugh as she glanced up at him, bringing a soft hand up to touch his face. “It means _'I told you so, my star.'”_ She closed the book, holding it tight to her chest and rocking back and forth as she stared up at the ceiling. “It’s Philip’s journal, Max… he brought you back to me.”

_ _

* * *

Hawthorne was spinning in the captain’s chair, waiting on Nia and Max to return from their mission to see the crazy hermit. He’d thought about following them, but being cooped up in a ship with the two lovebirds was enough- he didn’t need to go following them all the time, either. So instead of trailing along like a lovesick puppy, the pilot decided to stay in the cockpit and talk with ADA for a minute and get the download on what everyone was doing on his ship- after all, there were perks to being friendly with the AI that watched and saw everything. 

After they'd chatted for a while, there was a flash on the console and ADA’s interface frowned. “Real Captain Alex Hawthorne, it appears that we have an incoming transmission from Dr. Phineas Welles- do you know when Fake Captain Alex Hawthorne will be returning?”

Hawthorne paused for a moment- the doctor never called Nia, so something must be up. “ADA,” he said, taking his feet off the dash and sitting up straight, “put him through.” 

ADA paused. “Real Captain Alex Hawthorne, I’m afraid that your status has already been reported to Dr. Welles as deceased- won’t your communication with him be seen as a statistical improbability?”

He paused for a moment, mulling over what the AI had said. ADA wasn’t wrong, but Hawthorne was damn bored just sitting on the ship with nothing to do. His decision made, Hawthorne straightened up in the chair and put on his best captain voice. “If he’s calling, it’s probably important. And hey, I’m here and talking to you, ain’t I? I can handle a transmission, ADA- it’s still my ship, after all.” 

“I’ll patch him through,” ADA said. He could’ve sworn the interface on the terminal rolled its eyes at him, but he didn’t have time to verify before the very jumpy and very confused face of one Dr. Phineas Welles appeared on the vidscreen. 

“Sup Doc,” Hawthorne said casually, hoping to play this off as best as he could- if he acted normal, maybe the doc would just think Nia had just been addled and misreported his status. “So, you go through all that information from Hiram yet?”

The white-haired man on the screen just blinked. “Captain… _Hawthorne?_ Is that you?”

“Yeah, I’m… handling things while the kid is out on an errand. I’m supposed to be resting, but you know how it is.” _Yeah, resting six feet underground,_ he thought, _but no one needs to know that._ “So, now that we got all the pleasantries out of the way,” he said quickly, “what can I do for you, Dr. Welles?”

To his chagrin, the doctor was not easily dissuaded from what was, admittedly, an interesting topic of conversation. “Our colonist friend told me that you were killed,” he said warily, peering intently at the screen as if he could get closer and give the pilot an examination through the screen. “Smashed by an escape pod, as a matter of fact- so how in all of Halcyon are you sitting in the cockpit of that ship?”

“Energizing ointment and a shitload of luck,” Hawthorne said in a flippant tone designed to hide his nervousness, inwardly groaning as the smugness rolled off the AI in waves. “So, are you here to ask me out on a date, or did you have a reason for this call?”

“I…” the doctor paused, then shook his head. “Never mind... we need to get to Byzantium- Minister Clarke has been hoarding the dimethyl sulfoxide that I desperately need to revive the colonists. I need her- I mean you- oh _blast_ , I don’t care who does it, I need those chemicals!” 

Hawthorne nodded, hoping he’d done enough to make his form look solid and convincing and realizing that even if he hadn't, it was too late now. “Got any idea how we’re supposed to get them? Doubt everyone’s favorite minister is just gonna hand ‘em over to us.” 

“I’ve got a contact over there,” the doctor replied. “Reach out to them and they’ll advise you on the best course of action based on the situation on the ground- being a fugitive doesn’t exactly afford me the best views on Byzantian news nowadays.”

“Suppose not,” Hawthorne agreed. “As soon as she gets back on the ship, I’ll set a course to the most irritating city in the system and get your damn chemicals, Phineas.” As he prepared to cut the connection, the pilot couldn’t resist one last dig at the doctor. “I should’ve asked for a fuckload more money for this job, doc,” he said with a grin. “That girl needs to come with hazard pay.” 

“Help me save the rest of colonists and we can talk,” he snapped, his interest over Hawthorne’s breathing state temporarily forgotten. “In the meanwhile, go get the damn chemicals- this is more important than some brigand’s ransom, Hawthorne!” The doctor angrily cut the connection, and the pilot chuckled to himself- all things considered, the exchange had gone fairly well. 

“Real Captain Alex Hawthorne,” ADA said as Hawthorne settled back in the seat, closing his eyes and humming to himself with satisfaction as he folded his hands behind his head, “I believe you have a problem.”

He didn’t even open his eyes. “Why? Doc gave us the instructions, you know where we’re going, and the asshole is off my ship for a little longer… I think I’m doing pretty good, all things considered.”

“Well, unless a blue-haired girl is giving you a hummer that I can’t see, I can’t think of a single reason why I shouldn’t start shooting at the guy in the cockpit of our ship that's pretending to be the captain,” a cold voice said from behind him, making his eyes snap open in shock. “Don’t you agree, Nyoka?” 

“Yep,” said the other voice behind him, making Hawthorne dejectedly hang his head as he heard the sound of a gun being cocked behind him. He knew it wouldn’t do them any good, but he also knew that Nia was going to tear his cosmic hide a new one when she found out her crew had discovered the ghost of the former captain. “Ellie, do you think this has something to do with that freaky shit the Cap’n can do?”

“Starting to look that way,” Ellie agreed. “So, asshole, you want to start talking, or should we just start shooting instead?”

“Fuck,” Hawthorne hissed as he glanced over at the AI, who was most definitely observing the situation with a smug expression on its screen. Taking a deep breath, Hawthorne slowly turned around to face the two irate women, giving them his best million-dollar smile. “Ladies,” he said casually, as if being caught in the cockpit of a ship by two gun-toting women was an everyday thing, “if you could just lower your guns a _teeny_ tiny bit, I’d be more than happy to tell you what’s going on here.” 


	14. Subterfuge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets are told and loyalties are tested as the crew arrives on Byzantium

_ _

* * *

Nia had been expecting to take a moment with Max to gather her thoughts before she decided on their next move. After the drama at the hermit's cabin, all she wanted was to take a moment for herself and process the events of the day. _Maybe I'll have a glass of wine, get a back rub, take a hot shower...anything that can help me shake off this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach._ The revelation that she'd willingly given up the love of her life was setting her nerves on edge, even if Max seemed to be okay with the situation. However, when they boarded the Unreliable, she did _not_ expect to find the whole crew piled into the cockpit, with one very sheepish-looking Hawthorne smack-dab in the middle of Nyoka and Ellie pointing their guns at him. 

“ _Alex, what the fuck did you do_!” Nia screamed, feeling Max press a hand to her shoulder in warning. Angry and terrified as to how she'd have to deal with the situation, she shrugged his hand away and stormed toward the ghost. “I leave you alone for _minutes_ and _of course_ you decide you’ve gotta take a piss on the entire cosmic order!” 

“It wasn’t my fault!” Hawthorne said, walking through a stunned-looking Felix and standing in front of Nia with an apologetic look on his face. “Look, I just took a call from Phineas to get our next assignment and-”

As soon as the words left his lips, Nia saw red- without saying a word, she grabbed the pilot by his shirt and threw him against the wall with a strength she had forgotten she had. “You took a _call?_ From a _scientist?_ Jesus H Christ on crispy toast, how fucking _stupid_ can you be, Alex?” 

Though she had surprised him, the ghost quickly recovered from his shock. “Yeah, well I was bored!” Hawthorne shouted back, throwing her hands off him with a snarl. “Excuse me if _some_ of us don’t get to go around Halcyon chasing after their vicious little fuckboy for stupid ass errands! But hey, it doesn’t matter what anyone else wants, right?” Hawthorne glared at the vicar, pointing an accusing finger at Max. “Thought we were supposed to be saving the colonists- did getting a good dick-down just make you forget everything else you were supposed to be doing… _partner?”_

Nia’s eyes went wide at the accusation and she felt her jaw snap shut hard enough to rattle her teeth- someone in the room let out a gasp, but she couldn't be sure who it was and right now, she didn't care. “My room. _Now._ ” Hawthorne started to protest, but Nia had heard enough- she stopped time without a second thought and yanked the pilot by his shirt, dragging him toward her room. “You picked the _wrong_ fucking day, Alex,” she hissed. “I don’t need this shit from you… and definitely not today.” 

“Oh, is there a _right_ day to start screaming at me like I’m your goddamn child? Let me know, I’ll pencil it in… for the seventh of fucking _never_ ,” Hawthorne spat, flouncing on the bed and glaring at Nia with a burning intensity. “Just in case you forgot, _I’m_ not fucking you- _I_ don’t have to put up with your bullshit, Nia!”

That was the last straw- her tenuous control on her emotions snapped. “I got my _goddamn_ memories back, you selfish bastard!” Nia screamed, storming toward the ghost. “I just found out that I fucked myself over, Alex!”

Hawthorne was about to yell at her but stopped before he uttered a single word, his face twisting up in confusion. “Come again?”

Nia was stunned into silence at his reaction and stopped in front of him, trying to remember how words worked. “I asked my mentor to take my memories, Alex,” Nia admitted, plopping into the chair across from the pilot. “This whole damn thing with Max is _my_ fault!”

“I don't get it- why would you do something like that?” Hawthorne asked, staring at her in confusion. "And what the hell does any of this have to do with the preacher man?"

She blew out a deep breath, trying to calm her shaking legs. "Because I'm a terrified idiot that can't bring myself to ever be wrong... and it fucked me over in the worst possible way."

The pilot sighed, gesturing for her to sit next to him on the bed. “Don’t think I’m still not pissed at you yelling at me like I’m your goddamn toddler, but we’ll circle back on that- what’s got you so convinced you’re the destroyer of worlds, kid?” Nia wondered if he was serious, but Hawthorne shrugged. “What? I can be mad about everything else later. Talk to me- what the hell happened in there?” 

Nia looked at him, still trying to wrap her brain around what was happening- she’d brought Hawthorne in the room to fight, but now he was making things all twisted for her. “Are you sure you want to hear this? Weren’t we about to engage in a good old fashioned shouting match?”

Hawthorne shook his head, letting out a scoff. “Sounds like you’re looking to pick a fight- you and the Vicar seem to have that in common, kid.” She shot him a dirty look, but Hawthorne once again gestured for her to sit next to him, flashing her that dazzling smile. “C’mon… I fucked up, you fucked up. Tell me about it and we can call it even.”

She chuckled, getting up from the bed and sitting next to the pilot and snuggling into her favorite place against his chest. "I don't understand you, Alex."

"That's part of my charm," he replied, wrapping his arm around her. "So, you got your memories back? How'd that go?”

“Oh yes,” she replied, closing her eyes as she rested against him, feeling safe and centered for the first time since she'd entered the ship. “And I fucked up big time, Alex.”

_ _

* * *

Hawthorne just sat there as he listened to her story- he knew she had a past, but he'd never imagined that the kid and the preacher man went back that far. “Well, ain’t that a bitch,” he mused, grinning as Nia scowled up at him. “And yeah it’s a bit crazy, but I still don’t get what's the big deal, kid.” 

Nia blew out an exasperated breath. “Max gave up everything for me, but I was too hard-headed and stupid to just have a little faith in him. Had I just _trusted_ him, I could’ve read that blasted journal and saved us all the trouble, but _no-_ I had to insist on protecting something that didn’t need protecting in the first place!” 

“Well, if you’re looking for someone to say you should be more trusting of folks, you’re looking at the wrong ghost,” he said with a laugh. “Hell, when we were alive, you and I both had shitty lives- why are you surprised we don’t trust people farther than we can throw them?” 

“Because I was supposed to _know_ better!” Nia exclaimed. “If I’d just-”

“Hold it right there,” Hawthorne said. “It’s done now, so stop dwelling on the past, kid.” He swallowed, then looked down. “Is the preacher mad about it?” When Nia shook her head, he gave her a pointed look. “Then there’s your answer- he’s not mad about the past, he’s just happy to be fucking you now.”

Nia scowled again. “I do not appreciate the insinuation that my judgment is compromised because Max and I are having sex, Alex.”

It was now his turn to sigh. “Yeah, you’re right… that was a low blow, and I’m sorry- old habits die hard, you know?” Then he paused, remembering that she’d left everyone outside at the start of their argument. “You wanna unfreeze the popsicles outside, or…” 

“Oh…" Nia blinked, then turned to look at the door, biting her lip. "Must I?" When Hawthorne just gave her a look, she lowered her head. "I suppose I should.”

"You think?" He wondered how long it would take for the cacophony to reach them, but he didn’t have to wonder for long- within minutes, the frantic shouts and arguments grew louder and louder, culminating in someone pounding on the door.

“Should have seen that one coming,” Nia quipped, causing Hawthorne to let out a snort. “Don’t disappear, ok?”

When the pilot saw her tremble slightly he squeezed her hand, offering silent reassurance. “Wouldn’t dream of it- this is gonna be too much fun to miss. Besides, they’ll prolly just stalk the cockpit now, so where the hell else am I gonna go?”

“True.” Then she blew out a deep breath, turning to the door as the knocking continued. “Come in,” she said wearily.

“Nia,” Max said, opening the door and leaning in the doorway. “Hawthorne,” he remarked, his tone noticeably chillier. “Your… outbursts seem to have rattled the crew, dear- it might be a bit beneficial for the two of you to join us in the kitchen for a crew meeting.” Then his eyes flickered over to Hawthorne. “Does he know what you can do?” When Nia nodded and the ghost rolled his eyes, Max continued. “Do you want to make them... forget about this?”

Hawthorne had to admit, he was curious about this as well- based on her story, the kid was a little more powerful than he’d initially thought. “Wait- is that possible?”

Max nodded. “She made me forget a whole year,” he replied, wrapping his arm around her waist and placing a kiss on her cheek- Hawthorne could see that the Vicar wasn't angry about it in the slightest. “I'm sure a few moments would be nothing.”

“No one is going to forget anything,” Nia said with an exasperated sigh. “We’re all going to go into that kitchen, pour a fuckton of booze, and have ourselves a regular old-fashioned sit-down.” She looked at the door, then turned back to the two men. “Ready?” 

Before Max could say a word, Hawthorne took Nia's hand, ignoring the hard look that the Vicar shot his way. “I always am, kid... lead the way.”

_ _

* * *

Max had to admit, the crew took the whole “ghost onboard a ship” thing better than he’d initially thought- of course, the massive amounts of alcohol didn’t hurt, either. Telling everyone about her gift of persuasion had been more than enough to steer the conversation into a less nebulous direction, but he noticed that Nia had left out her ability to control time. _One thing at a time_ , he mused, sipping his drink. _No sense in riling them up even more than we already have._

Since the spotlight was on Nia and Hawthorne, Max found himself able to tune out of the conversation, which suited him just fine. He watched with bemused interest as Felix had taken to waving his hands through the pilot every chance he got, while Parvati was asking question after question about the ship. Max just sat back in his chair, sipping his whiskey and shaking his head. _I’ve seen stranger things,_ he thought with a laugh. _Never thought that would be the case, but here we are._

Nyoka was asking Nia if she could cure a hangover with just a suggestion when Max felt someone sit down next to him and he glanced over to see Ellie, her face pinched tight. “So, you seem to be handling this awful well, Vicky- what happened out there on that rock? Thought you’d be losing your shit right about now.” 

“A lot,” he admitted, walking toward his quarters and sitting on his bunk. He barely used this room anymore- it served as a storage space more than anything, but today he was thankful for the quiet and solitude. He noticed Ellie had followed him, so he gestured to the small chair in the corner of the room. “You seem like you have something on your mind, Dr. Fenhill. Care to share?”

Ellie frowned. “See, that’s what I’m talking about, right there- you ain’t all up in arms at the slightest thing anymore. The old Vicar Max would have just about popped a blood vessel at that exchange earlier, but you just-” Ellie waved her hands around frantically, then let them flop to her sides. “I dunno, Vicky- what gives?”

He sighed, taking a sip of his whiskey before staring into the glass. “Perspective, I suppose.” He looked up at Ellie and gave her a serene smile. “It was pointed out to me that my life is my own to live, and that sort of knowledge leaves one with a bit more weight on their soul.” When Ellie scoffed, Max smiled at her. “If you’d seen the things I saw, you’d understand, Dr. Fenhill.”

“I smelled you both when you walked in the ship,” she said with a smirk. “A good drug trip does not a spiritual awakening make, Vicky. Great sex? Maybe, but even that usually isn’t enough to change the way you see the world.”

“We’ll have to agree to disagree then, won’t we?” Max said simply, getting up to lean against the doorframe, making sure to keep an eye on the happenings in the kitchen lest it get too rowdy. “Trust me, it wasn’t the drugs, Ellie.”

“Was it her?” Ellie asked, glancing in the kitchen. They could hear the sounds of awestruck laughter from Parvati as Nia said something, then the doctor turned back to look at him. “Did she do something to you?” 

“You could say that,” Max replied, not wanting to give up any details about their shared history. “Suffice it to say that Miss Hawthorne and I have a past, and we had the chance to discuss it.” He looked out the door at Nia, who glanced over and smiled at him. “And I couldn’t be happier about it.”

“Oh fucking gag me,” Ellie said, chugging the last of her drink and extending her glass to Max. Chuckling, he reached in his trunk and pulled out the last of his whiskey, refilling their glasses. “So, you’re ok with this crazy shit?”

“It is what it is,” he said with a shrug. “She’s never lied to me, and I can’t very well deny what I’m seeing with my own two eyes, now can I?

“My parents took out a life insurance policy on me,” Ellie said suddenly, gulping her drink. “The bastards thought I was dead and collected… she warned me about it, and took me out to fix it to get the money that was mine.” She took another sip, then stared at the glass. “All that time, I was hoping it was a trick, that she’d just done a boatload of research on me. But when I saw that clerk just roll over and do what she said…” Ellie looked up at Max. “How can we be sure she ain’t just doing that to us? How can you be in a relationship where she can peek inside your noggin anytime she wants?” 

“Because she can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to do, Ellie. And as for my mind, my secrets are my own.” He took a sip from his glass, then settled back on the bed. “For some reason, she can’t read me or Hawthorne.” 

“Lucky bastard,” Ellie muttered, staring at her drink. “Figures her boyfriend and the ghost get a pass.”

“Are you leaving?” Max asked, seeing her nerves about the situation. “Is her ability too unnerving for you?”

“Thought about it,” Ellie admitted. “Nyoka did too.” When she didn’t continue, Max just waited- there was no sense in rushing her, so he simply refilled her glass and waited. “But… she didn’t have to tell me about my parents. She didn’t have to tell Nyoka about her team- these things don’t matter in the scheme of the crazy shit Welles has her doing. But she did it… why?” 

“Because it mattered to you,” Max replied. “Look, I know you don’t care for me all that much… Law knows I haven’t given you much of a reason to,” he remarked mirthlessly, “but for all her bluster, she’s a good person. At the core of it all, she wants to help- I think she wants to atone for her life before,” he said thoughtfully, swirling the liquid around the glass. “Though she does not need to do such things.”

“What was she before, a renegade advertiser? Corporate counselor?” Ellie just laughed. “Even with that freakshow going on in her head, that girl is a bit too wholesome to spend all this time trying to get gold stars from us out here.”

“Former con artist,” Max said, knowing Nia wouldn’t mind him sharing this fact with Ellie. “And a damn good one.” 

Ellie just stared at him for a moment, then laughed. “I’ll be damned,” she replied, shaking her head. “Makes a lot of fucking sense, actually.” Then she looked up at him, her face serious. “Do you trust her, Max?”

When she used his name, he knew she was serious, so Max decided to extend her the same respect. “With my life,” he replied. “She’s saved me time and time again, and I’ve never had a reason to doubt her.” Looking Ellie in the eyes, he set his glass down on the table next to him, then folded his hands in his lap. “Wherever she goes, I’m going to follow. Not because I love her, but because I know she’s always going to do the right thing. She believes in choice, Ellie,” he said quietly. “Whether you decide to go or stay, your choice is your own and she’ll respect it. But,” he said, staring up at the doctor, “I’d hope you’d choose to stay. She’s on a mission to change the world as we know it, Dr. Fenhill- if anyone can do it, it’s her, and I want to help.” 

Ellie just sat there, not saying a word as she finished her drink. Finally, she set the glass on the table, then leaned back in her chair, staring at the wall. “Who’d have thought all it would take was getting you high as fuck to make you a better person to talk to, Vicky.”

Max chuckled, choosing not to take offense at her statement. “A pleasant side effect, I suppose.” 

“Suppose so," Ellie said quietly, playing with her hands. "I guess I can stick around for a little while... I mean, she did make me a rich woman- least I could do is help her save her little popsicle friends, right?”

Wanting to leave the pirate with her dignity, Max just nodded, picking up his glass. “Sound logic, Dr. Fenhill… I do believe that sounds perfectly fair.”

_ _

* * *

“So, what’re we gonna do, Cap’n? Are you gonna use your powers and make that guard give you whatever you want?” Felix asked excitedly as they exited to the bustling plaza above the docks. “Oh man, she’s gonna be like a spy in that serial! I mean, you remember the one, right Parvati? The one where-”

“Felix,” Nia said with a smile, “I assure you, it’s not as glamorous as that. Though I will admit,” she said, looking down at her arms and shivering, “I do need to get some new clothes- I’ve destroyed my favorites, and I’m downright freezing out here.”

“You’re always cold, Cap’n,” Parvati chimed in. “But…” the mechanic looked shyly down at the ground, then shuffled from foot to foot. “I would like to go and get something nice to wear the next time I run into Junlei… not being coated in engine grease for once might be nice.” 

“Then that settles it,” Nia said firmly, smiling at the mechanic. “You and I will go shopping, like a bunch of proper young ladies- how does that sound?”

“Did you conveniently forget you got a minister to see?” Ellie drawled, looking Nia up and down. “Maybe the shopping spree could wait?” 

“Or maybe I could use this little shopping spree to get into something that makes that job a bit easier,” Nia countered. “Not looking like a vagabond tends to make the job easier. Tricks of the trade, remember?”

Ellie paled for a moment, then nodded. “Right… if you say so.” Then she turned to Max and scowled. “Yo, Vicky- you feel like taking your head out of her ass long enough to run an errand with me?” 

Nia expected a retort from the Vicar, but his tone remained even, not rising to the doctor’s taunt. “Does this have anything to do with what we discussed previously?” After pausing a moment, Ellie grunted, and Max nodded. “Then I’d be happy to accompany you, Doctor Fenhill.” He looked over at Nia, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Will you be all right without me?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, then smirked. “Why Max, do you really think I can’t manage alone out here?” When he blushed, she leaned up and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it- we’ll be fine.” She turned to the pink-haired explorer and Felix, who was still bouncing from foot to foot- she wondered how this young man had so much energy all the time. “Nyoka, can you and Felix check out the bar and see who I should talk to? It would make it a lot easier if I didn’t have to run through the whole bar.”

“I’d like to see that,” Nyoka said, earning her a withering look from Nia. “But whatever- if drinking and people-watching will help save the day, I’m happy to do my part.” She grabbed Felix by the arm and dragged him toward the bar. “C’mon, Felix… I bet they got a tossball match playing in the bar- let’s go before they realize we got the best assignment of the bunch and change their mind.” 

“Is our friend here?” Max asked softly, looking around carefully. “Would it be all right if I requested his presence on our outing today?” 

Out of all the things that Max could have asked, that was not anything _remotely_ close to what she thought he was going to say- Nia just stared at him for a moment. “You know you can’t try to leave him here, right?” 

Max just laughed. “After I finish with Ellie, I would like his assistance with a task, if he’s willing to offer it.” He scanned the area, then let out a soft sigh. “But seeing as he seems to not be corporeal at the moment, I thought I could ask you to pass the message.” 

Looking over her shoulder at the ghost, Nia bit back a chuckle as Hawthorne rolled his eyes. “Tell him whatever, I’ll go with them but I’m gonna stick to being a voice- don’t wanna raise the alarm and have the whole town go apeshit when someone walks through me.”

“Good call,” Nia agreed, turning to Max with a bright smile. “Looks like you’ll have a third on your team, Max.” Nodding at the remaining crewmembers, Nia clapped her hands. “Right- we all have our orders, so with that, I’ll meet you in the bar in a few hours.” Then she looked at who she was sending off and put her head in her hands. “And for the love of God, stay the hell out of trouble, please!”

_ _

* * *

“Ellie,” Max said nervously, “is there a reason you’ve got donning Hawthorne’s old clothes? This outfit is a bit… _tight_ ,” he said, a hint of irritation and embarrassment creeping into his voice. “I feel a little exposed like this!”

Hawthorne let out a low whistle. “I dunno, preacher man… you’re looking kinda right in my duds there- much better than those dusty ass robes you've been wearing.” Even though Max wasn’t his favorite person, the ghost had to admit that he looked quite tasty in a pair of his khakis that left nothing to the imagination and a t-shirt that was clinging to every muscle in his chest. “Damn, now I’m wishing I tried a little harder to get you out of your magic towel, Vicar.” He circled Max a little, then frowned. “Reach in the top shelf of the closet and grab some hair gel- you can’t go out looking that good and have shitty hair, Max.”

Ellie nodded in approval. “Ghost boy’s right- you do look the part, Vicky. I can’t have a man of the cloth coming with me- I need something a little more… rugged.” She glanced over at Hawthorne, then frowned. “You sure you can’t make yourself solid, dead guy? While Max cleaned up a lot better than I expected, I think you’d serve my needs perfectly.”

“‘Fraid not- if I could, I’d be having a lot more fun out here,” Hawthorne said, ignoring the look that Max shot his way as the Vicar ran the gel through his hair. “Tempting offer, though- whatcha got cooked up, Ellie?”

“Just heading over to my parents,” Ellie replied coolly. “I don’t think the cap’n was pulling my leg, but I just want to see this shit for myself.” 

Hawthorne glanced over at Max, who said nothing, staring in the mirror and focusing on his hair. “Whatever,” the pilot said with a shrug as Max finished getting ready and started walking out the ship. “Not like I got anything better to do.” 

The pilot knew that there was more to this whole endeavor than the doctor was letting on, but when he got to the fancy-looking house, he gave the woman a look of disbelief. “So, you want to call out me and the kid, but I don’t remember you ever disclosing that you were rich, lady.”

“Wasn’t important,” Ellie growled, clutching Max’s arm as they walked inside. “Now shut the fuck up and let me get this done and over with, ok?”

“Whatever you say,” Hawthorne said, trying to stop himself from chuckling as Ellie tossed herself all over Max, doing her damndest to fluster the uptight Byzantium assholes. But as the encounter progressed, he could see her trying to hide her disappointment with the people that didn’t even deserve to call themselves parents- they were _happy_ she was missing all this time, and one of them even had the nerve to suggest she might want to disappear so they could keep their little insurance scam going. Before the doctor could tell them off, Hawthorne decided to step in. _They ain’t worth it,_ he thought. _Let the looks on their faces when they find out their plan has gone to shit be enough._

Walking over to the doorway and being careful to stay away from anything that could pass through him. Hawthorne made himself visible, then let out a whistle, making all the heads in the room turn toward him. “Yo, Fenhill,” he drawled, leaning against the frame in his most seductive pose, staring down nonchalantly at his nails. “Didn’t I tell you about taking the meat without my permission? I had plans for him today.” 

Max’s face went completely white and Ellie’s lips twitched up with laughter, but she didn’t let on. “My mistake, Cap’n,” she said. “I thought you were done with him since you put the paddles away.” She draped an arm over Max then squeezed his ass, making the old lady behind her gasp. “Figured I could get a few rounds in with him alone before you tagged in later.” 

Hawthorne wanted to burst out laughing at Max’s horrified expression, but he played it cool- _I think I like this woman,_ Hawthorne thought. “Just for that, you get to go last tonight,” he said evenly, looking up at Max with a predatory grin. “And he won’t be in good condition, I assure you.” Then he locked eyes with Ellie and jerked his thumb at the door. “Let’s get the fuck outta here, Fenhill- I got shit to do.”

“Fuck you, Hawthorne,” Ellie said lazily, grabbing Max by the shirt collar and dragging him toward the door. “Just for that, I’m taking an extra turn with the nipple clamps tonight.”

“Maybe,” Hawthorne replied. “Depends if he’s in decent shape when I finish.” He made sure to move far away from the two as they exited the room, but he couldn’t resist giving her parents a jaunty little wave as he exited the parlor, taking a sick sense of delight in the tortured expressions on their faces as they left the house.

The trio remained silent until Ellie led them into an alley off the main street. Once they were out of earshot, the doctor doubled over, laughing until she cried. “Oh shit,” she said between fits of laughter, “ _that_ … was the best thing ever, dead man!” She looked up at Max, tears in her eyes as she clutched her stomach. “You were fucking _perfect_ , Max! The look on your face was worth everything that happened back there and more!” 

Hawthorne grinned and crossed his arms, happy to see the woman finding joy in the shitty situation. “Yeah, well you weren’t so bad yourself, little miss nipple clamps… I’d love to see what you could do with a little more time and some planning, Doc.” 

“While I’d be quite happy to never speak of this again,” Max mumbled, his face beet-red with embarrassment. “In fact, if we could stop talking about it right now, that would be wonderful.” 

“Considering you did just agree to be the meat in an Ellie and Hawthorne sandwich, I suppose I can do that for you,” she replied with a grin. “Seriously, thanks for that, guys- the look on those bastards faces was everything I needed and more.” 

“Anytime, Doc,” Hawthorne said with a grin. “Now, why don’t you go make sure that the weirdos at the bar haven’t started a fight or gotten arrested while I go with the meat and figure out what he needed me for- we’ll catch up with you later.” 

“Gotcha,” she replied, patting Max on the shoulder before she started to walk away. “Hey, Vicky?”

Max looked up, and to Hawthorne’s surprise, his face was still relaxed. Embarrassed beyond belief, yes, but calm. “Yes, Doctor Fenhill?”

“If she can get you to deal with a situation like that without you losing your shit,” Ellie said carefully, looking down at her hands, “then maybe she can change shit out here.”

Hawthorne wondered what she was talking about, but Max just smiled, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Does this mean you’re staying?”

She nodded, then turned away. “Ain’t like I got anything else to do.” 

_ _

* * *

“Damn, Cap’n,” Nyoka said, arching an eyebrow as Nia headed to the table in her new attire. “Looks like you’re taking this whole spy thing seriously, huh?”

Ellie just sipped her drink as she looked her over, then let out a snort. “Vicky’s gonna lose his shit, that’s all I’m saying. But hey, you do you," she said, waving a hand over her outfit. "You’re the one who knows best, after all.” 

Nia frowned at the two women, then looked over at Felix, putting her hands on her hips. “Be honest, Felix... is this too much?” 

The young man’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, then hurriedly looked down at his drink. “Uh, Cap’n,” he stammered, “I… uh… don’t want to answer that question, if it’s all the same to you, ‘kay?”

“Oh for the love of God,” Nia huffed, taking a sip of her drink. “We’ve established this already- I can’t make anyone do things they don’t want to do. No one with the access I need wants to sleep with a dirty-looking space hobo. They do want to sleep with a reasonably attractive woman, and the prettier she is, the more likely they are to have some inkling to do whatever I want if it’ll make them more attractive to me.” She gestured to her outfit, then sat her drink on the table. “It’s called playing the game, people.”

Nyoka scoffed. “It’s _called_ having your tits on display, Cap’n… but hey, it's your show- we're just playing along.”

Nia looked down, concerned- she thought she’d done well in choosing the plunging black bodysuit. Granted, Nyoka was right- the neckline in the jumpsuit went practically to her navel and the back was completely exposed, but she needed this guard to have the desire to lose his job and get her the access she was looking for. _Oh well_ , she thought. _No time to go back and change now- may as well make the most of it._ On the plus side, she did have a wonderful new leather jacket, which went splendidly with the jumpsuit and was warm to boot. “You guys are being ridiculous,” she huffed. “Max is a rational man- I’m sure he won’t have a problem-” 

She had to stop talking because the laughter from her companions was making it hard to hear herself think. Even Parvati had taken a drink, looking away from Nia with a knowing glance. “You too?” Nia asked the mechanic with a scowl. “I don’t understand- you were with me when I picked this out!”

“Cap’n,” Parvati said carefully, “you asked me if you looked nice, which you do. You didn’t ask me if I thought Vicar Max might blow a gasket, ‘cause if you had…” the mechanic looked back at her drink, then shrugged. “I wouldn’t worry about it,” she said tentatively. “You know him best-”

“And we all know what’s gonna happen,” Nyoka said, trying not to laugh. “I, for one, can’t wait. But,” she said with an exasperated huff, “I am a professional- your mark is over there,” she said, pointing at a guard who was laughing loud with his co-workers. “That one’s a newbie- seems like the easiest pickings, plus he’s already three shots in.” She shot Nia a look, then pointed at her chest. “You and the twins should prolly get to it,” she said with a smirk. “No sense in wasting great bait, I always say.” 

“I hate you all,” Nia said as her crew all raised their glasses to her. Scowling, she adjusted her boobs to the embarrassment of Felix and sauntered off to the guard, feeling extremely foolish and nervous about a job for the first time in centuries. _It’s just a job,_ Nia told herself. _There’s nothing to be angry about- Max knows what’s at stake here._

But as Nia felt the watchful eyes of her crew on her as she approached the guard, she wondered if this was one of those human things she was missing. She wished Hawthorne was here- he’d tell her if she had done something wrong, but he was out and about with the object of her affection. _No time to dwell on this,_ she told herself. _You’re a grown woman and you’ve done this before- no sense in getting cold feet now._ Putting on her game face, Nia sidled up to the guard, clearing her throat politely as she caught his attention and waited patiently for his threads to settle around her. As Nyoka had predicted, he certainly was drunk already- the alcohol was making it harder for her to pull the proper threads, but she eventually found what she was looking for, standing in front of him to give him an ample view of her chest as she waited for him to get to the point. 

When she was sure she could convince him to do what she wanted, she placed a hand on his arm, guiding the man to follow her to one of the rooms Felix had scoped out earlier. Checking the threads and finding no one else around, she willed the guard to pass out, breathing a sigh of relief as he flopped forward onto the couch, one gigantic paw landing between her breasts as he went down in an unconscious stupor _. This ability would have been amazing when I was alive_ , Nia thought as she removed the huge hand from her cleavage. _Or terrible, seeing as how I had not an ounce of pity or self-restraint. But one can’t deny it would have made things a tick easier._

Soon, Nia heard a knock at the door and cursed. _Shit,_ she thought. _No one should have been able to sneak up on me_. “Just a second,” she sang out as she picked the guard's pocket and grabbed the keycard she needed. She hoped the delay would make the unexpected guest get the hint that the room was occupied and leave, but they continued to knock. “I’ll be out in a-”

As she was readjusting herself, the door flew open and there stood Max, his eyes rapidly narrowing as he looked her up and down, and finally frowning as he noticed her disheveled state and the passed out man. Before she could say a word, Max had turned on his heel and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving her alone in the room with the now-snoring guard.

 _Fuck,_ Nia thought, adjusting her suit. _That certainly could’ve gone better._


	15. The Weight of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia and Max head off on their mission

_ _

* * *

“Max,” Nia called out behind him as he hurriedly walked away, “Max, please stop!”

“I can assure you,” he growled, “that me stopping is _not_ what you want me to do right now, Miss Hawthorne.”

Even as he stalked away, he could hear the irritation in her tone. “Max, you’re being ridiculous,” Nia retorted as her footsteps rapidly approached him. “You know, you could _talk_ to me and find out what actually happened before you assume the worst- I’m a con, not a harlot, love.”

He whirled around, angry beyond belief- he tried to focus on her words, but every time he did, all Max could see was the passed out man, the woman he loved straightening her revealing outfit… “Just forget it,” he said snippily, tensing up when he felt her hand on his shoulder. “I can’t talk to you about this now.” 

At that, Nia suddenly appeared in front of him- Max suspected she’d stopped time, but he couldn’t be certain. All he knew for sure was that she was now blocking his path with her tiny arms crossed in front of her, nearly causing her exposed chest to spill out of the plunging jumpsuit. “No,” she said flatly, not taking her eyes off him. “We’re going to do this now- if you have a problem with me, I'm afraid you’re going to have to talk to me about it, Maximillian DeSoto." He rolled his eyes, but she stood firm and glared at him."  
Personally, I don't care how mad you are, but you are going to stand here and listen to what I have to say.”

Max gave an indignant snort but Nia didn’t budge, her green eyes blazing fire. Realizing it was pointless to argue with the woman, he rolled his eyes at her again. “Fine,” he growled, crossing his arms. “What do you plan on telling me?”

“The truth… just as I always have,” Nia replied. Then she dug into the pocket of her suit, showing him a keycard. “He was a guard for the minister," she said irritably. "I had to talk to him to get him to want to give this to me."

"Yes," Max said dryly. "The two of you look like you were having a positively _riveting_ conversation when I walked in." 

Nia let out an exasperated sigh. "I needed to talk to him to persuade him, Max! Once he thought there was a chance, I gave him enough drinks where it wasn’t a stretch that he’d want to take a nap." She waved the keycard in his face, and he swatted it away. "Once he was asleep, I rummaged through his pockets and stole his key."

He looked her up and down, his gaze lingering on her cleavage. "And I suppose exposing yourself for all of Byzantium to see was a part of your grand plan?" Max clenched his teeth together, trying and failing to hide his irritation. "You couldn't have found anything better to wear than... _this?"_

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm aware I seem to have made a poor choice in clothing- as you can see, this suit is a goddamn nightmare and I keep exposing myself at the slightest provocation." She looked down and noticed she was spilling out of the suit, and let out a huff as she adjusted herself. "Max, nothing happened back there- when that brute went down, his hand went straight into my chest.” Nia snapped, then hugged herself even tighter. “Rest assured, that involuntary groping was the most inappropriate action on this mission. However, I’ve said my peace,” she said as she stepped to the side and gestured down the hallway. “If you still have a mind to storm off, feel free.”

Stunned, he just stared at her- his head was reeling and he didn't want to talk any more. “Let’s just get this over and done with- I'll be waiting for you outside.” Ignoring her pleading expression, he headed for the exit. “Please, do try not to get into any more trouble on your way out, Miss Hawthorne- your clothing is in enough of a precarious state as it is, and I'm sure you don't need anything more help stripping for the rest of the colony.” 

As he pushed past her and exited the bar, he sat on a nearby bench and tried his best to clear his head. Her story was plausible, but then again, any story she told would be- it was her law-given talent, after all. However, the sight of her in that outfit, coupled with her past and the passed out guard... Max lowered his head and closed his eyes, trying to will himself to calm down. _You know you were out of line,_ he told himself. _Your jealousy is going to be the death of you, old man._

“Preacher man, what the hell did you do to her?” 

The sound of the angry voice from above made him snap his head up and open his eyes, only to find Hawthorne glowering over him. “Don’t you have something better to do?” Max asked the spirit. “Like anything other than bothering me?”

“No.”

Max sighed. “We had… words. I’m out here calming down and she’s inside doing something I don’t care to know about. There- now you have the whole story.” 

Hawthorne groaned as Max closed his eyes again. “I can’t believe you,” he replied. “We go through all this today, and you get in a snit about _nothing?”_ When Max huffed, Hawthorne sighed. “You know she’s not used to being human, right?”

“She’s plenty human,” Max snapped, opening his eyes. “Trust me, I would know.” 

“Well, obviously, you don’t know shit,” Hawthorne replied, sitting down next to him. “Don’t put your damn arm through me,” he warned, looking warily at Max’s sprawled out state. “Anyway," Hawthorne continued, staring out at the bar, "she ain’t always too knowledgeable on what she should and shouldn’t do, Vicar.” The ghost scoffed. “Hell, part of my job out here is being the delegate for the human condition.”

“And you're the best representation we had? No wonder things are going to ruin,” Max said snidely, ignoring the pilot’s chuckles. “We’ve already established what happened- you can go now.” 

“If you believe that she’d do something to hurt your delicate feelings on purpose, then obviously I can’t,” Hawthorne replied. “But maybe I should stay out of it and let you keep making an ass of yourself,” he said wickedly. “If she finally gets sick of your bullshit, then maybe she'll turn to her best friend in her time of need…” His voice trailed off and Max snapped his head angrily toward the ghost, who shot him an irritated look. “What? You don’t want to listen or be reasonable, but you don’t want anyone else to have her, either? Looks like you need to pick one, preacher man, cause I’m getting pretty damn tired of stepping to the side in the name of making her happy… especially when the man she’s out here pining away for with keeps making her cry.”

At that, Max jerked his head up- when he'd left, she'd seemed more angry than hurt. “She’s that upset?”

Hawthorne just looked at him. “Max… you basically called her a whore- why wouldn’t she be upset?” He cocked his head toward the bar. “She’s about to take the kid with her to the estate- she says she needs a piece of arm candy for this mission. She asked to take me, but if anyone besides her touches me, the jig is up. Kinda sad about that," the ghost said casually, folding his arms behind his head, "I may have even gotten to make out with her... you know, for the mission.” 

"Hawthrone," Max replied through gritted teeth, wishing the pilot had an actual form so he could punch him in the mouth. "that is _not_ going to happen... are we clear?"

The ghost gave him a casual shrug. “Well, if you didn’t like the accidental grope the guard pulled, then you’re gonna like it even less when she starts playing at being Millstone’s girl, ain't ya?” 

Max winced- the ghost had a point. “I suppose you’re right," he mumbled, running his hand over his gelled-down hair. "I suppose I should get inside and apologize, then.” Hawthorne nodded, and Max stood up just as Nia and Felix walked out the bar, arm in arm. Recognizing that the pilot had been telling the truth, Max strode up to the two of them. “Mr. Millstone,” Max said calmly, not taking his eyes of Nia. “I’m sorry, but your services won’t be required for this mission.”

“Oh thank the Law,” Felix breathed, quickly detaching from Nia and looking visibly relieved. “I’m… gonna go back to the bar,” he said hurriedly, looking anxiously between Nia and Max. “See you later, Cap’n... Max.” 

As Felix scurried away, Max turned to Nia, who was standing next to him with a face that could’ve been carved from stone. He wanted to ask her about it, but Max knew he deserved whatever punishment she doled out, so he just sighed. “Shall we?” 

He extended his elbow to Nia and after a few moments, she reluctantly took it. “To the minister’s residence,” she said flatly, pointedly not looking at him. “I have the key, but I may have to touch a guard to get the door open- that won’t cause you to launch into a snit, will it?”

He could hear the ice in her tone, and he instantly wanted to apologize as they walked through the empty streets.”Nia,” he said plaintively, not sure how to fix the distance between them. “I’m an idiot.”

“So far, no argument from me,” she said, still not looking at him. “Since we’re stating the obvious, I’m not a whore, just so you know.”

“I know you aren’t,” Max replied, roaming his eyes over her as they headed toward their destination. “You’re beautiful and I am certainly a jealous moron, but that isn’t a reflection on you.” He sighed, pausing for a moment and holding her in place as she stared at him impassively. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way- that was never my intent.”

She looked away, making his heart sink a little. “Well, you did,” she said angrily. “You want to call me a thief? Fine- it’d be accurate. A liar? Sure, go ahead. But I am never, nor have I ever been in any life, a whore. Not even when it would've made things easier,” she whispered. He started to say something else but she held up a hand, instantly cutting him off. “We’ll talk about this later,” she said firmly. “Right now, I have a minister to see.”

_ _

* * *

Getting in to see the minister was easier than she thought it would be- none of the guards seemed to give a single care about what was going on around them, so with a little light persuasion and the brandishing of her key, she and Max were easily able to get upstairs to see Minister Clark. What she did not expect, however, was finding out the man they were looking for didn’t have a solitary clue as to what she was talking about. When he vehemently denied any knowledge of the chemicals she needed, Nia checked every inch of his threads and quickly concluded that he was nothing more than a scapegoat for a new figure to chase after, Chairman Rockwell. 

“This plot has more twists and turns than one of Parvati’s serials,” Max grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets. “How do you plan on getting inside the Ministry? If Chairman Rockwell is bold enough to place the minister on house arrest, who knows what we might be walking into in that place? You have to be careful,” he whispered, staring at her as they exited the manor. “I can’t lose you again, love.” 

For the first time since they’d left the bar, Nia smiled- she was still miffed at their spat from earlier, but she couldn't help feel a tiny bit of warmth knowing he was concerned for her. “You won’t. I’m going to charm who I can, and move between the moments for the rest. You can stay here," she said as she placed a hand on his arm, noting that he visibly relaxed at the contact. "I’ll be out shortly.”

Max scoffed. “No offense, but you are absolute shit at anything technical, darling- if the Chairman's secrets reside anywhere other than in his minion's heads, then I think you may require some assistance on this trip.” He blew out a deep breath, then squared his shoulders. “Take me with you.”

Nia just looked at him. “You realize you can only be there for thirty minutes at a time, right?” Truthfully, she was glad for his offer, as she didn’t have a single weapon with her- if she ran into any resistance, it was pretty much a given she was going to die. “I don’t want you getting hurt, Max.”

He shrugged. “If I get sick, then you’ll just have to nurse me back to health- I can think of worse things,” he said with a grin. “I’m not letting you do this alone, Nia- like I said, I left you once and I never want to do it again. From here on out, we’re together, remember?”

“If you’re sure,” she said softly, looking at the heavily guarded building. “I suppose just this once, I could use a bodyguard.” 

“Darling,” he said, draping an arm around her waist as they approached the ministry, “you never had to ask.” She laughed, and he leaned his head to her ear. "I'm sorry about earlier," he whispered. "I never meant to insult you." 

She brushed her hand over the one resting on her hip, turning to give him a true smile. "I know, but I didn't come back from the dead to be questioned at every turn- you're the one who's supposed to trust me, Max... I'm yours, remember?" 

Max lowered his eyes, looking thoroughly ashamed. "I... I know. It's just hard," he admitted. "Nia, you're beautiful and young and..." Max let out a sigh, staring up into the night sky. "I just wonder if you're going to wake up one day and realize you don't want an old man like me." 

Nia smiled as she laced her hand in his- for a moment, they looked like a happy couple on a date instead of two co-conspirators staging a break-in, and placed a kiss on his lips. "Max... need I remind you that I'm about a few _centuries_ older than you? Shouldn't I be wondering the same thing about you!"

"Never," he replied, taking her hand in his as they headed toward the building. "Remember, I happen to like older women."

She laughed as they went inside the Ministry, where the security guard immediately stopped them. She gave him her warmest smile, but the guard still gave them a chilly reception. “Forms,” he said tersely. 

_Okay, new plan,_ she thought. Nia looked at him, a shrewd look in her eye. “Why do you want those? They’re too much of a headache anyway- wouldn’t it just be easier to let us past? Besides, if you don’t, you’re going to have to go get a set of blank ones, wait for us to fill them out…” she turned to the guard with a pout on her face as she unzipped her jacket and twirled a curl around her finger. “I don’t know how to fill out those forms… it would take me such an awfully long time to do it. Don’t you want to make it easier for me?”

The guard looked at her for a moment and she placed a slender hand on his arm, causing the man’s eyes to roll back in his head. She had to fight back a grin as she watched Max grimace out of the corner of her eye, then turned her attention back to the guard, who had hunched over. “Too much work,” he said tonelessly, gesturing listlessly behind him. “Go on ahead.” 

“Thanks!” Nia said brightly, waving happily at the guard and dragging Max along to the elevator. Once inside and moving, she felt her energy drain at once and slumped against the wall. “Whew,” she said wearily, “this is a bit exhausting. Not used to doing this much in a row- I fear I'm out of practice.”

Max gave her a look of concern. “Are you alright? Will you be able to do… that thing?”

Nia chuckled. “You mean stop time? Of course. Will I be alright afterward? Probably not.” She paused for a second, thinking. “Maybe if I kill myself, my energy levels will reset…”

“ _Or_ … you could eat a law-forsaken meal and, oh, I don’t know, _not die in front of me?”_ His eye twitched angrily as the elevator slowed down. “Nia, I know you’ve been around for quite some time, but that kind of thing doesn’t sit well with me, so please don’t do it.”

She was about to make a snide comment, but the look on his face made her relent. “All right, just for you, Max, I’ll be careful.” He started to huff, but she looked up at him sharply, remembering where they were and tensing up. “Move to the side- we can’t be seen when these doors open.”

Max nodded, moving carefully to a blind spot. As soon as the car had stopped and the doors had opened enough for Max to pass through, Nia paused time, taking his hand and guiding him through the stillness. Max's eyes went wide, carefully watching the frozen receptionist before breathing a sigh of relief as they used the hole in the Minister’s office to get to the office of the Chairman.

When his eyes settled on the terminal on the desk, his eyes lit up and a triumphant expression danced across his face. “Well, well," Max said, settling into the seat and flexing his fingers, "Let’s see what’s on that terminal, shall we? In the meantime, you might want to use that machine over there to make a key,” he said, pointing at a strange-looking machine on the desk. “It would make things a lot easier out there if I don’t have to hack open every door you can’t charm someone into doing it for you.”

Nia gladly moved aside- computer terminals were not her thing at all. “I knew I brought you for reasons other than your dashing good looks,” Nia chided as she started toward the machine. “Beauty, brains, and brawn- you really are the complete package, aren’t you, Max?”

Though they both knew he had limited time, Max took a well-deserved moment to preen at her. “And you love it,” he said simply, his fingers flying over the keys while he smiled at her. 

“Damn right I do,” she replied. 

_ _

* * *

Looking around at the atrocities surrounding him, Max felt numb as they made their way toward the controls. He wasn’t sure if it was from the information on the terminal or the constant trips between time, but Max’s head was reeling as they approached the tankard in the labs. “I can’t believe this,” Max said, staring at the floating people in the tanks. “I knew things were bad, but…” 

Nia just scowled. “These _people_...this _board_... they’re _monsters_.” Her eyes were flashing green fire, and Max swallowed as he shifted his attention between her and the terminal in front of them. “So that’s the game, huh? Instead of solving the food problem, they’re just going to let the rich stay awake and put the rest of us to sleep… like this.” She stared at the body in the tank, then gritted her teeth. “I didn’t come back to let something like this happen, Max- there's got to be another way.”

“Nia,” he whispered, not wanting to disturb her but needing her attention. “I can’t stay like this much longer- I'm sorry, but you have to decide what to do.” He looked over at the terminal, then back to the angry woman. “How much of the chemicals are we taking for Phineas?”

“If we take it all, we kill them,” she said sadly. “But if we leave them alive, we give the Board the tools they need to destroy the people.” She put her head in her hands, crumpling to the floor. “I can’t do this, Max… I’m not a killer, but no matter what I choose, people are going to die! This kind of thing isn't what I do, Max!”

Max felt his heart start to break for her, but he also knew she needed to choose- though he knew how hard she had taken Graham's death, he also recognized that it wasn’t his decision to make. “Nia, you always say you can check the threads- can you do that and then make your decision, love? I know it's hard, but no matter what you choose, I’ll stand by you.” 

She took a deep breath, and he watched as her face settled in a hard mask before closing her eyes, her shoulders drooping as if a weight had been placed upon them. “Step away from the terminal," she said sadly. "This is something I have to do.” Once he moved to the side, Nia punched a few buttons on the terminal and he felt the air around him wobble for a moment- the relief at being in the present again made him let out a deep breath. He started to turn around, but she put a hand on his shoulder. “Go to the door and wait for me,” she croaked, wiping her eyes. “You don’t need to see this, Max.” 

Realizing she was going to take all the chemicals, Max felt his heart sink into his stomach, knowing she wouldn’t fare too well with this decision. “You don’t have to do this alone,” he whispered. “I’m here for you.”

“This is murder,” she said softly, turning to him and pausing time again. “And I have to be the one to do it- it’s them or those innocent people on the Hope.”

“Is it worth it?” Max asked, staring at her. Her lip was quivering and she looked on the verge of tears, but she was still standing and ready to do what she needed to do. He knew she was seeing every possible thread, but this was a choice she was wrestling with. _Not every choice is good_ , he thought. S _ometimes choices are painful and horrendous, but they’re ours…you taught me that._ “If at the end of the day, a hard choice is going to make life better for more, then that’s the decision we have to make,” he said softly. “Life isn’t easy, Nia- that’s why we cherish it so.” 

“I know,” she whispered, closing her eyes again. “Please turn around,“ she whispered. “I don’t want you to see this, Max.”

“Do you have to watch?” Max asked, knowing what the answer would be. When she nodded, Max wrapped his arms around her. “Then I’m not going anywhere…. Do what you have to do, but no matter what, I’ll be right here.” 

Nia nodded, looking up at him gratefully as she restarted time- he noticed there were tears glistening in her eyes. "thank you, Max- this means a lot to me."

As the noise built up to ear-shattering levels behind them, the two of them stood together and waited for their task to complete. Neither one of them said a word as the shrieks of the dying rang out from their watery prisons, but he felt her hands tighten around his waist with every warble that rose from the tanks. Every screech sent his nerves on edge- Max wanted nothing more than to curse the board, shut his eyes, and run straight out of that room, but he knew he couldn't leave her. Instead, he just stood there with her in his arms, waiting until the sounds stopped and there was nothing left but the hiss of the chemicals filling the containers.

Max knew he couldn’t take away her pain, but what he could do was be there for the woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

So he did.


	16. A game of chess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia, Hawthorne, and Max meet Phineas at this lab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Max's first section is NSFW

_ _

* * *

Nia was drained as she leaned on Max, slowly walking back toward the ship. To his credit, he didn’t ask if she was alright- anyone with eyes could see that answer, plain as day, but she had to stop herself from asking him the very same thing. Every time she looked over at the Vicar, she could see the exhaustion on his face and the weariness in his step, and she felt horrible for her role in it. “I’m sorry,” Nia whispered, encircling his hand in hers. “I never meant to hurt you, Maximillian.” 

He cut his eyes downward, then gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “You didn’t do this- the Board did,” he said sadly. “Don’t take their travesties as your own, love.” When she paused, Max shook his head. “If anything, this is the fault of the people of Halcyon. We’ve turned a blind eye to everything that’s going on… we let it get this far… “ He continued walking, then grimaced a little. “It’s a true sadness that it has taken an outsider to expose me to the atrocities happening under my nose the entire time.” 

“You couldn’t be expected to know,” Nia told him gently. “What’s important is the fact that we know now… and we can stop it.” 

“We can?” Max asked. “How do you propose we do that?” 

“By bringing change,” Nia said firmly. “The systems thrive on stagnation, on people not recognizing their power.” As the words bubbled up to the surface, the more Nia felt the truth of them- despite the aching pain in her soul from ending so many paths at once, she felt a fire she hadn’t felt before. For the first time, she finally got what Phillip had been trying to tell her all those years ago, and a wistful smile crossed her face at the memory.

 _If you don’t like it,_ he’d said, _then maybe you should change it._

“I want to change things,” she said firmly. “This world has a choice- to bring itself to ruin with complacency or rush headfirst into a terrifying new future.” Nia glanced up at him, realizing that ultimately, this had to be talked about with others- it wasn’t her place to decide for them. “But it isn’t my choice, Max… it’s yours. It’s Alex’s. It’s Phineas’s, Ellie’s, Nyokya’s, Parvati’s, and Felix’s."

Max gave her a curious look. "You have a voice in this as well, Miss Hawthorne," he said slowly. "I'm curious why you think you don't."

Nia sighed. "Because it’s your world, not mine. I can help you, but I can’t take your choice away… Never again,” she whispered, thinking of the bodies in the tanks. “I’ll own whatever decisions I make, but I can’t decide for everyone- I refuse to play judge, jury, and executioner.” 

He smiled down at her as they approached the ship, where Hawthorne and Nyoka were standing outside and talking. “Then I think you should ask them,” Max replied. “Give everyone the information and let them make a decision… just like you did for me.” 

“My own personal Vicar,” she said warmly, leaning up to offer him a kiss. “How did the universe know to send such a wonderful man to a soul as tortured as mine?”

Max laughed good-naturedly. “Given what we’ve seen and done out here, I’m not so sure I even am a Vicar anymore… or even if I want to be.”

“You’re whatever you decide to be, Max,” Nia replied, relishing in the comforting sensation of his hand in hers. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

He smiled, not saying another word as they approached the members of their crew. Trying to act as normal as possible, Nia looked up at Hawthorne, feeling more drained than ever as she smiled at the pilot. “Alex,” she said tiredly, “can you round up the crew? We need to have a meeting… all of us.”

“Even me?” he asked. When she nodded, he gave her a frown. “That doesn't sound good at all... what’s wrong, kid?”

She shook her head. “Not here, and not without the others- it’s… too big for me,” she murmured, glancing over at Nyoka, who was watching everyone with mild interest. “I need all of you for this.”

Nyoka frowned. “We’ll round them up, but there’s somethin’ you need to hear, Cap’n.” She glanced over at Hawthorne, who gave her a curt nod as they all entered the ship. “You’ve got a message.”

Nia turned to look at them, not seeing the reason for the furtive glances. “From who?”

“Adjutant Akande,” Nyoka said with a sigh. “Don’t worry, we didn’t let the dead guy take the call, but…” she glanced over at Hawthorne nervously, then shook her head. “Shit’s about to hit the fan, Cap’n.”

She glanced over at the ghost, who looked unsettled. “Alex,” she said carefully, placing a hand on his shoulder, “who is this person and why do you both look so unnerved by it?”

“Because,” he replied, removing her hand and heading into the cockpit, sitting down nervously on the console, “she’s the right hand of the Chairman… and you’re on her radar, kid..”

_ _

* * *

Hawthorne reluctantly followed Nyoka and Max into the kitchen, leaving Nia to take the call with the adjutant alone. Initially, he’d protested leaving her to talk with the woman by herself, but Nia had insisted, saying Max needed to fill them all in on some details. Hawthorne wanted to argue with her about it, but seeing the look on her face made the complaint die in his throat, and he left Nia in the cockpit, filing into the kitchen with the others. As he hopped on the counter and stared at the others, he found himself curious about what had gotten Nia and Max so upset. 

“So,” Max began, settling in a seat at the head of the table and tenting his hands, “Nia and I have to talk to you all about something.”

Ellie gave a wry grin and started to say something, but Hawthorne just shook his head- ordinarily, he’d be all for a good teasing, but something about the way the two of them looked as they came aboard told him that this was serious. “What’s going on, preacher man? Why do you and the kid look so glum?” 

“We found out some information on the board, and it wasn’t good,” Max replied, lowering his head to his chin. “So, Nia has put it to us to decide what we’re to do about it.”

“Why us?” Parvati asked quietly. “What’s so big that it has the Cap’n shook up enough to ask us? Can’t she just see what’s gonna happen and do it?”

“The board wants to freeze the poor of Halcyon so the rich won’t starve,” Max said flatly. “When we were getting the chemicals for Doctor Welles, we encountered one of their… experiments.” Hawthorne noticed that Max's voice wavered a bit, but if anyone else noticed it, they didn’t say. “None of us would survive.” The Vicar looked at each of them in turn, his eyes settling on the pilot. “They would kill us all.” 

Hawthorne frowned. “So, even though I’m dead and don’t have a dog in this fight, I think we can all agree that a plan like that ain’t in our best interest.”

“That’s for damn sure,” Nyoka said, taking a swig of her drink. “I like living, thank you very much.”

Felix was staring at the table, his face white as a sheet. “Can the Cap’n stop it, Max?” he asked softly, still not looking up. “She ain’t gonna let that happen, right?”

Max sighed. “She wants to put a stop to it, but-” he paused, and Hawthorne realized that he was trying to see how much he wanted to share with the others. “She wants it to be our choice,” he finished, taking the glass Parvati had placed in front of him. “It’s not going to be an easy thing to do,” he warned. “We’d officially be enemies of the Board, and she won’t make that decision for any of us.” 

“I’m in,” Felix said in an uncharacteristically hard tone, still looking at the table. “The Cap’n is the only one out here who gave a damn about me, so if she needs someone to watch her back while she sticks it to those Board assholes, then count me in.” He looked up at Max, his gaze firm. “I”m gonna help- are you, Vicar?”

Max nodded. “Undoubtedly, Mister Millstone- my place is at her side, without question. However, I can’t speak for everyone else, so if anyone disagrees with this plan, we can make arrangements to drop you off at a destination of your choosing.”

“Like I told you earlier,” Ellie said, glancing over at Max, “it ain’t like I got somethin’ better on the agenda. Plus, fucking up their plans sounds like fun.” She turned to the pink-haired woman with a grin. “Whatcha say, Nyoka? You down for tearing some shit up out here?” 

Nyoka had a hard look on her face. “The board ruined my home,” she said angrily. “Their stupid policies left Monarch to rot- you’re damn right I’m in.” 

At that, everyone turned to the mechanic, who had remained silent. When she didn’t speak, Max leaned over and placed a hand on her arm. “We can drop you off on Groundbreaker,” he said gently, his tone surprising the ghost- Hawthorne didn’t know Max knew how to be civil with anyone other than Nia. “It’s okay if you don’t want to be a part of this, Miss Holcomb.” 

“That’s not it,” she said quietly, playing with the cuff of her sleeve. “It’s just a lot to take in, is all. I believe in the Cap’n,” she said firmly. “If I don’t help, I ain’t no better than the Board, and that’s not how I want to be.” Parvati looked up at Max, her eyes bright. “I just gotta send a letter to Junlei first.” 

“I think we can drop you off to talk to her in person,” Max said kindly. “Miss Hawthorne and I have some business to take care of first, but after that, I think everyone is going to deserve some rest.” He sat up straighter as Nia entered the room, looking angrier than Hawthorne had seen her in a minute. “Nia,” he said with a careful tone, “it appears that we have a crew that is interested in seeing justice done. They… just need a bit of time on Groundbreaker before we set the final parts of your plan in motion.” Max glanced around the table, checking in with the solemn faces staring back at him. “Does that sound right, everyone?”

When they all nodded, Hawthorne got up, wrapping an arm around Nia's shoulder. “This should go without saying, but you know I’m with you, kid- whatever you need, I’m there.” 

Though he knew it was petty, the pilot took a bit of pleasure in the smile that lit up her face and the scowl that crossed Max’s. “Thank you, everyone,” she replied, leaning into Alex's embrace. “You can’t begin to imagine how proud I am of every single one of you.”

_ _

* * *

Max noticed how quiet she was as they entered their room- now that they were away from the watchful eyes of their crew, he noticed the slight droop in her shoulders, the soft tilt of her head, and the slight twitches of her fingers at her sides. Nia was lost in contemplation and regret, and he wanted nothing more than to bring her back to him. 

“In the fervor of today,” he said lightly, walking over and tracing a finger over her bare shoulder blades and watching her inhale at the sudden touch, “I don’t think I got the chance to tell you how lovely you looked in that outfit.” 

Nia paused, and Max could see the rise and fall of her chest as he ran his rough fingers up and down her spine. “You’re one to talk,” she teased softly, and the low purr in her voice made his insides do somersaults as she turned to face him, smiling seductively as she ran a ruby-painted nail across the clinging t-shirt he wore. “How come you never dress up like this for me?” 

His lips moved into a seductive smile as he took in the woman standing in front of him. Deciding to take advantage of the plunging neckline, Max lowered his head and dropped to his knees, using his tongue to paint the valley between her breasts, only stopping his ministrations to place a kiss on her exposed navel. “You need only ask,” he murmured into her skin, reaching his hands to the back of her suit and unzipping it, his lust growing at the revelation of her body. “But, I do believe I need to make something clear to you, Miss Hawthorne,” he growled as he stood, sliding his hands along her exposed sides and deftly undoing the bow at the nape of her neck. 

“Oh really?” she asked, taking a step back and easing out of the garment, standing before him and clad in nothing but a scrap of black lace that could hardly be called underwear. Giving him a devilish smile, Nia slid her hands across her breasts then sent them lower, briefly exploring her body. Not uttering a word, she held his gaze for a moment before stepping closer and pressing against him. “What’s so important that you’re willing to ignore this, Max?”

Though his body ached for her touch, Max knew this tactic by now- she excelled in it, this casual manipulation. True to her word, she never made him do a thing he didn’t want to do, but tonight, he needed to fight against the urge to give in to her. Her body was always on the table for him- Max had known this since that day in Fallbrook, and every day he’d lain with her since had only reinforced that fact. He’d grown to learn every surface of this new body, for each night after the crew was asleep, Max made it his mission to memorize every inch of her, delighting in his newly obtained knowledge. 

Some things were the same, he’d realized. She was still ticklish on the soles of her feet, she still loved it when he nipped the junction between her shoulder and neck, and she still delighted in resting her head on his chest at the end of a long day. He’d been happy to learn that even outside of prison, she still tasted like passion, freedom, and hope, and he’d never been happier to discover that she still remembered all the things he loved as well. But he also discovered that he’d given her the tools for his own demise- she knew every way to make him into a simpering mess, whereas he’d had to relearn his lover all over again.

And now, as he watched the woman in front of him, something slid into place in his brain, making his dick grow hard and his heart grow heavy at the same time. 

When she wasn’t real, she’d given him every bit of her soul. She’d told him every secret, dream, fear, and desire and he’d drank them in greedily, cherishing every minute of it. Since she couldn’t give him the physical connection he desired, she’d made the mental one so unbreakable that it overrode everything else. Max loved seeing all sides of her, from the repentant sinner to the dutiful scholar, from the angry thief to his personal savior. She was his and he’d known it- she’d never given him the chance to forget it. 

Now, she’d given him her body while she guarded everything else, and Max felt himself clamoring for that connection they used to share. The woman he loved was standing in front of him, teasing him with the promise of sex and euphoria, but Max realized that she was trying to keep him at bay, desperate to keep her now-human heart intact. Once he’d fought against the current of her desire, Max discovered that he didn’t want her offering of lust- he wanted the love that had saved his soul. 

Tonight, he was going to do his damndest to achieve the full connection she’d dangled in front of him, always just out of his reach. 

Vowing to never lie, he looked her in the eyes and ignored the glorious body on display, even as she hopped on the table and spread her legs in invitation. “You are,” Max answered, moving forward and placing soft kisses on the inside of her thighs, allowing himself to bask in the heat wafting off her. For a moment, he could feel the urge to dive between her legs, push aside fabric with his teeth and feel the wetness under his tongue, but he shook off the thought, giving her a nip on the apex of her thighs instead and making her squeal. “None of that, you cheeky woman,” he admonished. “My thoughts are my own, thank you very much.” 

He raised his eyes to her face, only to see her smirking as she leaned over to threaded her hands in his hair. “You’re no fun,” she whispered in his ear. “I thought I was yours, Max.”

“Are you?” he replied, sliding his hands up the inside of her thighs and placing a soft kiss on the damp lace between her legs. She gasped and he smiled, standing up and ignoring the pout that crossed her face. “I don’t think you realize what that means, love.” 

“You’re here,” she replied, running a finger along his jaw before bringing it to his lips. Without thinking, he gently nipped her thumb, sending a shudder through her body. “This is for you, Max,” she whispered in that voice that made him struggle to not press her against the table and take her. “Take it.”

His cock twitched at the sound of her voice, straining against his pants in its rush to answer her call. Groaning with the effort of escaping her persuasion, Max took off his shirt instead, thankful for the brief distance it gave him. “No,” he replied honestly. “Not until I get all of you.” 

She paused, staring at him with confusion. “You have me, Max.”

“I have your body,” he answered, torturing himself by taking her breast in his hand and lightly grazing her nipple with his teeth, making her gasp and moved forward, pressing her wetness against him. Smiling, he released her, reaching for her other breast and gently rolling the dark nub between his thumb and finger as he stared at her intently. “And I have no doubt that you’ll do whatever I ask you to.” Her eyes were cloudy with lust, but he continued, unabated. “Spread your legs for me,” he commanded. “I want you open, love.” 

She could only nod, lost in the waves of pleasure he was sending throughout her body as she spread her legs, and Max rewarded her acquiescence by moving the lace to the side, lowering his head to trace the side of her swollen lips with his tongue. He had to stop himself from going further, only allowing himself to briefly slide a finger inside her before standing up, making her whimper in his absence. Feeling the ache between his thighs grow to a throb, Max just looked at her as he popped his finger in his mouth, watching with delight as she threw her head back with frustration.

“Goddamn it, Max,” Nia howled as he moved the fabric back in place, rubbing his thumb along her now soaked underwear. “What is it that you want? Stop torturing me!”

“I’ll stop when you do,” he murmured, pressing his thumb against her even harder. “I have your body, but I don’t have you, Nia. I used to,” he said as he placed his arms on the table, resting himself between her thighs and moaning as she wrapped her legs around him. “Now that you’re here with me, I want all of you… not just the safe parts.” He wrapped one hand around her back, then buried his face in her hair. “I want the good,” he said, moving down to nip her earlobe, “and the bad.”

“I don’t understand,” she breathed. “You have me, Max.”

He frowned, nipping at her neck to show his displeasure. “You said you wouldn’t lie to me, Nia. Keep your promise,” he whispered. “Don’t start now.” 

“But I’m not,” she said, moaning as he moved a hand inside her underwear and began massaging her clit. “I’ve never lied to you, Max.” 

“Then tell me the whole truth,” he replied, using his other hand to work the buckle on his pants. “Give me the truth of you.” 

“I-”

“Don’t,” he growled, adding a finger inside her and cutting off her words. “I do not have it and we both know it, Nia.” He added another one and began sliding them inside and out, making her writhe on the table beneath him. “You give me your body willingly- why are you hiding the rest of what you used to give so freely?” 

She could only moan in response, and Max continued to pleasure her relentlessly, his hands moving at a punishing pace until she came around him, making his fingers slick with her. His expression didn’t falter as he removed his hand from her, stepping back to rid himself of his traitorous clothing, and soon he crept above her, working to convince himself that he could hold out longer than she could. However, Nia slid a hand down his stomach, her fingers tickling the tiny hairs lining his abs and coming to a stop against his shaft, causing him to draw in his breath sharply. Knowing she’d pleased him, Nia paused to catch her breath before angling her face up to his. “I still give myself freely to you… just as you give yourself to me.” 

“You-” He stopped, licking his lips when she wrapped her fingers around him in that delicious way he loved so much. “You’re hiding behind this,” he panted as she squeezed him harder. “I want more than your body, Nia… I want you to give me your heart again.”

Max could tell the instant when the light went on for her- when she paused, he did as well. Frozen, the two looked at each other, his light green eyes locked to her darker ones, only wavering when a slender hand cupped his cheek. “It’s harder out here,” she whispered as he rested his head against hers. “I don’t have control anymore.”

“But that’s how you know it’s real,” Max murmured in her ear as he positioned himself at her entrance. “Love is a risk, Nia- If you already know the outcome, then what are you risking?”

“What if you hurt me again,” she asked, her voice so low he could barely hear. “How do I handle that?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he answered as he pushed inside, making her gasp as he filled her. He snaked his hands beneath Nia and rested his hands on her shoulders, pulling her up to be flush against him. “No matter what, I’m here. And while we may fight,” he said wickedly, thrusting hard against her and making her gasp, “I’m here until the end, Nia.”

She nodded and he resumed moving, slowly rolling his hips against her as she clung to his neck, her forehead pressed to his, her sweaty curls swaying against his face. “Do you trust me?” Max asked, cupping the back of her head in his hand. She started to say something, but he surged deep inside her, stealing her breath before she could answer. “Think about your answer, please- never tell me what you think I want to hear.”

He thought she might protest, but to his delight she went silent, threading her hands through his hair and pressing tightly against him as he moved, her walls clenching him tighter and tighter with her impending climax. Max felt his own release building and he stuttered, his rhythm increasing as she kissed him passionately, leaning over to whisper in his ear. 

“With my life,” she whispered, placing kisses on his sweaty skin between pulses, nipping his neck when he moved out of her. He wanted to say something but all that emerged was a moan- unable to think, Max’s pace quickened as he felt her clench against him, pushing him over the edge with a yell. 

Gasping for breath, he felt her hands pull his face to hers, placing a kiss on his sweaty head. “I’ve never been able to read you, Maximilian DeSoto,” she said quietly. “And it terrifies me how much I love you in spite of it.” 

“Good,” he breathed, resting his head on her shoulder and pulling her close. “Then that’s how you know it’s real.” 

_ _

* * *

It was quiet when they arrived at Phineas’s lab- the only sounds were the chuffing of Bubbles the cystipig nearby. Without thinking, Nia took the hands of Hawthorne and Max- they had insisted on coming with her to see Doctor Welles, and truthfully, she was grateful for their company. Even though she knew it was different, the desolate station reminded her too much of the labs on Byzantium, which was an experience she wasn’t looking to replay any time soon.

The tiny white-haired man was in a section of his lab that was behind a wall of thick glass, puttering around with a mess of beakers and tubes, completely unaware of their approach. When Hawthorne cleared his throat, the man jumped about a foot in the air before turning around, glaring at the three of them. “Nia,” he said irritably, “what part of 'secret lab' did you miss? Why are you bringing visitors with you?” His eyes roamed over Max, then back to Hawthorne. “And the pilot… good to see you aren’t dead after all- you might be useful later.” 

Max chuckled, but Nia just shot him a look. “We brought your chemicals,” she said, holding up the knapsack Max had been carrying. “I’d say I hope it’s worth it, but I already know the answer.” 

His eyes sparkled with excitement. “Yes,” he breathed. “This is more than what I was expecting- how were you able to get so much?”

“You don’t want to know,” Max said dryly, gripping her hand. “Just… put it to good use- we had to go through a lot to get this.”

“Now that you got your stuff,” Hawthorne said, looking over at the old cryopod Nia had emerged from, “are we gonna be able to save the rest of the colonists?” 

“Considering they’re planning on ejecting the colonists into space to make room for their plan, then I certainly hope we can.” His eyes lowered slightly, then gave Nia a look. “Even if there are… considerably less than we started with up there.” 

Nia shuddered, remembering him trying over and over to revive colonists before she interceded on Celeste’s behalf. “I imagine so.” Then she looked at Max, who nodded- despite her earlier misgivings, he was truly one-hundred percent behind her on this plan. “What do we do now?”

Phineas looked up, almost as if he were seeing them for the first time. “To continue my work, I need access to the Hope.” 

Hawthorne frowned, crossing his arms in front of him. “So? Take your little scooter ship and toddle your ass on up there. You got your shit- she’s done, Doc.” 

Phineas gave Hawthorne a curious look. “Since when did you care about anything besides your next paycheck, pirate?” He paused for a moment, looking over the three of them. “What’s going on up there on that ship of yours?” 

Max rolled his eyes. “Absolutely nothing of that sort, I assure you. However, I do have to agree with the pilot- why not just go back up there and revive the remaining colonists?”

The doctor ignored Max and turned to the Nia instead, “Nia, I was under the impression you weren’t an idiot,” Phineas said sharply. “Is there a reason you’re cavorting with these two simpletons?”

“They’re my friends,” she replied simply, not wanting to get into the semantics of everything with the doctor. “And as for your reticence, I assume its because the Board is crawling all over the Hope- considering the level of effort they've put into getting me to find you, that seems to be the most likely reason.”

Phineas paused, an approving look on his face. “Not an idiot at all,” he muttered. “Right you are, though I am curious as to how you know of the Board’s plans.” 

“Adjutant Akande contacted me,” she said flatly. “She wants to know where you are, and they want me to report your location.” She sighed, looking at the wiry old man. “You know they’re going to find you no matter what, right?” 

“Oh yes, I’d imagine they would,” he said absentmindedly. “But that doesn’t mean we have to make it easy, do we? I have work to do, and I need you to skip the Hope to Terra 2- can’t have them barging in before we take care of things, now can we?”

“Skip the Hope?” Hawthorne yelled. “Are you _crazy?_ That’s fucking insane!” He looked over at Nia, a desperate look on his face. “This shit is suicidal,” he warned. “Might not be the healthiest for some of the members of your crew,” he said pointedly, looking over at Max. “Could be deadly, kid.”

“No reward without risk,” Phineas said dismissively. “The fate of Halcyon is worth it, don’t you think? Besides, I was under the impression you had the best AI in the galaxy, Hawthorne. If you’re so afraid that you can’t do it, then patch your system into their computer and have it do it.”

Hawthorne just stood there, staring at the doctor in open-mouthed shock. Max also looked enraged, but Nia wasn’t as concerned as the other two- his math made sense, and she couldn’t find many flaws in his plan. Plus, when she checked the threads, she didn’t find any deception or ill-intent. She stared at the doc dispassionately, but Nia noticed that the more she stared at Phineas, the more the information began to settle in her brain. While he was certainly a cold-hearted bastard, he was rational, logical, and methodical- his methods were based on saving the many, rather than the few, which in essence was admirable. However, she realized that while she found his behavior distasteful, it was not all that dissimilar to how she was when she first arrived on Halcyon, and she inwardly cringed- _that’s not what I want my life to be like_ , she thought. _I want to be more than variables for the greater good- the needs of the individual matter, too._

Decision made, she stared at the sneering man. “We’ll get the Hope,” she said firmly. “But what do we do about the Board and this tracking signal?” 

Phineas gave her a conspiratorial grin. “Send it,” he replied. “It will just cause us more problems if you don’t. _But_ ,” he said, staring at Hawthorne, “it wouldn’t be the worst thing if the signal got mixed up along the way.”

The ghost got a look of understanding on his face, then turned to Max. “C’mon, preacher man- let’s go get that taken care of.” 

Max gave him a nod, then leaned over and kissed Nia on the cheek. “We’ll be right back,” he told her before walking over to the terminal. Before he got too far he turned and paused, staring at her with a pensive look on his face. “Just know that I’m in this till the end- you’re not leaving me behind, Nia.”

She nodded and he headed to the terminal where Hawthorne was waiting for him with crossed arms. Satisfied they were sending the message, she turned back to Phineas, who was studying her with an appraising expression. “Yes?” Nia asked. “Is there something you need?”

“Just wondering,” he said nonchalantly, leaning against the terminal and giving her an amused look. “Care to share how a long-frozen woman has managed to inspire such loyalty in an OSI pawn and a criminal?”

Nia crossed her arms. “How do you know Max’s past?”

“It’s my job to know who might be coming to my lab,” he replied. “Source of information notwithstanding, the question still stands- Hawthorne has never, in all the time I’ve known him, done anything without benefit for himself, yet you have him willing to risk life and limb to join you on this mission. And you have a _Vicar_ , a veritable tool of the Board, ready to go all-in on resetting the societal order.” Phineas turned, now leaning against the glass separating them and peering curiously into her face. “What did you do, Nia?” 

She looked over at the two men she loved more than anything in the world, then turned back to the doctor with a smug look on her face. “I gave them the choice to be more,” she replied. “And they took me up on my offer.”

_ _

* * *

  
Max stood in the doorway, watching as Nia curled into a ball on the ledge stared out at the stars. “What’s on your mind,” he asked, moving silently to place a hand on her shoulder. “You look a million light-years away from here.”

“I am,” she admitted, leaning into his touch. “I’m checking the threads, and I know the end is worth it, but the middle…” she shivered. “Everywhere I look, there’s death, destruction, and mayhem- how do I justify that?”

“For us or the Board?” Max asked carefully, knowing she might not answer- he was fully aware of the fact that there were still some things she couldn’t tell him. 

“Both,” she said softly, shifting to look at him. “This is horrible, Max- I see both sides. I know that one is wrong, of course, but are the people following orders wrong? Do they deserve to die because of a misguided sense of belief?” She reached up and touched his face. “Every time I try to make it make sense in my head, I see you… and I feel my insides shred again.”

“I’m right here,” he said, resting his chin on her shoulder and watching the stars speed past. “You don’t have to worry about that.” 

“It’s-” she let out a deep sigh, then turned to watch him sit down next to her. “It’s the fact that you used to be one of those people, Max- so certain you were doing the right thing, even willing to dismiss the facts in the pursuit of your beliefs, but look at you! You’re this amazing, intelligent, wonderful person- what if that’s someone on the other side? Who am I to deprive someone of a chance at a meaningful life because of one wrong thing?” 

Max thought about it for a minute, then realized he didn’t have an answer for her. The question was valid- it had been ever since the concept of war was introduced, and would be along for quite some time afterward. “I wish I could tell you something to make you feel secure, but those answers have eluded men for centuries.” He leaned over, placing a kiss on her cheek. “In fact, I daresay you’d be better equipped to answer it than I.” When she scoffed, Max took her hands, shifting her focus to him. “I can’t speak for everyone else, and I can’t tell you what to do, Nia. All I can do is ask you a question.”

“You know I love questions,” she said, a trace of humor on her face. “Ask away, Maximillian DeSoto.” 

Chuckling at the use of his full name, he brushed his lips across her knuckles. “Do you see this as the right thing to do?” 

To her credit, she paused- it was one of the things he loved about her, the way she calculated all the possibilities before going with an answer. It’s what made every ‘I love you’ have enough gravity to crush his heart, the very thing that gave him confidence in her, regardless of her past. She’d been doing it since he’d first met her, and Max hoped she’d never stop. “I do,” she replied. “I’ve checked the other paths, but this one has the best outcome for everyone.” She blew out a breath, then slumped against him, dejected. “But every time I say something like that, I feel as cold-hearted as Phineas- that’s not how I want to be, Max.”

“You are nothing like that,” Max retorted, his tone sharper than he intended. “You care- you care so deeply that you’re willing to take on everything for a world that isn’t yours, Nia. That’s a level of selflessness I can only hope to aspire to reach one day.”

“It’s not that selfless,” she said sadly. “I just want a better world for you, Max. Unfortunately, I think that’s as selfish as it gets, darling.”

“Then you and I have different definitions of selfish,” Max replied, folding her in his arms and holding her against him as the ship silently cruised across the stars. Slowly yet surely, they were approaching the final leg of their journey, but Max was still at a loss as to how he could make sure that the woman he currently had resting against him understood just how much he needed her to stay. 


	17. Last Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last push before the mission to take back the Hope

_ _

* * *

“Everyone,” Nia said warningly, “do _not_ do anything that’s going to get you arrested.” She shot a pointed look at Ellie and Nyoka, who rolled their eyes. “We leave in the morning and I’d like to not spend my night worrying about you lot.”

Ellie put a hand on her hip, smirking at the tiny woman glaring at her. “Aw, c’mon Cap- I’m a rich woman now… lemme have a little fun, why don't 'cha? Besides,” she said with a devilish grin as she looped an arm around Nia, “you can just talk us out of any shit we get into, right?”

Nia scowled at the doctor, shoving her arm off her shoulders. “Within reason, Ellie!” 

“Cool,” Ellie replied, smirking and making a pistol with her fingers and cocking it at her. “Then that just means we can get into a reasonable amount of trouble then.” 

Max opened his mouth, but before he could say a word, Nia cut in. “Just… don’t be in jail when it’s time to leave, ok?” Nyoka just chuckled as she grabbed Felix while Ellie gave Nia a nod, lightly hip checking her as she went past. Stopping at the end of the ramp, the doctor turned to Hawthorne, a teasing look on her face. “You coming, dead guy? You aren’t gonna be a perv and spy on the lovebirds tonight, are ya? And don’t say you’re gonna work on the ship, cause that one-” she jerked a thumb at Parvati, “is itchin’ to get down to Junlei.” 

Hawthorne laughed as he leaned against the doorway, watching as the others filed off the ship. Everyone looked eager to relax, but he knew he couldn’t go outside here- he was too recognizable, plus Nia had already told Udom he was dead. “Nah, can’t pass for livin’ out here- I was too damn sexy for my own good when I was alive.” He smiled, but Nia caught his eye and frowned, giving him a questioning look. “I’ll just shoot the shit with ADA and run a few checks on this suicidal mission the kid has us goin’ on, since we all know she couldn’t do the job without this dashing motherfucker by her side.”

Ellie shrugged. “Suit yourself, but if you decide to stop being the boring kind of dead guy, come find us- I could use your ‘abilities’ to assist with a card game… or three.” 

He waggled his eyebrows, making Parvati cover her mouth to stifle a laugh. “Why Fenhill,” he drawled, “keep talking like that and you’re gonna make me sorry I don’t have a body.”

“Keep looking at me like that and you’re gonna make me sorry too, dead guy,” Ellie replied, laughing at the stunned look on Max’s face. “But enough shooting the shit- I have drinks to get to and people to piss off.” She gave Nia a mock salute then turned toward the bar, Felix and Nyoka not far behind her.

“Um,” Parvati said nervously, looking around at the remaining crew, “are you gonna be all right by your lonesome, Hawthorne? I could stay-”

“Grease monkey, if you don’t hurry up and talk to Junlei I’m gonna jump in your body and do it for you,” Hawthorne said mildly, laughing to himself when the girl turned to Nia with wide eyes, breathing a sigh of relief when she shook her head. “I’m a big boy ghost, trust me- I’ll be fine here. ADA can switch on a tossball match for me or somethin’.” 

The mechanic didn’t look too convinced. “You sure? Cause if you want, Junlei and I can come back and have dinner here-”

He shook his head. “That’s right nice of you, kid, but please, go have fun.” He wished he could hug Parvati, but he knew it’d just pass right through her so he settled for a smile and a wave instead. “Just tell me all about it when you come back, ok?” She paused for a moment but he made a shooing motion with his hands that made the mechanic smile, blushing as she brushed a stray curl behind her ear as she turned away.

“Alex Hawthorne,” Nia said, coming up to the pilot and wrapping a hand around his waist, “do my eyes deceive me, or are you actually _enjoying_ the members of our crew?”

“Suppose they ain’t all bad,” Hawthorne mumbled, shoving one of his hands in his pocket as he gave her a one-armed hug, noticing Max conspicuously staring at a point just above his head. “But don’t you and preacher man have some things you want to handle before we go on a mission that might kill three-fourths of our crew?” 

“Nia and I have handled most of our affairs,” Max replied stiffly, his eyes now fixed on Hawthorne’s arm resting on Nia’s waist. When Nia wasn’t looking, Hawthorne locked eyes with Max and smirked, moving his hand even lower so it rested on her hip as he hooked his thumb in the belt loop of her jeans. He had to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep from laughing as Max turned a fierce shade of red, looking for all the world like he’d like to rip Hawthorne’s head from his shoulders. “ _But_ ,” Max said in a halting voice, “I think maybe an evening to ourselves wouldn’t be the worst thing.” 

Knowing that he’d pushed the Vicar as far as he could, Hawthorne gave Nia one last squeeze and sighed, looking between the two of them. “Before you guys get all sappy,” he said softly, trying to keep his voice even, “do you mind dropping something off for me?” 

Max looked like he wanted to say something but then thought better of it, his expression softening. “What do you need, Hawthorne?”

Blinking with surprise at the unexpected response, Hawthorne had to take a second to collect his thoughts. “I… have a data cartridge in the cockpit,” he said, gesturing to the interior of the ship. “Maybe you guys could… drop it off to Udom for me?”

With ADA’s assistance, he’d been working on a message to the man for weeks, Nia’s last interaction with the bureaucrat still twisting him up in knots. The kid was right, he thought sadly. The man deserved better than what I did to him- the least I can do is tell him that. “Just… you know, tell him that you found it when you were going through my shit,” he mumbled, making a dismissive motion with his hand. “I know I won’t get to see him when he watches it, but he deserved more than what I gave him- since you gave me the chance to be seen by folks, I need to own up to being an asshole.” He sighed, pointedly not looking at the two of them. “Guess I had a loose end or two to wrap up down here after all.” 

No one spoke for a moment, and then he felt two small arms wrap around his waist. “I’d be happy to,” Nia replied, her face buried in his shirt. “I owe you at least that much, Alex.”

He kissed her on the top of her head and then looked up, expecting to see the glowering face of Max staring back at him. To his surprise, the Vicar was simply staring out into the distance with a pensive look on his face, humming a soft tune to himself that made the pilot nostalgic for a life long gone. 

_ _

* * *

Max waited for Nia to emerge from their room, nervously fidgeting with his now slicked-down hair. “Would you quit fucking with it?” Hawthorne hissed, his hand passing through Max’s as he tried to swat them away. “You look fine, preacher man- I don’t know why you’re acting like a law-forsaken kid about all this- it's just dinner!” 

“No,” Max hissed, adjusting the collar of the dark green shirt that felt decidedly too tight for him. Once he had undone another button, Max no longer felt like he was choking and let out a deep breath, forcing himself not to hyperventilate as he began to play with his sleeves. “It is more than that and you know it!”

“Oh, I read minds now? Thought that was just the kid,” Hawthorne drawled, leaning against the sofa as Max got up and grabbed a drink from the cabinet. He could feel the ghost watching him as he reached for a glass, feeling extremely exposed in the dark denim jeans. “Hey,” Hawthorne said quietly, no longer teasing the older man. “You look fine- she’s gonna love it.” 

Max nodded, working on calming his nerves. With the help of the ghost, he’d picked out a few things on Byzantium after Nia had expressed appreciation for his new look. “To be honest,” Max murmured as he sat down at the table and sipped his drink, “I didn’t think I’d get the chance to do this so soon.”

“Well, shit happens,” Hawthorne said dryly, crossing his arms and staring longingly at his drink. “You got the keycard I gave you, right?” 

“I do,” he said, patting the pocket of his jeans and feeling reassured by the weight of the item in his pocket. “How did you find this place, anyway?”

“It was mine,” Hawthorne said quietly, picking at the non-existent lint on his shirt. “Had to have a place to call my own somewhere, right? Might as well have it on the one place the Board didn’t have their hooks in, right?”

Staring down at his drink, Max paused as he tried to figure out how to say what was on his mind. “Hawthorne,” he said tentatively, “may I ask you a question?” 

Hawthorne sighed, stretching out on the couch and folding his arms behind his head. “Why am I helping you when I’d much rather be you?” 

Max blinked, but the pilot just chuckled. “Ain’t hard to see where that was going, preacher man. For Law’s sake, I’m not stupid.”

It was his turn to chuckle, feeling thoroughly castigated by the apparition. “I suppose it’s not a hard question.” Then he looked over at Hawthorne, curious about his response. “But seeing as you haven’t answered, the question still stands- you appear to hate me, Hawthorne… why help with this endeavor at all?”

The pilot paused for a minute before rolling on his side, giving Max a smile that was sadder than anything. “Because you can give her what I can’t,” he said in a voice almost too quiet to hear. “Because I’m dead, preacher man,” the ghost spat bitterly. “Doesn’t mean I love her any less though.” Max just sat there, stunned at the openness of the man in front of him- he wasn’t sure he could be as calm as Hawthorne was being if the tables were reversed. “But I also want her happy, and if that means I gotta deal with you, then…” he shrugged, rolling on his back and staring up at the ceiling again. “Whatever, just forget it.”

Max held the cup tightly in his hands, unsure as to how he should feel. On the one hand, he was enraged- here was this man who was delighted to flirt with the love of his life in front of him and shove it in his face every chance he got. But on the other hand, Max realized that no matter how much he wanted to say otherwise, the pilot was ultimately a better man than he, for Max couldn’t see a scenario where he could let Nia go. This man had been traveling with her longer, and for all intents and purposes, the pilot knew this version of Nia better than he did- even when Hawthorne was surly or sulking about his lot in life, he was always there when she needed him most.

_Unlike him._

“You’re a better man than you think you are,” Max replied quietly, looking down at his drink. “And I hope that you find as much happiness in your next life as you’ve helped me find in this one.”

“Don’t fuck this up,” Hawthorne said as he got up from the couch, giving Max a look that made his heart twist for the man who would trade places with him in a heartbeat. “Just... prove to me that this was worth it, preacher man.” 

“I will,” Max murmured as Nia rounded the corner, taking his breath away. She was clad in a shimmery purple sundress that seemed to float around her, her wild blue and purple curls bouncing on her shoulders with every step. “Thank you,” he said seriously. “I owe you everything, Hawthorne… and probably more.” 

_ _

* * *

“Where are we going?” Nia huffed as Max covered her eyes with his hands. “I feel bloody _ridiculous_ being led around like this!” 

“That’s because no one has tried to surprise you in centuries,” Max said smugly, not relaxing his grip in the slightest. “But since I’m one of the two people in the universe that can, is it possible to stop being such a pain in the ass and let me do something nice for you, please?” 

Nia laughed at his mock irritation before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “I suppose.” 

She grinned as she felt him place a kiss on her cheek. Max rested his hands on his shoulders and leaning into her ear. “You aren’t going to stop time and peek, are you?”

“The thought had crossed my mind,” she teased, letting out a squeal as Max playfully nipped at her collarbone. “Fine! No peeking, I understand!”

“Good,” Max said, guiding her forward. “Besides, it’s not much further- you can wait a few more moments, you impatient woman.” 

“I can manipulate time, so of course I’m impatient,” Nia quipped. “This is akin to torture, Maximillian!” 

“Oh, Law forbid I torture you,” Max replied, adjusting his hands as Nia heard him rummaging in his pockets. Soon, she heard the beep of a lock, and Max let out a deep breath. “Okay,” he said, his voice nervous. “We’re here.” 

Slowly, he guided her into the room, which was silent except for the soft sounds from the station seeping through the walls. He lowered his hands, but she kept her eyes closed as Max rested his hands on her arms. “You can open your eyes now,” he murmured, lowering his head to her shoulder. When she gasped and put her hands to her mouth, Nia heard the low rumble from behind her as Max chuckled. “You used to always love talking about the stars,” he said as he kissed her neck. “So I wanted to take you someplace where you could tell me all about them.”

They were in an old cabin, which by itself wasn’t much to look at- there was an old bed in the corner that was larger than theirs on the Unreliable but had seen better days, a tiny table that had a bottle of wine and two place settings, and a rickety shelf with books and old parts on it. However, it was the view that was spectacular- the wall and the ceiling were completely made of glass, allowing the occupants a complete view of the stars that dotted the sky above the station.  
“Max,” she breathed, turning around in a circle and staring up in awe, “this is incredible! Who- how-”

“It was Hawthorne’s,” he said as he pulled out a chair at the table for her. “While you were running about earlier, he and I came and set this up- I thought you might want a moment outside the ship where we could be alone.” Max leaned over to pour her a glass of Purpleberry wine, his hand shaking slightly. “Everyone always asks you for something,” he said softly as he handed her the drink, his eyes more serious than the topic suggested. “So I wanted to do something for you.”

Still marveling at the view that she’d never seen outside of the ship, Nia absentmindedly took the glass. “Max, this is wonderful- I can’t believe you got this together for me.”

Max quickly poured a glass of wine and chugged the contents, causing Nia to look at him with concern. He looked nervous, which was not his style at all. Looks of concern, anger, boredom, or irritation were all common to see on his face, but anxiety was an emotion that was seldom present- clearly, something was bothering him. “Are you okay?” Nia asked quietly, placing a hand on top of his. “It looks like something’s troubling you.” 

When her hand connected with his, he closed his eyes. “Just nervous,” he answered honestly. “This is important… and I don’t want to mess this up.”

“What’s on your mind?” Nia took his hand and brought it to her lips, smiling softly at the man in front of her. Though she’d never tell him, he looked adorable right then- the nervous fidgeting made him look years younger, and the way he was worrying his lip made her want to lean over the table and kiss him senseless. “Talk to me, love.”

“I-” He blew out another breath, then held up a hand as if to stop himself. “No, that’s not right. Let me… I’m just going to do this,” he said, getting up from his chair and standing by the window. “Nia,” he said, running his hand over his hair as he stared at the stars, “I started our journey too afraid to make any choices for myself- I told myself it was because I was following the plan, but that wasn’t it… not really. I was too scared about the idea of being responsible for my own happiness.”

“Max,” Nia paused as she sipped her drink, debating what to say. “Don’t pin your happiness on me,” she said quietly, staring at him and fingering the rim of her glass. “That’s a burden I don’t want to bear.” 

Instead of being angry or flustered like she was expecting, Max turned to her and smiled. “I know,” he replied as he walked over to her chair. “And that’s one of the amazing things, Nia- while you certainly make me happy, you showed me that I have the power to make myself happy… that is a gift I’ve never had, and I don’t think I can ever repay you for that.” 

“You’ve done a pretty good job so far,” Nia teased, gesturing at the room around them. “Besides, you never have to thank me for that… it was the right thing to do. It’s what we’re fighting for out here,” she murmured, her eyes flitting across the stars overhead. “The people deserve a choice… a chance to find what makes them happy.” 

“See? That’s what I mean,” Max replied, placing his hands on her knees. “You always say you’re not a good person, but you want the best for people. You hide it behind wit and weary looks, but you care more than anyone I’ve ever met.” He swallowed, then closed his eyes. “Nia, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me- years ago, I asked to stay with you, but I didn’t fight hard enough to stay,” Max said as he reached in his pocket, pulling out a small object. “I don’t intend to make that same mistake this time. So, whenever you feel lost or like you don’t belong,” he said softly, “I want you to remember this ring and know you’ll always have a home… with me.” Nia felt like the air had been sucked out of the room as Max held up a tiny box, opening it to display a beautiful gold and emerald ring set on a soft satiny cushion, the small green stones as brilliant as her eyes. “So,” Max said slowly, his eyes searching her face, “will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” 

_ _

* * *

The room was silent, and Max felt like an eternity was passing as he waited for Nia’s answer. Normally, he loved it when she thoughtfully considered his questions, but right now he could hear his heartbeat banging in his ears like a drum. The room started to feel like the boiler had gone bad again, and Max was beginning to wonder if the universe would be so kind as to create a black hole to swallow him up then and there. “I know this is sudden,” he stammered, “but it isn’t… not really.” He brought his free hand to his hair and closed his eyes, doing his best to keep himself from turning into a puddle. “I thought-”

“Maximilian DeSoto,” Nia said, placing a finger on his lips and stopping him from babbling even more nonsense, “would you give me a moment to give you an answer before you rescind your question?” 

“I…” He paused, then opened one eye. “Wait… are you saying-” She smiled, and Max felt his heart surge with joy. “Is that a yes?”

“Depends,” she replied, looking at him intently. “Why now, Max? Why not wait until we’ve finished this mission? And for that matter, why get married at all- the practice doesn’t seem too common out here in Halcyon.” He felt his hope start to slip away, but she held up a finger to stop him. “These questions aren’t indicative of my answer, Max… they’re just questions.”

Taking a deep breath, he thought about the answer. “Because I can’t see my life without you,” he answered honestly. “I want to be by your side for the rest of my days- with this suicidal mission we’re about to embark on, I never wanted there to be a doubt in your mind about it. We’ve got enough to worry about out here, so if I can give both of us even a modicum of certainty about something, then I will.”

When she didn’t object, Max began to feel a bit more confident and raised his head, locking his eyes to hers. “This endeavor we’re going on means that we’re changing things out here, and if I have the chance to build the future I want, then I want to build it with you.” He took the ring out of the box, sliding it on her finger and feeling immensely grateful for the pilot’s assistance when it fit perfectly. “You once told me that you’d have to leave after this is done- if that’s the case, then I’m going with you. And, if for some reason I can’t, then this ring means you’ll just have to come home to me when you finish.” Max took her hand in his and placed it on his chest, resting her fingers just above his galloping heart. “I’m yours,” he whispered, leaning forward and placing a kiss on her lips. “You’ve ruined me for anything else, so you should probably marry me at this point and save the system the trouble.”

“I have ruined you, haven’t I?” Nia asked as she kissed him back, laughing as she threaded her hands through his hair.

“You have,” he agreed. “You’ve shattered my belief system, turned me into an enemy of the board, and corrupted me with… _physical pleasure,_ ” he said cheekily as he stroked her cheek, allowing his tone to mimic the tone he used to use with his parishioners. “I’m utterly useless to anyone but you now, Miss-”

She cut him off before he could continue. “...Roberts,” she said, her eyes searching his face. “Nia Roberts.”

Max nodded, not saying a word at the revelation. She’d once told him her name was lost to time, so for her to give it to him so freely was humbling. “Nia Roberts,” he asked quietly, “will you marry me?”

“Of course I’ll marry you,” she replied softly as she brushed his lips with hers. “After all, I did cross space and time to find you, Maximilian DeSoto.”

_ _

* * *

“Do you find it ironic,” Max asked, stroking her curls as she laid against his bare chest, her finger trailing lazily across the soft dark hair leading to his navel, “that the last time we made love under a sky like this was when we separated?”

“And now, we’re pledging to spend our lives together beneath all the stars in the galaxy,” Nia replied, looking up at him with a dreamy smile. “The universe is not without a sense of irony, it seems.”

“I’ll take this type of irony any day,” Max said as he kissed her forehead, twirling her curls around his fingers. “So,” he said hesitantly, “If you'll indulge me, have a question for you.”

“Seeing as you want to marry me, I suppose I can indulge you this once,” Nia said with a grin. When Max poked her in the stomach, she giggled. “Fine… ask your question, love.” 

“Which version of you do you prefer?” Max asked, adjusting himself so he could look at her. “I was curious if you had any thoughts on such an odd matter- it’s not every day one has to reconcile multiple versions of themselves.” 

Nia thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. “If we're being honest, I suppose it doesn’t matter to me- granted, I miss being a bit taller, but other than that…” She shrugged. “I suppose if I could’ve gotten away with it, I’d have chosen my old self.” Nia smiled up at him, marveling at how relaxed he looked as he lay in bed next to her. “After all, it’s the version you fell in love with.”

“I fell in love with _you_ ,” he corrected, making her feel warm and fuzzy despite the chill in the air. “And I believe I’ve already proven that what you looked like made no difference.” Max smiled, lifting a purple strand and letting it drop to her shoulders. “Besides, I like this version as well… it’s the one that agreed to be my wife, after all.” 

“Flatterer,” Nia replied, placing a kiss on his chest before snuggling into the crook of his arm, her face upturned to the sky. “This is the last time we’re going to be able to relax like this for a while,” she murmured. “Tomorrow, we start our final leg of this journey.” 

Max let out a soft sigh as he took her fingers in his, squeezing them softly. “So it would seem... Mrs. DeSoto,” he replied, cutting his eyes to hers. When she gave him a quizzical look, he laughed. “What? I am a Vicar,” he replied with a grin. “And seeing as we’re setting out to destroy whatever machinations the board has in place, I don’t see them being all too keen on giving us a contract anytime soon.”

Nia chuckled, bringing the ring in front of her face. “So does this mean we’re married now?”

“That depends,” Max replied with a chuckle of his own, guiding her hand to his lips and placing a light kiss on her knuckles. “Would you like to be?” 

“I’ve never been married before,” Nia admitted. “Never cared enough about anyone when I was alive…” She let her voice trail off, slightly embarrassed about not knowing how to handle the situation. Of course, she’d seen weddings- she’d read about millions in books, but to be standing at the precipice of her own was a novel concept that was making her as giddy as a schoolgirl. When he’d talked about staying together back in Fallbrook, she’d shrugged him off; there was no need to even entertain such notions when she knew she’d be leaving Halcyon. But when Max found his memories, a sneaking feeling of hope had bloomed in her chest- not only had he been in the Waystation, he'd even been willing to stay there. However, Nia had never brought the idea up to him, mainly out of fear. Fear was a weakness and a liability she couldn’t afford to indulge in- she'd never shown any before, and she had no intention of starting now. But when they’d found those experiments and Max had stayed by her side, she felt that fear gnawing at the back of her mind, dragging its tentacles across her brain.

 _If he gets hurt it’ll be your fault,_ it said. _Look what happened to him when you pulled him between… look what you did to him. He’s willing to risk it all for you- what are you willing to risk for him?_

Now, as Nia looked up at the man at her side, she knew the answer to that question as well as she knew her own name. “Marry us, Max,” she said, reaching out to touch his face. “Tell me what I need to do.”

Rolling over to face her, Max smiled as he ran a finger up and down her arm. “Considering the circumstances, I think I’ll go with the abridged version. Also, I don’t want that damnable contract language for us- we’re more than some form across a bureaucrat's desk.” 

“I think I can agree to that,” Nia replied with a teasing smile, running her thumb along the emerging stubble on his cheeks. “So, how should we make this thing go, then?”

Max thought about it for a moment, the light of the stars above reflecting in his eyes as he traced the stones on her ring. “I, Maximilian DeSoto, promise to love, honor, and cherish you for the rest of my days,” he said seriously, running his fingers over the emeralds in her ring. “For as long as I live, I am yours, Nia Roberts… in body, mind, and soul.”

Taking a deep breath, Nia closed her eyes and paused, gathering her thoughts. When she opened them again, she saw light green eyes peering into hers, and she smiled. “Exactly what you said,” she chirped, earning herself a scowl from Max and a poke in the side. Nia giggled, then waited for a moment before starting again. “I love you,” she said quietly. “For the rest of this life, my heart is yours, but you’ll reside in my soul for eternity.” She reached her hands around his neck, staring at him and feeling the threads settle around her as she spoke. “And as long as there is breath in your body, Maximilian DeSoto, then my place is at your side.” Threading a hand in his, she looked up at the man who, against all odds, was the one she’d spend the rest of this life with. “Are you ready to do this, Max?”

“Not yet,” he said quietly, resting his head against hers. “I’d rather have a few more moments with my wife... if you please.” 

“I think that can be arranged,” Nia replied, snuggling into him and closing her eyes. “After all, it’s not every day you get to marry the love of your life.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys- this story is done! All chapters have been completed and I'm going through and making final edits- I'm so excited to get these up!
> 
> Thank you for sticking around- we have 3 more chapters and the epilogue to go!


	18. Our Only Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nia, Max, Hawthorne, & Ellie board the Hope

_ _

* * *

“How’s it going… Mrs. DeSoto,” Hawthorne asked as Nia leaned against the exterior of the ship, waiting for the others to arrive. “Surprised to see you two back here so early… thought you guys were out having a good night?”

"We were." She turned to smirk at the pilot, who was leaning against the doorframe and giving her a knowing grin. “It was a great night… thank you very much, Alex.” He didn’t reply, and she walked inside the foyer and hugged him, ignoring the chill that emanated from his body. “I know what you did,” she whispered. “You’re a good man, Hawthorne.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her on the cheek. “Yeah, I wouldn’t go that far.” The pilot sighed, then stared out at the station. “Figured if we were going on a mission like this, it wouldn’t hurt to give you something else to fight for.” 

“We?” She looked up at him, noticing his jaw was set in a tight line and his body was stiff- the pilot was nervous. “You’re going too?” 

“Damn right I am,” Hawthorne replied. “The mechanic, the badass, and Felix are staying on board, but you’re taking me, loverboy, and Ellie.” Nia gave him a surprised look, but he scowled back at her. “What, you don’t think I know how you operate by now? Tell the lies to someone else, kid- we both know you were planning on leaving everyone here.”

Unable to deny the truth of his words, Nia let out a soft sigh, twisting the ring on her finger. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt on this mission,” she replied, looking down at her feet. “It’s dangerous.”

Hawthorne put his hands on his hips. “And you think that makes a difference to your husband? To me?” He looped an arm over her shoulders, guiding her inside. “Like it or not, we’re family and we’re here for the long haul. You asked them if they were willing to join you, and they said yes- we’re behind you one-hundred percent.” 

“That just feels odd,” Nia remarked, heading into the ship and making her way toward the kitchen. Max was already inside, prepping coffee- when he saw Nia and Hawthorne approach, he handed her a cup, a small smile on his lips as their fingers touched. Grateful for the beverage, she sat at the table and smiled at her new husband, resting a hand on his. “I’m not used to having people around that were willing to help me do anything.”

Hawthorne slid in a seat across from Max, scowling as Max placed a kiss on Nia’s cheek. “Well, I’m not used to calling you DeSoto, so it looks like we both got shit to get over, don’t we?” 

“Hold up a second- I know I’m hungover, but did I just hear that right?” Ellie said as she blearily stumbled from her bedroom, clad in nothing but a tank top and a pair of boxers and scratching her side. “Did Vicky and the Cap just get hitched?” 

Nia started to change the subject, but before she could say a word, Max had grabbed her hand, holding it up so the ring sparkled in the light. "Quite right, Doctor Fenhill," he replied, beaming proudly as he let her hand rest at his side as he went back to his coffee. “I figured there was no point in waiting and thought we should go into this endeavor with the proper attitude.” 

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Ellie replied, leaning against the wall and running her hands through her hair. “I didn’t think you had it in you, Vicky.” 

“A mission like this has you prioritizing what matters to you,” he said as he sipped his coffee, placing his hand over Nia's. “I’m heading on the Hope with her, along with you and Hawthorne, Ellie- is that plan acceptable to you?” 

Ellie looked between the three of them, then jerked a finger at Hawthorne. “So we get to take the dead man with us?” She smirked at Hawthorne, who waggled his eyebrows and gave her a lascivious look in return. Laughing, she stuck up her middle finger at the ghost. “Fuck, this sounds like a party- count me in.” 

“It is, now that you're going," Hawthorne said teasingly. "If you weren't, I was just gonna stay here and watch from the comfort of the cabin. But," the pilot said quickly, noticing the look on Max's face, "seeing as how I know more about this tech than anyone, I'm probably the best person to help get this job done. Max," he said, turning to the Vicar, "you’ll be my hands, and I need you to be the firepower, Ellie- sure, the kid here can charm most of the guards and get us in, but I want to be prepared while we’re up there.”

“Um, shouldn’t the Cap be giving these orders, dead guy?” Ellie said teasingly as she gestured to Nia, crossing her arms. “Who put you in charge today?” 

Truthfully, Nia was entirely unbothered by the entire exchange- yes, the ghost was being a bit bossy, but secretly, she was grateful for Hawthorne’s planning. Like it or not, he did know his way around the Unreliable and its AI better than anyone, so if he had a way to make this mission less dangerous for the fully human members of their crew, then she was happy to let him do it. “As far as I'm concerned, he’s the co-captain,” Nia said with a smirk, leaning across the table and punching him lightly in the arm. Hawthorne scowled then got out of his chair, smacking her upside the head as he perched on the sink behind her. “Too bad he’s a bit of a prick, though.” 

“I don’t understand,” Ellie said as she slid into Hawthorne’s old seat. “How come the Cap can touch you without a prob, but you pass through the rest of us like smoke?” She leaned back in her chair, letting out an uncharacteristically happy chirp when Max handed her a cup of coffee. "What gives, dead guy?"

Hawthorne just shrugged. “It’s always been that way- ain’t knockin’ it, though.” He smiled at Nia as he swung his foot toward her, kicking her lightly in the arm. “I’m just happy I got my energy under control- before, if you guys could see me, then no one could touch me. Looks like being vaguely visible is working out pretty well for me.”

"From where I'm sitting, I'd say that's debatable," Nia groused as she rubbed her arm, scowling at the pilot. “You’re lucky you’re useful, Alex.” 

“Whatever, kid,” the pilot replied, sliding off the counter and gliding across the room. “I’m gonna go check in with ADA… we got a crazy day ahead of us, so stop flappin’ your gums and get ready.” 

_ _

* * *

The docking bays of the Hope were crawling with Board members, making Max extremely nervous. Logically, he knew the three of them (four, if you counted the ghost) could do this, but it didn’t make the endeavor any less nerve-wracking. No matter how much Nia tried to deny it, this mission was dangerous- Max didn't know if he could handle watching her die, even if it was just for a little while. _I can't lose you,_ he thought as he looked over at her, watching her blue and purple curls blowing around her face in the stale, recycled air. _I won't survive it, love._

Just as his blood pressure started to rise, Max felt a light squeeze on his bicep. “I can do this,” Nia whispered, running her thumb along the back of his hand. Instantly, Max felt himself relax a little and smiled- Nia looked confident and determined as she pulled her wild hair back in a ponytail, zipping up the black leather jacket and covering the spratwurst t-shirt that he’d brought her. Even though she looked like she was barely an adult, the blazing fire in her eyes told a completely different tale, and Max was prouder than any man in Halcyon that she was his wife. “Hawthorne is doing reconnaissance, and he should be back shortly. When he comes back, I’ll talk to the guard and get you terminal access, Max. Then, we… head inside, I suppose.” 

“Sounds way easier than it should,” Ellie remarked as she casually looked out into the docking bay. “We’re in the belly of the beast, Cap- best expect things to go wrong out here.”

“Undoubtedly,” Nia agreed, looking over at Max and squaring her shoulders. “Enough stalling, I suppose- time to get going.” She nodded at what he assumed was Hawthorne- the ghost had gone invisible the moment they'd left the Unreliable. “We have a ship to steal.”

“You know, when you say things like that, you kinda make me wish you weren’t hooking up with Vicky,” Ellie teased as they watched the dour-looking man approach the entrance. “It’s kinda sexy.”

“She’s taken, Fenhill,” Max replied good-naturedly. He wanted to snake a hand around her waist, but he thought better of it. “But I agree, my wife is quite sexy when she’s talking about committing larceny and treason.” 

“So, me being a delinquent does it for you? Good to know,” she replied with a wink. “I’d say wish me luck, but I don’t need it. Ellie, you’re with me- Max, be ready to head over to the terminal and play along with whatever comes up, ok? Hawthorne, I might need you to jump in- just don’t let anything pass through you, ok?”

“Gotcha, kid,” the pilot replied, his disembodied voice floating around them- Max thought it was a testament to the daily level of crazy Nia inspired that he was no longer disturbed by these kinds of occurrences. “Leave it to me and the Preacher Man- I found the terminal. Max should be able to get into it, no problem.”

Max nodded and watched the two women jogged ahead of them to talk to the guard, their relaxed posture in direct contrast to his nerves right now. He put his hand on his hip, gripping his gun... and was stopped by the gravelly voice of the pilot rumbling in his ear. “Easy, Preacher Man,” Hawthorne said quietly. “Just relax… she’s got this.”

Max exhaled, forcing himself to release the grip on the gun at his side. “I’m just worried... there’s so much here that can go wrong, Hawthorne. I mean, what if we do this and that crazy doctor can’t even revive them? What if-”

“How about you _stop_ worrying about what could happen and _start_ focusing on your wife,” Hawthorne chided him gently. “Look at her, Max- that man is practically giving her a tour right now. She’s doing her part, so let’s go and do ours- I'mma need you to stop freaking out, cause I can’t slap you if you start losing your shit out here.” Finally, Max let out a chuckle, and from his right, he heard the ghost do the same. “but it looks like we’re up,” Hawthorne said from somewhere behind him. “You ready to watch Ellie lose her shit?” 

Max frowned, looking around the docking bay. “After all this time, what could Dr. Fenhill possibly get that upset about?” 

Before Hawthorne could answer, the air went still and the pilot appeared next to him, chuckling as an ear-splitting scream of " _WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO"_ rang out across the docking bay- without a second thought, Max ran to the two of them, taking in Ellie’s terrified expression as she stood next to his wife. He shook his head as he watched her place her hands in her pockets, looking like a little girl as she gave the doctor a sheepish grin. “Um, sorry about that… I guess I forgot to mention that I can manipulate time. But,” she said quickly as she noticed Ellie’s murderous-looking face, “we don't have all day to debate it, so let’s get moving.”

They started to walk through the quiet ship, with Hawthorne leading the way and Nia trotting quickly behind him, leaving Max with the shell-shocked doctor. “Is she for fucking real?” Ellie hissed, gesturing to the frozen people all around them. “How the fuck is this happening, Vicky?”

“It would take too long to explain,” Max said with a sigh. “Congratulations, Dr. Fenhill- it looks like you’re officially a member of our inner circle.”

_ _

* * *

Hawthorne watched nervously as the three living people crept through the frozen ship, their heavy footfalls echoing through the halls. Even though she was quiet, he could tell that the doctor was working hard to not lose her marbles at being trapped in the middle of Nia’s freaky time manipulations. He had to admit, she was handling it better than Max had, but then again, that wasn’t hard to do- as long as she hadn’t run screaming for the hills, Ellie had Max beat by a country mile. 

“You good, doc?” he asked, watching her as they walked. When she glared at him, he snorted. “What, you can handle a dead guy, but the kid freezing time is a bit too much for you?” Ellie didn’t respond- she just gave him a sideways glance as they moved through the ship, but Hawthorne just smirked. “And here I was thinking we’d be the first to have inter-dimensional relations, Fenhill… you wound me.”

Finally, she laughed, swatting at his arm and shaking her head as her hand passed right through him. “You’re a dick,” she said as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “‘Sides, you’re too busy pining for the Cap to ever even think of tapping something else.” He raised an eyebrow at her, but she just scoffed. “Save that shit for someone who doesn’t have eyes or a brain, dead guy- you got it bad.” 

The pilot said nothing as he watched Nia and Max head over to a terminal, the Vicar hunched over the keys as the kid rubbed his shoulders. “Doesn’t matter,” he replied with a half-hearted smirk, trying to ignore the lump he felt rising in his throat. “And besides, I like to keep my options open- can’t be tied down to just one flavor, you know.”

“Is that right?” Ellie mused, rubbing her arms to fight the cold as they started walking again. “Can’t wait to see what you get yourself into once we get this shit handled, dead guy.”

"And I can't wait to show you, doc."

Hawthorne didn't say anything else as they headed further into the ship, carefully checking around for any other signs of life. However, as they crept down the silent halls, he realized he didn't have to worry- somehow, Nia had convinced all the Board’s lackeys to leave, and the only thing that had popped out at them were a few bots that were scattered across the ship. As Ellie and Max took them out, the ghost frowned. _They can protect her_ , he thought morosely, watching as Nia tried and failed to break into a nearby terminal _. What good am I out here?_

Almost as if she’d heard him, Nia slipped a hand around his waist, her eyes never leaving Max and Ellie. “I feel bloody useless,” she murmured. “I can’t affect the robots, and I can’t get into these damnable terminals to save my life.” The woman gave a frustrated sigh, then leaned her head on Hawthorne's side. “Sometimes I wish I hadn’t come down here,” she admitted. “Maybe someone else would have been better suited for this.” 

“Hey, seeing as I’d be full-on dead without you, I’m kinda partial to you being here, kid,” Hawthorne quipped, feeling relieved as she began to chuckle. “Plus, who else could’ve pulled all this off without being able to hit the starboard side of a ship with a shotgun?”

At that, she gave an actual laugh, causing Max to turn to them while Ellie rummaged through the remnants of the bots for ammo. “Find something amusing, Mrs. DeSoto?” 

Hawthorne fought back a grimace, realizing the Vicar had chosen his words carefully. _Know your place,_ he was saying. _She’s not yours, Alex._ “Just talkin’ about how you and Ellie are the muscle around here,” he drawled, glancing down at Nia, who smirked. “We’re just the brains of the outfit.”

“Speak for yourselves, Ellie piped up, smoothing her sweaty hair out of her face as she reloaded her gun. “I’m the whole damn package, dead guy.”

“Oh yeah?” Hawthorne asked, untangling his arm from Nia and walking over to Ellie, bending his head down to whisper in her ear and hovering his hands just above her arms. “Care to prove it, Fenhill?” 

Ellie turned her head slightly to smirk at him, then patted the air next to his head. “Even if you were alive, you couldn’t handle me, Hawthorne.” 

“I think you’d have found me very persuasive,” Hawthorne drawled, walking in front of her and tossing a smirk of his own over his shoulder, causing Max to roll his eyes at him. “I mean, the kid and I get on famously for a reason, doc.”

The doctor just laughed as she stepped away, and the pilot put his hands in his pockets. He wanted to be upset, but watching the dejected look evaporate from Nia’s face as she snickered made Hawthorne feel what he could’ve sworn was warmth blooming in his gut. Glancing over at the tiny woman, the pilot realized that he would do almost anything for the woman who’d both caused his death and saved his life… even if it did mean stealing the most famous ship in Halcyon from under the board’s nose. 

_ _

* * *

“You ready?” Hawthorne asked softly, leaning closer to Nia and placing his cold hands on her shoulders. “Once we do this, there’s no going back, kid.”

Nia nodded, staring out at the stars and gripping Max’s hand so tightly she was surprised he wasn’t complaining. Every time she’d scanned the options, she saw no other choices than following Phineas- even knowing what would happen as a result, it was still the best option. Taking a deep breath, she turned to her companions, trying to figure out how to say what she needed to- since they didn’t have to come with her, she felt like she owed them as much information as she could share. 

Ever observant, Max noticed her hesitation and gently squeezed her hand. “What’s wrong, love?” 

She grimaced. “The moment we do this, we can’t go back… we’re in the thick of it now.” Nia looked at Ellie, then back at Max, a sinking feeling in her stomach. “The board… they’re going to take Phineas,” she whispered, staring directly at Max. “And I think you know where.”

Max went white. “Tartarus,” he spat. Nia could tell he was trying hard to keep it together, but she could feel his tension at the thought of the place that had stolen so much time from him. “And you don’t see any other options?”

“Outside of siding with the Adjutant, no,” Nia said sadly. “It’s a choice… granted, it was one that I wasn’t looking to make, but then again, when does one ever choose something like this?” 

“If anyone can do it, it's you,” Max said gently. “You’re strong enough to make the hard choices, Nia- especially when you believe they’re the right ones.” He looked over at Hawthorne and Ellie, who both nodded. “We trust you, Nia- we’re in this until the end.” 

“Just… try to keep that end part as far off as you can, Cap,” Ellie said dryly. “And even though we know it sucks, even I know we can’t leave this ship here… you read the logs, same as us. You know what they did to these folks and the crew- you really wanna take a chance and let the board get another shot at fucking these folks over? I know I don’t.” She turned to Hawthorne, a hard look on her freckled face. “Yo, dead guy- can you get this shit done without making all of us into your permanent playmates?”

Hawthorne gave Ellie a withering look. “Course I can, doc- I’m the best goddamn pilot in Halcyon, and ADA is the smartest AI in the universe- I’d trust her with my life.” Ellie raised an eyebrow at that, and the pilot chuckled. “Well, your lives, at least.” 

The doctor let out a huff. “I still think it’s a shitty idea, but at least we know the dead man won’t do anything that might kill the Cap...right, Vicky?” Wordlessly, the three of them shared a look before looking guiltily back at Ellie, who’s jaw fell open. “You mean to tell me that on _top_ of all this freaky time shit, you’re telling me this crazy motherfucker can’t die, either?”

When no one said a word, Ellie threw up her hands in frustration. “ _Seriously?_ What the fuck else are you gonna drop on me?”

Nia squirmed uncomfortably. “Other than the fact that I died in the 1800s and stole this body to accomplish this mission, I think you’ve pretty much worked everything else out at this point.”

At that, Max cleared his throat, making Nia roll her eyes. "I think you may have left out a bit of our history, love."

“Fine," Nia retorted, poking Max in his side. "I should also share that Max was locked up in Tartarus and I inserted myself into his reality to have a relationship with him for over a year.” Then Hawthorne looked at her with a raised eyebrow, and she groaned. “ _Fine._.. I willingly made Max and I forget about our past, which makes some of these idiotic chases we’ve been on out here my fault.” She glared at the two men, who were now smirking at her. “Happy now? Did I miss anything else, since it seems you two bastards seem to be extremely dedicated to historical accuracy today?”

Hawthorne gave Max a look, then put a finger to his lips and grinned. “Nah, I think that covers it- whatcha think, preacher man?” 

“I think Nia has shared the necessary details with us,” Max said smugly, looking as if he was enjoying Ellie’s frustration. “But frivolity aside, I believe we have a choice to make.” 

Nia sighed, twisting her fingers together. “What would you guys do?” She turned to each of them, her eyes pleading. “This isn’t my world-”

“Stop that!” Hawthorne barked, startling her enough to make Nia jump back. “You stole my ship and made your little murdering ass its captain, didn’t ya?” 

“Well, yes,” Nia said slowly, “But I hardly think-”

Alex wasn’t done- he thrust a finger in her face, cutting her off before she could finish. “And you married Max, right?”

“I did, yes,” Nia replied, feeling her husband beaming with pride beside her as he squeezed her hand. “And I would do it again if I could.” 

“Then I don’t know why you’re so intent on shirking this off on us- this is your world, too. Besides, _that’s_ your family,” Hawthorne said, his voice wobbling a little as he jerked a thumb at Max, “and I know you ain’t about to let anything happen to him.” She tried to protest, but he shook his head. “Do what’s right, kid… we’re right behind you.” 

"You're wrong- you're all my family," she replied softly. Closing her eyes, Nia took a deep breath and scanned the threads once more, still seeing the same outcome as always. _Knowing something doesn’t make it any easier_ , she thought, her hands twitching at her sides. “Alex,” she said slowly, “get the Hope to Terra 2.”

Smiling, the ghost placed a kiss on her cheek and tilted her face to his. “I’m proud of ya, kid,” he whispered, wrapping her in a hug before turning to Max, gesturing for the Vicar to come to the console. “You up for this, preacher man?”

“I’ve been ready since we left Byzantium,” Max growled. His mouth was set in a hard line as he made his way forward, giving the pilot a curt nod as he rested his fingers over the console. “Just tell me what you need me to do.”

_ _

* * *

Max sat in the darkened VIP room of the Last Hope, his wrapped fingers around the glass in front of him, staring anxiously at the door. “Calm down, preacher man,” Hawthorne said softly, leaning against the wall. “It’ll happen.” 

“But I’m not Nia,” Max replied as he swirled the contents of his drink, hoping that if he stared long enough, it would offer him the certainty he needed. “These people don’t give a damn about me… they care about her.” 

Hawthorne sighed, settling down in the seat next to him, his strange grey eyes fixed on Max even though the pilot already knew the answer. “But is the kid here right now?”

Max sighed, staring into the cup. “No, she is not.” Hawthorne shook his head at him, but Max just sighed. As usual, Nia had been correct- as soon as they’d successfully skipped the Hope, the group had made their way back to the doctor’s secret lab, only to be met by Board members. Just as she’d feared, the strange scientist had been taken, and the hidden message on his terminal confirmed his next destination- Tartarus. Max had tried to console Nia, but she’d simply waved him off, storming off to the kitchen without another word or glance in his direction. 

Confused and hoping to ease her mind, he’d started to follow her, but was given a quick nonverbal reprimand from Ellie, who’d followed after her instead. Exhausted from their excursion and hoping to put the incident out of his head, Max had gone to take a shower, and by the time he’d gotten out, the two women were sitting in the kitchen, cups in front of them as they talked. Even though Nia wasn’t necessarily laughing, she no longer looked broken, either, so Max decided to take it as a win. Satisfied with the situation, Max started to make his way back to their room, but the sounds of voices coming from the cockpit stopped him. _That's odd_ , he thought. _Who's the ghost talking to now?_

Curious, Max followed the sound, only to find Hawthorne chatting with Gladys- confused about what was taking place, he raised an eyebrow and leaned against the doorframe, but chose to say nothing. “That kid’s causing a lot of trouble out here,” Gladys said, giving Hawthorne a stern glance from the monitor. “She's also got people out here thinking you’re dead, Alex- care to explain that one?”

“Not particularly,” came the cheeky reply. “While you know I love the pants off you, I got things to do," Hawthorne said, propping his feet on the console and placing his hands behind his head. "So, can you make this happen or not?”

“Hawthorne,” the information broker said sweetly, her tone at odds with the glint in her eyes, “You know I can do just about anything… question is, what’s in it for me?”

“Freedom,” Hawthorne answered quickly, unfolding his arms and leaning closer to the terminal. “Groundbreaker is the last independent station in the system, and I aim to keep it that way- how much do you think it’s gonna be worth for you to be able to say you made it happen, Gladys?” The old woman paused, but Hawthorne continued. “Think about it- you get credit for being on the hero side, and all you gotta do is get a couple of folks to a meeting. And if it doesn’t work?” The ghost gave a light shrug, settling back into the chair. “Hey, all you did was let people know about a get-together, right? It's a win-win from where I’m standing, right?”

The old woman didn’t say anything, but Hawthorne didn’t back down- the two brigands sat in silence for a moment, each waiting for the other to back down, and after a moment, Gladys shook her head. “You owe me, Hawthorne,” she said warningly. “And I expect you to come through.”

“Gladys,” the pilot said sweetly, glancing up at Max before returning his attention to the screen, “If you pull this off, I’d be in your debt for life.” 

Chuckling at the memory and the lunacy of it all, Max took another sip of his drink. “This was your idea, Hawthorne- why do you need me?” True to her word, the broker had sent out the messages, but Max had no idea who would be coming to meet him. Hawthorne assured him that they'd come, but Max also knew that no one out here owed him a thing- to them, he was probably nothing more than an OSI pawn, a symbol of days gone by, or even worse, the enemy. 

“Because you’re her husband,” the pilot said flatly. “If she ain’t around, then you’re in charge.” He gave Max a wry glance. “Also, it doesn’t hurt that we’re the only two people in this system that she can’t read- she don’t need to know about this.”

“And why not?” Max asked, indignance creeping into his tone. “Don’t you think she’d be overjoyed to know that we have allies in this crazy fight of ours?”

"True." Hawthorne didn’t budge, leaning against the table. “But how do you think she’d feel if she found out the people she’s workin’ her ass off to save ain’t willin’ to fight with her?” 

When the truth of the ghost’s words sunk in, Max went pale. “She’d be heartbroken,” he murmured, placing his head in his hands. “Then for Law’s sake, Alex, why would you do such a thing?”

“Because if they are willing,” the pilot said with a smile as he turned to the door, watching carefully as Sanjay, Zora, and Junlei made their way into the bar, “then she’s gonna fight tooth and nail to make sure we succeed, preacher man.”

Nodding, Max downed the last of his drink, pulling himself together as the three leaders approached. _I’ll get them to agree,_ he thought as their guests made their way to his table. _My wife has done so much for them,_ he mused as he looked at Zora and Sanjay, remembering the look on Nia’s face after she put the bullet in Graham's skull. _This is the least they can do for her._


	19. The descent into madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team heads out on a mission to break Phineas out of Tartarus

_ _

* * *

Exhausted, Nia laid down on her bed and closed her eyes, working hard to settle back into the mask of haughty indifference she used to wear so well. _When did I start caring so much_ , she wondered as she set a course toward the prison planet. They would be arriving soon, so everyone was off on their own, doing their best to prepare for what might be their last adventure. While she was useless with a weapon, she excelled at stealth and persuasion- the doctor had been an excellent addition to their ground team, and she was happy to see her take the information tossed at her in stride. _Certainly could’ve been worse,_ Nia mused. _She could’ve taken a page from Max’s book._

Suddenly, the doors to her room opened and Hawthorne stood in the entryway, running his hand through his hair as he plopped himself into the chair at her bedside. “You ready for this, kid?” 

“Is anyone ever ready for something like this, Alex?” Nia asked wearily, rolling toward the wall and making space for him to sit next to her. He raised his eyebrow and she shrugged. “Even though you’re as cold as a bucket of ice, you’re still good company.” 

“Never said I wasn’t,” Hawthorne replied, getting up and settling on the bed next to her. “You are planning on coming back after this, aren’t you?” 

“I wasn’t before,” Nia admitted, lowering her eyes. “Before we got our memories back, I thought this would be the end- I’d save the colonists, die one final death, and head off to parts unknown. Now…” she let her voice trail off, unsure how to finish the sentence. “Now everything is different,” Nia said quietly. “Leaving… doesn’t feel as right as it used to.”

“That's because you’ve got a family now,” Hawthorne replied, stretching out on the bed next to her. “And I gotta admit, I’m glad you found what you were looking for, even if it wasn’t with me.”

“Who says it wasn’t you?” Nia asked, turning to look at him with confusion. “Are you that naive as to think romantic love is the only one that counts?” She scoffed, then settled into his arms, feeling the chill from his form settling around her. “Even though I don’t view you in that manner, it doesn’t make your love any less important- you’re the first one to make me feel like a real person out here, Alex.” She sighed, wrapping her arms around him. “You didn’t see me as some idol or something to be followed- for the first time in centuries, I felt just like everyone else when I was with you… and that means more to me than you can ever know.”

“You know, sometimes I forget that you’re a zillion years older than me, kid,” Hawthorne replied, leaning his head against hers. “But, you do understand that you drive the preacher man crazy when we do things like this- I swear,” the ghost remarked with a chuckle, “if that man could land a punch on me, I’d be constantly sportin’ the latest in black-eyed fashion.“

She laughed, feeling some of the tension in her chest dissipate. “It would be your own fault- I can’t seem to recall a single instance where you two have been at odds with each other that you haven’t instigated in some manner.”

“Then your memory is faulty,” the ghost replied with a huff, laughing as she poked him in the side. “I mean, you _are_ the one who forgot a whole relationship- stands to reason you’d miss a few things from time to time.” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me about that,” Nia groaned, burying her face in his chest. “From now on, I’m looking at things from every angle and taking into account as much information as I can.”

She felt the pilot’s chest rise and fall before he spoke again, his chilly fingers running through her hair. “Won’t that hurt, kid?”

“I certainly won’t be the liveliest person at parties anymore, but it’ll be worth it,” Nia said with a weary sigh. “I never want to put someone in this position again. If I can see it, I can plan for it. If I can plan for it, then I can prevent it… I can change things, Alex- the people I love won’t have to go through this anymore.”

Hawthorne sighed. “Just because you can see it doesn’t mean the bad things won’t come,” he said carefully. “We take the good with the bad- it’s a part of life.” 

“I _know_ that,” she replied, her tone harsher than she’d intended. “But if I’d only known-”

“You’d have done the same thing,” the ghost said softly, rubbing her shoulders. “Maybe a little sooner and maybe the circumstances would be different, but you and I both know that you’d be right back here, still about to do exactly what you’re gonna do, kid- it’s who you are.” 

“I’m a two-bit con with the misfortune to not stay dead,” Nia replied flatly. “Why do I get to shape the fate of the world?” She stared into the face of her first friend, her eyes pleading for honesty from the man she knew loved her unconditionally. “Why me, Alex?”

“Because nobody else cared enough to,” he replied, holding her tightly in his arms.

_ _

* * *

“You are aware that trespassing is punishable by death,” ADA’s voice intoned. The AI’s visage looked as concerned as it glanced over the faces in the room. “Not to mention there are electrical storms scattered over the surface- once we descend, leaving will not be possible until they have passed.”

“Great, so the bot is telling us we got a one-way trip,” Ellie said, leaning against the wall of the cockpit and frowning. “That about cover it?”

“I am not a ‘bot’,” ADA retorted. Max noted with amusement that the system sounded somewhat put out by the insinuation. “I am a complex system that is capable of levels of infinite thought that your primitive brain could only dream of, Doctor Fenhill.” Then the AI rolled its eyes and turned to Nia. “So, Fake Captain Hawthorne, given the parameters of our mission and our infinitesimally small odds of success, what would you like me to do?”

“We go in,” she said firmly, the glimmer of a smile playing across her face as Max squeezed her hand. “We didn’t come this far to give up now, and you know me… as long as there is a chance, no matter how small, then I’m going to make it happen.”

“That’s my girl,” Max murmured, placing a kiss on her cheek while Nyoka let out a soft snort. “I believe in you, love.”

“While your sentiments are admirable, Vicar Max, would Fake Captain Hawthorne like to leave orders for an acting captain in case she does not return? If it helps, I can always return control to Real Captain Alex Hawthorne, as he is more than capable of running the ship in her absence.”

“Control goes to Maximillian DeSoto and then to Ellie Fenhill, respectively,” Hawthorne replied, ignoring the wide-eyed looks from the two companions. “They’ll take over if the kid can’t.” 

“I’m happy to see you have a plan, Real Captain Alex Hawthorne,” ADA replied. “Since it now appears our ship is being hailed by the prison’s docking authority now.” 

Max looked at Nia, who nodded. “Patch them through,” she replied, looking around the room. Ellie and Nyoka gave curt nods as they walked out, and Hawthorne’s form winked out of sight. The Vicar could’ve sworn he and Nia were alone in the room, but the prickly feeling he got every time the ghost was in the room was still present, so Max knew that Hawthorne was still around. _At least someone is with her_ , he thought dejectedly as he got up to leave. However, just as he moved away, he felt the pressure increase against his hand and he looked down, seeing her green eyes staring up at him. “Stay,” she whispered. “Don’t leave me alone.”

He nodded, settling into the seat next to her, watching as the guard’s armor-covered face appeared on the screen. “This is EDL territory and you are not cleared for entry,” the man barked. “You are hereby grounded until we can get the paperwork together to arrest and execute you.”

 _Of course we are,_ Max thought dryly. _Because the board can’t even execute someone without a form signed in triplicate._ “And how long will this take?” he asked angrily, wincing as he realized that this was not the time to be viewed as impatient. “I’d rather not wait around, if at all possible.”

“Well, you could just come outside the ship and let us shoot you,” the guard replied with a shrug. “To be honest, I’d prefer it- no paperwork, you get shot, everyone goes home happy… well, except for you, that is.”

Max raised an eyebrow and was about to start squawking, but Nia put a hand on his shoulder. He watched with interest as her lips quirked up into a smile for a moment, then set themselves back into a thin line. “That seems a bit much coming from a person in all that armor,” she purred. “How do we even know you’re a real person under there? I think I’m going to need to see your ID before I listen to another word you say.” She turned to Max, her eyes wide with mock concern, placing her hand in front of her mouth but still making sure the guard could hear her. “I mean, he could be… _Sublight!_ ” Nia cut her eyes to the screen, then back to Max as she resumed her seat in the chair. “And we all know I would _never_ submit to one of those ruffians!” 

The guard puffed up, and Max could hear Hawthorne chuckling softly next to his ear. “I’ll have you know I am _not_ one of those scoundrels!” The guard punched a few buttons, then looked up with a proud stance. “Because I’m feeling generous, I’m sending you an example of what an actual ID looks like… seems only fitting that you learn that you’re being shot by an actual EDL employee instead of some pirate!” 

“It would be preferable, yes,” Nia replied seriously, glancing over at what Max assumed was Hawthorne perusing the ID that the poor guard had sent. “I appreciate your dedication to standards, sir.” 

“That’s good,” the guard replied. “Now we can-” Suddenly, the guard’s head snapped up, no doubt looking at another screen. “Hold on a moment,” the man said carefully, “we’ve got another ship approaching your dock.” After a pause, the guard shot to his feet, whipping his head back and forth. “Wait a minute,” he yelled, frantically punching buttons on the console, “Is that ship from _Groundbreaker?”_

Max felt his heart swell as the flustered guard cut the connection, then gave a triumphant glance to Nia as ADA and Hawthorne guided them toward the surface of the planet. “Max,” Nia said in a confused tone, “can someone explain to me why both you and Hawthorne look like two cats who just caught a cage full of canaries?” 

“Because,” he replied as he took her hand, savoring the look of wide-eyed surprise on his wife’s face, “it looks like we’re not alone out here anymore.” 

_ _

* * *

“My god!” Nia huffed, slamming herself behind cover and gaping at the raging firefight going on behind them, “What in the bloody hell is going on around here?” 

“Um, you started a war, weirdo,” Ellie said as she reloaded her gun, sending a volley of bullets toward the armed guards as they raced across the corridor. “What, did you think we were all gonna sit around and have a cup of tea or something?”

“Well, maybe!” Nia screamed, letting out a yelp as they raced through the halls. “If they would stop bloody shooting at me for a minute, we could settle this like reasonable people!”

Just then a bullet whizzed past and Max shoved her out of the way, sending her crashing to the ground. Before she could stop time, Nia saw Max's body fly backward, disappearing from her sight as the haze of bullets erupted around them. For the first time since she'd landed in Halcyon, Nia felt the world moving in slow motion without her causing it, and her heart was thumping wildly in her throat as she desperately tried to get to her husband. “MAX!” she screamed, panicked and fighting against the strong, cold hands wrapping around her waist and hauling her into cover. “Let me _go!”_ Nia howled, thrashing in Hawthorne’s arms. “I have to get to him!”

“Then be smart about it!” Hawthorne hissed, dropping her inside a corridor. “Stop acting like a fucking moron and do something about it that won’t get the rest of your team killed!” 

With a yell, Nia stopped time- as the sounds of bullets stopped rattling behind her, she scanned the scene frantically for her husband. As she desperately searched, her team began to file behind her- Ellie was the first to race into the stairwell, throwing her head between her knees as she stopped to catch her breath. “Nice save, Cap- how’d you know we all needed a smoke break?”

“What the fuck?” Nyoka screamed as she dove into the hall, yanking Felix by the collar as he looked around the frozen ship with wide eyes. Parvati squeaked as she ran past Junlei, gaping at the still warrior goddess, her mouth frozen in the middle of barking orders at her soldiers that were laying cover fire for them. “How the hell is this happening right now, Cap'n?” the pink-haired woman asked as she took a deep breath, watching Nia closely. “And more importantly, do you think you can keep it up while we go through this place?”

Nia shook her head, trying to keep her voice steady. “There’s too much going on and there’s too many of you.” Soon, she spotted Max emerging from a pile of bodies, and all the tension instantly dissipated from her shoulders. Clasping her hands to her mouth, she fought back tears as he made his way over to them, crashing into her arms. “Don’t you ever do that to me again,” she admonished, throwing her arms around him. “I can’t lose you, Max.” 

“I’m fine- you say what you will about the Iconoclasts, but you can't deny that they make good armor,” he replied, pulling back and forcing her to look at him. “Just keep it together so we can go home,” Max whispered, running his hand over her hair. “Do whatever you can to keep everyone safe, ok?”

The weight of his hands on her shoulders made her take a deep breath. _He’s here and he’s safe,_ she thought, repeating the mantra to force herself to calm down. _Just a little longer… we can do this._ As she looked around at the shaken faces next to her, she nodded and stood a little straighter, putting her captain face back into place. _You fucked up when you tried to take my husband_ , she thought angrily as she crept down the corridor, cautiously restarting time. _So now I plan to win today… by any means necessary._

_ _

* * *

With every moment that passed, Hawthorne was finding himself more and more surprised at how much they’d done during their time together out here. As they progressed further and further into the prison, Zora and her Iconoclasts were laying down heavy fire, eliminating Board members with a zeal Hawthorne didn’t think he’d ever seen from the rag-tag crew. _Offer someone their salvation and watch how hard they work,_ he mused as Max fussed with the terminal nearby. “Having some trouble, preacher man?”

Max huffed, adjusting the gun on his shoulder as he banged his fist on the table. “No,” he said wearily, moving his fingers back over the keys and breathing a sigh of relief as the door in front of them opened. “Just needed a bit more thought, that’s all.”

Hawthorne nodded, then stopped as he saw Max ball up his fist at the sight of the man in front of them. “Chairman Rockwell,” Hawthorne growled as he stormed into the room. “What an absolutely unpleasant surprise.”

The chairman turned to look at them, an expression of smugness plastered on his face. “Ah, what luck! I had heard there was a ruckus out there and I was just about to do a broadcast- how fortunate for me that you saved me the trouble and burst into my studio unannounced!” Rockwell looked over at Max, then turned his nose up at the Vicar. “Imagine my surprise to see the convict- I mean Vicar- come storming in- last I checked, most people don’t seem too keen to return to prison after leaving it, Max.” 

“Oh, trust me,” Max said dryly, fingers twitching at the pistol at his side, “I’d go anywhere to see you fall… Chairman.” 

Rockwell rolled his eyes. “And the great smuggler Alex Hawthorne… word around the system is you’re dead- I wonder who you slept with this time to get that little tidbit passed around?” 

Hawthorne looked down at his nails and blew out an exaggerated breath. “Still pissed you couldn’t get it up and had to suck me off?” The pilot batted his eyelashes at the chairman, his lips twisted in an evil sneer. “I thought we were past that, Rocky-boy?”

Rockwell went red for a moment, then smoothed his shirt. “Disgusting as always,” he muttered, turning to Nia. “I still don’t know what it was that Phineas saw in you.” Then he gave a dismissive shrug, smiling wickedly at the woman standing in front of him. “But it doesn’t matter- we all know he’s insane anyway.”

“That’s my friend you’re referring to, Rockwell.” Nia’s voice was as cold as Hawthorne’s touch, sending a shiver down the pilot’s spine- _if that man has an ounce of sense, he should be worried right now_ , Hawthorne thought as the woman stared at him with no expression whatsoever. “And I’d advise you to watch your tone when speaking to me,” she said icily. "It might not end well otherwise."

Rockwell raised an eyebrow at the tiny woman. “Such language from someone so insignificant,” he preened. “And besides, whatever you think doesn’t matter- Dr. Welles is ours,” he sneered. “He’s a proper company man, you know.”

Nia rolled her eyes. “I don’t even have to justify that with a response- you and I both know that Phineas would rather die than help you. But I’m finding myself rather interested to see what other lies you can come up with- _please_ , Chairman,” her voice dropped into a register that was both rich and predatory, her bright green eyes gleaming with menace, “...enlighten me.” 

For a second, Hawthorne could see the Chairman falter, but the expression disappeared just as quickly as it had crossed his face. “Fine, he’s not working for us… yet. But it’s only a matter of time,” he finished hurriedly. “And as far as my adoring citizens are concerned, we’ve turned a dangerous crackpot into a proper working man- the story practically writes itself!”

“Too bad you don’t get to decide how people view the story,” Nia said flatly, power building in her words. “That’s a job I don’t even want, Rockwell.”

Hawthorne couldn’t tell what was going through her head as she tried to stalk toward the Chairman, and he honestly didn’t want to find out. Hoping to avoid an incident, he leaned down and grabbed her arm. “Don’t go off half-cocked, kid- we all ain’t got all the pieces like you do.” Hawthorne made a small gesture toward the cameras, then looked back at her pointedly. “Play it smart, kid- don’t let him work you into doing his work for him.” 

She nodded, pursing her lips together. “That _crackpot_ ,” Nia spat the words at the man as if they’d been coated in stimu-lotion, “is trying to revive the colonists up there that you gave up on… like me, so do forgive me if I don’t find your act all that appealing.”

The chairman scoffed. “Oh yes, because that’s _exactly_ what we need- even more mouths to feed.” He looked at Nia and rolled his eyes. “But then again, you’re nothing but a waitress- I don’t know why I was expecting anything of substance from you.”

At that, Max bristled and stepped forward. “Say one more word about my wife and I’ll-” 

Nia put a hand out in front of him and stopped him before he could continue- the Chairman crowed with laughter. “Your _wife!_ Oh, this is delicious- the convict and the waitress, playing with the pirate at being the saviors of Halcyon.” Rockwell glared at the three of them, not noticing Ellie creeping into the room and waving at Nyoka and the others to fall back. “Look, I don’t know what kinds of half-baked plans that simpleton in a lab coat tried to feed you, but it’s done.” He looked down his nose at Nia, the distaste clearly visible. “Look, has it ever crossed your mind to, oh, I don’t know, NOT fuck up our entire society?”

“I believe we could ask you the same,” Max growled back, his fingers firmly planted on his shotgun. “But it seems I already know the answer.” 

“You don’t know a damn thing,” Rockwell retorted. “I’ve got a vision- I’m trying to make progress toward actual stabilization and recovery, while your little girlfriend here just gets in the way!”

It was Nia’s turn to bristle- Hawthorne could see her fingers flexing with agitation. “I have seen more in minutes than you will ever see in your entire lifetime… I could show you, but I guarantee you won't survive it… it seems like this tiny little waitress brain might be a smidge more resilient than yours.” 

“Nia,” Hawthorne said warningly, rubbing her hands as he tried to calm her down. “Play the long game,” he whispered. “You can do this, kid.” 

She nodded, rolling her neck and cracking her knuckles. “So," she said angrily, "you’d rather just sit and continue in this spiral of misery and death? There’s a better way, Rockwell- we can do things differently.”

“Oh?” Rockwell said, crossing his arms and glaring at her. “Well, if your _vast_ knowledge can find a way where my people and I can ride this out in luxury and happiness, then I’d be all ears.” He chuffed, turning away from her for a moment. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Halcyon’s pretty much a lost fucking cause- it’s time to give up the ghost on this one.”

“You hear that sound out there,” Hawthorne said angrily, jerking his thumb at the door. “ _That’s_ the sounds of Halcyon, right there- they ain’t givin’ up, Rockwell.” He felt Nia rub her thumb over the back of his hand in encouragement, and he continued. “And as long as there’s people willin’ to fight for their home, you can bet your ass that this ain’t over.” 

He saw the man falter a bit, and he could tell Nia saw it too- quick as a flash, she’d moved toward the chairman, placing a small hand over his and causing the man’s eyes to roll back into his head. “With your resources and the folks on the Hope, we could change things,” she said, staring at the man with intensity. “You’ve already seen what one colonist could do… imagine thousands of people… like me.”

 _There’s no one like you_ , Hawthorne thought as the Chairman blinked rapidly, trying to come back from whatever Nia had hit him with. Hawthorne looked over at Max, who was still as a statue- he looked like he was ready to fly off the handle at a moment’s notice. “What do you say, Rockwell,” Hawthorne asked, taking a step back and carefully moving Nia with him. “You’ve already seen our favorite waitress in action- imagine what those scientists and engineers could get up to when you thaw ‘em out.”

“Look,” Rockwell said with a sigh, placing his hands on the desk in front of him and hanging his head. “I’m not an unreasonable man- if you get through this and somehow manage to get Phineas out alive…” He groaned, then lifted his head to look at Nia. “Honestly, I can’t afford you causing any more of a ruckus that you’ve already kicked up out here, and you’d need someone to deliver the merits of your… plan to the rest of the board.”

Nia smiled that predatory smile again, moving to stand next to Max. “I’m glad we could come to agreeable terms, Chairman. Our people need hope and action, not abandonment.” Rockwell just snorted, and Nia turned to her other companions. “Nyoka, Felix, Parvati… I need you to stay here with the Chairman.” When they nodded, she turned to the doctor. “However, we’re not done yet- Ellie, you’re with us.”

“Gotcha,” Ellie replied, reloading and holstering her gun. “Lead the way, Cap- let’s see this thing through.”

She nodded, and the crew began to make their way out of the room. Max tossed a glance over his shoulder at the chairman, then placed a hand on Nia’s shoulder. “Are you sure I can’t punch him?” Max whispered. “We all know he deserves it, love.” 

Nia laughed, rubbing a hand on Max’s arm. “I’m afraid we can’t do that,” she replied. “Unfortunately, we’re going to need to keep the bastard camera ready.”

_ _

* * *

Nia could feel the tension seeping into her bones, knowing that they were drawing closer and closer to rescuing the scientist. She’d felt such joy in seeing the MSI troops assisting them but when she saw that they were being led by that wonderful little bureaucrat, Sanjay, her heart almost somersaulted. “Max,” she hissed, tugging on his sleeve as they waited for an opening, “how did we manage to get all our companions to come and assist us? I didn’t ask them to do this!”

“Hawthorne and I told them the plan and gave them a choice,” he replied as he reloaded his gun. “You always said that you didn’t want to decide for the world, so we asked for you. It was Hawthorne’s idea,” Max admitted, glancing over at the apparition. “I have to admit, it was a damn good one, too.”

“I agree,” Nia replied, freezing time and giving Max a quick kiss on the cheek. Restarting time, she gave a curt nod to Ellie and Hawthorne, signaling them to head inside the elevator with them. “This is it,” she whispered, twisting her hands together. “I can feel it.” 

“We’ve gotten this far,” Ellie said as she glanced over at her. “The folks of Halcyon have spoken, Cap- let’s bring this crazy scientist of yours home- who knows, he might even be able to come up with a body for the dead guy over here.” 

“As long as that body doesn’t decide to try its luck with my wife, then I fully support it,” Max replied with a grin, then turned to the pilot. “Although, I will admit that it might be fun to be able to beat him in the face with a tossball stick if he pulls even half of the shit he does now.”

Hawthorne looked at Nia, mouthing _'I told you so'_ as he rolled his eyes at the Vicar before leaning over to place a kiss on Nia’s cheek. Laughing, Nia swatted him away, sending the ghost stumbling into the elevator wall. “You guys ready?”

“I have never been more ready,” Max said as the doors opened. “Stay alert,” he whispered, unholstering his gun and reloading it. “Who knows what we might find in here.”

As it turned out, what they found was nothing- the halls were cold and quiet, and the only sounds were the clump of their boots on the metal floor. “I don’t like this,” Ellie whispered, peering around a corner. “It’s too quiet.” 

Hawthorne let out a low whistle, then gestured to the terminals in front of them. “I think I know why, Doc.” On the screen in front of them was Phineas, tied to a chair, with a dark-skinned woman with short hair glaring down at them. “I think we’ve been noticed.”

“Quite right,” the woman said, glaring at them. “Considering I thought I was quite clear the last time we spoke, I must admit that I’m disappointed at your choices, Miss Hawthorne.”

“Actually, it’s Mrs. DeSoto now,” Nia replied brightly, watching Max raise his eyebrow as the Adjutant fixed her gaze on him. “But I apologize regardless, Adjutant.”

She sighed, glaring at Nia like Philip whenever she’d gotten cheeky with him. “You’ve got an uncanny ability to complicate my life, it seems.” Akande glared at Nia, and Nia could feel the anger simmering across the threads. “You’ve been working with Welles since the beginning- he was way too prepared for our soldiers, so I assume that was your doing?”

Nia nodded, searching for a hint of a thread she could use to persuade the woman into not ordering their or Phineas’s murder. “I apologize for their deaths- I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone,” she said honestly. “I’m only looking to do what is right, Akande.”

The Adjutant blinked. “You.. you’ve disrupted the balance of power, you’ve upset the natural order, and you’ve introduced uncertainty… and all you have to say is _‘I apologize’_? How...” Akande scoffed. “You are a blight on Halcyon, Miss Evers.” Nia raised an eyebrow at the screen while everyone else turned to look at her, shock evident on their faces. “Oh yes, I know who you are,” the Adjutant said calmly. “Celeste Evers, a 28-year-old waitress from Chicago… it seems you stole a ticket to board the Hope, and here you are.” The woman scoffed, then smiled. “Did your companions know that little tidbit? Or are they as in the dark about the way things work as you are?” 

Max just shook his head. “The only one in the dark is you, Akande- I know my wife better than you, and I stand with her as we liberate Halcyon. You are meant to serve,” he pleaded. “Can’t you see we’re trying to do what’s right for everyone?”

“Do you really see yourselves leading some grand revolutionary army?” Akande asked, fixing them with a hard stare. “Do you really think what you're doing matters out here?”

“Well, we got MSI and the Iconoclasts to work together,” Hawthorne said, crossing his arms. “I’d say that counts, considering those two have been at each other’s throats forever. And it wasn’t the board- it was Captain Nia Alexandra DeSoto,” he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “She’s earned that name, Akande- use it.”

“I can’t say that I ever thought I’d see those two talking, much less attacking my prison together,” Akande said, staring down at them. “But it doesn’t change the fact that you’re nothing more than a rabble-rouser, getting people all riled up with notions of freedom that we have to put down to bring order,” she spat. “At any rate, once I arrest you and your associates, we can put this matter to rest.”

“Akande, I don’t want a fight with you,” Nia pleaded. “Halcyon is changing- can’t you see that? The people want choice, they want freedom! Surely even you can see that!”

 _“No!”_ Akande hissed. “The _Board_ is the only legitimate power in Halcyon- we _ARE_ Halcyon!”

“The _people_ are Halcyon,” Ellie shot back. “And we want to live. We want to free the people on the Hope- if we do that, we can get more doctors, more engineers, and more scientists!” The doctor started to move forward, but Max put up a hand to stop her. “We can _change_ things out here- she’s started something, lady!”

The adjutant faltered for a moment, then her face set in a firm line. “It seems we have miscalculated your influence… Captain,” she said haltingly. “No matter- I will correct that little mistake, post-haste. I have Welles,” Akande barked. “I can repair the damage you’ve done and set things right!”

“Setting things right is setting the people free,” Nia replied, fixing her attention on the woman. She could feel the stirrings of change rustling in the background, but they were still too far to reach. _We have to keep talking to her_ , she thought, hoping her companions would get the hint. “I don’t want to kill you,” Nia said morosely. “There’s been enough of that today, and I don’t relish the loss of innocent lives- surely you can say the same, Adjutant.” She looked her square in the eye and focused her power on the woman on the terminal, feeling a glimmer of hope when she finally felt the threads shift. _There’s a chance_ , she thought. “I know you don’t want to die out here today,” Nia said softly. “I want to let you walk away from this, Akande.” 

The woman stared at her, but Nia heard a slight waver in her tone.”You were always an unknown variable,” she muttered. “Then you had to exacerbate the issue by throwing your lot in with that madman Welles.”

“Phineas and I both know that Halcyon can be saved,” Nia said firmly. “You’re seeing what you want to see, but I assure you, I know it’s possible- there is hope here. We can do this.”

“Years ago I might have agreed with you,” Akande said dispassionately. “But we are at the point of no return. Even the best scientists in Halcyon can’t save us now.”

“You keep saying ‘can’t’, but all I hear is ‘won’t’,” Hawthorne replied. “The man brought her back, and she’s done all this with a ragtag crew- what do you think can happen if we actually let the people who were tasked with saving us in the first place take a crack at it?” He stared at the Adjutant, not backing down at all. “Give us a chance to live, Akande- we’ve earned that much, at least.”

Akande glanced at Phineas then turned back to them, her voice wavering even more. “I haven’t lost yet,” she hissed. “I can still put a stop to you- our labs and security systems are still operational.”

Max’s eyes burned with anger, and Nia clutched his hand tightly. “You’ve seen the corpses we’ve left in our wake, Akande. My wife has tried to be accommodating, but from where I’m standing, I think we might just have to show you the methods we’ve used to get this far.” He locked eyes with the woman, and Hawthorne and Ellie moved to his side, crossing their arms. “Are you sure you want to be next?” Max asked with a steel in his tone Nia had never heard before. “We don’t want you to be, but if that’s what it takes for freedom, then so be it.” 

The woman paused for a second, and Nia could feel her weighing her options. “Damn it, “ she hissed. “As much as I want to doubt you, your track record leaves very little to the imagination when it comes to the odds of my survival against you.” She sighed, glancing at Nia. “Congratulations...Captain- you’ve outplayed me.” There was the sound of buttons being pushed, and the woman let out another weary sigh. “I will return Dr. Welles into your care.”

“Thank you,” Nia said seriously, staring at the woman. Even if her companions were wary, Nia could see the Adjutant was serious, and she felt nothing but giddy relief at all the new threads unfolding in front of her. “We will not only make Halcyon proud, but our people will thrive, Akande- thank you for seeing reason today.”

“Well, the colony is in your hands now- I just hope you’ve made the right decision,” Akande said softly, opening the door in front of them. “If not, Law help us all.” 

“I have,” she replied, spotting the white-haired scientist in front of them as the woman disappeared behind a door. _I’ve seen the result of these choices_ , Nia thought as she raced over to free Phineas, exuberant with relief and excitement as she freed him from his prison. _We’ve just changed Halcyon,_ she mused as she wrapped her arms around her husband, squealing as he swung her in a joyful circle. _No, scratch that,_ she thought. _We’ve just changed everything today._


	20. Off to destinations unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After toppling the Board, Hawthorne, Nia, and Max figure out what comes next

_ _

* * *

“Cap’n!” Parvati screamed as she rushed into the room with Junlei, racing toward her and flinging her arms around her neck. “You did it! Oh, Law, I can't believe we did it!” Realizing that she’d just hugged someone, the mechanic pulled back, clearly embarrassed by the impromptu contact she’d just initiated. “I’m so happy I could cry right now!” 

“Don’t do that,” Nia said with a laugh. “How about we get out of here before we start shedding tears? A prison is a bit too dour for my tastes to have a heartfelt conversation.”

“Deal,” Parvati said brightly, beaming at Nia. Then the mechanic took a look around the room, noticing the joyous faces of all the leaders conversing with each other and her smile faltered. Frowning, Parvati leaned over to Nia, dropping her voice to a whisper. “You ain’t gonna leave us now, are ya?” 

Understanding crossed her face and Nia shook her head. “I'm afraid my husband here might have something to say about that if I tried,” she replied with a grin as she held up her hand, flashing the emerald ring toward her friend. “We thought we’d let everyone know after the mission… never hurts to have a reason to celebrate.” 

The mechanic let out a squeal, then clutched her hands to her mouth. “Oh, Law!” she breathed, looking down at the ring then back to Nia. “Vicar Max finally did it, huh?” She looked over at Max, who was in the corner conversing with Phineas, then turned back to Nia with a smug grin. “I _told_ you so, Cap’n.”

“Told her what?” Felix asked, moving closer to them. Nia reached up and gave the boy a quick kiss on the cheek, making him blush a fiery shade of red. “Uh, not that I’m complainin’ or nothin’, but what was that for, Cap’n?” 

“For being the best version of you,” Nia replied, hugging Felix so tightly that the boy gasped for breath. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me out here- having you guys with me made this assignment better than I could have ever hoped for.”

Felix frowned. “That sounds an awful lot like you’re about to take off on us.” Without warning, he reached forward and pulled her into a tight hug of his own. “Don’t go,” he pleaded. “You guys are the only family I got out here, and Lady P is about to go shack up with Junlei- I don’t want to be left alone!” 

“She ain’t leavin’, Felix," Parvati said with a giggle. "In fact, she and Vicar Max got married… _without_ telling us,” she said pointedly, giving Nia a reproachful look before breaking out into a huge smile.

“What?” Felix pulled back, staring at Nia with shock. When she held up her hand, he let out a loud laugh, clapping her roughly on the back. “Well, I’ll be damned! Congrats, Cap'n!”

She started to respond, but Nyoka draped an arm around her shoulders, laughing as she stared at them. “Well, now that we’ve just saved the world, how about all we get off this prison planet before someone tries to decide how we spend our newly earned free time?”   
  
Chuckling, Nia happily let the woman lead her away. “With pleasure, my friend- I'm sure we can find somewhere more appropriate to party.” 

_ _

* * *

_We did it,_ Max thought, beaming with pride as he stared at his wife. His team, Junlei, and the scientist were all conversing in the Last Hope. To his delight, the sense of dread that seemed to always permeate the bar felt non-existent- now, all Max felt was joy and excitement, even if the world as he’d always known it was in a delicious state of freefall. The only one missing from the festivities was Hawthorne, but that was expected- it was too crowded in the bar for the ghost to stay visible, so the pilot had opted not to join them this evening. 

For now, Max was content to watch Nia chat with Phineas and Junlei, no doubt debating the logistics of how to wake the colonists. Even though she wasn’t a scientist, the woman was still brilliant, not to mention she could see the future- he had no doubts that she’d be able to steer them toward the path that would save the most people. Nyoka, Felix, and Parvati were on the other side of the bar, getting louder and louder by the minute as happy patrons bought them round after round. He supposed it made sense- they were the real-life versions of aetherwave heroes, the ragtag group of misfits that risked everything to save the galaxy. _They've earned this_ , he thought with pride, chuckling as Parvati almost toppled off her chair. _They've waited their whole lives for a day like this._

Taking a new drink from the bartender, Max glanced up at the vidscreen and watched Chairman Rockwell’s latest address, smiling at the discomfort that was plain on the man’s face. With a pained smile, the Chairman announced the intention to revive the colonists of the Hope as a joint effort between the Board and MSI, and Max could _swear_ he could see the reflections of Zora and Sanjay just off-camera. The idea of the newfound leaders holding the snake accountable only made the Vicar smile even harder, relaxing in his chair and sipping his drink contentedly.

“So,” Ellie said, sliding into the seat next to him and propping her feet on a nearby chair. The bartender noticed and shot the doctor a dirty look, but Ellie just gave a jaunty wave. “Oh fuck off,” she sang out brightly. “I just helped save the world!” Scowling and rolling his eyes in response, the bartender stormed off, and Max shook his head as he continued to indulge in his spirits. “ _Anyway_ , like I was about to say before I was so _rudely_ interrupted,” Ellie said, leaning back in her chair and turning to face him, “how’s it feel to be married to the most famous woman in Halcyon, Vicky?” 

“Surreal,” he answered honestly. “I still can’t believe we did it.” Max looked over at Phineas, who was bouncing around excitedly as he yelled about something or other. “Well, if he can actually revive them, that is.”

“Come off it,” Ellie said dismissively, waving a hand lazily in their direction. “You know he can- otherwise the Cap wouldn’t have let us get this far.” She leaned back again, then cut her eyes to Max. “What’s your plans after this?”

He shrugged, finishing the last of his drink. “I hadn’t thought that far, honestly- I was too busy trying not to die to plan for the future.” He smiled into his empty cup, then looked over to Ellie. “I’m just happy she’s staying with me.”

“Was there ever a doubt?” Ellie asked, watching as Nia turned toward them, smiling and waving with such joy in her eyes that Max felt like everyone else in the system had disappeared except the two of them. “She loves you, Vicky- any fool can see that.” 

Max smiled at the woman next to him, realizing that despite all odds, he'd grown to enjoy her company. “It seems I’m a lucky man, Doctor Fenhill.” He let out a deep sigh, sitting his glass on the table. “I never thought I’d have something like this- now I just have to figure out what to do with it.”

She took a deep swig of her drink, then glanced over at him. “You could start by going over to her instead of flapping your gums with me,” she teased, poking him in the shoulder. “This is your celebration too, so don’t waste it by sitting here talking to me. Go sweep our hero off her feet," she said with a grin. "Doctor’s orders.” 

“Far be it from me to deny an order like that,” Max teased, laughing as he got up from his chair. “See you around, Ellie.”

“Glad to see you have a little bit of sense, Vicky,” Ellie replied, closing her eyes and resting her hands behind her head. "I was starting to worry about you."

_ _

* * *

From a dark corner of the bar, Hawthorne watched Nia and Max share a passionate kiss before turning away, exhaling softly and shoving his hands in his pockets. _They deserve a minute,_ he thought. _Hell, after what they've been through, they deserve all of them_.

“Selfless thoughts from a selfish man,” a voice said from behind him. “I'm impressed- for a moment, I was getting rather worried about you, Alex.”

Turning around, Hawthorne's eyes widened as the man behind him rocked on his heels, his bright blue eyes fixed on the pilot with a bemused expression. The gentleman looked like he could be Hawthorne’s father- he could tell he was older than him, with salt and pepper hair that was neatly slicked back, and a very neat charcoal grey three-piece suit. He looked like a lawyer, not someone who should be hanging around a space station, and the ghost found himself unnerved by his sudden appearance. “I've never seen you before,” Hawthorne said warily, “but considering you can see me and no one else can, I’m guessing you got something to do with the kid, right?”

“Quite right, monsieur,” the man said. “Phillip Roberts,” he said kindly, extending a hand to the pilot. “Pleasure to finally meet you.” He looked back at the now frozen forms of Nia and Max, then back to Hawthorne with a bright smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle with delight. “Thank you for taking care of my daughter.”

“Your _daughter_?” Hawthorne exclaimed, looking over at Nia before giving Philip a skeptical glance. “Yeah, I dunno if I’m buying that one- I ain't seein' the family resemblance.”

“You wouldn't- I chose her, just like she chose you,” Philip replied, placing his hands in his pockets and looking over at the couple one more time before returning his attention to the pilot. “Well, with a nudge from me, at any rate.” The old man smiled as he glanced at his watch, and for the first time since he’d died, Hawthorne felt himself shiver. “Come now,” Philip said casually, placing a hand on the pilot's shoulder. “You didn’t wonder why she couldn’t read your thoughts? As powerful as she is, you didn't find that a little odd?”

“We just thought it was because I was dead,” Hawthorne said warily. Suddenly, the old man didn’t seem so kindly, and the pilot was instantly on edge. “What do you want with me?” 

Philip held up his hands in apology. “I mean no offense, Alex- I just require your services. Nia needs to be more than this for what’s coming- she’s going to have a lot of lives to live, and I need someone to look out for her.” He gave Hawthorne a pointed look. “Someone who cares about her.”

“Why me,” the pilot asked cautiously. “Max cares about her- why not him?”

“It was supposed to be Max,” Philip replied. “But she surprised me and chose to forget him.“ He smiled at the pilot, and though the smile was warm, Hawthorne wouldn’t call it friendly by a long shot- it was calculating and distant, which told him that this man knew a lot more than he was letting on. "As a result, I had to make a contingency plan."

“I’ll be with her as long as she wants me,” Hawthorne said icily, crossing his arms and glaring at the man in front of him. “But I don’t trust you, old man.”

“You shouldn’t,” Philip said with approval, walking away and giving Hawthorne a tiny wave. “But enjoy your celebration,” he said casually. “I think you’ve earned it, Alex.” 

_ _

* * *

_Three months later_

Max wiped his brow as he worked tirelessly on the small plot of land, his body dripping sweat in the heat of the Monarch sun. Even without his shirt on, he felt overheated and tired as he leaned against the shovel, gazing out over the sprouting fields in front of him. _This is certainly different_ , he thought, glancing out over his garden with pride. _I never thought I'd find so much satisfaction doing the thing I shied away from all those years ago._

“Lookin’ good there, preacher man,” a voice came from behind him. “Seems like farm life suits you.” 

Max smiled at the ghost that was leaning against the railing of his prefabricated home. “Hawthorne,” he said pleasantly, walking to the porch and leaning the shovel against the railing. “It’s been awhile- you and the crew are still cavorting around the galaxy causing trouble, I see.” 

“Yep,” the ghost replied, folding his arms. “Still say it would’ve been better with you three around- the ship’s been kinda quiet without you all stirring up shit.”

“My word, is the great Captain Alex Hawthorne admitting that he’s lonely?” Max teased, sitting on the bench he and Nia had built. “I thought you’d have been glad to see the back of me.” 

“I got used to you,” the pilot said with a shrug. “Plus you took my two favorite pieces of eye candy with you- you couldn’t at least have left the doc with me?”

Max laughed. “I’m afraid her medical expertise was needed elsewhere- Phineas is a brilliant man, but his medical skills and bedside manner leave much to be desired.” Max chuckled to himself, remembering the first few tests Nia told him about- the scientist had practically given one of the revived colonists a heart attack, and Nia had to work quickly to calm them down. “Despite her appearances to the contrary, Doctor Fenhill is quite capable- surprisingly, the three of them seem to be working together quite well.”

“So what’s the kid doing with them?” Hawthorne asked, moving to have a seat on the steps. “Did the tiny space hobo go and become a scientist when I wasn’t looking?”

“The tiny space hobo is now an intern with Doctor Fenhill,” Max replied proudly. “She says that she rather enjoys medicine, though her real talent seems to be in keeping everyone from eating each other or blowing themselves up in a fit of pique.” 

Hawthorne laughed, folding his hands in his lap. “You got a point, preacher man.” The ghost sighed, then looked back at Max. “So, are you two happy?”

Max watched the ghost closely, trying to see if there was a hidden agenda to his question, but when he found none, he just nodded. “Happier than I could’ve ever dreamed of,” he replied honestly. “I never thought I would find solace in the very labor I ran from as a young man, but something about working out here seems... peaceful.” Max twirled the band that Nia had gotten him around his finger, the weight of the metal providing more comfort than he’d ever thought possible. “And I get to wake up every morning to the face of the woman I love more than anything else in the world- I couldn't ask for more than that.” 

The ghost nodded, a soft smile playing across his lips. In the light of the midday sun, Hawthorne looked pensive and young, even though Max knew the years were rapidly starting to pass around them. “I’m glad,” he said quietly, turning away from Max and staring out into the fields. “She deserves that.” 

“I don’t know if I ever thanked you, Alex,” Max replied, focusing his attention on the man in front of him. “Or, more to the point, I don’t know if I’ve ever thanked you enough,” he corrected himself. “I wouldn’t have this without you,” he said in a low voice, the words true yet painful as they left his lips. “I owe you everything.”

“Yeah, well, whatever,” Hawthorne answered, leaning against the railing and closing his eyes. “Not like I had a shot… at least one of us gets to be happy, right?”

“I’m sorry,” Max answered honestly, and he was- he knew how much the man loved his wife, and the fact that he’d never held it against him made his emotions twist in complicated knots he never even thought possible. “For what it’s worth-”

“Save it,” Hawthorne said, cutting him off. “It wasn’t going to happen… not in this life, anyway.” He leaned back and smiled at Max, folding his arms behind his head as he rested on the steps. “Maybe I’ll get lucky the next time she comes around… who knows?” Then he scoffed, turning to stare out over the fields that stretched in front of him. “Who am I kidding- she’s gonna choose you every time, preacher man.” 

“Huh?” Max asked, leaning forward with interest. “What do you mean by ‘next time’?”

“You know, when she comes back,” Hawthorne replied, staring at him with confusion. “You did know that she wasn’t gonna just fold up and go peacefully into the ground, right?” 

“Well,” Max paused, thinking about it for a moment, “to be honest, I’d never thought about it- I’ve been too busy enjoying this life to think about any beyond it. Personally,” he said slowly, “if I had the choice, I don’t think I’d do it again.”

Hawthorne shot up from his seat, staring at Max with an expression that clearly said he thought he was an idiot. “And why not?”

Max just sighed. “Because this life, for all of its flaws and foibles, was perfect,” he replied. “I got lucky and found her again once- I’d rather go knowing what I had was exactly what I wanted than risk losing it.” He looked down, remembering what caused the issues between him and his wife in the first place. “Or, even worse, risking her falling in love with a man who doesn’t feel the same way.” 

Hawthorne nodded, turning away from him- if he squinted hard enough, Max could make out the trees through the ghost, which was still enough to give the former Vicar pause after all this time. “I suppose… guess that’s where you’re better than me, preacher man, cause I’d throw myself into this hell over and over again until I got it right.” 

“You just said the magic words, Hawthorne,” Max said quietly. “I _did_ get it right… and if you were in my shoes, I think you might feel the same way.” 

“Maybe,” the pilot replied, not turning to look at him. “But I guess we’ll never know for sure, will we?”

“Who knows what tomorrow will bring,” Max replied, staring at the man on the steps. “I’ve stopped trying to predict my future a long time ago.” 

_ _

* * *

_Five years later_

Nia stood on the balcony of the Yacht Club, staring out over Stellar Bay as the sounds of revelry and laughter drifted up to her ears. Though she understood, she didn’t feel much like celebrating- Phineas passing away was hard for her, and though she knew it was coming, it didn’t stop it from hurting like hell. While Phineas was certainly not the most personable of people, he’d done so much for everyone. His dedication to reviving the colonists had been unmatched, though Nia could always tell that he was constantly trying to make amends for his previous tests and failures. Watching the man's health slowly decline, Nia knew he was trying to make amends before he left. Try as she might to deny it, the thought of the scientist moving on hurt something fierce- no matter how inevitable it was, she was nowhere near ready for her mentor to go. 

Trying to reassure Phineas that he’d more than made up for his sins, Nia decided to tell him about her abilities in the weeks leading up to his passing. Max thought he might be unnerved, but in true Phineas fashion, the scientist had insisted on conducting tests and experiments from his bedside and hounding her to write down her thoughts and learnings. She’d tried to brush it off, but the grizzled old man had simply fixed her with a look, telling her that she’d be a right bastard if she denied an old man a dying request. Frustrated with his mental browbeating, she'd scowled and grabbed an old notebook from his dresser and scribbled her name in it to shut him up, but instead of getting mad, he’d just grinned. 

For the next few days, she didn't leave his side- they’d sat together, going over theories and conducting mini experiments on how to move between time and space. In those quiet moments, Nia discovered that sharing these theories with him was more fun than she’d ever imagined, and when he finally passed on she felt a sense of loss she’d never quite thought possible. Now as she stood on the balcony, she looked down at the notebook in her hands, turning it over and over again as the celebration in his honor rang out in the bar below. _He did what he set out to do,_ she told herself firmly. _He had a dream and he did it… no matter what anyone says, it was really Phineas that saved Halcyon._

As if he could read her thoughts, Max wrapped an arm around her, placing a kiss softly on her cheek. “He saved the world,” he said quietly. “We’d never have this if it wasn’t for him.”

Nia nodded. “That he did,” she replied. “Getting the colonists back was just the first step.” She shook her head, then turned to her husband, feeling safe and secure in his arms. “Between him and everyone else, there’s _life_ out here again. I can feel new choices and branches popping up every day,” she whispered. “It’s like the world is coming alive right before my eyes.”

“Doesn’t hurt that you’re a pretty decent nurse and lab assistant,” Max replied, rubbing her back. “Ever think about taking those exams and actually becoming a doctor? I know he asked you about it before, but I noticed that you kept putting it off for some reason.” 

Nia shrugged. “I don’t know,” she answered. “I just never felt like I was really smart enough to do it, I suppose- I’m glad Phineas believed in me, but I was never a scientist, Max- I just listened and reacted accordingly.” She scoffed, glancing down at the notebook in her hands. “But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore- he’s gone and that’s that.”

“Nonsense,” Max said sharply, causing Nia to look up at him. “There’s still quite a bit of living we have to do out here, and I refuse to let my wife wallow in unnecessary regret and doubt- I say the old man would be quite upset with you if you didn’t live up to that potential he saw all those years ago.”

“There was no potential,” Nia replied, watching a group of kids race down the street, their laughter echoing in her ears. “Celeste let me come back and I did- it wasn’t as if Phineas saw something in her specifically and chose her for a purpose.”

“Now you and I both know that things happen for reasons that aren’t always apparent to us,” Max said lightly, running his hands along her arms. “I say the way you start has absolutely nothing to do with how you end up.” He brushed away a stray purple curl from her cheek and placed a kiss by her ear, making her smile in the moonlight. “Look at us- the convict and the con,” he said with a laugh. “When you started this mission, did you ever think we’d be the ones saving the system from starvation and ruin?”

“Considering I fucked up my memories, I can’t say that I did,” Nia replied, laughing as he pulled her closer. She turned up to look at Max, the man she loved more than anything she’d ever known, wondering how she'd ever managed to get so lucky. “Do you really think I could do it?” Nia whispered, scared to let herself even dream too loudly for fear of failure. “Could I actually be someone respectable one day?”

Max nodded. “Nia DeSoto,” he murmured, placing a kiss on her forehead, “if there’s anyone that I trust to accomplish anything out here, it’s you. Phineas could see it, I can see it, and no matter how much you say otherwise, I know that you can see that as well.” He took the notebook from her hands, then gestured to the stairs. “Now, I seem to remember someone being able to tell stories all those years ago that made a whole bar stand on their feet,” Max said with a smile. “I think they’re doing it wrong down there- care to show them how it’s done?”

She wrapped her hand through his arm, laughing as she wiped her eyes. “I seem to remember quite a few stories about the man I’m sure Ellie can assist me with,” Nia remarked as she let him guide her to the stairs. “I suppose I could help out… a little.” 

“There's the Nia I know,” Max replied, kissing her on the cheek as they walked back to the bar. “I’d expect nothing less… and neither would Dr. Welles.” 

_ _

* * *

_Four years later_

Even with the crowds of people around, Hawthorne always knew where she was. Every time she was around, it was like he was tied to a piece of string that was slowly being reeled in, and he savored every moment of it. While traveling with Felix and Nyoka was exciting, the ghost often found himself missing his best friend in the world- sure, they chatted all the time, but there was always a part of him that wished that she was there to hold and talk to about everything or nothing at the end of a long day. 

Now, on the day that she graduated from medical school, Hawthorne was waiting for her. As she walked across the stage with her degree in hand, no one had clapped and yelled louder than the current and former crew of the Unreliable as the name Nia Alexandra DeSoto was called out, to her obvious embarrassment and delight. He watched with joy as Max stood at her side, beaming with pride about the accomplishments of his wife, while Junlei and Parvati took picture after picture, happily bickering about who should stand where for the picture. Ellie was proudly proclaiming to anyone that would listen that she was her student, and she'd known damn well this day would come, while Nyoka and Felix clapped Nia on the back, hooting and hollering over her success and teasing her about becoming their new on-ship doctor.

 _I’d say it’s just like old times, but it’s better_ , Hawthorne thought before Nia noticed him leaning against a wall, rushing over and throwing her arms around him in a hug that almost knocked him off his feet. “Alex!” Nia screamed, practically leaping into his arms, “you came! I can’t believe it!”

“Course I did- it wasn’t like I had anything better to do,” he said nonchalantly. In reality, he’d been on Nyoka’s ass all week about it, and the pink-haired mercenary hadn’t disappointed- the crew had flown through their last job to make sure they’d be done in time for the ceremony. “I’m proud of you,” he murmured as he wrapped his arms around his best friend. “And I think Welles would’ve been, too.” 

“I know,” she whispered. He looked down at her face, marveling at the changes he saw there. For the most part, his friend looked the same, though there was an air of contentment on her face that he didn’t know if he’d ever seen while they were traveling together. “I missed you, Alex.”

“Missed you too, you murdering space hobo,” he said with a smile. “Oh wait, pardon me, I guess that’s _Doctor_ murdering space hobo now,.”

“Damn right it is,” she replied with a laugh as they all exited the auditorium, careful to make sure no one drifted through his ethereal form. “I never thought I’d see the day where so many people gave a shit about something I’ve done,” Nia mused. “It’s surreal.”

“Oh, and all the ceremonies after saving the galaxy wasn’t a clue?” Max asked, walking over and giving his wife a wry look. “Funny, it seems like my wife has an ego in need of a bit of stroking.”

“Oh stop it,” she replied, punching her husband in the arm. “That was different- that was for the world, to make it a better place,” Nia said firmly as the crew made their way toward the ship for an impromptu celebration. “But this… _this_ was for me,” she said in a voice almost too soft to hear. “No one had to make time for this- it wasn't important to anyone but me.” She glanced around at all the faces, and Hawthorne could see the gratitude in her eyes. “So I’m a little surprised and quite touched to see you all here.”

“You’re family, Cap'n,” Felix said as he moved ahead, gesturing for her to enter the halls of her former ship. “And family looks out for each other, right?”

“Right,” Nia replied, tracing her hands along the cool metal walls of the ship. “That they do.” 

“Ah, it appears congratulations are in order, Fake Captain Hawthorne,” ADA intoned as they walked through the ship. “You are now an actual member of society instead of a thieving layabout- if my systems could be impressed, they would be.” 

“ADA,” Hawthorne warned, “you know her name- there’s no need to be like that.”

“I know her name quite well, Real Captain Alex Hawthorne. But every time I use that title, I detect a slight rise in her blood pressure and it gives my circuits a small surge of what I would say was joy… if I had feelings. So, since that is the case, I will continue to do it unless explicitly programmed not to.” He had to bite back a laugh as Nia rolled her eyes. “At any rate, I do not detect open hostility from her, so logic dictates she is not ill at ease with the moniker- is my assessment incorrect, Fake Captain Hawthorne?”

Now Hawthorne did laugh as Nia just shook her head. “You’re correct, ADA… and thank you- I’ve missed you as well.”

Ellie moved past everyone gathered in the hall, making a beeline for the kitchen, When she noticed the glasses and the bottle of Spectrum Violet on the table, she let out a small whoop of joy. “You guys remembered!” Ellie cried, hugging the bottle to her chest with glee. “I’m so happy I could cry right now!”

“It’s not like you haven’t drunk the two of us out of house and home every weekend for the last ten years,” Max said dryly, reaching over and plucking the bottle out of her hands. “And before you get petulant, need I remind you that this is a celebration for Nia, not an excuse for you to get sauced, Doctor Fenhill.”

“Never said it couldn’t be both,” Ellie replied, picking up a glass and extending it to Max. One by one the others did the same and Max filled their glasses before setting the bottle on the table. “So,” Ellie said, looking around the now-full kitchen, “I think we should toast- what should we drink to, guys?”

Hawthorne thought about it for a moment and glanced over at Nia- the woman was staring at everyone in amazement, apparently still in shock at the sight of all of them standing around the table like no time at all had passed. “To the Unreliable,” he said, wishing he could hold a glass but settling for resting a hand on Nia's shoulder. “This ship has brought us all together," he said, chuckling as Nia poked him in the side, "helped us become better people," the ghost looked at Max, who smiled and wrapped his arm around his wife, "and helped us save Halcyon," he finished, looking around the room at all the other faces smiling back at him. "And no one, especially not a cynical bastard like me, ever thought that would be possible. So, to the Unreliable,” he said loudly, hugging her shoulders as Nia raised her glass for him.

“Works for me,” Ellie said, shrugging her shoulders. “To the Unreliable!” 

Hawthorne watched proudly as everyone toasted, savoring the sounds of being surrounded by family and friends. To his right, Nia beamed with joy and the ghost just smiled, moving to the corner as Max held her tight, his eyes shining bright with adoration for the woman who was the love of their lives. _You did it, kid_ , he thought as he leaned against the counter. _After all this time, I think you finally understand what it means to be human._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SAY IT AIN'T SO! We only have the epilogue left!
> 
> This was so much fun to write, and now that this story is done, I kinda want to do some stories about the years in between that we didn't explore... but I might have to let that marinate for a while. Either way, I am thankful that the characters let me go on this long of a ride with them, and I'm so sad to see this part of their story end!


	21. Eternity is a long time without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though fifty years have passed, Nia discovers that her journey doesn't end.

_ _

* * *

Max sat on the porch with his wife, watching the Monarch sunset over the house that had been their home since the end of the rebellion. Absentmindedly, he ran his fingers through her soft purple and blue curls as she curled up in his lap, silently crying. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “Please, don’t cry, love.” 

“I just don’t understand,” Nia whispered, still not looking at him. “Why won’t you come with me?” 

Max sighed. It was a question he’d been mulling over ever since Hawthorne had first asked him, and even though he knew the answer was the right one, it still didn’t make it hurt any less. “How long has it been?

“Fifty years,” Nia answered, clutching him tightly. “And if I had fifty more, I still don’t know if it would be enough.”

He smiled, rubbing her back as he looked off into the distance. “When it comes to us, it was never going to be enough.”

Nia twisted in Max's lap, her face looking just as it did the day she strolled into his office in Edgewater- that unsure yet determined expression on her face made Max’s heart sing and shatter in the same beat. “So why not stay with me?” She took his hands in hers, and Max felt a lump forming in his throat- he had to stop himself from crying. “I need you,” Nia whispered. “We could stay together forever... This…” she stared off into the distance before locking eyes with him, “this never has to end, Maximilian.” 

Looking down at the face of the woman he’d been in love with for over half his life, Max just smiled. “I’ve been lucky enough to find the love of my life twice- I don’t want either of us to spend eternity chasing after what we already had, nor do I want a single thing to mar the beauty and the joy that we shared.” 

“But we could live like this,” Nia pleaded. “ _Stay_ … stay with me between the moments, Max.” Nia’s eyes went wide as she brought his hands to her chest. “We could live in the Waystation…just you and me- think about it! You asked to do it all those years ago- why not now?”

Just like all the times before, Max thought about what she was offering. This time, he could feel the thrum of power behind her words, and he shook his head. “Because I’ve kept infinity longer than I’ve had a right to,” he replied, caressing her cheek gently with his finger. Our life was wonderful, but the universe needs you, Nia. It needed you then, but I was too selfish to let you go.” When she started to protest, he pulled her close and nibbled the bottom of her lip, stealing her words. Smiling at her tiny gasp, Max ran his thumb over her cheek and lingered in the kiss, hoping to stall the sunset just a little longer. “And I wouldn’t change a thing,” he said resolutely, staring into her deep green eyes. “My life was perfect.”

“It was,” Nia replied quietly, threading her hand in his. “I… I don’t want you to go.” She squeezed his fingers as the last rays of the sun slipped under the horizon. “I can’t do this without you, Max.” 

Smiling, he looked at his wife and shook his head. “You are the strongest woman I know, Nia DeSoto,” he said honestly. “You’ve saved Halcyon… and you’ve saved me. I have no doubt you’ll be able to do everything you were meant to do… and more.” 

“How?” Nia whispered, leaning against him and clutching the hem of his vestments. “This is the only home I’ve ever known, Max- even when I was alive, nothing ever felt quite like this. She paused for a moment, and when she spoke her voice was so soft it was almost a whisper. “I don’t know who I am without you.”

Feeling the edges of the day slipping away, Max traced his thumb over the ring on her hand. “When I gave you this, I told you to remember this ring whenever you feel lost or like you don’t belong, Nia.” He smiled, then tilted his wife's face to his, giving her one last kiss. “Forever and always, I love you, Nia Alexandra DeSoto,” he whispered as tears streamed down his cheeks. “And when you finish your mission,” he said, running a hand through her hair and pulling her close, “you come back to me… understand?”

Nodding, Nia curled up next to him as they watched the sun disappear in the sky together for the last time. “I will," she replied between her sobs. "No matter what,” she cried, the power thrumming through her words as she held his hand, “I’ll always come back to you.”

_ _

* * *

For the first time since he’d died, Hawthorne was pretty sure he was dreaming. 

Instead of being in the cockpit with ADA, the pilot found himself walking towards an old two-story house, smiling as the warm evening breeze blew through his hair. As he entered the gate, he could see Nia in the garden, and even in this strange place, the sight of his best friend filled him with relief. The pilot gave Nia a bright smile, only faltering a little when she didn’t return it. “This is new,” Hawthorne remarked, watching with concern as she trailed her fingers over the patch of dirt between a slew of pink and white flowers. “Though if I did start dreaming again, I can't say I’m too surprised to see you in it, kid.” 

“This isn’t a dream, Alex.” Nia turned back to the garden, making Hawthorne slightly nervous as he walked in front of the somber woman. “But I’m glad you came.”

“Not like I had a choice.” She smiled at the joke, but the look in her eyes made Hawthorne ask the question he knew he already had the answer for. “He’s gone, isn’t he?”

Unable to speak, Nia just nodded, getting up from the garden and walking wordlessly toward the house. Not having the proper words to say, Hawthorne just followed her, settling on the swing while she leaned against the pillar staring out over the garden. When it was apparent that Nia wasn't going to move on her own, the pilot looked at his hands and gestured to the seat next to him. “Have a seat, kid.” 

Settling on the swing, Nia drew her knees to her chest and stared off into the garden, leaning against his side like she used to. “It’s hard,” she replied. “I see him everywhere.”

His only answer was to hold her and rub her back while she wrung her hands together, simply waiting for her to talk when she felt ready. As the silent moments ticked by, Hawthorne realized that the more he stared at her, the more he noticed how different she was now. Gone was the impish little girl that he had gone through hell and back with- a taller, sadder woman with caramel-colored skin and long, dark, curly hair was now in her place, staring up at him with a look that was full of wisdom and loss. But as the pilot peered into her face, he noticed she still had those same green eyes that he’d gotten lost in time and time again, and he realized that the woman he cared about more than anything was still in there… _somewhere_. 

Finally, Nia spoke, her voice muffled as she buried her face into his jacket. “Max and I had a glorious life, but it was too short,” she whispered, her voice almost too soft for the ghost to hear. “Being human _hurts_ , Alex- why do you only get one life? Why do I have to stay when everyone else leaves?” Nia asked angrily, her normally soft tones rising to a wail, reverberating through the air. “Why does it have to end?” 

Unable to give her an answer, Hawthorne just wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair as she began to cry. “I suppose it’s so we appreciate what we have while we’re living it,” he said softly. “Did you enjoy it?”

“I did,” she said wistfully, tracing her wedding ring with her finger. “I wouldn’t trade a single minute of the time I had with him for all the riches in the world, Alex, but I just couldn’t stay there anymore." She looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes. "And I know you were doing your own thing out there, but I'm sorry… I couldn't do this without my best friend.” 

“Don't worry about it,” Hawthorne replied, kissing the top of her head and letting the scent of cinnamon and salt tickle his nose. “I’m with you for as long as you want me, kid.”

_ _

* * *

_Two months later_

Even in this space between worlds, Nia could find Max everywhere. 

_I spent a year of my life here with you,_ Nia thought, brushing her hands over the tops of the flowers. If she tried hard enough, she could still smell the scent of Max's soap wafting across the breeze, and she had to fight back a sob every time. Fingering the stones on her ring, Nia felt a tear slip down her cheek, landing on the empty patch of earth. _I miss you so much it hurts._

“I tried to stick around,” she whispered, closing her eyes as she kneeled on the ground, remembering the times they spent here. “But it seemed like everything I did, everything I saw… it just reminded me of you.” 

The only response was the breeze and the faint sounds of shuffling from inside the house, and Nia let out a sigh as she lay down in the garden, turning her face to the sky. Today had been a good day- Hawthorne had been able to prod her out of bed, and she hadn’t burst out crying the moment she set foot outside the door this morning. In addition, she'd shown him how to peer out into the world, and she was able to suppress the lump in her throat when he asked to see what was happening in Halcyon. She was proud of these moments, these little successes, but there were still limits- she felt like she was teetering on the edge of a cliff, and she was never sure if today was going to be the day that she’d throw herself over it. 

“You know,” Hawthorne called out from above her, “you’ve got a really nice little garden here… shame for you to ruin it by laying in the dirt all day.” 

“Nothing grows here,” she said flatly, not looking at him. Even though she was pretty sure of where Hawthorne was, she couldn’t risk rolling over and seeing the lonely-looking space next to her where Max used to stare at the sky. 

“That so?” When Nia felt a warm hand on her arm, she turned around to find herself staring into kind grey eyes, searching her face for something. “You got all these here,” Hawthorne replied gently, gesturing to the sea of flowers behind them. “How about we plant something special here? Seems to be a shame to leave a hole in such a beautiful space.” Before she could protest, Hawthorne had reached out and picked up a lock of her hair, letting it fall loosely against her shoulders. “You know, I kinda miss that crazy hair of yours,” he said with a gentle smile. “How about we break up this sea of pink and white with a splash of… I don’t know... purple, maybe? But then again, that color reminds me of that awful getup he used to wear, so maybe not.” 

Appreciating the fact that Hawthorne didn’t say Max's name, Nia moved next to Hawthorne, burying her face into his jacket. "If you must know, they were vestments,” she replied, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, “and I happened to _like_ that color, thank you very much.”

“You would,” he replied, placing a hand around her shoulder. “So, how about it, kid? Care to show me your green thumb and help me plant, or do I need to drag a chair from the house out here to cover up this patch of dirt?” 

For the first time in a long time, Nia felt an emotion other than soul-crushing grief- rage. “If you so much as _think_ about doing something so heinous to my garden, I will _murder_ you,” Nia shot back, craning her head at the pilot. “What… I can’t believe that you would even suggest such a horrible thing!” 

“First of all, I’m already dead, so threatening to murder me is pointless,” Hawthorne retorted, holding her tighter when she shifted in his arms. “Second of all, I hate seeing you lying down in the dirt day after day- figured the choices were to either plant something nice or get you a chair to sit on while you were out here.” 

“Oh.” With those simple words, Nia saw her anger roll away like the waves that crashed against the shore- she took a moment to swallow, biting back the scathing retort that was resting on the tip of her tongue. “That’s… surprisingly sweet,” Nia admitted, looking down at her feet and brushing the bare earth with her fingertips. “But I don’t know if I can do it, Alex…every time I look over there-.”

“Then we’ll do it together,” he replied, patting her on the back and rising to his feet. She wanted to stay on the ground, but Hawthorne wouldn't let her- gently, he pulled her to her feet, resting his large hands on her shoulders. “C’mon,” he said softly. “None of this magic crap- just you and me, digging in the dirt and planting some flowers, ok?” He looked over at the barren ground and chuckled. “If you ask me, it’s perfect- he always was pretty happy working on that farm of yours.”

Nia smiled, thinking about the patches of purple and blue flowers Max had planted for her along the walkway of their house, remembering at the proud look on his face when he'd gotten to show Nia his handiwork. “He was,” she admitted, wiping her eyes. “He fought against it all his life, but in the end, that’s where he was happiest.” As the grief threatened to overwhelm her again, she gave a sad shrug of her shoulders and started to slump, but Hawthorne caught her, pulling her toward him and just letting her cry. “I’m sorry,” she said through her tears, “I don’t mean to-” 

“S’ok,” Hawthorne replied, kissing the top of her head. “You don’t ever have to hide how you feel for me.”

“I know.” After a few more minutes and a lot more tears, Nia wiped her eyes and turned to the shed near the side of the house. “Flowers and supplies are in there,” she said softly, trying to gather her thoughts. “If you want to do something else, this can wait-” 

“No time like the present,” he said brightly, squeezing her hand. “Time to show me what you got, kid.” 

_ _

* * *

_Six months later_

After being the Waystation for so long, Hawthorne was starting to understand what Nia meant by time not having any meaning- he’d only been able to mark the passage of time by the days he was able to coax her out of bed, which tended to take quite a bit of effort. One day, he’d gotten her to show him how to check on others, which he thought was his biggest win of them all. Most of the time, he entertained himself by looking in on everyone else, but he had to admit, the list of people he cared to look in on was rather short- Junlei had passed on a few years after Ellie and Nyoka, so now it was just Parvati and Felix, puttering around Groundbreaker together. 

Some days it warmed his heart to know that some part of the Unreliable crew was going strong, and others it tore him apart to know that the kids were all that was left. He’d thought about asking her to visit them once or twice, but the dead look in her eyes made him stop short of asking every time. _I wish I could make it better,_ Hawthorne thought as he watched Nia sit on the swing, rocking back and forth aimlessly as she stared out at the garden. _You deserve more than this, kid._

Inspired and hopeful, Hawthorne grabbed a deck of cards and moved to the porch, pulling the small table next to the swing and earning a confused look from Nia when her legs bumped into it. “Thought we could play a quick game of cards,” he said, waving the deck in front of her. “Eternity is kinda dull without a good way to pass the time, you know.”

She raised an eyebrow, pulling her knees into her chest and letting her black dress pool around her legs. “And you think a game of cards is going to make it exciting?” 

“Better than nothing,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulders, dealing the cards in front of them. “Halcyon rules?”

Hawthorne saw her flinch at the mention of their world, but to her credit, she didn’t cry- she just nodded. “I suppose. Are we playing for anything today?” 

“If I win, you get to tell me something good,” he replied, finishing his deal and placing the stack of cards in front of them. “And what do you want if you win?”

“I don’t know yet,” she replied, a tentative smile crossing her lips. “It’s been a long time since I played cards against someone when I couldn’t read their mind.” 

“Point to me,” Hawthorne replied, watching as she bit her lip in concentration. He’d secretly palmed two of the aces, but he strongly suspected that she’d do the same thing if given the chance- it was their way, after all. “So,” he asked casually, tossing out a bait card, “what did you do for fun around here?” 

Her eyes flickered down to her hand for a moment before returning to his, matching his play with one of her own. “Watch the threads and be bored, mostly- not much to do here.” 

“Yeah, I can see it gettin' kinda lonely without an awesome and handsome bestie to pal around with,” he teased, winning the round and gathering the cards. “I take it you didn’t stick around here all the time.” 

She shook her head and tossed out a card, her expression giving nothing away. “Nope.” 

Desperate to see some emotion from the girl, Hawthorne raised his eyes to hers. “I checked in on Felix and Parvati today,” he said casually, watching for her reaction. “Against all odds, they’re still keeping the station running.”

She paused for a minute, then closed her eyes. For a minute he thought the woman was going to lose her cool and storm off on him, but she just blew out a deep breath, closing her eyes before she threw out a card. “Do you remember," she said slowly, raising her eyes tentatively to Hawthorne, “the evening when we all decided to play ‘never have I ever’?”

“Boy, do I,” Hawthorne chuckled as he took his turn. “How many drinks did you end up sucking down that day?” 

“In my defense,” she said with a hint of mock irritation as she pointed at him, “I was a lot older than everyone," she groused as she collected the cards. "I had more time to get into a lot of shenanigans.” 

"Excuses, excuses." He tossed out a card, smiling as she frowned. “Nobody expected preacher man to get shitfaced that day.”

The words had rolled off his tongue before he could stop himself- Hawthorne hadn’t meant to spoil the moment by mentioning Max. He was just about to apologize, but then he thought better of it, settling back in his chair and bringing his eyes to hers. _It's ok to talk about him,_ he thought. _He's a part of you- the sooner you drill that into your brain, the better off you'll be._ “I remember the mechanic was in her cups after the first few rounds- by the way, you guys were right shits for those softball questions- and she drapes herself on the table and points up at Max,” Hawthorne leaned forward, in an exaggerated imitation of Parvati, waving an imaginary cup around and speaking in a high-pitched slur as he crossed his eyes, “I thought ya were ‘sposed to be all goody-goody, Vicar!”

He held his breath as he watched her, knowing that this was either the point where Nia would shut down or continue. Eventually, Nia bit her lip and looked down, finally playing a card from her hand. “And Max goes,” she shuffled a bit, making herself sit straighter and twisting her face up into an exaggerated sneer as she lowered her voice, still looking down at the table, “Miss Holcomb, I’ll have you know that I wasn’t _always_ a man of the cloth.” She chuckled a little, then raised her eyes to Hawthorne. “Max was full of surprises, wasn’t he?”

“Sure was.” It was the first time she’d said Max’s name without crying, and Hawthorne considered that a win. “I think he ended up almost as drunk as Ellie that night.” 

Nia laughed softly, tossing out a card and taking the round. “He was- Felix and I had to carry him back to our quarters, listening to him shouting about how some tossball team was the greatest and he refused to hear otherwise.” She shot Hawthorne a glance when he chuckled, and she punched him lightly in the arm. “It was always so bloody convenient that no one else could touch you but me, asshole- I could’ve used your help that night.” 

“No one told you guys to listen to the man who can’t get drunk.” Hawthorne gave her a wry smile, then played his last card- he didn't even need the aces to win the game. “I win,” he said proudly. “ Pay up, kid.” 

“So you did, and so I owe you,” Nia said with approval, leaning against the armrest and flexing her fingers. “Fair is fair- what do you want me to tell you?”

Hawthorne moved the table and settled next to her, using his feet to gently rock the swing. “Tell me how you met DeSoto,” he said, extending his arm to her. “If I remember correctly, you were too busy trying to rip my head off to give me anything but the overview when you guys came back home.”

Closing her eyes, she sighed and snuggled next to the pilot. “This might take a while,” she warned. “You sure you’re up for this?”

“Wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t,” Hawthorne said lightly, poking her in the side and making her squeal before settling in his arms. “Besides… time is the one thing we’ve got an abundance of.” 

_ _

* * *

_Four months later_

Nia stirred her tea as she sat on the patio, looking at the arrangement of purple and pink flowers Hawthorne had placed on the table for her. As she ran her fingers over the petals she sighed, watching the stones in her ring sparkle in the morning sun. _Has it truly been a year since you’ve been gone?_

As usual, there was no answer- the only sound was the tinkle of the wind chimes she and Hawthorne had made weeks before.

Sighing, she went back to her tea, only looking up when she felt an arm across her shoulders. “Thought you didn’t need to eat?” Hawthorne asked, reaching over her and grabbing a scone from her plate. “Isn’t this pointless?” 

"If it's pointless, then why are you stealing my breakfast?" She swatted at him as he took another scone, then blinked as she registered the appearance of the man in front of her. “You changed your clothes.”

“Took you long enough to notice,” Hawthorne said with a grin, getting up from the seat to do a twirl, showing off the dark jeans, boat shoes, and grey t-shirt he’d worn that morning. “I’ve been putting that magic closet in my room to work- been nice to bathe and eat for a change.” He shook his head, then shoved the last of the pastry in his mouth, letting crumbs fall out on the table. “Law, I missed food,” he moaned, swiping another pastry and kicking his feet up on the seat next to her. “That’s been the best part of being here.” When she shot him a dirty look above the rim of her glass, the pilot grinned. “Outside of spending the days with my best friend, of course.” 

Nia rolled her eyes. “You wound me, Alex.”

“It’s your fault,” he retorted. “You tell me that you have the power to move through space and time, but all I get is a magic house.” When she raised an eyebrow, he held up a hand in apology as he reached for his cup of coffee. “Not that I’m complaining about the house, mind you…I’m just saying I’d like to get out of it, that’s all- for Law’s sake, I was the captain on a spaceship, kid.” 

As her eyes roamed over the flowers on the table, Nia smiled. Even though she didn't want to do her duty anymore, her friend had been better to her than she deserved- he’d earned this much. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Hawthorne asked, watching her carefully. “What do you mean by fine?”

“Fine, as in ‘fine, let’s go somewhere’”, Nia replied. “You’re already dressed for it, after all.”

“No shit?” Hawthorne exclaimed, shooting up from his seat with giddy excitement, making Nia chuckle as she finished her tea. “So, where are we going? _Please_ say something cool- it’s my first trip through space and time, after all.”

“I think… I might like to go back to London,” she said quietly, sitting her cup on the tray and looking over her outfit. “Going to the market for the afternoon might be a nice change of pace.”

Suddenly, Hawthorne’s face clouded over, and he let out a deep sigh. “Then I guess I’m out,” he said glumly. “This not having a body thing kind of sucks.” 

At that, Nia brightened, placing a hand on his. “I think I should have enough power to get us both around town for an afternoon. That is... if you’re willing to take care of a tired and cranky dead woman afterward.” 

The smile that crossed the pilot’s face was infectious, and Nia felt terrible for not thinking about his experience all this time. “Kid, I’ve been doin’ that since I got here… at least today I’ll have a reason.” 

“Then take my hand,” Nia said, switching her outfit to a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. “It’s time I took care of you for a change, Alex.” 

_ _

* * *

As the sun began to set over the London sky, Hawthorne couldn’t quite remember a day when he’d ever felt so happy. She'd taken him all over the city, showing him places that he'd never seen before, and all the hustle and bustle in the streets was overwhelming- he'd never seen so many people in one place, eating, laughing, and joking around before. When they got to the market in Camden, he'd asked her if it was like this back in her day too but she just shook her head and smiled, grabbing two teas from a vendor and handing one to him. _Finally, a real smile,_ he thought as she guided him across the busy street. _It's nice to see you again, kid._ As they boarded what she called a bus, his eyes went wide at the sight of the stairs leading to the top. "Seriously?" Hawthorne asked, turning to her and holding up the line of people behind them, "we can see _outside_ while this thing moves?" He paused, looking at the open windows with concern. "We won't get sucked out?" 

The corners of her mouth twitched in amusement. "Nope- perfectly safe." She smiled, then gestured to the stairs. "If that's what you desire, then up you get." 

Before she could change her mind, Hawthorne had raced up the stairs, marveling at the world around them and refusing to leave- everything was so different, and as he pressed his face against the glass with amazement, the pilot felt that same feeling he used to get when they used to fly on the Unreliable. Here, he was free- he was an explorer again, traveling the world in search of something new and exciting. He felt that same sense of joy as they moved around the city, gleeful at the opportunity to take part in a world so vastly different from his own.

Throughout it all, Nia never complained- she'd just watched him with a smile on her face, chuckling to herself as they got off the bus and he danced in the pouring rain, feeling the cold water pelting his skin as he chortled with glee. She'd grabbed an umbrella and offered to share it with him but he'd refused- it had been so long since he'd felt _anything_ that he wanted to hold onto every minute of it. Finally, his body fought back against his assault, sending him into a fit of shivering as the cold breeze blew over his drenched hair and soaked-through clothing. 

“Are you okay?” Nia asked, fighting back a laugh as he pulled the black leather jacket around him, pointlessly trying to stop his teeth from chattering. “I warned you that rain here wouldn’t be like the showers at home, Alex.” 

“D-d-d-don’t care,” he stammered, rubbing his hands over his arms. “W-w-worth it.” 

“Oh, get in here,” she said with a laugh, pulling him into a place called the Hotel Indigo and strolling up to the counter. “I’d like the most luxurious room you have available,” she said, laughing as Hawthorne’s eyes went wide. “Preferably with a view.”

When he’d arrived at the Waystation, Hawthorne had been in shock- even compared to mansions on Byzantium, their home in the Between was palatial. But this hotel was nothing like the rooms above the Last Hope- it made the Waystation look like a ransacked pre-fab. Everywhere he looked were swirls of gold- on the doors, on the desks, on the walls… Hawthorne had no idea how pounds sterling compared to bits, but he was reasonably certain that the lobby alone cost more than his entire ship, so he kept his hands to himself and tried not to stare. 

“Darling, I hate to rush you,” Nia said sweetly, tapping a finger on the stunned clerk’s arm. “But as you can see, my friend is in quite a hurry to get changed, and I would certainly hate to be the cause of people queueing up down here.”

“I- I need to see some ID,” the young woman spluttered, looking at Nia with shock. “And a credit card-”

“Oh, pish-posh,” Nia replied, smiling at the woman, placing a hand on her arm again and making the poor girl’s eyes roll back in her head. “I believe if you look on your screen, you’ll find everything is in order and paid for.” 

“So it is,” the clerk said, stunned as she tried to get her bearings. Wordlessly, she began making their keys, and Nia grinned as she took them from the clerk. “Enjoy your stay, Ms. Roberts.”  
Hawthorne watched with amusement as she gave the girl a jaunty little wave, pulling his sopping wet body toward the high-rise elevators. “So,” Hawthorne asked, trying to stop his shivering, “we’re going by Roberts now?”

“Only when I do things like this,” Nia replied, running a hand over her sopping wet hair. “Considering the fact that we’re about to cost this hotel quite a bit of money tonight, Max would never approve of me using my powers in this sort of manner. But," she said, obviously musing over the man residing at the back of her thoughts, "that’s a problem for another me on another day, I suppose.”

“Sometimes you scare me,” Hawthorne said through his chattering teeth as the air in the hall sent a chill over his wet clothes. “But right now, I’m too cold to care.” 

“We can take of that in just a tick,” Nia replied, opening the door to their room and walking inside. “Besides, no one told you to stand out in the rain like a loon.”

“It was an opportunity,” Hawthorne shot back, eyeing the warm-looking blankets. Before he could crawl underneath them, he felt something thump against his arm. “What’s your deal, kid?”

“It’s a bathrobe,” Nia retorted, placing her hands on her hips. “Go take a hot shower and put that on until I get back- I’m going to find us something to wear for the night.”

He wanted to argue with her about it, but he was too cold- instead, he made his way to the shower, taking off his jacket and tossing his wet t-shirt at her, feeling a sense of pride when he heard the satisfying sound of the wet fabric hitting her square in the face. 

_ _

* * *

Touching the clerk had been beneficial- not only had she been able to get their room, but she’d also heard about a party happening tonight. _Don’t mind if I do_ , Nia thought as she made her way to the hostess stand, getting their names added to the list before popping over to Covent Garden, marveling at the shops and activity buzzing around her. 

_Definitely wasn’t like this in my day,_ Nia thought as she glanced at the alley between two buildings, rubbing her arms at the thought of her first life, stealing food and darting between the buildings to find a place to sleep for the night. Now, she used some of the money in her pocket to buy an apple from a vendor as they closed up for the evening, munching thoughtfully as she made her way to the boutiques to get appropriate clothing for her and Hawthorne. 

As she wandered into a store and thumbed through the racks, she noticed for the first time in forever, she was drawn to something that wasn’t dark and dreary. A beautiful emerald green dress was hanging on the rack, and before she could stop herself, she was tracing the skirt, feeling the smoothness of the fabric beneath her fingers.

“Usually that’s a hard color to wear,” the salesclerk said from her right, looking her up and down. “But with your eyes, I think it’d be perfect for you.”

Nia smiled, considering the dress for a moment before turning back to the clerk. “Do you have it in a size 8?” 

The short brunette gave Nia an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid this is the last one we have, so whatever size is out…” her voice trailed off as she checked the tag, then turned back to Nia with wide eyes. “Aren’t you just a lucky little ducky tonight- just as you asked, size 8/10.” 

“Then I guess I’d better take it,” Nia replied with a smile, grabbing the dress from the rack. “Can’t pass up luck like that, can I?” 

“I’d say not,” the clerk replied, pressing a ruby-painted nail to her lips. “Funny, it’s almost as if it was waiting for you- I’ve had three ladies just this evening eyeing this same dress. Never worked out for ‘em.” She smiled as Nia tossed a pair of silver heels on the counter, then gestured to the jewelry rack. “You might want those as well,” the clerk said slyly, pointing to a silver necklace and earring combo. “Seems like you’ve got quite the evening planned for this.”

“You never know,” Nia replied, taking her purchases and smiling at the girl at the desk, brushing her fingers against her hand as she handed her the bag. “Pardon me,” she said softly, “but you wouldn’t be Etta Wheeler, would you?” 

“Since I was born,” the woman said politely, resting her arms on the counter to get a better look at Nia. “What of it?” Etta asked politely.

“Well,” Nia said, staring thoughtfully and pausing for a moment before shaking her head, waving her hand in front of her face in apology. “Never mind,” she said quickly, turning around as she waited for the woman to stop her.

“Oi!” Etta said, bringing Nia to a full stop. “I know that look,” she said as Nia turned around, a sheepish grin on her face. “That’s the look of ‘I know something, but she’s gonna think I’m off my nut if I tell her’,” the woman said sternly, her brown eyes locked firmly on Nia. “Spill.” 

“I-” Nia flipped a hair out of her face, surprised that the thread had been this easy to find. “I beg your pardon,” Nia said shyly. “I have a touch of the sight- not something you go blabbing off about in polite company.”

“Never been one to turn down a bit of a good word or good luck,” Etta replied, leaning against the register. “You look like you’ve got a right case of collywobbles- what’s got you in such a twist, love?”

“Call your sister,” Nia blurted out, reaching over and placing her hand on Etta’s. “I don’t know why, but I just felt like I needed to tell you that.” 

As the woman’s eyes went wide, Nia felt terrible for the half-truth. In fact, Nia knew that the sister wouldn’t make it past the end of Etta’s shift, but there was no point in telling her that- delivering that message was simply the price of taking Hawthorne out for the evening, and she knew she wasn’t in a place to question. Threads were threads, and no matter how big or small they appeared, she’d learned long ago never to question their importance. _I’ve done my part- I’ve given you the choice,_ Nia thought with a sad little smile as she left the store, remembering the emotions that flickered across the shop clerk's face when she realized the gravity of Nia’s words. _The rest is up to you._

As Nia stepped onto the street, curiosity got the better of her- slowly, she turned around to look back in the shop, noticing the older woman on a cell phone with her eyes closed. Breathing a sigh of relief, Nia made her way back to the hotel- at least for a moment, she felt a little better about the world, knowing that someone would find a spot of light in the darkness tomorrow. 

_It’s ok to start with the little things_ , Nia thought, rubbing her fingers across the emerald ring on her fingers. _Sometimes, the little things are enough._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story, this was supposed to be 2K words! I kinda had it plotted out as a short epilogue, but this trio absolutely refused to go out like that- Law-forsaken Max still loomed large over this story, even fifty years later. 
> 
> So here we are with a two-part epilogue... I tried to fight it, but it was the right thing to do, LOL


	22. The right pilot (Reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawthorne and Nia find out what comes next.

_ _

* * *

Hawthorne sat at the bar, staring at the drink in his hand with approval. _Not all that different from Halcyon,_ he thought, shifting in his chair to watch the room. _Different clothes, different accent, and different stuff, but the basics are the same- looks like no matter where you go, people are still people._ He chuckled, looking down at his outfit- Nia had found him a grey blazer, slim-fitting dark blue jeans, and a black t-shirt, and he'd taken the clothes without complaint. _I look like one of them_ , he thought to himself, marveling at how real he felt. Granted, he had also felt much more alive in the Waystation, but being able to be around others and manipulate the world around him was a feeling Hawthorne had found himself missing for over half a century. 

“You seem deep in thought,” a voice said, causing the pilot to turn to his right and raise his eyebrows. “Anything interesting?”

The owner of the voice was a tall man with lusciously curly dark hair, and his slender frame was leaning against the bar as his eyes passed over Hawthorne, obviously interested in what he saw. Noting the soft curve of the stranger’s full lips, Hawthorne couldn’t stop the smile that crossed his face. “Maybe,” he admitted, passing his eyes over the man standing next to him. “But I’m just passin’ through.” 

“Then it’d be a shame to spend your evening sitting alone at the bar,” the man replied, curling his lips around the words as his hazel-colored eyes locked with Hawthorne’s. “Matt Thornton,” the man said, extending a hand to Hawthorne. “And you are?”

“Alex Hawthorne,” the pilot replied, taking the man’s hand. He was surprised at the ease in which his name rolled off his tongue- usually, he defaulted to an alias, or at the very least, he liked to lead his quarry on a bit of a chase. _It’s been too long,_ he mused, taking in the eye candy in front of him. “Pleasure to meet ya.” 

“Likewise,” Matt replied, gesturing to the bar. “Fancy another drink?” 

Hawthorne started to agree, but the words felt wrong- yes, he wanted to be with someone, but as interesting as this man seemed, he wasn’t the one he was looking for. “I’d love to, but I’m here on a mission to cheer a friend up- wouldn’t do to get in my cups without her.”

“How kind of you,” Matt replied, his smile only faltering a little as he brushed a hand across Hawthorne’s shoulder. “This woman seems lucky to have a friend like you.”

“Yeah, well we go way back,” Hawthorne said with a laugh, almost dropping his glass when he saw Nia enter the room. Matt started to say something else, but Hawthorne had already risen to his feet, placing an absentminded hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Look, I'm sorry to cut you off,” he said quickly, not taking his eyes off the woman in front of him, “but I think I see my friend.”

It was just like it always was- whenever Nia was around, it was like there was an invisible string pulling him closer to her. This time, he was more than happy to let it- Nia was standing at the door, wearing a short green dress with a light skirt that feathered around her hips as she moved. Her hair was pulled back into a knot with a few deliberately messy curls framing her face, and the soft, thin straps of her dress showed off her toned caramel-colored shoulders. The man next to Hawthorne started to say something else, but when Nia turned and gave him a brilliant smile, the pilot almost forgot how to breathe for a moment. 

He could say it was the shock of seeing her in something besides her black dress or the pajamas he often teased her about, or the sight of her shapely legs as she stood on the glistening silver shoes, or the sight of her face, adorned with a simple makeup job that made her look as gorgeous as any of the other women in the room, but that wasn't the case- she’d always been beautiful to him, but the absence of the sadness that seemed to live on her face for the past year made her positively radiant. Any other time, that alone would have been enough to make him beam with joy- however, it was the sight of the silver chain dangling around her neck that made his throat go dry and send his pulse racing. Hawthorne found himself transfixed on the emerald ring nestled between her breasts, the small stones catching the light from the bar as she turned to smile at him. 

“You look amazing,” Hawthorne said softly, offering her his arm. “Soap and water is a good look on you, kid.”

She laughed, and Hawthorne realized how little he’d heard her laugh this past year. Even the sound was different nowadays- it wasn’t the bright and whimsical chirping laugh he was used to. Now, her laugh was rich and deep, holding an undercurrent of weariness- it saddened him a little, but it still warmed his heart to hear it burst from her lips. “I’m glad to see that you approve,” she said shyly, not looking at him as he led her into the room. “I figured I should take advantage of the moment.”

“I’m glad you did,” Hawthorne said quietly, unable to resist running his hand up her bare arm as he gestured to the couples dancing all around them. “Care to dance?” 

A flush crept across her face and he laughed, pulling her toward the dance floor. “C’mon kid- I’m not even from here and I think I’ve got the hang of it.” He released Nia’s arm and stepped in front of her, gesturing for her to join him as he moved his hips to the beat of the song. “What,” Hawthorne teased, turning around and shaking his ass at her, “is the tiny space murdering hobo afraid that a few fancy duds stole all her shine?” 

Too stunned to respond, Nia opened and closed her mouth for a moment before narrowing her eyes at him. “Oh, it is _on_ ,” she hissed, grabbing him by the collar and leading him to the center of the dance floor. “Bring it on, dead guy.” 

_ _

* * *

Loathe as she was to admit, Nia found that dancing with Hawthorne was actually quite fun. He'd made her laugh as he twirled her around in what was assuredly not the proper move for this dance, but she found that she didn't give one whit about being proper- she wanted to have a good time and feel free, and in the arms of her best friend, she was doing exactly that. "My word," she breathed, pushing a sweaty curl out of her face, her cheeks ruddy with exertion, "I haven't done something like this in ages!"

Hawthorne just waggled his eyebrows at her and bowed, earning a chuckle from the couple dancing next to them. "I aim to please, kid." 

She swatted at his arm and groaned, making her way over to the bar and plucking an appetizer from the tray of an unsuspecting waiter. "Oh, is that what we're calling it now?" She looked over at Hawthorne and felt a slight blush creep up her cheeks as she noticed the way he'd slung his jacket over his shoulder, letting the black t-shirt cling to his chest and showing off his well-defined arms. Nia realized never noticed him without his jacket on before today, and for the first time since she'd met the pilot, she finally had an inkling as to why he was able to get away with half the shit he'd pulled on Halcyon. 

"I don't know," he goaded, sliding into the seat next to her and draping his tall form across the back of her chair, "how about you tell me?"

Nia just stared at him for a moment as the scent of him wafted across her- whereas Max would smell like freshly cut grass and oak, Hawthorne smelled like pine and cloves, no doubt from the toiletries he'd used during his impromptu shower. Then again, she'd never really been around him much when he was alive, so she honestly didn't have much of a clue as to what he was like as a person. _He might have been a lot of fun to be around_ , Nia thought, accepting the drink he handed her. When the liquid hit her tongue, her eyes went wide and she turned to Hawthorne, who was leaning back in his chair with a smug look on his face. "I haven't had one of these since Nyoka," she breathed, staring at the glass with confusion. "How on Earth did you get this, Alex?"

"No big deal." He gave her a casual shrug, then turned back toward the bar, signaling for another round. _He's a fast learner_ , Nia thought, nodding with approval at the way he handled the tab for their drinks. _Not even from this world and already picking up on how to do things... I daresay we'd have gotten up to all types of mischief if we were alive together._ "I had some time to kill while you were getting ready, so me and Sandra over here-" he gave a small wave to the young, blonde bartender, who smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear- "took a few minutes to concoct a drink or two- figured you might enjoy it."

Nia nodded, taking a sip of her drink and trying to tamper that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach as she watched the bartender's eyes roam over Hawthorne. _He doesn't owe you anything_ , Nia warned herself. _He's free to do whatever he wants._ "I do," she answered honestly, touching her hand to his. "Thank you, Alex- this was a very nice surprise." 

Gathering her resolve, Nia glanced over to Hawthorne. To her surprise, he wasn't ogling the pretty bartender like she assumed he'd be- instead, he was staring at her with a look that seemed to be a mix of amusement and something else she couldn't quite put her finger on. "Anytime, kid." Then the look faded away, replacing itself with that wonderful smirk she'd grown so used to seeing. "C'mon- it's getting a bit noisy in here," he said, taking her hand in his and helping her to her feet. "How's about we take this party outside?"

Wordlessly, Nia nodded, trying to ignore the way her body was reacting to Hawthorne's arm around her waist.

_ _

* * *

Feeling the need to get out of the bar but not wanting to leave the party just yet, Hawthorne guided Nia to the patio, wrapping her in his arms and swaying to the muffled beat of a slower melody. “This is nice,” he said softly. “Just you and me, out here taking on the world… just like old times.”

"I wouldn't exactly say that," Nia replied with a sigh, nestling her head against his chest- she was close enough for the scent of apples and cinnamon to tickle his nose. “I’m not the same girl you used to know, Alex.” 

“Oh, I’m aware,” he replied, feeling as if his heart was going to burst as they swayed with the music. “I’ve had a whole year to get used to the new you, remember?”

She winced, then stared up at him and gave him that smile that he loved so much. “After what I’ve put you through, I’m surprised you’ve put up with me this long." She gave a soft chuckle and he exhaled, trying to focus on her face and not the sensation of her arms on his waist. "I don't understand," she said curiously. "Wouldn’t it have been easier for you to forget all about me?”

The look on her face made him grin- no matter how different she was, some things were still the same. “Haven’t you had enough of that kind of thinking?” 

“I suppose I have,” she laughed, brushing a dark curl behind her ear. “I… just want to be fair, Alex. You know me," she said with a nonchalant shrug, "I'm all about doing the right thing nowadays.”

“Except for tonight,” he teased, twirling her around and pulling her close again before resting his hand on the small of her back. “But I also know I couldn’t forget you if I tried, kid. Besides, when has anything involving you ever been easy?”

“I’m hardly a kid,” she teased, reaching up to tap him on the nose. “Funny, I thought I’ve told you this before.” 

“You’ll always be ‘kid’ to me,” he said, placing a kiss on her forehead, taking note of the way she leaned into his touch. “But, if I remember correctly, you said I could try to win you over in my next life, Nia.”

Her eyes twinkled with interest, giving him a look that made him feel like he was worth more than he ever dreamed. “And I told you that I couldn’t see your threads, Alex.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” he said seriously as he stared at her, feeling the strange sensation of his heart thumping in his chest as they swayed to the strange yet pleasant melody. “I got enough hope for the both of us, remember?” "

She smiled back and wrapped her hands around his neck, locking her deep green eyes to his grey ones. “A wise man once told me that just having hope is enough," she whispered, her gaze expectant. "Sometimes, hope is all we have.” 

Emboldened by their closeness, the pilot took his chance- without another word, he leaned in and kissed her, hoping that he hadn’t misread the signs and screwed things up with his best friend in the world. _You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,_ he thought, hoping he could convey everything he felt for her into what might be the last kiss they ever shared. _No matter what happens, I want you... however you’ll have me._

When the two of them had kissed on the Unreliable, it was somber- the chill that passed over her when they touched just reinforced the distance that lay between them. There was no romance in their touch that day- the look in her eyes when she pulled away had left no doubt about that. That kiss was chaste and pure, serving as a means for him to put away his childish dreams of obtaining the unobtainable. But now, there was no chasteness or chill when his lips brushed hers- the only things the pilot could feel were the sensations of warmth, love, sadness, and hope. She tasted as good as she smelled, and the sensation of having her in his arms like this was like standing at the edge of forever- he knew it wouldn’t end well, but he’d be damned if he didn’t try anyway. 

When he finally let her go, Hawthorne felt a surge of delight when she didn’t pull away and smiled as he gently ran his thumb over her bottom lip, marveling the sensation of her skin beneath his fingers. “Now that I know what that’s like, I won’t ever be able to forget it,” he whispered. “When I kiss you again, I’ll know.” 

_ _

* * *

When Hawthorne kissed her, there was a part of her brain that was yelling at her to stop, to yank herself away and slap the man silly. _He's not Max,_ it screamed. _You can't do this with him!_

But then, there was another part of her brain that was whispering to her, brushing the tips of its fingers across the base of her spine. It was a quieter part, one that had been content to lie in the background for months now, slowly working up the courage to speak. _Who else would it be_ , it whispered. _Honestly, would it be so bad to let someone in again?_

Lost in the sensation of his mouth on hers, Nia couldn't move- it wasn't until she felt the roughness of his thumb across her lips that she felt herself come back to reality. _He deserves more than this,_ Nia thought sadly. _He's earned a chance at a new life... even if it doesn't involve me._

“So,” Hawthorne said, closing his eyes and resting his head against hers as they stood on the balcony, watching the people below as they lined up to enter the theater, “what happens now, kid?” 

For a moment Nia didn’t reply- she just traced her fingers along the railing, letting her dress flutter in the evening breeze. Taking a moment to stare at the only man she'd ever loved besides her husband, Nia shuffled through her thoughts, trying to find the strength to voice what she’d been avoiding for far too long. “I’ve been thinking.” 

“Uh oh,” Hawthorne teased, wrapping his arms around her and placing a kiss on her cheek. “That’s never led to anything good.”

Nia scowled at Hawthorne and pinched him in the side, making the ghost laugh. “Anyway,” she huffed, “I promised you a body… and I’m not in the habit of going back on my word, Alex.” 

For a moment, Hawthorne didn’t move- all Nia could hear were the sounds of the city below. “I’m going back?” When she nodded, he paused, carefully bringing his hand to rest lightly on her shoulder. “Do you think," he said slowly, "that things could be different this time?” 

“I'll never forget you, but you might not remember me, Alex,” Nia warned- she didn’t want to dash his hopes… or hers, for that matter, but Hawthorne deserved the truth. “And if we don’t remember each other, is it even worth it?” She lowered her head, her voice so quiet it could barely be heard. “You deserve a life, so I won't stop you, but I don't want to lose my best friend, either.”

“Max knew,” Hawthorne replied, turning her around and tilting her face to his- it almost felt wrong, hearing her husband’s name as she stared at him like this, but if anyone deserved to say it, it was Hawthorne. “That man knew it from the moment he saw you, and you knew it too.” 

“You’ll only get one life, just like Max…” she replied evasively, her eyes scanning his face. “Is that really what you want? To get what you want, only to have it to end for you in what feels like the blink of an eye?”

He laughed, pulling her closer and placing a kiss on the top of her head. Pressed against his chest, Nia could feel her heart beating against his and marveling as his breath stirred the strands of her hair. “What, is my tiny murderous space hobo worried about not having enough time with the great Alex Hawthorne?”

Leaning back, Nia pinched her fingers together, then spread them apart a tiny bit, giggling at the scowl he gave her. “Eternity is a long time without my best friend,” she admitted. “After going through this once, I’m not exactly keen on losing the only other man that I love.”

“Then I’ll come back,” he said, poking her in the nose and making her giggle. “Like it or not, you’re stuck with me- I’m Alex Hawthorne,” he teased. “Your crazy little watcher rules don’t mean anything to me, kid.”

“Even if you have to see me fall in love with someone else?” She wrapped her arms around his waist, then laid her head on his shoulder. “Would you still want to be here once you’ve found me, had me in your arms every night and knew I was yours completely? Would you want to go through this pain even knowing that one chance is all we’d ever have? Could you be able to go back to being my friend afterward?” 

“I’ve already had to stand back and watch you live your best life in the arms of another man,” he admitted. “And even after that, I still love you just as much as I always have, kid,” he said, running his hands across her back. “And if it ever gets to be too much, I always have the choice to leave… right?”

Trying to keep her emotions in check, Nia relaxed against him, marveling at how warm and strong Hawthorne felt in her arms out here. “You always have a choice with me,” she whispered. “I’ll never keep someone with me who doesn’t want to stay.” 

“Then that settles it,” he replied, holding her tighter. “We go back together, kid. And when I find you in the next life and give you everything you’ve ever wanted,” he whispered in her ear, “the first thing I’m gonna say is “I told you so.” 

“Cocky bastard,” Nia said with a tentative smile, returning a hand to his face. “Will you change, do you think?" Her eyes darted across his face, checking for even a hint of hesitation on his part, but there was none to be had- the pilot looked as sure and as confident as he always did, which only made her smile grow wider. "Will you still be the same irredeemable sonofabitch I fell in love with a lifetime ago?”

“Guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” Hawthorne replied, laughing as he took her hand in his. “But you gotta come with me to find out.” 

She stared at him, memorizing the planes of his face and savoring the feeling of holding him in her arms. While no one could ever take the place of Maximillian DeSoto, Nia finally realized that it was okay to want more- for the first time, she didn’t feel lost and alone. _What Max and I had was perfect, but I’m still here,_ she thought, thinking of the ring on her necklace. Closing her eyes, she took a moment to remember the man that made her start this journey in the first place. _I’ll see you again one day,_ she thought, smiling wistfully as a vision of Max danced across her mind. _But as always, you were right, Max- I seem to have a lot more living to do out here._

Now, looking into Hawthorne’s eyes gave her the same sensation she felt the first time she set foot on the Unreliable- it was as if the world was waiting outside her window, and she couldn’t wait to get out there and explore the unknown. “I suppose I do,” she replied, her tone lighter than she expected, staring up at the man who knew her better than anyone else. “After all, eternity would be quite boring without my best friend at my side.”

“You got that right,” Hawthorne teased, bending his forehead to hers and placing a gentle kiss on her lips. “Besides, don’t you still need a pilot, kid?”

“I do,” she agreed, running a hand through his hair and smiling as he melted into her touch. “And if I can find the right one,” she whispered in his ear, excited at the promise of a life to come, “then I’ll follow him everywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT'S IT! We're done with this story, I swear!
> 
> If you're interested, Nia and Alex's adventures don't end here- the story of Nia's kids is told through the [Team Mage Chronicles](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615699) and the [Misfits of the Commonwealth](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562767) series. Also, subscribe to me for updates- I think there are a few one-shots in this series that need to be told someday, not to mention I _so_ gotta explore what happens in the DLC (WHENEVER WE GET IT)!

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:  
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